In Chaos, we don't trust
We managed to get Celestia to a hospital rather quickly. As soon as he had realized what had conspired, Thunderlane had been adamant and particularly devoted to that cause. The devotion he had put into it, into helping me carry the princess while he was also carrying his little brother, that had been really impressive.
It breathed new respect for him in me. Clearly, of the two of us, he had been the one less healthy, what’s with his broken wing to my… my what exactly?
I had been injured multiple times already, only for these wounds and these broken bones to just… disappear? I… I had sensed a… a pattern, maybe, but that was still worrying.
Or maybe I was crazy. I was standing around, being worried. Worried about what exactly? A healing factor? Yeah, I’d take it, even over the fiery explosions and the Sonic Rainboom levels of speed.
I groaned. Why was I going on about this stuff? T-things weren’t so clear in my head anymore.
That, at the very least, was scary.
“Y-you know… I’m not one of your little ponies, Princess…” I said, casually because I was alone in the hospital room. Thunderlane had gotten Rumble in a bed somewhere and the staff… well…
I could hear the shrieks of monsters that ran into the staff. Just know that the words "rubber gloves" and "thermometers" should not be so terrifying. No… no more details will be given about those…
The splashing sound of blood and the gurgling, bubbling, popping noises that kept ringing to my ears were already far too much. A strong thundering sound generally followed… it was akin to a motor. There were chains and dents involved.
“Hum… yeah, I was saying… I’m not a pony, Princess, and I don’t mean my looks. I am… was… a human. Do you know those? I’m not quite sure…”
Silence. No other sound than the echo of my ten voices.
“It’s… it’s really a bad story, actually, or at least one that was kicked off by my stupidity…” I said, lowering my head. My forehead touched the bedframe. It was cool to the touch.
“I could have said ‘no’. He might not have accepted my refusal, but I would have done the right thing… that’s what important, right?” An invisible pressure starting squeezing my throat. It made it harder for me to talk. I kept going, I just choked more often. “I-I… I always tried to do that, but… I’m kind of greedy. I want things. I want to be happy and I let that interfere. I-is that so bad of me?”
The gracious, regal, figure in the bed did not respond. The alicorn was still unconscious. Her mane was still dull and lifeless.
“I’m sorry.” I choked and my eyes started to sting. “I don’t know if I can say that enough, Princess Celestia. I freed him, because I did not want to have blood on my hands, bu-but now it’s even worse!”
There was no reaction, not even a stir.
“Everything makes sense to me now, and I know it’s not because I’m getting better! I-I just laugh at things so I don’t have to cry. Or I don’t cry when it hurts, ‘cause that’s not how it works. And then there’s the stuff I say that ponies tell me is wrong and crazy, but it just makes sense to me and I don’t understand anymore. But even to me, even to me, you being in such a pitiful state just HITS THE WRONG CHORD!”
‘Please, Princess. Just move or twitch or stir… Just show me you’re not gone! Something!’
“I think I met Luna today.” My eyes rolled over and I lean backward, thinking back on the perfectly normal and logical events. “She’s a golden stand. That’s sort of nice. She even said she loved you, so that’s nice too.”
As I spoke of Luna’s words, my left hind leg started shaking. In response, my tail coiled around it and squeezed it silly. Mixed signals of pains and satisfaction exploded in my brain, which had me balancing on one hoof and another.
“There’s Sweetie Belle, who got her Cutie Mark today. Isn’t that incredible?!” My voice jumped three octaves higher, not that this was easy to tell with the nine other voices piled up on it. No matter, I calmed down instantly, struck by another thought. “Then again, I wonder how other ponies would react to her getting her Cutie Mark on the day of Discord’s release. Ooooh, that is a creepy thought.”
The unconscious alicorn in front of me still didn’t react. For some reason though, I could hear her voice now. ‘That is fascinating, my good pony. Please tell me more.’
“Gladly, Princess! There’s the thing with Hiding Armor. Did you know he got turned into a whimpy foal? It was so cute! I regret not being able to take pictures with my ears. That would be so useful, but hey, nobody’s perfect. So… hum… yeah, I think I lost him after the girls started beating me up on stage. Knowing him, he probably went into hiding somewhere. Oh well, there are many garbage cans around this world, or so I’ve heard.”
