The Sour Grapes Chronicles

by The Incredible Werekitty

Great Expectations, and Unwanted Ones Too

The after-awards celebration was going pretty well. It was nice to finally see her friends get their due, and it did her heart good to watch the Storm-Riders enjoying themselves with the small group of ponies who had come to the ceremony. Twilight’s parents were nice ponies very willing to talk about their daughter, her accomplishments, her flaws, her relationship with her brother in the military. (Grapes had to arch an eyebrow at that one. Twilight never talked about the stallion who was supposedly her “big brother best friend forever”, although in her defence nopony ever did actually ASK about her family relationships and Twilight being Twilight… well, she most likely just forgot to bring up the topic.)

Some members of the other mane six’s families were in attendance. Rarity’s mom and dad where there (Boy did THAT apple fall far from the tree), she had a chance to meet Rainbow Dash’s brothers (they were a little body building centric but their hearts were definitely in the right place) and of course no matter where you went there were Apples present.

At the end of the evening she had found herself a nice quiet table in the corner of the hall and just pony-watched for a bit. She liked just observing how the various ponies interacted with one another. They were from so many walks of life and yet united through the pride of the accomplishments of Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie,Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Rarity. It felt good to be part of this and yet far enough out of the limelight she could afford to be just a little bit antisocial. Still… that statue of that ‘Discord’ irked her. It was hard to stop hating someone like that, and to see him in stone form, unable to move made her wish she had a shovel to dig a very deep hole to drop him into, or concrete to permanently smother his shape in a large stone block or...or...

It was then that a very large and heavy stonemason’s hammer dropped on the table in front of her.

"I think you were wanting something like this earlier, Miss Sour Grapes."

She looked up and saw Basashi... in really sinister-looking green and silver armor... possibly of the leather variety. Basashi was the sort of pony that when he moved, muscles had to move out of the way to make room for other muscles. And it wasn’t even like Bulk Biceps’ kind of musculature. Bisashi was BORN to be huge; he looked like he could shoulder-check even Celestia herself through a wall. But fortunately he wasn’t that sort of pony, in truth he greatly feared Celestia and had not too long ago been imprisoned for snacking on her roses.

"Basashi? Is that you under all of that? Oh wow, it IS you! How have you been?"

"Much better these days, Miss Sour Grapes. After a little more time doing... my time, I was given an option to do some service to the crown to round it all out. And so... here I am." The immensely muscled pony drew himself up his face seemed to darken into a steely humourless expression. "I am now the personal Left Hoof of the Royal Vizier."

"Good for you, Basashi."

"Thank you, Miss Sour Grapes. Thanks to your very kind letter I am now on his Brute Squad."

"Brute Squad, huh?" Grapes asked with a slight smirk. "Any good at rhyming?"

"I haven't tried in a long time. Why do you ask?

"Read The Princess Bride," Grapes smirked. "So you ARE the Brute Squad. But then... You're big enough for two ponies."

He chuckled and nodded. "It's surprisingly easy to be his 'brute'. All I have to do is be kind of the opposite of THOSE guys," he said giving a slight motion of his head to indicate the Royal Guards standing in alcoves around the room. "I look big, bad, and give a snarl, a growl or a sneer and grunt whenever I can use that as a response instead of words. Not all that different than what I was doing as a freerunner and playing to our stereotypes.

"Normally I'd be walking about on my rounds, making the guards feel really... small by just standing next to one for a while but a mutual friend asked me to bring you to him."

"Guaranty?"

"Got it in one, Miss Sour Grapes. Now if you'll kindly look worried as you follow me, I can take you straight to him."

"Right oh. Following you, big guy."

Inside of his big spiky helm his face suddenly got very serious and he somehow made himself look even bigger than before. He grunted, and began moving towards the door, each leg moving to a new position as if it took no less than three to keep his bulk supported. Grapes had to admit, Basashi really was playing the role of the Royal Vizier's Brute to the hilt.

She followed along, admiring the acting job...and the flanks in front of her.

