The Hostess

by Gaekub

Chapter 7

The Falaxaporian that had so recently been Big Macintosh looked around. It was surrounded by gaping, terrified ponies. The vegetable seller that had been talking so politely to it a moment ago was backed up into her own crop, squashing her livelihood without a second thought.

Not a word had been spoken since it had finished its transformation. A few ponies had run, screaming, from the marketplace, but nothing intelligible. Those ponies that had stayed hadn’t made a peep, staring at it with huge fearful eyes. They seemed to be rooted to the spot, paralyzed with fear.

In its (extensive) experience, that state didn’t last long. If it was going to get a few before they all ran, it’d have to move fast. A horrible, evil grin spread over its face. It had been a long time since it had been able to cut loose and just kill.

This was going to be fun.

---

Justice Bars, Ponyville’s token law enforcement, was scared. Partly of the green thing that had recently attacked the marketplace, but more so of the strange pink pony who was now yelling at her.

Justice didn’t deserve this. This was her first week on the Ponyville police force. Rather, it was her first week as the Ponyville police force. Being the sole officer of the law in the small town was considered a dead end for a police pony. She’d been transferred from a promising career in Canterlot after she’d been scapegoated for a superior’s mistake.

In short, she was a good cop who had done nothing to earn the energetic, intimidating attention of the Hostess.

“No, wait, hold on. I don’t understand” the Hostess was saying. “That’s a Falaxaporian.”

“That’s what it keeps saying” agreed Justice. The creature had kept saying the word like Justice should know what it meant.

“A Falaxaporian. The ultimate parasite species. Teeth sharp enough to rip steel, and they’re all trained from birth in battle. They have ripped entire civilizations apart and devoured them, and you captured one-in a civilian area-without any casualties?” the Hostess shouted in disbelief, gesturing to the green creature chained to the wall of Ponyville’s only cell.

“Well hold on” protested Justice. “We had casualties. Berry Punch got a nasty bite on the leg, and Caramel’s got a few cracked ribs.”

“Yes all right, but nopony DIED. What the he-“ The Hostess reconsidered her planned obscenity, thinking of the mother from earlier. “...Hay did you do?”

“…We kicked it?” suggested Justice in a questioning tone.

“I’ve seen those things keep on fighting with missing limbs!” the Hostess yelled, exasperated.

Justice looked to Twilight and John for support. She didn’t know either of them, but they were her only hope. When it became obvious they weren’t going to intervene, Justice cleared her throat, licked dry lips, and said ”we kicked it a lot?” A definite tone of pleading had entered her voice.

The Hostess’s mouth opened. And closed. She visibly deflated, sitting on the floor. “Yes. All right. Fine. You kicked it a lot. Okay. Makes sense” she said, her voice defeated.

Justice was relieved. Her relief was short lived.

Now, just one more question” the Hostess said, moving her face uncomfortably close to Justice’s and staring directly into her eyes. “This is the most important one though. Do. You. Have” she said, and then paused.

Justice stood uncomfortably, waiting for the pink pony to finish. “Have what?” Justice awkwardly asked when she didn’t.

“Anything to eat” came the reply.

Justice just stared at her.

“Because I am literally starving to death” said the Hostess with a grin.

---

Bon Bon and Lyra met in the intersection between two metal hallways, deep below Ponyville. Rather, two things wearing the faces of Bon Bon and Lyra met.

“They captured Kh-Tir” growled Bon Bon, speaking in a low, rough language never heard of in Ponyville.

“Kh-Tir was an idiot” snarled Lyra. “It being captured is hardly a surprise. They never should have let the moron take a disguise.”

“True, it was an idiot” agreed Bon Bon. “But it was also a skilled warrior. It was taken by a marketplace of regular ponies. It didn’t even manage to kill any of them.”

It is worth noting at this point that Falaxaporians have no gender. All Falaxaporians are capable of creating young with any other Falaxaporians, although this is thankfully a rare – albeit disgusting - event. Lack of gender is actually quite common among the shape shifting races. When you can rearrange your own biology, you don’t need two starting states mucking things up.

Lyra snorted. “Surely this race is not that robust. Bad luck is all it was. Any warrior, no matter how skilled, can be brought down by luck.”