With a shrug, I turned around, locking my eyes to the window. The curtains were certainly there, but being made out of glass, they certainly did not hide the rest of Ponyville from view.
The now grey sky seemed to project an aura of gloom over the good ponies of this town, as the nothingness above had a way to claw its way into one’s heart. There was nothing at all in that sky, only nothingness above… threatening to swallow you. Just nothingness… watching… ever watchful.
NothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothingNOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHINGNO-!
Windows. Shut.
Trembling like crazy, shaking in my invisible boots, I fought a terrible sense of vertigo. My balance was off. I could barely stand.
The second I lifted a hoof to walk, I fell face first into the floor. At that, I could not hold in a soft giggle. With a muzzle against cold hard tiles, it was hard to do much more.
The cheerfulness died pretty quickly though. There was someone who I still needed to talk to. Somepony that had the right to be told…
Not trusting my failing senses, I swung an arm forward at the next tile, then, shifting my weight, I started to crawl. It was undignified, rather messy and sorta gross when I felt dirt stick on my fur.
But as soon as I had reached the side of Celestia’s bed, I stood up with an unhinged, unconvincing smile on my face.
“T-the girls will save Equestria! They’ll use the Elements and defeat Discord! I know they will!”
‘Are you sure about that?’ A voice I despise above all others echoed in my mind.
In a second, I became a lost soul in a maelstrom of emotions. My body felt like it was burning with anger, yet my veins were filled with liquid ice. My heart jumped up and down in my chest, but was also an empty lifeless husk.
Blown away, I barely managed to get into sitting position before I collapsed.
“Are you here?” I whispered, not trusting myself not to shout. “Or am I just hallucinating?”
‘Why would I tell you?’ Discord snorted.
“Because I’m asking?” I tilted my head, directing my mind eyes toward him. It gave no result. I knew he was here, but I had no idea where.
‘Now, now, that is just naïve, sonny.’ The draconequus’ shape started to form into thin air, as the light seemed to be distorted and reflected in that space. ‘I’m never that nice.’
T-this casual dismissal… t-th-that… that tone of voice… all dams in my mind broke.
The edge of my visions started to blur, my blood pumping so hard in my veins that it made me dizzy. My breathing accelerated, letting out bouts of steaming hot air repeatedly. My paw was shaking so hard it scratched the floor.
“I know that,” I growled and glared his way.
My fangs were aching. I wanted his blood. I wanted to feel his life disintegrate under my heels.
‘You don’t look so good, boy,’ Discord remarked in passing, slowly gaining colors and form.
“You would know.”
“My, how scary.” The draconequus turned around, sliding through the air like the snake he is. He was fully materialized now and I could see every detail on his despicable face. “I love how you’re doing the voice of legion.”
A derisive snort escaped my lips. “Still a narcissist at heart, aren’t you?”
“Whatever do you mean, boy?” He sounded surprise, but he was a good actor.
“Gee, I dunno. I really wonder who is responsible for me being stuck as a freakish mutant pony thing. This is so hard to guess,” I hissed. Sarcasm dipped from my words.
“W-wait…” He paused, looking at me with wide eyes. He seemed lost for words for a brief moment, but then, his paw shot off to cover his mouth. Snorts and giggling noises reached my ears, as a cold apprehension came to take over my heart. “Y-you honestly believed I’m the one that made you what you are, boy?”
My answer flew out of my mouth instantly, brutal and honest. “Yes.”
The draconequus’ eyes lit up at that. Oh dear…
He started laughing.
“Oh, this is just too good!” He doubled over, hitting the ground with his open paw repeatedly. Each hit made a different sound and caused the floor to change color. “It’s the ‘Big Bad Discord’ all over again!”
I shook my head. “I’m not wearing a hood.” This was just ridiculous.
“No, no, no, get your head out of the fairytales, boy. I’m talking about your unsightly tendencies to blame everything on my shoulders.”
‘So full of crap.’ I rolled my eyes and decided to examine the ground. It was more interesting and less likely to lie to my face.
“Focus, Honest!” He snapped his claws and lifted my chin.
