The Muffin Mishap

by ilikefrenchfries1010

Confrontation

Twilight sat in her library, enjoying a peaceful meal with Spike. She quietly munched on some delicious chocolate waffles, while Spike gobbled down a bowl of Sapphire Flakes and slurped on a juice box.

Pinkie bounce-slammed through the front door while Derpy crashed in through a window. The duo effectively shattered the peaceful atmosphere which had filled the library.

Spike muttered under his breath while he went to fetch a broom. Twilight took several deep breaths and managed to form a crooked smile.

"Hi guys! What can I do for you?" she asked.

"Hi Twilight!" said Derpy. "Pinkie and I have some evidence which we would like you to examine!"

"Evidence? What have you two been up to lately?"

"We've been investigating a crime!" Pinkie added in.

"A crime? There hasn't been a crime in Equestria in over a millennium. Actually, maybe I should do some more research into that... Spike! Can you fetch me a book on the history of Equestria while you're fetching that broom! Anyway, what crime could you two possibly be investigating? The only thing you've ever investigated, Pinkie, was who took a bite of the cake during the National Dessert Competition, and I helped you out quite a bit."

"Well Twilight, Derpy's muffin was stolen a short while ago. Ever since then, the two of us have been searching for clues to help us find the culprit! Derpy and I have already found quite a bit of evidence! We came here hoping that you would be able to examine them for us using your magic. It would help us narrow our search."

"Well I have to say Pinkie, that actually sounds like a good idea," complimented Twilight.

"But of course! I am a master detective after all!"

"Hey, what about me?" whined Derpy.

"Ya ya, you helped too my lowly assistant," Pinkie admitted. "Alright, let's show her the goods Derpy."

Derpy reached into her saddlebags and retrieved the three bags containing evidence. She spat them out on the floor near Twilight's hooves.

"Well well, what have we here? A brown hair, some crumbs, and a stick. Well, the hair and the crumbs might have some promise, but a stick? Really guys?" deadpanned Twilight.

"Any evidence is good evidence during an investigation Twilight!" rebutted Pinkie.

"What she said!" agreed Derpy.

"Alright, I'll examine them and see what I can find out for you."

"Yay!" cheered Pinkie and Derpy.

Derpy and Pinkie watched in awe as a purple beam shot out of Twilight's horn. First, it went to the stick. The stick levitated in the air as it faintly glowed with a purple matching that of the beam. The beam continued to paint the stick in it's purple glow. Once the the spell was complete, the beam disappeared and the purple stick slowly reverted back to its original brown color.

"Well? What can you tell us Twilight?" Derpy impatiently asked.

"Honestly, not that much. Aside from basic structural information, the only odd thing I've found is that is has traces of magic lingering on it. That wouldn't be possible unless a unicorn had interacted with it somehow. Using this information, it wouldn't be unwise to believe that a unicorn could be caught in this mess."

"Wow that's incredible Twilight!" complimented Pinkie. "You were able to find all that out using just a simple spell. Now we can narrow our search down to unicorns with brown manes! We're getting so close I can just taste it!"

Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a cupcake, which she gobbled in one massive bite.

"Exactly Pinkie, by uncovering facts, you can narrow down your searches. I have to say, you weren't this clever during our last investigation. Have you been practicing?"

"You could say that," Pinkie smirked, "anyway, let's examine the crumbs next."

Twilight repeated her spell on the crumbs. Derpy and Pinkie were once again awe-struck by the spell's awesome powers of identification.

"It looks like these crumbs came from a baked good, like a muffin or a cupcake.

"So now we know that the thief is a unicorn with brown hair that likes baked goods," Derpy realized, "let's see what the hair can tell us."

Twilight charged up her spell a third time and casted it upon the small strand of brown hair. "Well, aside from the fact that this hair is well… brown, I think this hair came from a male, probably due to how filthy it is. It also has small traces of flour and sugar in it. Perhaps the owner of this hair is some kind of baker, like you, Pinkie."

"Well, we've analyzed all the evidence. Is the thief is a unicorn stallion with a brown mane who likes to bake?" inquired Pinkie.