It was funny how everypony instinctively got out of his way. Servants moved to the walls and stayed still when he passed by, and guards... they didn't budge an inch but their eyes tracked him in the same way one would keep an eye on a dangerous predator when you were hiding in their territory. It was more than just his size in action, or his perceived strength and mood. They knew that Basashi was “Guaranty's guy”, and you didn't mess with Guaranty.

Grapes trotted behind the large creature.

He took her down a hallway to what looked like a blind end with a beautiful statue. It was of an alicorn whom she didn't recognise, but the statue style itself she recognised as one of Micro Angle's works (no doubt an original). Bashashi moved over to it, and it moved to one side of its own accord, revealing a flight of stairs leading down into a chamber.

"Nice statue."

"Beautiful, isn’t it?" came a familiar voice from the gloom as they descended into it. "Micro Angle really could eke the most out of marble, could he not?"

"Oh, naturally."

The statue moved back into place above them and now lights began to slowly brighten, filling the darkness and illuminating it until she could see... a rather homey room with a dart board, a pool table, a large card table, a large shelving unit filled with all manner of games and puzzles, and a minibar. Guaranty was at the pool table playing a game of 8-ball against a pony who was keeping her back to her. All in all, this looked like it had more in common with the Bunkhouse Recreational Room than some secret chamber in the palace.

"Hm... I see you've got yourself a nice little stallion cave here."

"Sometimes you need a place away from all of the glamour and elegance where you and some of the other second bananas of nations can go and get some REAL work done," he chuckled sinking a solid. "Many, many agreements have been agreed upon down here over the most casual of pastimes."

"Poker?"

“Sometimes. I have found that a variety of games have often kept it from feeling too much like an inclusive club.” Again, Guaranty sank another solid, and gave her a quirky smile. “Some of us are better at certain games than others. I swear that Medicine Wheel, Chief Thunderhooves’ head shaman, gets his skillful poker playing using his magic. Then again it’s not often a newcomer to the table is so astonishingly good, so that may be my own embarrassment at being ‘taken to the cleaners’ talking.”

“So… you guys gamble about the future of nations, here?” Grapes asked with a smirk.

“Mmm? Oh no! No, we have a strict rule about that down here. Nothing but the most frivolous of items will ever be decided upon by the outcome of a game,” Guaranty said with a derisive snort. “It’s why you will find the border between Griffonia and Equestria marked not only with proper markers but also a very long line of Saskatoon bushes.”

“Saskatoon bushes?”

“Oh yes. Turns out they like the taste of Saskatoons. Go figure.”

“Huh. How about that. So why are we talking about Griffonia?”

“Mmm? Oh yes,” he said, playing his shot and missing, before stepping aside to let his companion play. “Your turn. Ah, well, it could be just me making pleasant conversation or it could be that I have use for one such as yourself, Miss Grapes. Which… would you prefer?”

“Well, since I seem to have the free time, considering my crop’s been turned into raisins, and I would rather be doing something useful rather than sitting around the farm waiting for the magical fallout to be cleaned up, bored to absolute TEARS… nevermind wallowing in self pity and doubt..”

“I think it’s safe to inform you ahead of time that the reason it took a few days to honor the Element Bearers was that there was an emergency summit of the various heads of state surrounding the current… ‘Discord Crisis’.”

“Did you just make quotation marks with your hooves, Guaranty?”

“I’m certain I have no idea what you’re talking about, Miss Grapes. Back on topic, this emergency summit was to discuss the problems we will be experiencing from the chaos magic residue that is currently causing spots of trouble here and there. Even with competent clean-up crews across the world, it will take time to deal with all of the, well, the word that’s being used is ‘fallout’.”

“You did it again.”

“Did not. And so upon a unilateral agreement a new calendrical phenomenon has been brought into being. Every thousand years an extra month of summer comes into being, like a leap year only in a more millennial fashion.”

“A leap eon?” Grapes asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe. So far the working title for it is a Chaos-Year. In short, Sour Grapes… you now have an extra month to… squander while your property and various other locations in Ponyville’s area are cleaned up by a local independant contractor.”

“A local independant… It’s Redline, isn’t it?”

“Oh, you know him?” Guaranty said, watching the other pony sink a striped ball.

“He rents from me. I recently convinced him to cut back his caffeine intake,” Grapes said.

