The Hostess

by Gaekub

Chapter 6

Bon Bon sat outside the Three Leaf Clover cafe and munched on a sandwich. She had been mad at Lyra at first, but now she was just worried. Nopony had seen Lyra since the day before, and it wasn't like her to go off somewhere without telling Bon Bon.

She was just swallowing the last bite of her sandwich, her head down, when she heard the seat across from her creak under the weight of another pony. She looked up, her mouth full, to see the unicorn she'd been looking for all day sitting on the other side of the table.

"La-rah, whaa haf-" she started to say. Hearing herself, she paused, swallowed, and tried again. "Lyra, where have you been? I've been looking for you all day."

"Oh, around" Lyra responded, gesturing vaguely with one hoof. "Come with me, I've got something really cool to show you" she continued, hopping down from the seat.

"Oh, alright. I just need to pay the bill and-" Bon Bon began, but was cut off when Lyra dropped twenty bits or so on the table. "Oh... thanks Lyra" Bon Bon said, confused. It wasn't like Lyra to just throw out money like that.

"Now let's go. You really need to see this." Lyra walked away from the table, and Bon Bon followed.

"Did you go to pick up your watch?" the earth pony asked as they walked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I got the watch. Come on, it's down here" Luna responded absently, before heading down a set of stairs into a basement. She opened the door, winked back at Bon Bon, and walked inside.

Bon Bon sighed and followed. It was things like that wink that made ponies talk, but she'd never managed to convince Lyra of that. Or rather, she'd never managed to make Lyra care. She got to the bottom of the stairs and stepped through the door.

It was dark on the other side, and Bon Bon couldn't see anything. The door closed, and she jumped, but her night vision was just active enough to show her that the unicorn had done it.

As her eyes adjusted, a strange sight greeted them. Rather then a room of stone, as she imagined, it was a room of metal and rubber. She turned to face Lyra, who was slowly walking towards her, and grinning.

"Lyra, what is this place?"

Lyra ignored her question, and kept walking towards her. Her grin grew wider and wider, extending past normal lengths. Eventually it reached literally from ear to ear, revealing an array of teeth much too sharp for a pony.

Bon Bon screamed and stumbled backwards, her hindquarters bumping up against the wall. "Lyra, your mouth... how are you doing that?"

The thing that was wearing Lyra's face stepped towards her, slowly and deliberately. "I apologize for the deception, but I am not your friend" it said, drinking in her fear.

"What are you? Where's Lyra?" she yelled, striking out at the creature with a hoof.

The thing caught it and twisted her leg painfully. Bon Bon cried out, tears welling in her eyes. Its skin rippled as it assumed its true form.

"So feisssty..." it hissed. "I'm going to enjoy being you."

---

The Hostess watched the monster go, and then turned back to her companions. That terrifying focus was no longer in the forefront of her eyes, but John could see it in the background. "Right" she said "now we follow it. Miss Sparkle, if I could ask you to carry something..."

The pink pony reached into one of her inner pockets and pulled out a strange looking device that appeared to be made of an eggbeater, a packet of matches, and the contents of a fair sized cutlery drawer. She held in her teeth for a second, and then threw it into the air to Twilight to catch.

It clattered to the ground.

"Wha-What was that?" Twilight stammered, eyes wide and pupils tiny. "Pinkie, what's going on?"

"Oh dear, we're back to Pinkie are we? That my dear was a Falaxaporian, leeches of the universe. A type of alien, just as I am."

"No. No, you're my friend Pinkie Pie, and you're just playing a game. This is just some weird game of yours. We're going to go home now, and everything will be fine."

"Ah. I see. John, are you doing all right?" the Hostess asked, turning to the stallion. He was white as a sheet, but he nodded. The Hostess turned back to the panicking unicorn.

"Twilight, I understand. You just got over your friend suddenly claiming to be somepony else, and now you've seen something that is very distinctly not a pony. You're probably going into shock, and I don't blame you."

Twilight opened her mouth, but the Hostess stopped her from talking with a hoof. "But here's the thing you have to understand. Everything I've told you is true. I am a Time Mare called the Hostess. That thing was an alien that is kidnapping your friends and using their forms. So you need to make a choice. I could use your help on this, but if you doubt me when it really counts, you could get all three of us killed. You need to decide whether I'm just playing a game, in which case you go home, or whether I'm telling the truth, and you help me stop these things."

