"Don't fret, Fluttershy. You'll learn how to fly." my mother told me.
"When?" I asked. "Everyone at Cloudsdale can fly but me." I looked down. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I'm a Pegasus and I don't know how to fly. What a waste of a pair of wings.
"You have to remember patience. Not everyone is the same. You're just a late bloomer. You'll learn how soon." She reassured me. "Practice makes perfect. So, come on. Stand up and let's practice." She pushed my head up with her orange snout. I slowly stood up on my legs. She followed me. "Open your wings," I did so. She trotted over to my side and pointed with her hoof a place on my left wing. "A very important thing to know, is to always relax. Even in the scariest situation, you must be brave. If you relax, you keep your wings more light and easier to move."
I nodded. "Relax," I muttered to myself.
"Before I head to work, I want to see you try to fly." she added more quietly.My wings immediately shut closed, as I turned to look at her.
"Do I ha-have too?"
"Just try, for me?" I took a moment to think about it, and sighed.
"Okay." My mother smiled and took a step back. I slowly opened my wings.They felt like they were glued to my sides. They felt heavy. When I finally managed to open them, I closed my eyes. "Relax," I repeated. I started to flap my wings. With each wave, it felt lighter and lighter. I kept my eyes shut. I heard my mother exclaim in joy, the same time I no longer felt the soft cloud beneath my hooves. I opened my eyes to see my mother a few feet beneath me. I was flying! Well, I should say hovering. "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" I shouted. "Dad!" My father rushed out of our small house in his white uniform.
"Fluttershy," he said shocked. He looked at my mother with a big grin on his face. "She finally did it!" Before I could fly any higher, a gust of wind blew from the south. My right side was unbalanced. I started to tip to one side. I kept twisting and turning to make myself even. I started to panic. My wings gave out, and I fell down.
"Are you okay?" My mother and father asked as they quickly got close to me.
"I'm fine. I wasn't that high up." I mumbled as I started to rub my head. "Good thing the clouds are so soft." I added, when I saw the look of fear in my parent's faces. I tried to laugh to show them I really was fine, but they didn't look convinced. "Mom, Dad, you're going to be late."
"Are you sure you're okay? If you're not we can stay home." said my father.
"I'm okay. See?" I stood up and opened my small, yellow, wings. "Nothing to worry about." I smiled at them.
"Alright, if you say so." he said. "You know where to find us, if you need us."
"Okay."
"Bye, Fluttershy. We love you." my mother said.
"I love you too." I smiled.
I had no clue how quickly my life was going to change, at the time. And how bad it would soon be.
"Are you ready to take a bath, Angel?" I asked him. He had just woken up from a nap on a wooden log outside.He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Oh, that's fine. Uh, we can take you a bath later." He laid back down and closed his eyes. It felt nice outside. I sat down next to the log. Why not a little rest? I have been working hard today, helping the bears fall asleep for hibernation.
It's cold outside, but a nice cold. Not the I'm-going-to-become-a-popsicle-any-second type of cold, but a cold that makes you want to snuggle in a blanket with a hot cup of cocoa. I've always liked winter. The snow is always so beautiful.
I looked up at the sky. It looked like it would be snowing soon. A smile came up. Then, it disappeared. I remembered something about winter that made me wish that it doesn't exist.
One wintery morning, I bothered my mother again about not being able to fly as well as the other fillies. She and father were about to fly off to work.
"Fluttershy, good things happen to good ponies. And those good ponies are patient." she said, grabbing her uniform. "Have you been patient?"
"...no"
"Well then, see? Patience is key. Patience and a good heart." She smiled at me. I smiled back. "Okay, 'Shy. It's time for us to leave." My parents walked out of the house. I followed them out.
"I love you." I said to them. "Oh, and dad?"
"Yes, 'Shy?" he asked, opening his white wings.
"Good luck, into being weather manager today." He smiled and walked over to me. He was going to ask for a promotion that day. He told me that he wanted to actually be in the skies, and actually do some weather changing. He and my mother used to have secretary types of work, where all they did was research how much rain or sun should be released.
"Thank you." He kissed my head. My mother came over and did the same.
"We love you, Fluttershy." she said. "Don't ever forget that." I smiled at them. "Okay, honey. Ready?" My mother opened her wings and hovered over her spot on the cloud. My father flew up to her.
"Ready," He replied. They flew away and started to make their way to their work. Before they became out of view, the white and orange dots, that were my parents, looked back at me. I never knew that would be my last encounter with them.
I went back inside the house to get ready for school. It was just seven in the morning, when the sun was rising. I took a moment to look at it through my window frame, as it made the sky pink and purple. I stayed there until the sun was in level with my eye. Then, I went to my room to get my things.
I was playing with Rainbow Dash at school, when my teacher pulled me over.
What she told me, made it the worst day of my life.
well damn good job for a first fic, faved and thumbed
A proper prologue. Good exposition, thumb, fave, and email reminders. I look forward to what follows!
I liked it, just a few things I'd like to point out...
"Good luck, into being weather manager today." Dude, what?
(~~~*~~~)<---- This. This is an affront to all life. An inhuman contraption that I cannot adequatly sum up in just a few words...
Remove this beast from your work, you're better than this.
ITALICS That's the way to go with flashbacks!
Anything that's in the past, or in someone's head, use italics, we'll know what you mean. It's actually probably clearer, (~~~*~~~) could mean anything. Italics is internal dialogue or reflection, something involving your main characters thoughts.
I fing love italics.
Also, your spacing after the first... (~~~*~~~)<---- this thing... sort of messed up a little, you had it spot on previously, but towards the second half, you just stopped, and it turned into a large clusterf of text.
Finally, it would probably add something to the story if you had made it clear at the very beginning what time era we could expect the story to start in. Of course, you state in the description that it's a fluttermac story. So naturally it's likely to be an adult Fluttershy. Starting with filly Flutters though... It confuses things a bit, I'd advise sticking a bit at the start that shows she's reflecting on the past, rather than halfway through.
It was a nice wee start other than that, I have a large obsession with fluttermac, so I'm very interested where this story will go.
Keep it up man!
Great story but let me point out some things (~~~*~~~) <---- that thing kinda messes up with writing. But great story /) thumbs up!
Thank you guys for the feedback. It really helped. And the (~~~*~~~) will go away, I pinkiepie swear.
Oh, and the spacing in the other half of the story that was
, will be fixed as well.
I forgot to space it out again before I submitted it. I forget things quickly.
farm2.staticflickr.com/1060/5124699989_a414738d44_z.jpg
Nice italics for the flashbacks!
Aw... Fluttershy is just too cute!
Uh oh... Sounds like trouble.
You could add in some spacings. It helps with word count.
Very good for a first fic be sure to read real books an not just fanfics so you improve even more as a writer in whole not just as an mlp writer.
Don't tell me... I can't bear it!!! (Her parents die, right? Oops, that's in the description!