• Published 24th Dec 2012
  • 302 Views, 19 Comments

Crazy Times and Rainy Days - Gruekiller



A human woman, trapped in a world of colorful equines, struggles to remain undercover as a pony in the craziest town in Equestria until she can find a way back home.

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Day One: An Inauspicious Start

I was only vaguely aware of what was going on around me. Entire worlds tore past me in an endless, dizzying blur of color and shape. I felt myself hurtling over what felt simultaneously like a staggering distance, and no distance at all. There was everything and nothing, light and darkness—

And then I hit the ground.


I’m not sure how much time passed before I was stirred back to consciousness by the sound of voices clamoring around me. Though my eyes were still closed, I noted absently that I was lying on grass instead of the carpet of my office. Sniffing once or twice, I caught a scent of something burning, and, once again, ozone. Come to think of it, the air around me felt a little hot.

The voices rose in volume – a crowd? - sounding like hushed, frightened whispers. What’s all the fuss about…? I wondered wearily. A moment later, I heard the sound of footsteps pit-patting closer as someone, or two someones, approached me.

There came a voice, presumably the person standing next to my half-conscious form. “Oh my… are you all right, miss?”

I let out a woozy groan, flipping over onto my stomach. Lifting my head to regard whoever was speaking, I blinked blearily, vainly trying to bring my vision into focus. “Hwha-…?” I responded eloquently. Turning my gaze downward for a moment, I noted that the blades of grass upon which I was resting were charred black, apparently radiating outward from where I was lying as if flattened by some kind of blast.

Wherever I was, I certainly wasn’t in my office. The wish I’d absently made what seemed like moments ago came back to my mind: I wish I could just be someplace else. “Oh, fuck you, universe,” I grumbled miserably, feeling nauseous. The smell of smoke and ionized air became just a bit too much for me, prompting me to further make an ass of myself by ralfing all over the ground to a chorus of disgusted groans from whoever was crowded around me.

Another, softer voice came from a yellow-and-pink blur, apparently unperturbed by the technicolor yawn and my un-ladylike language. “O-oh dear, I think she’s hurt… Does she seem hurt to you?” Her voice took on an almost panicked, motherly tone towards the end of the sentence as she worried over me.

“I guess she looks a bit ill,” the nearer, purple blob – the first speaker – conceded skeptically. “But given that she's moving and talking, I'd say she's probably fine.” Blinking several more times, my vision finally came into focus. When at last I got a good look at the people surrounding me, I saw that they were...

Horses.

Small. Colorful. Horses.

Shooting upwards with a panicked gasp, I cast an incredulous eye back and forth. The ‘people’ in the crowd, all of them, were little horses – ponies – of just about every shade of pastel color imaginable, crowding around me on all sides. I had to be dreaming, hallucinating, anything!

Looking again to the two inspecting me in search of confirmation, I found that the purple pony nearest to me had what seemed to be a horn atop her head, and the yellow one had a pair of wings. The former was staring at me with owlish curiosity, and the latter in something that looked like concern.

Stunned into silence for a few moments, it took me some time to manage a stammer. “Y-you’re a… pegasus?” I gestured weakly at the pink-maned, yellow pony.

The pair of ponies shared a slightly confused look for a moment before turning back to me. “Umm,” the quiet, yellow one ventured carefully, “aren’t you a pegasus, too?” She pointed a hoof nervously to my side.

“… Buh?” Again eschewing the effort to find something intelligent-sounding to say, I followed the pink-maned pony’s gaze in confusion.


Wings.

Blue fur.

Hooves.

Sensory overload. Stack overflow in line 0.

Out loud, I sputtered incoherently, before flopping over and returning to the blissful darkness of unconsciousness.


Being awoken by loud talking was becoming a recurring theme, I noticed. A chorus of several voices bantered back and forth in low tones, exacerbating my pounding headache. I pondered for a moment over the meaning of the peculiar nightmare I’d had, wondering whether I should stop drinking before bedtime –

Before remembering that it was all very real, which elicited a pained groan from me. The ponies surrounding me – it sounded like a lot fewer this time – all hushed, realizing I was awake. A prim-and-proper-sounding accent lined the voice of the first to speak to me directly: “Are you awake, dear?”