She removed her hoof from Twilight's mouth. "You need to decide, Miss Sparkle. Right now. Come with me, or go home."

Silence filled the barn, thick and heavy. Twilight looked from the Hostess to John, and then back. Her horn lit up, and the device she had let fall lifted into the air.

"Thank you Miss Sparkle" the Hostess said, softly.

Twilight gave a weak smile. "So how are we going to follow that thing? What is this... eggbeater?"

"Ah! That is the clever bit" the Hostess announced proudly. "See, the thing about your Falaxaporian is that it's covered with a layer of mucus, and it leaves a little of that wherever it goes. Not enough to see, but enough to detect. That's where this comes in. Miss Sparkle, twist the handle if you would."

Twilight did so. The top half of the device whirled in place, and somewhere from within the depths came a slight beeping noise.

"That, my dears, is a goopy-woopy detector. Goes ding when there's gunk. Built it to search the barn with, but now that I know what I know what we're dealing with, it'll be much more handy. So all we have to do is follow the trail that our disgusting friend left behind, and he'll bring us right to his front door."

---

"You see, Falaxaporians are essentially the ultimate parasite species" the Hostess explained as they followed the winding path through the orchard. "They don't make anything for themselves. When they find a new race, they kidnap them and use their forms to capture the others. They don't even make their own buildings, they just attach on to preexisting ones. They steal food, they steal technology, they steal spaceships, it's actually quite amazing."

"What's a 'spaceship'?" asked Twilight, following the strongest beeping from the detector.

"Oh, it's just a craft used to travel from planet to planet. A ship that goes through space, get it?"

Twilight cocked an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean 'space'? Just like... through the air? And what are planets?"

The Hostess stopped in her tracks and looked at her two pony followers. "Err, hold on. What are the stars?"

John just shrugged, but Twilight had learned quite a bit on the subject. "They're pieces of the moon that slowly fractured off, and now hover in the heavens with it."

"I... see. Yes, spaceships just move through the air" the Hostess said carefully, and then continued walking.

Twilight shot John a questioning look. John replied with a look that said that all that had gone over his head. They followed after the retreating pink flank.

It was a few minutes later when they ran into a small hill. A small door, slightly discolored, was embedded in the side of it. They wouldn't have noticed it if the detector hadn't lead them straight to it.

"This would be it. The Falaxaporian spaceship. Don't be fooled by appearances, this isn't a hill. They're masters of disguise in technology as well as biology" the Hostess said, running her hooves across the door. She put her side to it and pushed, but it refused to budge. "Hm. Locked. I suppose we knock."

"Wait" John said, speaking for the first time since the barn. "I think I have something that can help with this." He reached his head into his bag, retrieving a silver cylinder. He leaned his head down next to the door, and a strange whining buzz rung out. A few seconds later, the door slid open with a click and a whoosh.

The Hostess stared at him in disbelief. "What did you just do?" she asked.

"Oh, well this is a sonic-" he began to reply, tucking the cylinder half in one of his bags so he could speak clearly.

"I know what it is" she interrupted. "It's a sonic screwdriver. It's MY sonic screwdriver."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Do you want it back?" John asked, startled by the sudden heat in her voice.

The Hostess reached towards his bag to take it back, but then stopped herself. "Actually, no. You keep it. I was always garbage with it anyway" she turned to the darkness behind the door. "Right. I'm going in for a quick look around. You two keep lookout."

Both John and Twilight started to protest, but the Hostess had that look in her eyes again. They both shut up.

"Alright. I'll be back soon" she said, and then stepped as quietly as possible into the dark ship.

---

Big Macintosh wasn't thinking about anything when he heard the clop of hooves coming towards him. He watched the blinking lights as they noise approached. He only looked towards the source when a familiar voice said "Big Macintosh?"

He looked over and saw a pink pony, nothing like the green things that had surrounded him the rest of the time. "Ms. Pie. Could ah ask you to let me down?"

She blinked but began to loosen the straps with her teeth "That's it?" she said, between straps "No begging, no pleading, no thanking the gods I came along?"

"Would you like me to?"

