Pinkie Pie vs: Inanimate Objects

by Elusive Phoenix

Pinkie Pie vs: The Folding Chair

Chair Crusher 9000

"...but nopony believes me!" Pinkie almost slammed her drink into the table, drops flying out and dotting the wooden table. Her frustration was about to get the better of her. "You've got to believe me Fluttershy!"

The ever calm Fluttershy replied, "Did you try reasoning with it?"

"I asked to be its friend! What more do you want from me!?" Pinkie waved her hooves above her head in exaggeration.

Fluttershy glanced around, ducking her head behind her mane for cover. Ponies were glancing their way.

"I'm sorry, Pinkie. I can't help you in this sort of situation." Pinkie's mane sank, but remained inflated. "I tend to animals, not psychology."

"Psychology?" Pinkie stood up from her seat, flipping the chair and slamming her hooves on the table, spilling the rest of the punch. "Psychology?!" Her mouth hung open in surprise, and her eyes were narrowed, "Are you saying that I'm crazy? You're the crazy one!" Pinkie marched away from the table, leaving Fluttershy hiding behind her mane in fear.

Pinkie turned back after she was a few yards away, "And you had oatmeal for breakfast, didn't you?!" she yelled, "I could smell it on your breath!" Fluttershy let out a squeak.

____________________

Pinkie cantered into Sugarcube Corner, the Cakes glancing her direction. She saw the fear in their eyes. What? Did they expect her to start smashing everything and claiming it's alive?

Now Pinkie was starting to get angry.

She trotted up the stairs to her room without a word, Gummy greeting her at the top of the steps with an out-of-sync blink.

"Hi, Gummy. How's your day?" As she closed the door behind her, she trotted to her striped, green chair next to her bed and sat down, facing Gummy.

*Blink-blink*

"I know, right? Nopony believes me!" She threw her hooves into the air. "But you believe me, don't you?"

*Blink-blink*

"Thank, you! Finally! A being who believes me!"

*Blink-blink*

"...Right..." Pinkie gasped as the chair shook slightly. "What?" It shook harder. Pinkie attempted to leave the chair, but, of course, it was a folding chair, and it clenched her flank, "Ow, hey!" Her legs were now in an awkward position, almost level with her head. "Gummy! Help!"

*Blink-blink*

Pinkie muttered under her breath, "Worthless alligator..." Pinkie fought to open the chair, eventually snapping it, and she was propelled against the far wall. That wasn't normal.

Pinkie peeled her face from the wall to see the chair. It was fully functional, and Gummy stood between her and the chair, facing neither.

*Blink-blink*

The chair flapped its seat to talk, just like the toilet. "You Pinkeh Pyh?" It had an odd accent that she had often heard ponies imitate -- a cross between Manehattan and Ponitalian.

Pinkie glanced around the room for a weapon. She was going to be prepared this time. Nothing was revealed. "Maybe, maybe not," she replied. She would have to use her hooves. "Last time I told, I was attacked in the restroom."

The chair laughed, "So yer Pinkeh Pyh? Well, wise-gal, the 'Toilet' wasn't even worth fighting! I'll learn ya a real fight!"

Pinkie continued to look for a weapon. "So, uh... are you going to start, or-" She ducked below the snapping 'jaws' of the folding chair. "I just can not sit down, can I?" The chair began flopping around wildly, probably hoping to catch Pinkie in its chomper.

Really? That's a fight?

Pinkie almost laughed. No matter how dangerous it is, it was funny to see it bouncing around randomly.

Almost as soon as she felt she was going to burst into laughter, it flew into her, its 'jaws' attempting to crush her skeleton. With all of her strength, she pushed the flaps open with all four hooves.

"Gummy! Sic 'em!"

*Blink-blink*

Worthless. Pinkie manipulated her tail over to Gummy as she was pushed onto her side with the chair still attempting to attack from the same direction.

Using her tail to grab Gummy by his spiny Alligator behind, she brought him around and hit the chair off her, smashing its wooden frame, and throwing it to the floor. The thing seemed demented slightly, but still had the obvious look of a chair. Pinkie placed Gummy in her hooves. His pupils had dilated and his whole body was straight.

Gummy was a near invincible Alligator, but the shock of speed had scared him half to death.

"Sorry!"

The chair growled (Pinkie seriously wanted to understand how it even managed that). The chair balanced itself on its legs, looking like any normal chair. Pinkie stood, hind legs on the ground, forelegs holding Gummy like a baseball bat.

The chair flew once more, but Pinkie figured it would continue its path, and dodged. As it passed, she hit its lower flap with Gummy, launching it across the room. Splinters lay all around her as she looked at the chair. It was still alive!

It flew again.

Pinkie chucked Gummy straight into its path, tearing through the whole thing, and littering the room with cloth and wood, splinters and planks.

Everything conveniently missed Pinkie and hit the wall behind her. The sound of wood hitting wood echoed around the room. Maybe Gummy wasn't as worthless as she thought. He could sure pack a punch!

"Pinkie?" the voice came through the door.

Ffffffffffffffffffffflllllugle-horn. Why didn't she yell? Why didn't she prove it?

Pinkie face-hoofed, and the door opened.

"Pinkie, what-..." Rainbow Dash stared around the room in amazement.

"I am never going to sit down again......" Pinkie said, falling on her back and trying to retrieve her much needed breath. Gummy stood on her belly, one eye looking at Rainbow Dash, the other at Pinkie.

*Blink-blink*

Author's Note:

I actually had a LOT of fun writing this chapter.
I may update this series more often.........

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

Oh hey, I was wondering when this would update. Don't want to be that guy, but it's "flugelhorn."

That's funny. That's some great stuff right there.

[kamil]

I think Pinkie Pie is very Plot-heavy.

[Elusive Phoenix]

2167502
................

[Tatsurou]

Good lord...this is still funny. I wonder what's going to end up being the answer of 'what's going on?'

...I have a sudden mental image of it being "Pound's first Trolling".

[Elusive Phoenix]

2167865 .......wut?

[SuperPinkBrony12]

This chapter reminds of that one folding chair that attacked Snoopy in A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Funny how no one noticed until Franklin sat in it that it was destroyed. /

[Tatsurou]

2167915
Translation: Pound Cake is animating the inanimate objects using his fledgling unicorn magic in order to prank his Aunt Pinkie.

[Elusive Phoenix]

2169015 If there was a SUPER emoticon for laughter, like one for literally falling out of your chair, I would use it right about now. (But that is not the answer, mind you!)

[Tatsurou]

2169059
The really funny thing about that is that, if that was what it was, Pinkie would probably consider it the best Birthday Present ever!

[Elusive Phoenix]

2169568

[Jagged Fox]

2169708 Yes!! I love this story, and I'm glad to see another chapter at long last! If this is fun to write, please keep having fun, and we'll have fun reading it. Please don't do any inanimate computers, because I haven't been able to look at the toilet the same way since. I want to still use mine, so I'm scared.

[Elusive Phoenix]

2172666 Don't worry, ponies don't have computers! (Although light bulbs may come into place later)

[Jagged Fox]

2172708 Light bulbs would be great! I will animate them with my unholy powers!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[Elusive Phoenix]

2172740 *All the light bulbs around you (including the sun for whatever reason) attack you*.
Ouch...