The touch sent shivers of pure disgust through my body. Despite that, I could not help an ironic grin.
“Oh, it is laughing matter, my dear boy, but I would not expect you to find it so funny.”
I gave a low chuckle at that. “No, it’s… you’re the first one that chose to call me Honest rather than Havoc.”
Discord did not seem impressed by this. “Considering I gave you that name, I find this to be rather irrelevant.”
I stared at him.
“What?” He puffed his chest. “It truly is irrelevant. Why are you getting mushy on me, boy?”
“I’m not.” I sighed and looked away. “I just find that depressing.”
“You brought that on yourself, my dear Honest Havoc – see? Full name, don’t blow a casket at me for this. If you didn’t want to be different, you should have gotten a different body.”
I blinked.
Wait…
Oh, a horrible idea just came to me, but, no… that couldn’t be. Discord was just messing with me again, right?
“Y-you say that… l-like I’m the one… that is responsible for this… body…”
“Of course you are.” He rolled his eyes, twelve times, making them fly out of their orbit. “You were just a mind and a mass of chaotic energy once the seal broke. Since magic is an exercise of will…”
He started whistling.
“T-that… that’s a joke.” And a good one at that… I could not stop smiling!
“Oh no, no, no.” Discord shook a claw at me, a look of disapproval on his face. “You will not start…”
I let out a shriek of laugher and fell on my side. This was so funny. C-could you imagine? One more piece of grief and it was entirely self-inflicted!
Ribs hurting, legs batting in the air, I felt tears roll down my cheeks. The sca-… funny thing was that I could not tell if they were tears of laugher or tears of pain.
The question was answered in an unorthodox form quickly enough though.
“Oh, please.” Discord grunted, snapping his claws together.
A brief disorientation assaulted each and every one of my senses, making my eyes tilt sideways.
Just as things cleared up, however, I realized I did not recognize the ceiling. It was patterned, almost like a floor. ‘Ooooh, upside down door. When did that happen?’
“Good, now that I have your attention, I will continue my explanation.” The draconequus floated in my field of vision. His expression was guarded; he seemed cautious and highly suspicious of me. “Thank you,” he said when I did not react.
“Bless the orange.”
“And pass the confetti,” he replied without missing a beat and shrugged. “As I was saying, you are the way you are because you chose to be. When the seal broke, you were the only one with control over the energy cont – will you stop snickering already?!”
Claws over my mouth, I was trying, and failing, not to snort. A little fume escaped through my nostrils. “Soooooorry.”
He sighed. “I just don’t know what went wrong…”
“The part where I became…” My voice trailed off, as did my thoughts. “What? How did you think I was going to break actually?”
“Oh, that is not important, just like your constant interruptions.”
“Meh,” I shrugged, sticking out my tongue and flicking my own forehead with it.
Eh, neat.
“I sense a distinct lack of respect for my status as the avatar of Chaos, Disharmony and all things dire in your life, boy.” He helpfully reminded me, because of course, I had entirely forgotten about the part where I had lost everything in my life due to our fun fun game.
‘Nice try, Deedee. ’“But if I did respect that, I’d be trying to eat your face, gut you and dance on your grave. Not a lot more productive.”
His face crunched up in annoyance. “I am reminded of yellow and pink…”
My grin became savage. “You would be, wouldn’t you?”
A flash of light blinded me.
Disoriented, I tried to ask what was going on, in the hopes that some nice person would answer. My heartbeat accelerated to a frenzy when my lips refused to move. Instantly, my mind returned to that cold, dark place where my limbs were frozen and the world was still and I could not move AND MY SKIN WAS HARD AS ROCK, A STATE OF HELL VISI-
My cheek burned with the sting of pain.
Reptilian eyes reflected in a beady dark orb of pure malevolence. “Hello, Angel.”
“Actually, that’s just a plushy of him,” Discord explained even as he pushed the fluffy thing away. “I do like your idea that he’s the ultimate evil though. Silly, but funny.”
“Very silly indeed.” I giggled. “We both know he can’t be the ultimate evil if the place is already taken.”
The draconequus stopped moving.