She giggled. "No, that's all right. Call me the Hostess, by the way. I'm actually an alien that fell from the sky six years ago, and has been living as a pony ever since" she said as she undid the last strap, turning to look at the blinking lights.

Big Mac removed all the suction cups from his coat with a shake. "Alright, Hostess" said the huge red pony, stretching out his muscles.

"You don't believe me, do you?" asked the Hostess absently as she tried to pry meaning from the patterns and shapes the lights formed. "You think I'm just Pinkie playing another game."

"The thought crossed mah mind" said Big Mac in his low, even voice.

"Hm" replied the Time Mare. The blinking lights were saying something very bad. This was just a base camp, they had spread to town. They had begun their gradual take over of Ponyville. Now if she could just figure out which buildings they were using...

She was interrupted from further information gathering when they heard the sound of hooves drifting down the hall. The Hostess looked around wildly, but that was the only way out. They were trapped by whatever was coming down that hall.

The Hostess knew that is these small chambers, without the element of surprise, a Falaxaporian could tear them both apart.

"Alright. I have a plan" she said.

---

Something that looked like Big Macintosh walked through town. He was just talking to the owner of a small vegetable cart, seeing if he could convince her to come into a basement with him, when he felt something strange happening.

He grunted, suddenly nauseous, and stumbled away from the cart. He heard the vegetable mare ask if he was alright, but he couldn't respond. He fell to the ground, and snarled at the pain of the impact.

She ran up and stood over him, but then jerked back. "Your mouth? What's wrong with your mouth?" she yelled, terrified.

Only now did the Falaxaporian realize what was happening. It'd heard about it, but never felt it itself. Its disguise was failing. He felt the last layer come down, and he was lying in his true form.

In a crowded marketplace full of ponies.

---

The Falaxaporian, whose name would be written as Gr-Drraz, ambled towards the prisoner room. It had just gotten word that the red pony disguise had been compromised, and they had other ponies now. Soon, it'd be allowed to kill the large terrifyingly calm pony. It had decided to inform him of that fact. Hopefully that would get a reaction.

It turned the final corner, but instead of seeing the prisoner strapped to his slab, a pink pony leaned against it casually. She seemed to be examining her front hoof, standing on her back two. As he watched, she looked up, seemingly surprised to see him.

"Oh, hello" she said with a slight smile. "Come here often?"

"Whhhhere issss the prisssoner?" Gr-Drraz hissed.

"Oh, Big Macintosh? I let him down. He didn't seem to be enjoying himself. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against straps, but only if all involved parties are into that sort of thing" she said, a hint of laughter entering her voice.

Gr-Drraz paused in recognition. "I know you. You're that Time Lord Slak was crying about" it said.

"Passed on my message did he? Well let me give you the longer version" the intruder said, becoming serious. "You leave, now, or I get rid of you. I am the Hostess, and I am claiming this world as my party. And a good hostess always removes the guests who make trouble."

"You do not have the power to ssstop usss" Gr-Drazz growled, smiling ear to ear. "I think I'll just kill you now" it continued, beginning to stalk towards her.

"You're right, I don't have the power to stop you. Which is why a good hostess also has..." the Hostess said, pausing until the creature had stepped into the room "... a bouncer" she finished.

Exactly on cue, Big Macintosh bounded out of the shadows, spun, and planted both hooves as hard as he could in the side of his tormenter.

Now, Gr-Drazz was an experienced warrior. He had reflexes almost as sharp as his teeth. He was strong, and tough. He was trained in all manners of firearms and melee weapons. One on one, he could destroy any pony in Ponyville.

However, when you are blindsided by a few hundred pounds of pony muscle driving a dozen pounds of steel, the only thing that really matters is your weight. Gr-Drazz did not have enough of it.

He flew into the air like a rag doll, hit the metal wall with a sickening crunch, and fell to the ground.

"RUN!" yelled the Hostess, already fleeing for the exit. Big Mac followed close behind.

---

Twilight and John stood in silence outside. The Hostess had gone inside a while ago, and boredom was beginning to offset tension.

"So... Applejack" said Twilight.

John rolled his eyes. "Oh sweet Celestia no."

"Hey!"

"What?" said John confused by the sudden shout.

"Don't take Celestia's name in vain" reprimanded Twilight.

John rolled his eyes even harder.