I pressed myself back against what felt like a pillow to prop myself up, and, against my better judgement, opened my eyes. The first thing I noticed is that I was now indoors, lying on what felt like a sofa or cot. The room I was in had a sort of homey, lived-in sort of nature to it, and resembled nothing so much as a fairy tale cottage. There were plenty of floral decorations, and creme and green seemed to be the predominant shades present. There was a faint aroma which implied that animals lived here, but not the kind of oppressive stench you’d find in a crazy cat lady’s house.

The next thing I noticed were the six ponies arrayed around me.

The two I’d noticed the first time I woke up were both present. The quieter, yellow one, I now found, had wide, turquoise eyes, and pink hair which fell past her shoulders (such as they were) and partially obscured her face.

… Should I say mane? Whatever.

She looked to be a bit shy of me, but the purple unicorn still had the same curious, probing look as before. Clean-cut, indigo hair framed her face, and something about the way she held herself implied someone who spent more than a little bit of time hunched over a good book.

I reflected for only a moment on the fact that, a universe away from home, I could still find fellow nerds.

The pony who had spoken to me seemed to be the white unicorn to the purple one’s left. I could tell that this was someone who cared meticulously for her appearance. Her purple hair was immaculately coiffed, and expensive-looking makeup was applied to her face, particularly around her eyes. This painted a rather stark contrast to the pony to her own left.

The orange pony fit rather well the image of a stereotypical cowgirl, down to the freckles and Stetson. Blonde hair was tied back in a (snerk) ponytail tossed over one shoulder. She regarded me with a level gaze, as if unsure of what to make of me. It was plain just at first sight that this was a working pony, and that by her muscles, she could probably snap me clean in half if the mood struck her. Putting that unpleasant realization aside, I looked to her side, where hovered a light-blue pegasus, with a dazzling, multi-chromatic mane and tail. There seemed to be more than a bit of suspicion in her eye as she stared me down.

I turned my gaze to the last pony in the group. Where the others were sitting still, the vibrant, pink pony was bouncing around, apparently channeling a bunny rabbit on crack. I barely suppressed a shiver of discomfort up my spine - just from the look in her eyes, I could tell she was planning something for me.

“I guess that means yes,” a raspy voice noted dryly. That would be the blue pegasus.

I blinked, coming back to reality. I’d been so caught up in inspecting my captors – err, hosts – that I’d forgotten that one of them had spoken to me. “… Where am I?”

“Well, Fluttershy and I were walking back from the local bakery when you appeared," the purple unicorn supplied helpfully. "After you fainted, she insisted that we bring you back to her cottage and make sure that you were all right." The yellow pegasus, apparently the Fluttershy in question, seemed to withdraw even further, blushing and hiding her face behind her mane.

Keep it together, Emily. No cuteness-induced heart attacks until I've figured out exactly what this place is. I struggled for a moment to get my train of thought back onto its tracks. "No, I mean... where am I?"

"Oh," the unicorn replied flatly, tapping her chin with... a hoof. Jeepers, this was going to take some getting used to. "Well, this is the town of Ponyville. It's just south of the foothills leading up into Canterlot." She turned back to me with an expectant smile, apparently hoping that her explanation would help me.

I met the purple one's gaze with only a blank stare. 'Ponyville'? 'Canterlot'? Seriously? I kept my thoughts to myself, trying to think of some way to respond to that intelligently.

My thoughts were interrupted as the purple unicorn took note of my confusion, a perplexed look on her face. "You're really not from anywhere around here, are you?"

I blinked a moment, before seizing upon the conveniently-supplied explanation. "Uh, yeah. I guess not." I was silent for a moment, another opportunity presenting itself to me. Any hope that this was all just the inevitable onset of my insanity was fading rapidly - but I was probably just going to be labelled 'crazy' by these ponies if I told the truth, any way.

Oh hey, I'm a giant, hairless ape from another world, take me to your leader. That was bound to go over well. Even if I didn't get thrown in the asylum, I was sure I'd end up on a dissection table, instead.

