The Lake Victoria Base, in former Tanzania, is situated at one of the many the borders between New Lunar Republic controlled Africa and Solar Empire controlled Africa. Though small in size the base has great strategic value as it controls the fresh water supply for most of Africa.
“You can take a break now if you want.” A Gryphon soldier said getting the attention of a Human one. “I hear they're serving chilli in the cantina if you’re hungry.”
“Huh? Oh thanks.” He said turning to face him.
“Hey, are you alright?” The Gryphon asked a little worried.
“Y-yeah, just a little nervous is all. We got a report in this morning that some Solarists troops have started to mobilize in our direction.” The Human soldier said.
“Don’t worry this is a small base. There is little to no chance they’ll come out here. Cigarette?” The Gryphon soldier said offering him one and taking one for himself.
“Thanks,” The Human said taking the cigarette, sitting down and lighting it. “And I know that but I can’t help but fear for my family. They live in the next town over; I transferred here last month so I could be closer to them.” He explained as the Gryphon sat next to him and he took a photo out of his pocket and showed it to him. “This is my wife; Zuri,” He said pointing to a Zebra standing next to him in the photo. “Our daughter; Yejide,” Pointing to a Zebra filly standing in front of him. “And our son; Ryan.” He said pointing to a human boy on Zuri’s back.
“Nice family.” The Gryphon said looking at the picture.
“Ya, they are." The Human solider said putting it away.
"I hope to have a family like that some day." The Gryphon solider said with a sigh.
"I’m Trent Clark by the way.” Trent said extending his hand.
“Gerardo Lanzo.” He said shaking Trent’s hand.
“Anyway I’m going to get some lunch. It was nice talking to you.” Trent said standing up and putting out the butt of his cigarette.
“Same.” Gerardo said also standing up to take his post.
“This is Bomber 1 to base. We are nearing the drop zone, over.” The pilot of a stealth bomber said as it flew in formation with 3 other bombers.
“Roger that Bomber 1. F-16 and ground troops will move in once you make the drop.” The Base commander said to the pilot.
“Roger that, commencing radio silence.” The pilot said as he shut off the radio and sped up.
(Music Ends)
The sounds of something moving through the air started fill air around the base, as Trent came back from lunch.
“What the hell is that? WAH!” Trent screams as a bomb exploded a few feet from him knocking him out.
“What hell was that?” The Base commander, a Minotaur, asked angrily as the room shook.
“Sir, we’re under attack!” A random Solider replied.
“Blast!” He shouted slamming his fist on a nearby desk. “You, get a message out to the other bases.” He said pointing to the, communications officer. “You, round up as many troops we can spare and help evacuate the nearby towns.” He said to a Zebra soldier. “Everyone else, get to your battle stations. Defend the base at all costs.”
“Yes Sir!” Everyone in the room shouted before doing as instructed, as another bomb went off.
“Get up man. Come on get up.” Gerardo said rubbing Trent’s shoulder trying to get him to walk up. “Come on, you can’t die here, you have wife and kids, you have to stay alive for them.”
“Freeze!” A Human Solider in a gold and red Uniform said pointing a gun at him.
“Oh Hell No!” He said before shooting the Solarist solider in the head.
“Hugh, what happened, what’s going on?” Trent asked holding his head and sitting up.
“Good you’re alright. Come on we’re under attack!” The Gryphon explained.
“What!” He said standing up only to stumble.
“Hey easy now, you’ve sprained your ankle in that explosion.” Gerardo said helping to support him.
“Look out!” Trent said firing his gun that was strapped to his side and hitting a Solarist coming at them.
“Come on, we got to get you out of here.” He said as they walked through the battle field.
“Sir!” The Communications officer called.
“What is it?” The base commander asked as the base shock again.
“Sir, I’ve gotten through to the other base in the area. They say they can’t provide help but they’ve sent a message to the princess and can help evacuate civilians and provide cover for our escape.” The Officer said.
“We will not-“ The commander started but was interrupted when a huge explosion cased most of the lights and some electronics to die. “Give the evacuation order, the base is lost.”
(End Music)
Most of the base goes up in flames as the remaining Lunar Solders evacuate to the southwest, except for two; one human solider and one Gryphon solider, who flee to the northeast.