"Who do we know that fits that description?" pondered Derpy. "You should know, Pinkie. After all, you do know everybody in Ponyville."

"Yup! It's true! I can name them all right now! There's Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, Dashie, Big Mac, Daisy, Ros—"

"No, Pinkie," Twilight cut in.

"Oh right, these cupcakes must be making me extra hyper! Alright, who do I know that is a unicorn stallion that likes to bake doughnuts."

After a few seconds, all three mares came upon a sudden conclusion. "Doughnut Joe!" they simultaneously exclaimed.

---

The morning breakfast rush had died down, leaving Joe's Muffins empty, albeit not entirely. Bon Bon and Lyra occupied one table, chatting with each other while munching on some fudge muffins.

"Isn't it a peaceful morning?" Lyra asked, attempting to make casual conversation.

"It sure is. Don't jinx us though! Next thing you know, something crazy just happens outta nowhere! That's Ponyville for ya," Bon Bon replied.

As the two chatted, Pinkie Pie and Derpy Hooves slowly approached the shop. They noticed that the name of the bakery had been changed.

"Why would Joe just change the name of his bakery like that?" Derpy asked.

"No idea," Pinkie answered, "But I'll bet he's up to no good. He probably has Muffin hidden under a truckload of other muffins! That way we might not be able to find him!"

"He must've changed the store's name to hide his clever little ruse!" deduced Derpy.

"I say, he's quite the devious little scoundrel," commented Pinkie, puffing on her pipe.

Once the two reached the front door, they began planning their approach.

"Alright Derpy, here's what we're gonna do," Pinkoe began. "We're gonna sneak around until we find Muffin, and then snatch him! Or, we find Joe, or one of his agents, and demand that they give you your muffin back!"

"Ya!" cheered Derpy.

"Okie dokie lokie... here goes nothing."

Pinkie slowly pushed open the front door, ringing the bell to announce someone's entrance. Once inside, both Pinkie and Derpy searched frantically for cover. Pinkie cartwheeled to the nearby table which Lyra and Bon Bon where using, overturned it and hide behind it. Derpy barrel rolled into a wall, leaving a small hole. Afterwards she hid behind a chair.

"See? What did I tell ya?" Bon Bon groaned.

"Oh cheer up Bonnie, we'll just grab another table."

The two moved for another table and took their seats, continuing their delicious muffins. To their astonishment their table was flipped once again, this time by Derpy. As the table flipped the two muffins were thrown against the floor, leaving a fudge smudge.

Derpy's eyes darted towards the two neglected muffins. "Are you gonna eat those?"

Bon Bon let out a long, angry sigh while Lyra fought to control her laughter. "Go ahead and take them Derpy," she managed to say.

Not one to refuse a muffin offer, Derpy vacuumed the two muffins up before returning to stealth mode. The mare behind the cashier, watched in shock and awe at the scene unfolding before her.

"You!" Derpy shouted suddenly towards the mare.

"Wha-me?"

"Ya you!" confirmed Pinkie, jumping on top of the counter. "I know who you're working for!"

"Well of course you do, I'm an employee here."

"Don't play smart with me, missy!" Pinkie replied as she fixed the mare with a one-eyed stare. The mare in question shrank back at the sight of Pinkie's quivering eyeball.

"Alright Missy, since you're such a know it all, how about you tell us where you're hiding Muffin!" exclaimed Derpy.

"What? This whole store is full of muffins! What could we possibly be hiding!?"

"Quit dodging the question!" stamped Pinkie. "Where is it!? Where is it!? You'd never give it to an ordinary pony!"

"Where is it? Where is it?" Derpy screamed.

"Ahhhh!" cried the mare as she fled the store in a panic. Lyra, Bon Bon, and every other customer followed suit.

"Hmm..." thought Pinkie, "Perhaps she didn't know after all."

"Someone else is coming, Pinkie," Derpy alerted her.

"What's all the ruckus down here?" asked a middle-aged stallion as he descended the stairs.

"You!" Pinkie pointed an accusing hoof. "Tell us where Muffin is, or else!"

