The Compendium Microfic Exhibition

by Compendium of Steve

A Certain Kind of Fic

Once there was a cheerful filly who loved to romp in the grass and laugh in the sunshine. One day she was on her way to meet with friends for a picnic. Because she and her grandmother happened to be excellent cooks, the filly was tasked with bringing the food, which she more than happily agreed to. Weighed down with food on both back and in saddlebags, she skipped across town and hummed cheerfully. The filly soon reached the small stone bridge—past the bridge—>—that crossed over to the fields where the picnic was to be, but before she made it halfway across a sharp growl from below made her stop. She looked around and saw nothing, but suddenly from beneath the bridge there appeared a mean, green, ornery troll. He was barely taller than the filly, but he had long nasty teeth and an equally nasty look on his face.

"Hey loser, why are you stepping on my bridge?" the troll rudely snarled.

"I was on my way to a picnic and nothing more," the filly replied humbly. The troll snorted impolitely, then said,

"Well you need my approval to get across this bridge you damn noob!" The troll eyed the saddlebags the filly carried. "What do you got there, r-tard?"

"It's just food for my friends, dear Mr. Troll," the filly replied.

"Let me eat some, or I won't let you pass!"

Although the troll was rather small for his kind, he still looked and talked very mean, and so the filly did as he said and handed him an apple fritter. The troll took it and ate it greedily, and after a big gulp he said,

"That fritter was awful! Who baked it, a blind paraplegic?"

"No, Mr. Troll, I did."

"Then you're a terrible cook who isn't worth anyone's time! Give me something else to eat!"

The filly complied, feeling hurt by the troll's comments, and gave him some bunt cake. This the troll ate greedily as well, and afterwards replied,

"That cake was dry and uninspiring. I've licked rocks with more flavor than that!"

"But my grandmother made it, and she always makes her cakes sweet," the filly pleaded.

"If by sweet you mean putrid and an insult to your very species for solely having existed, then you'd be correct. Now give me something else!"

The filly felt mad over such insult, but she complied, not wanting to upset him more. The troll was given another item of food, and then another, then another, gobbling them down and making scathing remarks about their awfulness. Eventually all the food had been eaten, but the troll looked as mean as ever.

"That was the single worst experience of my life! You are unfit to cross this bridge, or to even walk the earth!"

"But I need to get to my friends," the filly said sadly, now bereft of treats.

"Then let me eat you, stupid pony!"

"How will I get across then?"

"Do it or I will beat you to a pulp!"

The troll gave his most threatening look, and the filly, shedding a tear, stepped into the troll's gullet and was promptly swallowed.

"Awful," he said after a burp, then went down beneath the bridge to await his next gullible victim.

The moral of this story? I think it speaks for itself :P

Comments

[PresentPerfect]

Darn, I wish you hadn't stated the moral. Figuring out the pun would have been so much more satisfying.