“Ah, good. Then you know him to be a very magically gifted individual who is more than capable of leading the cleanup operation in the region,” Guaranty asserted, before noticing his opponent missed a shot. “Oh, bad luck there, sport.”

The pony stepped aside out of Guaranty’s way while he took a shot sinking a solid into the corner pocket.

“Bravo,” Grapes said with a smirk.

“Thank you. Anyways my… well, let us call a spade a spade, Mister Nopony here is my newest acquisition. He is my first true spy in my information network. He actively goes into regions, assesses problems and then reports back with his findings.”

“Nopony” turned, and with a slight bow of his head, tipped his hat to Sour Grapes… it was only then that she realised that Mister Nopony was lacking something vital… a face. Instead of eyes, a mouth, and nostrils, what was in their place was a sort-of fuzziness that seemed to fail to form any sort of facial topography. The effect was rather unnerving.

“And now I know where the Slendermane story comes from,” Grapes observed wryly while doing her best to keep her skin from crawling at the sight of his blank face.

“Sorry. Sometimes I forget what the effect is like up close,” Nopony chuckled and replaced his hat. “I assure you that I’m not usually this… strange. Just… forgettable.”

“Nopony has the most remarkable talent I have yet to see in any pony,” Guaranty said lining up his next shot. “Utter anonymity. From what I understand, as a child he was teased for his small horn size and wound up doing his best to be unnoticeable to avoid ridicule. This developed into his current talent. I only mention this to you because while there are many things you could ridicule about a pony, you never stoop to something like a pony’s attribute size unless it’s genuinely pertinent. Am I right, Sour Grapes?”

“You just had to bring up attribute size…” Grapes grouched.

“Ah, yes. Your hopeful romantic partner. A good case in point.” The ball was sent into the side pocket and Guaranty looked over at Sour Grapes with a smirk. “Now… Mister Nopony here has been to the Griffon Empire and found something that needs to be rectified. Not a lot really, just some trade issues, but considering all of the political maneuvering that goes on in their government, I feel the best offence is a good defence. You, Miss Sour Grapes, and your astonishingly strong honest streak is the best defence I can think of in this matter.”

“Honest streak? Are you sure you’re speaking to the right pony?” Grapes asked, raising an eyebrow. “After all, my cousin, Applejack, is the bearer of the Element of Honesty…”

“True, but I don’t need somepony who is honest to a fault. I need somepony who is honest but just jaded enough that she won’t assume everypony else is the same.” Guaranty smiled his trademark grin full of sharp yellow teeth at her. “And to be ‘honest’, the Chamberlain will recognise the Element of Honesty a mile away. She’s very well informed.”

“Ooooh. Makes sense,” Grapes said with a nod.

“I should warn you, while a very pleasant griffon, the Royal Chamberlain Golden Wingspan, is very… very… wicked.” He let the words hang in the air for a moment, to impress them upon Sour Grapes. “She just has standards. In her position as the left claw of the emperor himself, she has nearly all the power of the empire at her disposal, but refuses to treat it like some manner of piggy bank to be plundered at a whim. The garbage gets picked up, children go to school, hospitals are staffed with competent healers, paper gets pushed and the trains run on time. They have a high employment rate and a 90% literacy rate. In short… she wants everygriff to know that they owe their impressive standard of living to her.”

“Everygriff? Seriously?”

“As if ‘everypony’ was truly all-encompassing considering how many species are capable of speech.”

“Point taken.”

“So… I can get you on the next train to Maneland which can get you a connecting airship to the border crossing station… don’t worry about your airsickness. You won’t even notice the height unless you deliberately go to a window or over the side. Then from there--”

"Now wait just a Celestia-d​arned minute. I have yet to agree to going on this errand of yours. Shriveled up produce or not, I can’t just run off. I have to supervise things, maintenance to perform, I have farmhooves who need the work and the money that comes with it…” she took a deep breath and mumbled, “Not to mention I can’t knowingly leave Redline unsupervised messing around with my property.”