Bon Bon shook the head that wasn’t hers. “I don’t think so. There is more to this race then meets the eye. I’m sure you have noticed that the species is tri-morphic.”

“Of course. There are those like your host, those with wings, and those like my host, with a horn” Lyra responded in a bored voice. She rubbed the horn with one borrowed hoof. “Although I must admit, the horn seems useless. It is too dull and sensitive to function as a weapon.”

Bon Bon grinned, relaxing the disguise for a second to let her mouth spread grotesquely. “That’s because it’s not. Your form is called a ‘unicorn’, and the horn is used to channel energy.”

Lyra searched the mental databanks that came with the form. The mental link that Falaxaporians made with their hosts gave them access to memories, albeit awkwardly. “Magic” she murmured.

“Exactly” replied Bon Bon. “I don’t think a brute force attack on the Hostess will yield results. These ponies are too versatile. Luckily for us, she has provided us with another avenue. She has acquired two companions that I believe she has fondness for, a purple unicorn and a brown pony. We get to her through them.”

“So we kidnap her companions” confirmed Lyra.

“Unfortunately not. They are with her, and well protected. We are forced to go one level deeper. We get to them through their friends” Bon Bon said, walking up to a wall with a glass panel in it. She pressed some buttons with a hoof and then flicked a switch.

The panel snapped into life. On it was a distorted picture of Applejack. Not distorted like a funhouse mirror, but like a drawing. She was smaller and younger looking then she actually was, barely more than a filly. An amorphous darkness reared up behind her, unnoticed by the young pony. This was Applejack as Big Mac saw her, something to be protected and shielded from the bad in the world.

“We ripped this image from the red one’s mind. It is his brood mate. We also discerned from his mind that the brown pony has mating fondness for this one” Bon Bon explained, and then made a face. “Or something similar to mating fondness. To be honest, I didn’t exactly recognize the emotion.”

“Okay, so we kidnap the orange one” Lyra said, exasperated.

“You kidnap the orange one. Go find another with my form and bring her with you. According to my host’s memory, our hosts are often seen together.”

“Why don’t you come with me?” asked Lyra, already heading down the hall to find a companion.
Bon Bon grinned. “I’m going to kidnap a baby lizard.”

---

Spike finished the sandwich, but it wasn’t nearly filling enough. He was still hungry, so he decided to head back to the library and raid the icebox. He headed through the marketplace. Most of it was unharmed, but the vegetable cart had been totalled in the struggle. Spike considered taking a carrot, but reconsidered when he felt the owner’s eyes on his back.

He arrived home and swung the door open. The icebox was nearly empty. Spike sighed and managed to dig some potatoes out of the bottom. He set a pot of water to boil and went for a short nap while it warmed. At the top of the stairs, he was surprised to see that somepony was asleep in Twilight’s bed.

“Oh, hey Twilight. What happened with that green thing? Do you need me to send a letter to the princess?” he asked from the stairs. There was no response.

Curious, he approached the bed. It wasn’t like Twilight to be asleep this late, certainly not after she had already gotten up. He walked past the foot of the bed, feeling a cold breeze from the open window next to her bed. Odd, he was sure he’d closed that.

He walked up to the lump in the blankets, and twitched back the top. To his shock, where Twilights eyes should have been was only shiny green skin. The thing he’d uncovered –a doppelganger of the creature from the market place-smiled at him, showing more sharp teeth then Spike had ever seen in a non-dragon.

Spike backed away from the thing with a yell, only to bump into Bon-Bon, who’d just jumped in through the window. He turned to her, to warn her about the monster, but she rippled and transformed into yet another monster with the same sickly green skin.

“Hello Ssspike” hissed the thing that had so recently been Bon Bon. “You’re help usss out.”

---

“Alright, here’s the thing I don’t get” mumbled the Hostess, her mouth full of Justice’s chocolate bar. The police pony had thrown it at her, and rapidly excused herself. “If you could see through my disguise, why did it take you six years to arrive? Were you taking the scenic route?”

The Falaxaporian, forced onto its hind legs by the chains that attached it to the wall, said nothing.