"I can see you doing that you know" said Twilight, beginning to giggle.

"I know you can, that's the point" said John, exaggerating the movement even more.

"Seriously though, Applejack" said Twilight, forcing a serious face.

"I'm not talking about it" said John, facing away from her.

"I'm not against it, I'm just sayi-"

"LALALALALALA I'M NOT LISTENING" shouted John, hooves over his ears.

"LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK, JUST LISTEN!" shouted Twilight, attempting to be heard over his voice.

"LALALALALA!" shouted John.

"JUST LISTEN!" shouted Twilight.

"RUN!" shouted the Hostess, bursting out from the door.

She was followed closely by Big Macintosh, who didn't shout anything.

"What'd did you do?" asked Twilight, running with them.

"Poked the hornet's nest!" replied the Hostess.

A small shout escaped Johns lips, moments before he galloped past Twilight. She turned to see what had frightened him.

Three Falaxaporians, all in their natural forms, were charging across the ground towards them. All were snarling and snapping.

Twilight screamed, her legs going into a whole new rhythm without her intervention.

The Hostess looked around, evaluating her companions to see who was likely to fall behind. Big Macintosh was running in long even strides that ate up ground deceptively fast. Twilight and John were both running with the haphazard rhythm of panic, but Twilight seemed a lot better at it. Clearly she'd had some experience with running for her life.

The Hostess was surprised to notice she was outpacing them all. She was even more surprised to notice she was doing it by bouncing. Not running, or jumping, but bouncing off all four hooves over and over.

A giggle sounded behind her left eyeball. Sorry Hostess, but you weren't paying attention to the legs, so I figured I'd do it said Pinkie, not sounding apologetic at all.

Although it was worrying to think that Pinkie could usurp motor control like that, the Hostess had to admit that this was a surprisingly quick way to travel. She decided to leave control of the legs to her eternally happy passenger for now.

"We've just got to get to town" she yelled. "They won't follow us there, it's not how they operate."

As they galloped through the forest, Twilight's imagination began to torment her. She was at the back of the pack, John's slightly longer legs giving him an advantage. She pictured the sharp-teethed monsters pulling up behind her, mouths gaping. She could almost feel the hot breath on her back.

She was just imagining the pain of those long sharp teeth closing on her leg, piercing the flesh and breaking the bone, when a voice suddenly spoke in her ear. The unexpected sound brought all her fears to the forefront of her mind. She screamed and leaped into the air, flailing her limbs in an attempt to hit the source.

"What's the hurry?" asked the voice.

The three other skidded to a halt at the sound of Twilight's scream, ready to save her from the horrific monsters. However, the scene behind them was not the one of carnage they expected. Instead, Twilight lay stunned on the ground, staring up at the cyan pegasus who hovered above her.

"Jeez. You're edgy today, egghead" said Rainbow Dash, poking Twilight in the horn.

"Did you see the green things that were chasing us?" asked the Hostess, scanning the woods for any sign of the murderous aliens.

"Uhh, those are trees Pinkie. They don't move" explained Rainbow in a patient voice. "Hey Big Mac."

"Ms. Dash."

"Who's the colt?" asked the pegasus, darting over to John. She had apparently already forgotten about the terrified running.

"I'm not a colt. I'm a stallion" snapped John, testy from the adrenaline.

"Psh. Whatever" the brash mare responded, rolling her eyes.

"This is John Smi-" began Twilight, only to be interrupted.

"Hey! I know who you are!" Dash said, poking John hard in the cutie mark. "You're that earth pony watchmaker."

"Rainbow, be nice" warned Twilight.

"What? I'm always nice. When am I not nice?" the hovering pony responded, acting hurt. "I'm sure you know who I am" she told John proudly.

John in fact did, but he wanted to take this annoying pegasus down a peg. "No, I don't, sorry. Who are you?"

If anything, she seemed even happier to have a reason to introduce herself. "Only Rainbow Dash, the most awesome pony in Ponyville."

The word 'awesome' wormed into the Hostesses ears and sparked some latent brain cells. "Rainbow Dash! I know you! We're friends" she blurted as a series of images flooded her mind.

"You are so random Pinkie" chuckled Rainbow Dash. She turned back to John. "Man, that must suck, working with gears and stuff."