"Hmm... do you mean that spectacular muffin which my son was carrying? I must admit, it is quite the eye-catcher. Too bad I'm married though!" he joked. "Speaking of which, where's my wife?"

"Oh, do you mean the mare who was at the register?" The stallion nodded in confirmation. "She ran away after we yelled at her and accused her of theft," answered Derpy, matter-of-factly.

"What?" asked the stallion in disbelief. Upon hearing a cry from his wife, he promptly ran out the store.

"Well, know that they're gone, why don't we do some more snooping?" suggested Derpy.

"Good idea, my lowly assistant." Pinkie adjusted her hat, puffed her pipe and continued her examination of the area.

Neither Pinkie nor Derpy saw hide or crumb of Muffin after ten minutes of searching.

"Darn it!" shouted Pinkie, "There must be something that we're missing!"

"Maybe we should search the entire building rather than just the front room?" suggested Derpy.

"By Jove! Derpy, that's brilliant!" praised Pinkie.

The two headed into the rear section of the store, the kitchen. They were interrupted from their search upon hearing noise from upstairs.

"Is that... smooth jazz I hear?" asked Pinkie.

Forgetting the kitchen, Derpy and Pinkie ever so quietly ascended the stairs and followed the trail of music. They soon found their path blocked by a door.

"Allow me, Derpy," said Pinkie, who reached into her mane and pulled out lock picking tools.

"Where did you get those, Pinkie?"

"I'm afraid that's classified."

Within a few minutes, the lock clicked and the door opened.

"Ha! That's a new record!" boasted Pinkie.

With the door fully opened, the smooth, seductive symphony of a saxophone filled the air. The duo did a double take at the sight before them. They had walked right into the master bedroom!

Derpy's eyes straightened for a split second as she saw one object.

"Muff—"

"Shhh!" scolded Pinkie as she restrained a flailing Derpy, "you're gonna give away our position!"

Muffin was there right before them, seated at a romantically lit table at the far end of the room. A chair was pulled back, waiting for a pony to place their rump on it. A private bathroom connected to the bedroom at the opposite end of the room. From behind it, the sounds of running water and terrible singing could be heard.

Pinkie took in the scene before her and pieced together what she could.

"Is this supposed to be date? Who dates a Muffin? Well, I'd date a cupcake. But that's besides the point!"

"I think the thief is behind that door," Pinkie deduced, "Should we confront him or should we grab Muffin and leave the building?"

"Muffin is right there! I need to rescue him right now!" Derpy whined as she stamped in place.

She was about to fly in and grab Muffin but was halted by Pinkie.

"No, wait," Pinkie said, blocking the doorway with a hoof, "I doubt that our thief would leave Muffin in such a vulnerable position." Scrounging around in her mane for a bit, Pinkie pulled out a can of aerosol. "Let's just make sure we don't walk into a trap."

Pinkie sprayed the aerosol back and forth across the room. Once a sufficient amount had been sprayed, she placed the can back in her mane.

"Wait for it," Pinkie smiled a knowing smile.

Derpy gasped as the room suddenly changed from a cozy bedroom, to a disco. Red lasers were strategically placed throughout the room, weaving a pattern of instant doom for anyone so foolish to enter.

"Allow me, Derpy."

With the skill of a gold medal gymnast, Pinkie danced, bounced and contorted her way through the lasers. Derpy found herself wondering whether or not Pinkie had any bones in her pink body. Perhaps she was made of helium?

Once she'd manuevered her way through the laser maze, Pinkie found herself near a switch. Upon flipping it, the lasers were deactivated allowing for Derpy's entrance.

"Wow Pinkie, that was so cool! You were look this and then you were like that! And how did you twist your neck around like that?" praised Derpy, as she did her best impression of a soggy, wet noodle.

"It's all in the technique," Pinkie bragged, adjusting her detective hat, "now let's get a move on."

The duo snailed their way towards Muffin. The slightest noise could alert the thief in the bathroom, compromising the mission. Although, on the plus side, it would interrupt his awful singing.

Pinkie jolted in response to an abrupt bang. She turned her head to find that Derpy had somehow managed to force her rump through the floorboards. As a result, she was left hanging in place.