The Hostess swallowed loudly. She had eaten the chocolate bar in one bite, and was now deeply regretting abandoning Twilight’s sandwich. “Oh don’t be so coy. It’s not like you’re giving me valuable information, I’m just curious. How did you see through my disguise? And why didn’t you just come straight for me? Why Big Macintosh?”

The bound alien seemed dedicated in its silence. Just as the Hostess turned away, it mumbled something.

“Sorry, what? Didn’t quite catch that” she said, turning back.

“Let me down” came the hoarse response. “Let me down and I’ll tell you.”

The Hostess considered the offer. She checked out the door, and saw that Justice was nowhere to be seen. Finally, she turned to John and gave him a nod.

John pulled the glass tipped metal cylinder out of his bag and pointed it at the shackles. A low whine sounded. A few clever tongue twitches later, the low whine elevated a few octaves, and the shackles snapped open with a small explosion of sparks.

The green equine prisoner dropped back down onto all fours. First with one deformed hoof then the other, it rubbed the chafed portions of its front legs. “We couldn’t see through your disguise. All our scans for Time Lord life forms came back negative. So we waited, orbited the planet. We knew you had to reveal yourself eventually. Six years later, we picked up a burst of Time Lord life energy in this location. That’s why we came down” it said, its grating voice low and quiet.

“That… doesn’t make any sense” said the Hostess. “I only undisguised once you had landed and taken Big Mac. That’s why I revealed myself.”

The Falaxaporian grimaced. At least, that’s what it looked like. It was hard to read the too wide mouth and
blank green skin. “We raided a Sazan ship before we started chasing you.”

The Hostess stared blankly for a second, and then slammed her head into Justice’s desk. “You had retro-scanners. I hate those things.”

The Falaxaporian nodded.

“What are ‘retro-scanners’ Hostess?” asked Twilight quietly.

“They’re a special kind of information gathering instrument. Claim to fame of the Sazan. They see a short time into the future, usually about a day or so” the Hostess replied, head still resting against the desk. “So if I hadn’t revealed myself, they never would have come down.”

John furrowed his brow. Twilight looked confused, moved her lips rapidly and silently, and finally asked
“But if they hadn’t come down, you never would have revealed yourself.”

“Right” replied the Hostess.

John went cross-eyed.

“No, wait, but then-“ Twilight began.

“No” interrupted the Hostess. “No questions. I hate time mechanics. They give me a headache. Just accept it.” She turned back to the Falaxaporian. “Alright, that doesn’t explain Big Mac though.”

“After the initial burst, our scans still returned negative for Time Lord life. We thought you had re-disguised.”

A melancholy look slid onto the Hostess’s face. “I don’t register as a Time Lord anymore. That’s… interesting” she said, carefully keeping all emotion out of her voice.

The emotional silence that followed was completely spoiled when John leaped into the air and screamed. He threw his bags off his back, and pulled out the sonic screwdriver. It was vibrating violently and blinking.

The three ponies and the Falaxaporian all stared at the cylinder as it shook its way across the desk. “Well, are you going to answer it?” the Hostess finally asked.

John spun to face her. “Answer it? What? It’s never done this before!”

“Oh, right. I guess it wouldn’t have. Okay, pick it up, and set it to…” she said, sticking out her tongue and thinking hard. “Setting… 32… a?”

John paused, head an inch away from the desk. “Setting 32a lights things on fire.”

“B then. Setting 32b is what I meant, obviously” said the Hostess. “Now all we need is a mirror… Police pony!” she shouted.

“Justice” Twilight whispered.

“Justice! We need a mirror!”

Justice poked her head out from behind a hallway door. “Well, we’ve got one in the break room. Just go down the hall and turn left at the third doo… How’d it get down?” she asked, stepping into the room and pointing at her prisoner.

The Hostess squeezed through the doorway past her, making an overly innocent face and shrugging. Twilight and John both shot her apologetic looks as they passed.

The break room was a sorry sight. One ancient, threadbare couch and a disgusting, filth encrusted coffee pot were the main attractions. However, a cracked mirror did hang from one of the walls.

“32b the mirror” ordered the Hostess.

John did as he was told. Ripples spread across the mirror like it was a mirror with a pebble thrown into it. When the ripples cleared, the mirror reflected not the break room they stood in, but Twilight’s home. Standing in it were two Falaxaporians in their natural states.