With a glare to freeze hellfire or burn absolute zero, Discord grabbed me by the throat. “Junior, you will not go there again. You will not say. One. More. Word.”
For sole answer, I snorted.
No seriously, I didn’t say anything else. I fought a few giggles, but I kept my mouth shut for the most part.
Yeah, that was surprisingly smart and sane of me. I simply kept up with his glare with a light heart and a cheerful song in my head.
“Good, I see we might get somewhere after all, Honest.” His grip loosened.
I fell sideways, into the closed door.
“Is that somewhere still in this room?” I asked, balancing my head from one side to another.
For a second, Discord’s body slumped, his arms sliding to the side of his body. His paw found its way to his forehead and his claws squeezed and contracted. “…Yes.”
Under his breath, he muttered a few words. For what I caught of it, it meant something like a reason not to work with mad ponies.
“Alright, Honest, no interruptions.” The poor monster sounded bored, almost defeated. “Otherwise, I will turn you into a statue.”
…
I started looking around for sowing material to seal my mouth shut.
“As I was saying, your mind controlled the chaotic magic left in the statue and molded it into a reflection of yourself. Namely, this.” His arms widened, twirling into a reflective surface that contained my own mutate body.
Yellow silted eyes stared back with astonishment. I read dismay in the creature’s body language, from the way the pointy ears drooped, or the snake-like tongue slid back into the mouth or even by the protective coil of the griffon’s tail around the right hind leg.
This monster was pathetic.
And it was me.
“Yes, it followed your desire, it reflected who you are inside and the result is for all the eyes to see: a broken, mismatched mess with an inimitable ugliness to it.” The words struck my sense of ego, what was left of it at least, with enough strength to shatter it. “Not even a human, as you could and should have been. Was there a part of your mind that associated Equestria with being an equine? I don’t need to really ponder that. You were always so bound by the rules. Nonetheless, this little experience shows a great deal of self-loathing. You wanted to be different, but you couldn’t be special.”
My eyes could not leave the ground. An impossibly heavy pressure weighted on my whole body.
“The result speaks for itself really. Something almost worthy of being called a draconequus. Almost.” It was Discord’s turn to snicker.
And the familiar sound broke the embrace of my inner darkness. It just made me want to laugh too.
My next words left my mouth before any filter could stop them. “Huh… well, that was interesting.”
Discord’s movements came to a halt again, just as he was lifting a few cows over his head. The poor animals flew out of the window. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”
Innocently, I looked at him with wide demoniac puppy eyes. “I said it was interesting. It’s pretty nice knowing why I’m such a weird looking pony thing, but really, regrets are bad, bad, bad and I don’t want them anymore.”
…
Oh… oh boy…
My spiritual daddy looked absolutely heartbroken. For some reason, his legs walked off without him, climbing imaginary stairs I could see very well. Sliding on the ground like a snake, he spent a few minutes growling and whispering curses, most of which made my face warm with unease.
“Huh…”
“This is simply not working!” Discord suddenly exploded, sounding extremely annoyed.
“Hum…”
“Boy, you are starting to get on my nerves.” His breath behind my ears made every single strand of fur on my body stand on its end.
“I thought you wanted more chaos. You can’t exactly say I’m not random.”
“No, but I’M the only one that should remain even a semblance of sanity as this world breaks down into pieces!” He snapped a finger and the hospital room’s lights all dimmed to nothingness. “Prepare yourself for a sight that destroys the mind of even gods.”
It started with just a few flickers of light and darkness into the void shown to me. Then it started.
…
“Well?” Discord tapped his claws against his arm. “Are you going to start rambling, as usual?”
I tilted my head.
“Honest?” The draconequus asked again with – dare I think it? – a hint of worry.
I squinted my eyes to get a better view of the madness beyond reality.
“Huh, neat.”
The crashing sound to my side took me by surprise. To the point I let out a squeak.
“How can you say this?! You can see an outer god being digested by the mechanics of entropy. This is the stuff that the nightmares nightmares have have nightmares about.”
“Huh…” I groaned, holding my head between my paw and my hoof. “Too many nightmares, D.”
“Why aren’t you raving madly about your overwhelming sense of nothingness in the front of the truth?” Discord demanded to know, looking quite stern.