“Redline will be hiring on your farmhooves as unskilled labour in the decontamination efforts, also I am certain that you can leave a list of basic chores for them to do in maintaining your property.” He paused to lean on his pool cue and arch an eyebrow at the winemaker. “Honestly, Sour Grapes, you make Redline sound like he’s a walking disaster area. Celestia did have him earmarked as a reserve Element Bearer for a reason, you know.”

“That’s because he IS a walking disaster area. He cast the intelligent animation spell on a toaster, and the head of an automaton! And… wait… Element bearer? Redline? There’s an Element of Chaos now?”

“To be honest I doubt there is an Element of Chaos, however, he was scouted out by Princess Celestia as a possible Element of Magic. Then he dropped out of the public eye to raise his sister and so Celestia decided he would be put on the ‘reserve list’. Just in case Twilight Sparkle put Two and Two together and got Twenty-Two instead.”

“Yeah… That is a possibility… Twilight can be a bit… interesting,” Grapes observed.

“Celestia may have spent a thousand years setting up the Harmony Gambit, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t have a few Plan B’s in reserve. Multiple possible bearers, secret groups ready to preserve ponykind in the onset of an eternal night, not to mention me.”

“Well, of course. You can’t exactly put your eggs all in one basket, and hope the one pony you’ve poured your hopes into will actually follow through,” Grapes observed. “Especially a pony who’s as neurotic and obsessed with order and schedules as Twilight.”

“True. Sometimes brilliance has a tradeoff… you see it with Twilight, you see it in Redline. In one of her more candid moments, Celestia did mention that had I been born a little later I could have been a contender for the elements as well. I hardly see that in myself. Fortune favours the beautiful, you know… and my face can stop a clock at thirty paces.”

“You’re not that bad. Also looks aren’t everything. At least not with me,” Grapes observed.

“And yet, the young stallion seems to find something in you worth pursuing.” he said with a chortle. “That reminds me, you should take the Storm Riders with you. Griffons are big on titles and having an honour guard with ‘Royal’ in their job description will impress them. Captain Summer Squall has been there before a decade or two back so he’ll be useful… oh yes, and Earshot will no doubt find the whole thing an education.”

“I don’t suppose I could wrangle the title of ‘Royal Winemaker’...” Grapes asked with a smile.

“I don’t see why not. After all, yours is the first wine that I’ve ever seen the Princess enjoy for the sake of a glass of wine on her patio while reading the next chapter of her favorite novel. I’ll draw up some paperwork to verify… no, I’m lying to you. Impertanance will be the one to draw up the paperwork for that. I’ll be the one to obtain a royal seal that will let Emperor Farsight know you have the Princess’ trust.”

“Have you stallioned up and actually told Impertinence you like her?” Grapes asked with a smirk.

“Ah… moving along. Moving along. We have much to get you ready to go. Many things.”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no,” Grapes said with a chuckle. She turned to leave when something occurred to her. “So… while I’m taking this ‘working vacation’ what will you be doing?”

“We have some border issues with several tribes of Bighorn Sheep in some of our more western mountain ranges. Bashashi and I will be heading there to renegotiate passage agreements, and the harvesting of steel wool.”

Basashi stepped into the light again and Sour Grapes looked up at the new helmet he was wearing. It was a solid-looking western hoofball helmet, bearing the royal crest upon it. There was a moment of knowing there was a reason for this change in headgear if she could just figure out what it was, then she smiled.

“Off to butt heads with the butt-heads. Am I right?”

“Got it in one, Sour Grapes,” Guaranty laughed. “Basashi will handle the physical side of things while I handle the more linguistic negotiations.”

“Well… Some species do need a good knock to the noggin before their ears start working,” Grapes observed with more than a touch of wry. “Though a trip to Griffonia right out of the blue like this.That’s too much, too fast to just… I’m going to go for a walk to consider things, okay?”

Grapes walked outside, her hooves clopping on the paved paths of the castle. This was quite the request that the Vizier had put to her. Going all the way to Griffonia… It was a huge deal, especially going to visit a mostly carnivorous species. Honestly, Sour Grapes was considering stubbornly not going, mainly because Guaranty assumed she’d just… go. Never mind her… more personal concerns. She adored Stormfront, but… She also wanted better for him. Grapes knew she was no fine filly.