“Princess Luna!” A Pegasus messenger yelled running into her office.
“What is it?” She asked looking up.
“We just got this report from the Lake Victoria Base in Africa.” The messenger said stopping in front of her desk. “I’m afraid that, well…” He said handing her the report.
There was a short pause as Luna looked over the report before she put it down and sighed.
“*Sigh* It looks like we have no choice. Call the senate.” Luna said as she turned around and looked out the window. "So, It's finally come to this." she thought as a flock of doves flew past the window.
“Today at 3:15pm, East Africa Time, the Military Base at Lake Victoria, Africa, was attacked and captured.” Luna said to the press. “It is thus the senate’s decision that, *sigh* we have no choice but to declare war on the Solar Empire."
Cameras flashed and reporters tried to question her farther as she walked down from the podium and went back into the Lunar Legion to further discuss their next course of action.
Just as a rule of thumb, Author's Notes in the middle of any serious piece of literature is a big no-no. It breaks the flow and immersion of the story to deliver a rather assenine message, and is just poor form. Save AN's for the beginning of a story, the end of a story, or the designated Author's Notes section that fimfiction.net provides. (Unless of course this is a self-referential comedic story... which would explain the next quote)
Typos and homophone confusion leads to unintentional hilarity. I can imagine the cantina serving buckets of ice for the soldiers to eat, and a military commander ordering vigorous back-rubs for the nearby bases. I believe the words you're looking for are, "chilli" and, "message", respectively. You may want to proofread a little harder next time, especially since this chapter was rife with punctuation and capitalization errors as well. (Again, unless this is a self-referential comedic story, which I highly doubt)
2409944 Alright thanks for the feed back.
You should really say what this crossovers with in the summary.
2413778
I get the impression this isn't a cross-over in the traditionally-accepted sense.
Unless the author's about to reveal that the NLR teams up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to defeat the SE and their army of Daleks, this isn't an actual cross-over.
Even though this story states that the pony universe crosses over into the real world, the fimfiction.net definition of crossover involves the intertwining of two different, fictional series or universes together. I guess because we real-people aren't worthy enough to be considered crossover material, this story shouldn't have its fimfiction-defined "Crossover" tag.
I'd also argue about the Slice of Life tag needs to go too, considering that the events detailed thus far have been rather extraordinary and far from average Slice of Life material.
First two sentances of the fic and already there are issues. In this context 'alone' should be written as 'a lone' while both say the same thing, they both say it differently. In this case using 'alone' gives the wrong impression.
Earth should be capitolized.
How many radios does the Captain have? In this case you should use 'the radio' as passenger shuttles usually only have the one.
Generally this will need alot of revision and proofreading to be considered to be of any real quality.
Fight scenes are overly rushed. You have someone spontaniously shoot someone else in the head with no in between actions.
Generally the whole thing feels rushed with little to no care given to ensuring quality. Add the fact the incorrect labelling (this is in no way a Slice of Life fic) and I can't say I have very high hopes for this story.
2413778>>2414532 I put the Crossover Tag so M-Tails-P would shut up. I've been meaning to get rid of the Slice of Life Tag I've just been lazzy.
2414669 I would get an editer but every editer I've talked to is either buisy or don't get back to me. So unless your offering could you pull back a little.
2414776 No on both counts. Firstly, I myself make mistakes and don't really have the manner for editting. Secondly, most of the mistakes you made are the sort of thing I catch an fix without relying on someone else to do the editting, so you should be able to fix those issues without asking someone else to do it.
If I was to guess that may be why people aren't helping you. They don't see you making the effort so aren't sure if you are serious. An editor isn't supposed to write half the story for you.
2414776
I don't think you get it...
2416269 Ya well this is just a jumping off point fic for a couple different fics that will focus on center things going on in the war. There will be one for the colonies, one for Trent and Gerardo, one for Luna and the Lunar Senate and one that focuses on Celestia and Solar Empire. They will then converge into a conclusion fic that will show the end of the war. Some of the shoot off fics will be more of a crossover. So as of right now the crossover tag is just to keep M-Tails-P happy.