“Well, it is scary, sure, but compared to the chicken, this is not quite up to par.”
“SEE?!” The draconequus’ face filled my field of vision. I could not see anything but the big yellow eyes and the buffy eyebrows. “This is what is wrong with the mechanics of our relationship! I should be the one making you question your sanity with every statement, not the opposite!”
“It’s hardly my fault you don’t know true fear.” I let out a sigh.
He gave me a flat look. “You’re doing it again.”
I did not dignify that with a reply. It left Discord not very cooperative or willing to continue this conversation for long.
“Oh, forget it. I’ll just play with the girls and finish this later.”
“You’ll be made into a lawn ornament again!”
“Oh, good one.” He dismissed me with a wave of a paw, chuckling to himself. “You truly are delusional if you believe for even one second that those mares have the ability to defeat me one more time. This mad rambling of yours is quite entertaining, Honest.”
For some reason, his attitude hit a nerve. I-it had me fearing the slight possibility that it was true, that perhaps the Mane Six might not win.
And chaos would reign.
“I… I’m not delusional! This is not mad rambling! You’ll see!” But even to myself, those words sounded weak, terrified and desperate.
“Oh really?” He asked, with a voice that pierced through my shield of bubbliness and craziness. “Then did this conversation happen or have you lost fifteen minutes hallucinating in front of a lamp?!”
And he was gone, instantly. No, faster than that. His presence had been disappearing much before that. He was long gone before I actually realized he was. It was not the same as before. Things didn’t snap back into place. They were already into place.
All I could see was a short, slender metallic structure leading to a lit light bulb.
I heard my brain crack.
And I bit into the next thing I saw.
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Damn, man needs shock therapy from a maelstrom...
Hallucinations are indistinguishable from targeted illusions. The only difference is the source. Either the target's mind itself, or someone else's mind.\
Hence, in all likelyhood, it was a targeted illusion, from Discord.
2299606 Shock therapy? Come on, hasn't he suffered enough already?
No, of course not.Who votes for kitten therapy?Does Opal count as a kitten?2299613 But what would Discord be doing in a hospital? Taunt Havoc? Does that sound like something he would do? ...
So what H.H. is more nuts than D? I could understand Discord's frustrations, he's got reality warping powers that he's perfected over ages, and this one goof happens to be able to basically be on even ground with him without them. That's like if Homer Simpson was better than you at your job.
2299822 Wait, why would you think Discord is crazy? (you know, as in mentally ill, like Havoc is)
2299876 Because Discord is crazy. He's just Ax Crazy. Havoc's a Cloudcuckoolander in serious need of a good venting session. After all, I always feel good after sitting on a vent and letting it blow air on my back.
2299606 SHOCK THERAPY!?! Dude, that's harsh! All he's got is a broken wing, and you want to give Thunderlane the electric chair? I think Discord grabbed the wrong mental patient.
2299992 Venting therapy?
...Sorry, my brain just provided me with some weird images...
Yes, perhaps (I always thought of him as one big troll though, never really insane other than a sociopath, to be honest), but, anyway, Discord relies on his toys' sanity to play them off like fickles. I mean, what is the point of psychologically breaking down a pony that is already broken? It's like burning burnt things, that doesn't leave nearly as much of a mark the second time around. Besides, it's fun to explore a dynamic where Discord isn't always on top.
Or he's just hallucinating that Discord is a lamp!
2300753
That must be it. Mystery solved forever. 
What happened to Hiding Armor? I would have thought he boulder have ran to Twilight as soon as she showed up.
Hopefully, this was the lamp he was looking at, and not the completely vulnerable, unconscious Sun Goddess in the hospital bed next to him.
This is the part where i link some YouTube video that has some actor going: "Oh my…"
I think this is one of my favorite scenes I've read in a story. The dynamic of Discord and Honest Havoc is interesting. You have a person who has been pushed beyond the edge who says many interesting and wise statements that indicate lucidity in the madness. Reminds me a bit of Hamlet...only supposedly Hamlet pretended to be crazy as opposed to Honest Havoc that needs some help. I do enjoy this story and hope you finish it (I've read it all but I just like this chapter a lot).