Sour Grapes wandered aimlessly around Canterlot, still thinking things through, when she found herself outside the much-vaunted alabaster walls of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. She stared at the walls for a long time, brought face-to-face with “what might have been”. Had things been different, had she a younger Earth Pony sibling, she’d have gone here for her education.

"’Ev'ry so often we long to steal, To the land of what-might-have-been’," Grapes found herself quoting, as she looked up at the school, then turned, and trotted back to the castle, her hooves a little bit lighter. She then sped up, to a fast canter to catch Guaranty before he went to butt heads with the Bighorns.

“All right,” she panted, when she finally returned to Guaranty. “I’ll do it.”

Guaranty blinked, wide-eyed at her a moment at his carriage before setting his expression into a more neutral one.

“That is good news, Sour Grapes. May I ask what brought you to such a sudden and dramatic affirmation of accepting my mission?”

“Simple, really. I didn’t want to look back on this moment, and say to myself: ‘Why didn’t I go?’ It’s an opportunity I wouldn’t normally have, and I should take advantage of it,” Grapes said with a nod.

The pony with the twisted horn smiled and patted her on the back.

“This is marvelous, Sour Grapes. I am proud of you taking this opportunity. Yes, I suppose I had assumed you would out of… I don’t know. Mis-applied sense of duty, blind patriotism, curiosity… take your pick, but the desire to not miss out on such an experience is one of the best possible answers I could ask to hear from you.”

“Well considering I was thinking of being stubborn and not going at all, because I can be a jerk, like that… Speaking of ‘opportunities’... Grow up, and act like a stallion, and not a naughty school-colt,” Grapes added with a smirk. “Anyway, I’ve got to tell the Riders we’re going to be enjoying a longer sabbatical than expected. We DID think to bring quasi-formal yet easy-care outfits for special occasions…”

“Yes, well when you departed I realised that I may have been far too forward in my pre-planning your departure and so I revised them somewhat.” He smiled and looked out over the landscape that lay far below Canterlot. “You may begin your journey from Ponyville. This will allow you to gather what you may see fit to travel in. I have sent ahead a generous quantity of bits to act as your allowance when abroad. Also I asked Rarity to make certain you and your honor-guard are attired in something appropriate. I believe the current descriptor is ‘business casual’.”

“Thank the stars you specified. I don’t do well in fancy-smancy gowns,” Grapes uttered, with an eyeroll. “And that’s EXACTLY what Rarity would have given me.”

“Well Griffonia has different fashion sensibilities than Equestria. No doubt Rarity would have tried to put you in some Equestrian-tainted kimono or perhaps some decorative armor. Her talent is remarkable but sometimes her muse is too enthusiastic.”

“Well I think Neighponese fashion would have been acceptable, the island being between mainland Equestria and Griffonia,” Grapes observed. “Strong warrior tradition, like Griffonia, but mostly ponies, really odd-looking dragons, and a type of hybrid called a kirin.”

“True. But this above all, to thine own self be true. I recommend bringing your ‘good’ vest with the implements. Nothing seems to truly sum up your raison d'être than it can and does.”

“I did bring it. That’s about as formal as I like to get, most days,” Grapes quipped.

“Ah good. But still your journey begins in Ponyville. Your tickets are at the station window and can be used at any time there’s a train to Maneland… which I believe is Stormfront’s hometown. Perhaps he’ll give you a personal tour.” He gave Grapes a wink before turning his attention back to where luggage was being put on the carriage roof. “Your papers will also be waiting for you at home. The special courier has probably reached the halfway point by now and will leave them for you and the others at the Post Office. Say hello to Derpy for me, won’t you?”

“Of course, Guaranty. I’d better get back, before the others start to think I’ve been tossed in the dungeons,” Grapes said with a slightly wan smile, before heading back inside the palace.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Deep in the Canterlot Palace a lone figure trotted with purpose through the halls, although an erratic sort of purpose.

“Blistering Barnacles, how hard can it be to find a watercloset in this place?” Summer Squall cussed under his breath. “I should have just gone outside in the royal gardens like a civilised pony.”

He trotted more urgently along, trying to ignore the pressure in his bladder as he opened door after door in search of a place to relieve himself.