That in mind, completely ignorant of the monumental amounts of trouble in which my plan would get me, I resolved to play the amnesiac.

"Truth be told," I said, a magnificent imitation of an uncertain tremor in my voice, "I really can't seem to remember much." At this, the group shared pondering looks, clearly buying my explanation. Three years of theatre in high school, I thought proudly, giving myself a mental pat on the back.

"I guess incurring memory loss isn't too surprising, given the circumstances," the bookish-looking mare mused. "The level of magical energy you must have been subjected to might have been enough to kill a non-unicorn. By all rights, you should be a smear in the middle of the mane square!"

... Magic?

"But never mind that," she concluded with a nervous laugh upon seeing the mildly disgusted faces the other ponies were making, trying to defuse the tension her statement had unwittingly created. "We're all grateful that you're in one piece."

"You said a magic spell of some kind brought me here...?" I questioned warily.

The resident magic expert, as she seemed to be, gave a nod of affirmation. "That's right. You created a bit of a spectacle, seeing as you appeared in the middle of the day in a gigantic burst of mana."

"Great," I mumbled. Even if I managed to conceal my true identity, I'd probably still be seen as a freak around town. After a further moment's pondering, a thought occurred to me. "If it was a spell, doesn't that mean that someone cast it?" I suddenly felt a little ill at ease.

"Somepony," the purple pony corrected almost automatically, before continuing on, heedless. "That's correct. A long-distance teleportation spell of that grade would have to be cast by a fairly powerful unicorn. I'm sorry to say, but I have no idea who may be responsible." She gave me a sympathetic glance which did little to assuage my concerns.

"Don't worry!" a pink terror cried after apparating an inch or so from my... muzzle. Her grin was very nearly blinding, and I could have sworn I felt a chill run up my spine. "You can bet we'll find a way to get you back home!"

"And to help recover yer memories," the cowpony chimed in with a warm smile.

The purple unicorn nodded, adding, "I can analyse the magical residue and see if I can back-trace it."

"You'd really do all that for me?" I asked with genuine surprise. There was no way that a group of strange creatures I'd just met could be so selfless.

"But of course," the white unicorn added with a smile. "It's only the hospitable thing to do for a guest a long way from home."

Soon, introductions went around. The yellow, winged pony, as I'd previously deduced, was called Fluttershy - quite apt, I noticed as she tried to avoid eye contact with me. Her blue counterpart identified herself boastfully as Rainbow Dash, self-proclaimed 'greatest flier in all of Equestria'. At about this juncture, I began to automatically filter out my mental groans at all the horse puns.

The cowgirl was Applejack, the white-coated one Rarity, and the pink one (who was, frankly, beginning to frighten me with the size of her grin) was Pinkie Pie. The purple unicorn introduced herself last as Twilight Sparkle (here I suppressed another groan), who seemed to take great pride in referring to herself as the prized student of one Princess Celestia, the monarch of this country.

I was caught off-guard by the somewhat inevitable question - "What about you? Can you remember your name?"

"E--" I started, biting my tongue. "Yeah, I suppose I do."

As the group looked on expectantly, I pondered my options. C'mon, Emily. What's the pattern here? Adjective-Noun, Adjective-Noun...

The words came unbidden from my mouth as I seized upon the very first thing to come to mind. "Rainy..." Here I paused. "... Daze?"

What the shit, self?

Unfortunately, the words were out there, and I was stuck being the namesake of my least favorite weather phenomenon. "Well, it's nice to make your acquaintance, Rainy," Twilight said. "I can promise you that until you can go home again, we'll all make you feel welcome here in Ponyville." At this, the other five all gave nods and signs of affirmation - even the previously leery Rainbow Dash, who seemed to have lightened up a little as the conversation went on.

Soon the others departed. It was still early in the afternoon, and they all had their various tasks and jobs to tend to. Fluttershy tentatively agreed to let me stay in her guest room, citing a need to keep my health under surveillance, since I still felt rather faint from my earlier ordeal. Exhausted, I spent the rest of the day in bed, not waking up again until the next morning.

And so ended the first of my many days in Ponyville.