Twilight and John both gasped, the screwdriver falling from John’s mouth. “What just happened?” asked Twilight, bewildered.

“Hello Hostesssss” hissed the fallen screwdriver, the sound matching the mouth movements of one of the creatures in the mirror.

Ignoring it, the Hostess spoke to Twilight. “The screwdriver effects the light frequencies that are reflected, interpreting a received signal. It essentially transforms it into a standard communications screen… I mean, it makes it a window. To another place. To the library, it would appear.”

“I said, hello Hostess” said the creature, annoyed at being ignored.

“The sound is just transferred through the screwdriver” said the Hostess, continuing to talk to Twilight. “It’s actually very simple.”

“We have your dragon!” shouted the ignored monster, hauling Spike into view and holding him by the neck.

The three ponies all turned to face him.

“Ah, that got your attention, didn’t it. Now, first I’d like the brown one to leave. This is between us, the purple one, and the Hostess.”

A tense silence followed, after which the Hostess said, quietly. “John.”

John licked his lips, frowned, and turned and left. He left the screwdriver where it lay. He gave Twilight a comforting look as he left. She just looked shocked.

“Now, here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to give us the Hostess, and you get your precious baby dragon back. Otherwise, we kill him. Do we have a deal?” the creature grinned, all malice and supressed laughter. "Oh, and I suppose we want Kh-Tir back as well."

Twilight stepped in front of the Hostess. “You… you kidnapped Spike?” she asked, her voice full of confusion.

The Hostess began to worry. This dragon clearly meant a lot to Twilight, and the Hostess had already taken one friend from her. When she thought about it, Twilight had every reason to hand her over, and no reason to protect her.

On top of that, the Hostess wasn’t sure she could stop Twilight. She didn’t know what limits her magic had, but considering it was her cutie mark, it was probably pretty powerful. If Twilight decided to surrender her, she could be done for. She stared at the back of the unicorns head, silently praying that she would remain loyal to her.

Twilight giggled madly.

Everypony faltered for a second. That had not been among the possible reactions expected by either the Falaxaporians or the Hostess.

“You kidnapped Spike. And now you’re trying to use him to blackmail me? Like he’s some kind of weakness?” she asked between giggles.

“What exactly is wrong with that?” asked the miffed Falaxaporian.

“He’s a dragon you idiots! A baby dragon, sure, but still a dragon. And you kidnapped him. You kidnapped a dragon, and you’re just expecting it to work out fine” Twilight explained, voice still full of humour.

“We haven’t had any trouble controlling him so far. I warn you, if you laugh at me-“ the kidnapper started.

“Spike. You have permission” interrupted Twilight.

“Really?” asked the baby dragon, eyes lighting up.

“Yes, these are bad ponies” replied Twilight.

“Wait, hold on, I think I missed a step-“ said the Hostess, but was interrupted by a yell of pain.

Spike had sunk his teeth into the restraining arm of the Falaxaporian holding him. The thing waved him around, trying to loosen the grip on its leg. Spike had a lot of sharp teeth, and that would have been bad enough, but then he did something that made the Hostess’s leg burn in sympathy pain. He breathed fire.

Smoke drifted out from the edges of Spike’s mouth. The thrashing of his victim took on a new level of urgency, and it managed to fling him off. Its leg had been charred almost halfway through.

Spike grinned, his pupils having changed to vertical slits.
Every creature that has ever been prey has a fear of sharp teeth, built in right at the base level. It’s one of the most fundamental fears there is. The Falaxaporians grin pushed that button straight on. Spike’s didn’t even touch it.

It just fried the circuit.

He charged his kidnappers, snarling and snapping. Barely within view of the mirror, one of the Falaxaporians raised a small device strapped to its leg. The device flashed with a tinny cracking sound. The Hostess, recognizing the device too late, cried out futilely.

The energy blast that should have blown a hole the size of a loop-de-hoop in Spike’s chest washed over his scales like water. The force of the blast set him back half a step, but he renewed his charge as soon as his clawed feet stopped skidding across the floor.