John bristled. She had hit a nerve. "Oh, and why exactly would that suck? Because I'm not a unicorn?"

She blinked, surprised. "No, I just couldn't deal with tiny screws and stuff all day. I'd go crazy. I took apart my clock once. It didn't go great." She turned back to Twilight and the Hostess. "See you guys later. I've got some weather stuff to do" she said, and accelerated into the sky.

The four earthbound ponies continued on their way back to town, keeping an eye out for any flashes of green. "Sorry about her" apologized Twilight. "Rainbow can be a bit..."

"Unbearable?" finished John.

Twilight giggled. "No. Well, okay, sometimes. But she's loyal to a fault, and she liked you."

"What made you think that? Was it the way she called me a colt? Or was it when she belittled my career?"

"She talked to you" responded the purple unicorn. "Most ponies she just sort of ignores. And she didn't belittle it, she said she couldn't do it. Which is not something she does a lot."

John grunted grumpily. She was right, now that he thought about it, but he wasn't going to admit it.

As soon as they set hoof on the road, the Hostess turned to Big Macintosh. "You should go home. Your family needs to see you."

"Eeyup. John. Ms Sparkle. Hostess." He walked away without another word.

"You two alright? Not hurt or anything?" the pink pony asked her two companions. Both responded in the negative.

"Wonderful" she said, and then slowly fell to the side. She grunted with pain as she hit the road."I think I'm dying."

"What!?" screamed Twilight. "How? Did you get bit?" she asked, checking the mare for wounds.

"No. I think it's massive organ failure. I've been getting piercing pains since this morning" she said, eyes beginning to glaze over. "I shouldn't have interrupted the regeneration process. You two need to find someone else to help you."

"No, no, no, you're going to be fine. We're going to get you to a doctor" said Twilight, taking charge. John heaved the fallen pony onto his back, and began to run down the street as fast as he could under the weight.

"Maybe it's just food poisoning" he suggested. "What was the last thing you ate?"

A conspicuous silence rose from his back.

He stopped in the street, looking over his shoulder, fearing the worst. However, her eyes were still open and focusing. "What was the last thing you ate?" he repeated.

"Er... depends. What was the last thing Pinkie ate?" she said sheepishly.

"You haven't eaten?" asked Twilight, disbelievingly. "Do Time Lords not eat?"

"No, no, we do. I just sort of... forgot. Sorry. Do either of you have a snack or something?" she said, embarrassment in her voice.

Twilight made a growling noise deep in her throat, but pulled a wrapped sandwich out of one of her bags. John dumped her on the ground so she could eat.

"I really am sorry. This whole adventure thing isn't exactly my forte. The Doctor was always the one who did things like this" she said between bites.

"Okay, that's three times you've mentioned him. You have to tell us now. Who's the Doctor? Why did you use him to threaten that monster?" asked Twilight, curiosity erasing all remnants of concern.

"Oh, he was just another Time Lord. We knew each other when we were young. He used to do this sort of thing all the time, drop into planets and save everyone. That's why he called himself the Doctor. He made people better. He was the Time Lord, the one all the other races thought of. The one all the monsters feared" she said, and then paused to take a bite. She chewed and swallowed. "Of course, that was before he killed our entire race" she said casually, and then took another bite.

John and Twilight's jaws dropped.

"He- he did what?" stuttered Twilight.

"Oh, no, I don't blame him. We were being incredible asses, we deserved it. He had to" the Hostess said, her mouth full.

Before either John or Twilight could investigate further, a familiar purple and green dragon scampered up to them. "Twilight! There you are. Where have you been? Never mind, tell me later. Mayor Mare needs to see you. Some green monster appeared in the market and attacked a bunch of ponies."

All three ponies looked at each other, and ran off on tired legs.

Spike ate the abandoned sandwich.

Comments

[A sleepy brony]

Dat last line it has so much win!

[Shpoople96]

Spike ate the abandoned sandwich... like a boss.

[Tech_Priest]

tf2wiki.net/w/images/thumb/9/95/Sandvich.png/250px-Sandvich.png
Delicious

[kirbuu]

im waiting for the big reveal that fluttershy is the doctor just to hit us from left field

[Gaekub]

175140 Saw right through me. Time to rewrite the next five chapters.