"My bad!"

"Oh crud! This isn't good," Pinkie panicked, "let's get you out of there quickly, Derpy."

Pinkie tugged at Derpy while Derpy flapped her wings. The combined effort was a bit too much though. When Derpy suddenly popped out, the sudden shift left Pinkie off balance. She tumbled backwards, slamming right into the private bathroom door. Luckily, it held. However, that did not stop the stallion inside from noticing the huge bang.

"Muffin? Muffin is okay?" the stallion could be heard turning off the water, most likely getting ready to step out.

"Aww crumbs! Quick Derpy, we gotta hide!"

The two ponies scattered in pursuit of a quick hiding place. Pinkie slid under the huge bed while Derpy flew up and laid herself flat the ceiling. They watched and waited as the door slowly slide open, revealing Joe.

"Muffin?" he called out, worry etched on his face. After looking around for a bit, Joe found Muffin exactly where he'd left it. He trotted up to Muffin and gave it a playful nibble.

"Mmm… Muffin" he whispered in a sultry, half-lidded gaze.

"Eww!"

"What? Who there!?" demanded Joe, ears perked. He began pacing around the room, searching for any hidden ponies. He lifted plant pots, opened wardrobes and checked behind curtains. After a few minutes of searching, he'd exhausted every hiding spot, except for one.

Underneath the bed.

Joe deliberately sauntered over to the bed. His mouth twisted into a victory grin as he slowly bent over, ready to bust any intruders.

"Muffins!!" he exclaimed at the top of his lungs.

There was nothing there.

"Hmm?" grumbled Joe as he stuck his head in even further. Upon further examination, he could confirm that there really was no one there.

Joe shrugged his shoulders and returned to the bathroom. He had a hot date date to prepare for, only the best was acceptable for Muffin after all. Once he'd closed the door, the two mares emerged from their hiding places. Derpy flew down from the ceiling while Pinkie released the breath she'd been holding, causing her to deflate and sink back down from the spongy mattress and onto the floor.

"That was waaay too close," Pinkie sighed, wiping the sweat from her brow. "Let's grab Muffin and leave while we have the chance. We can confront Joe about this whole mess later."

"Good idea, Pinkie," Derpy readily agreed, eager to leave the building at the earliest convenience.

Derpy trotted back to the table. In one swift motion, she swept Muffin up into a loving hug and gave him a big kiss.

"Oh Muffin I missed you so much! Don't worry, it's all over! You're coming home with me now. Mommy's here, mommy's here."

"Uh oh, it looks like Joe might have taken a few bites," Pinkie observed.

Derpy took a moment to carefully examine Muffin. Pinkie was right, from its original watermelon size, Muffin had shrunken by about a half. Not good.

"Don't worry Muffin, I'll make sure no bad guys ever steal you again," comforted Derpy as she slowly stroked Muffin's top.

"Come on Derpy, let's get outta here."

The two quickly made their way for the exit.

The two mares gasped as the exit door swung shut, leaving them trapped inside with the thief. The only other exit was through the bathroom's window, where Joe was.

"Quick! The door!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Derpy flew into action, slamming into the door in a desperate attempt to open it. To her despair, it didn't move an inch.

"Open Sesame!" Derpy stuck out her hooves as a magician would when casting a spell.

Pinkie took over, trying her best to pick the lock as quickly as possible.

"Got it!" Pinkie rejoiced as she heard the lock click. She bucked it with her hind hooves, producing a similar result to Derpy's attempts. "It's been barricaded!"

"Let's go through the hole I made," Derpy suggested as she trotted over to it and tried to squirm through. Unfortunately, she couldn't fit her head through the hole.

"Quick! We need to hide again," Pinkie stressed as she made a beeline for underneath the bed.

"Not fast!"

Both mares froze in place as the voice of a stallion reached their ears.

"Muffin… Muffin mine!"

Comments

[ilikefrenchfries1010]

2514818

She's Pinkie Pie, she's allowed to be random!

[Spirit Shift]

lol i take it back thats a better excuse