Unfortunately, the brief delay the blast bought allowed the non-injured Falaxaporian to set up a straight on, two hoofed buck. Spike weighed even less then Big Mac’s victim, and the Falaxaporian was almost as strong as the huge red pony.

Spike sailed through the air in a perfect parabola, flying out of the mirror’s view. The screwdriver relayed a splintering crash a split second later.

The creature that had delivered the kick approached the mirror, panting, as the other nursed its charred leg. “There. Now your dragon has been injured. Is that what you wanted?” it said, voice filled with quiet rage.

“I doubt it” said Twilight with a soft smile. “He’s tough. I think you just made him mad.”

A second after the last syllable left the unicorn’s lips, a heart stopping roar split the air. Its tone changed a second in, and it took a second for the Hostess to realize that the screwdrivers speakers had cut out. The roar they were hearing wasn’t being transmitted, it was just loud enough to be audible from halfway across town.

“Alright, we need to get there!” shouted Twilight, running from the room. The Hostess shook off her shock and chased after her.

“How long do you think he can hold out?” asked the Hostess as they dashed past Justice, who appeared stunned by the roar.

“Him? It’s not Spike I’m worried about. We have stop him before he destroys all my books!” Twilight replied over her shoulder. “Oh, and before he starts killing ponies” she added, almost as an afterthought.

The Hostess took that in stride. “Come on John!” she shouted as they burst out the door and galloped down the street. Neither pony noticed that John was nowhere to be seen.

---

John stood outside of the police station. He had just been shooed outside, and nervous energy was causing him to dance back and forth from hoof to hoof. He hadn’t been told why they took Spike, but he could guess. He wasn’t guessing it was good.

“John?” asked a voice behind him.

He turned to see his best customer. Lyra was looking at him with curious eyes, Bon Bon standing next to her. “Oh, hello Lyra” he said. “Did you get your watch?” he asked, voice running on autopilot.

“My watch? Oh, yes, of course” replied Lyra.

“You’re not with…” Bon Bon began, and then got a faraway look on her face, as if she was reading an imaginary book. “Pinkie Pie?” she finished after a second.

“Oh, no. Well, she’s just inside, so sort of. I’m just waiting for her” said John, absently.

“Reeeaaallly?” grinned Lyra, altogether too happy about that.

John cocked an eyebrow. “Yes, really” he answered.

Lyra started talking about something she wanted to show him. John tuned out, his eyes staring into the middle distance. Lyra was a nice enough pony, but she did tend to say nothing in a lot of words. Bon Bon usually stopped her when they were together. Which was a lot.

He idly wondered about that. Honestly, he thought they were together, not that he’d ever say that. Some ponies were edgy about that, although he didn’t know why. In a town with a ninety percent female population, it’s not like it carried a lot of stigma.

His unfocused eyes fell onto Applejack. She was pulling a cart of apples through the town square and talking to two other ponies. She was talking…

She was talking to Lyra and Bon Bon.

John’s eyes abruptly refocused on the ponies in front of him. His heart started pounding in his chest.

“So, you want to see it?” asked Lyra, her long speech apparently over.

“Uhh… actually, I’m busy. Really busy” his eyes flickered back to Applejack and her two conversation partners. “I have to go.”

The thing wearing Bon Bon’s face glanced back where he had looked. “I think he’s on to us ‘Lyra’” she said, the sarcasm clunking into place as her face spread in a distended smile.

“Perhaps you’re right, ‘Bon Bon’” said Lyra, her smile streaching in the same grotesque way. “I suppose we resort to force.”

John ran. He darted between the two imposters, letting a brief smile cross his lips as he heard their heads clonk together behind his back.

“Applejack!” he shouted as he ran, galloping towards her.

“Well, hey John. What’s the big hurry?” she asked as he galloped up to her.

“Run. Run home. Leave the cart” he panted as he placed himself between the two disguised Falaxaporians and Applejack.

“Hold on. You don’t give me orders” objected Applejack from behind him, offended.

John turned to face her, to convince her of the danger, but saw her eyes widen. She unhooked herself from the cart with a kick and bolted, running on powerful legs.

On instinct, John leaped after her. He felt powerful jaws close on a few strands of his tail. The slight pain as they ripped out only spurred him to run faster.

He ran up level with Applejack, the orange pony slowing momentarily to allow him to catch up. He had the height advantage, but her legs were far more muscular then his.

“I’m running, but not cause you told me to!” she shouted to him.

John just laughed madly. The constant bouncing back and forth between adrenaline and exhaustion was beginning to take its toll on his emotional state.

Applejack opened her mouth to ask what was wrong with him, but was stopped by an earth shaking roar. Both ponies skidded to a halt, former fear forgotten in the face of such an incredibly loud noise.

“What the hay is goin' on?!” shouted Applejack when the roar had subsided. “What was that noise?! What was wrong with Lyra’s mouth!?”

“Umm… in order, tell you later, don’t know and… tell you later!” John yelled back over the ringing in his ears. “Now get home, Big Macintosh will protect you!”

“I don’t need protectin’. I can take care a’ mahself.” Applejack protested, but headed down the road home anyway. “Don’t forget, you owe me some answers.”

“I won’t” replied John, and then ran towards the source of the noise. He didn’t know how, but he knew he’d find the Hostess there.

---

The creature that the Hostess and Twilight found in the library resembled Spike only in color. Green belly and purple scales beside, it could have been a completely different creature. He was twice as large as a pony, and ten times as heavy. Long, sharp claws and a spiked tail adorned him, and two large leathery wings had sprouted from his back.

When they came in through the door, he was shaking a Falaxaporian by the leg with his jaws, as if it was a rag doll. When he saw the two ponies come in, he opened his jaw in a roar, sending his victim flying across the room. He charged them, growing another foot taller as he did so.

The Hostess leaped backwards through the door, but Twilight didn’t flinch. Her horn burst into life, and the dragon that had been Spike was flung into a wall and stuck there. He thrashed around, attempting to break free, but couldn’t seem to escape the telekinetic collar that had welded him to the wall.

“Spike, I know you’re still in there. I need you to listen to me” Twilight yelled over the sound of his thrashing, approaching him. “Hairity, Appletini, Spitty Pie, Rainbow Crash, Twilight Flopple, and Flutterguy” she said, in a voice far too serious for the content.

The dragon’s thrashing stopped, his eyes focusing on Twilight as she spoke. A low rumbling chuckle escaped his lips. Another followed. The dragon began to laugh uncontrollably. As he did so, he shrank and his voice became higher. Chuckles turned to giggles which turned to titters. His wings disappeared completely, until eventually the familiar baby dragon lay on the floor, laughing to himself.

The Hostess stepped cautiously back in through the door. As she did so, the laughter of the dragon turned smoothly into snores. She stared at the battered room and the two heavily injured Falaxaporians. Scorch marks riddled the walls. In the middle of it all stood Twilight Sparkle, looking down at the baby dragon with a mixture of love, concern, and caution.

“Hey” said John, sliding to a halt behind the pink pony. “What’d I miss?”

Comments

[Tech_Priest]

"Spike, you have permition."
"Really?"
"Really."
*kills every alien*
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/74/22296_artist_gunmouth_like_a_boss_spike_display.png

[smashbrawlguy]

You know, for being a creature that has jaws and teeth strong enough to crush diamonds, Spike really doesn't get enough scenes where he's a total badass.

[kirbuu]

did have an idea earlier that the reason john smith became a clockmaker is because of his extensive Pocket watch collection,i.e. half of ponyville are timelords resulting in the worst alien invasion in the history of time.

[Specs95]

Spike was a total BAMF this chapter, as for the Falaxaporians, if they couldn't handle a baby dragon, then how are they gonna handle two very angry princesses should they discover what's going on

[CCC]

“Him? It’s not Spike I’m worried about. We have stop him before he destroys all my books!” Twilight replied over her shoulder. “Oh, and before he starts killing ponies” she added, almost as an afterthought.

It's important to have the right priorities.

[King of Kings]

177651
Are you sure that you didn't mean this image?
i.ytimg.com/vi/If0Lv5J3x5g/maxresdefault.jpg
I only ask because I have NO idea what the connection between your image and the chapter is.

[King of Kings]

177651
Also, your comment should read:

"Spike, you have permission."
"Really?"
"Really."
*kills every alien*