“Figures the one time you genuinely need a Palace Guard to give you directions you can’t find one. Oh! This looks promising.” He pushed on a door that had an image of a pony in brass in the middle, letting him inside of what looked like a large bath chamber. It looked as if it had been years since anypony had used it properly, everything was covered in white dust sheets but there was the comfortingly welcome shape of a commode in the corner. It took about two minutes for Summer Squall to finish putting it to good use but once he was done he was more prepared to let his curiosity get ahold of him.

He pulled the dust covers off of everything one at a time and came to the conclusion that this location was perhaps a guest bath chamber at one point. It had a shower in the corner, sinks, a full armoire full of bath towels all in protective sleeves, a medicine cabinet filled with toiletries and a bathtub large enough for him to swim in. He was about to leave when he noticed a large shape in the corner. One that had a soft light coming from under the covering. Squall knew all about the old adage of cats and curiosity but he was a pony of adventure, and had the scars to prove it. He reached out and with a tug, pulled the covering off revealing… a mirror.

It was large enough for Celestia to see herself in, and the outer frame reminded himself of a large ornate horseshoe. At first he saw nothing unusual about it, then taking another look he realised it wasn’t reflecting the room. Instead was a grayish swirling mist instead of the bath chamber. He took a step forwards, transfixed by the strangeness of it when he realised a shape was also on the other side of the glass. He stepped forwards and saw… someTHING there. It was taller than him, hairless for the most part save a thick batch of white and blue hair on the top of it’s head and some graying stubble on his chin, but it’s shape reminded him of his friend the Kapre. It was dressed in a Shirt and jacket, very much like his, a similar captain’s hat, a pair of those ‘breeches’ about it’s nethers and a good solid pair of boots. Across it’s one shoulder was a large saddle bag-like bag filled with maps and navigational tools.

He stared at it.

It stared at him.

He approached slowly, appraising the creature, and it did the same with him. The two sizing one another up. He realised after a moment that it was… aping his motions as best as a two-legged beast could a four-legged one without getting down to the ground. With more than a little amusement they took the time to move a little more animatedly, turning from left to right to get a better look at one another. Then the Two-legger paused and made a motion with it’s hand, gesturing in a manner that suggesting it was pointing at him. Squall was confused for a moment then focusing at WHERE it was pointing did he realise he was motioning at his Cutie Mark. He smiled at the Two-legger and nodded to it… then the Two-legger did something odd.

It grinned like a monkey and rolled up a sleeve, displaying the image of a large Anchor with wings on his forearm. The exact shape that Summer Squall had on his buttocks. It all came together now, and Summer Squall smiled back at it… in time to hear a gentle but firm *COUGH*. The kind somepony would use to get somepony’s attention.

He turned and saw the disapproving gaze of Celestia in the doorway and he quickly stepped away from the mirror.

“Ah, Princess. Forgive me fer intruding upon yer private bath here. I was in a bad way and got a bit turned around. After takin’ care of business I got a little carried away with me primping and preening there, so to speak.”

She actually sniffed the air, and wrinkling her nose (which he thought was adorable on her) she seemed to relax.

“Ah yes… we can’t fake that sort of usage, can we? I recommend you cut back on the asparagus, Captain Squall.” she then levitated the covers back on each item in turn, leaving the large mirror for last (which he recognised as her way of trying to downplay its importance).

“Yes, Princess,” he agreed straightening his jacket. “I suppose I should be headin’ back to the party. I hear Pinkie Pie is going to shoot off her Party Cannon soon.”

He turned to leave when he heard Celestia’s hooves shift ever so slightly on the marble and her take a breath, as if trying to decide what to say.

“Captain?”

“Aye, Princess?”

“When… When you looked into the mirror…” she said hesitantly. “What was it that you saw?”

Summer Squall thought about it a moment before looking over his shoulder and in a voice dripping with ersatz-innocence answered her.

“Why Celly… What SHOULD I have seen when I look into an old mirror?” he gave her a wink and a more cocky smile than any stallion ever should give to a Princess. “I saw… meself.”

He turned back to the doorway and trotted out, whistling a merry tune, leaving her dumbstruck for a moment… but as he continued down the halls hopefully back to the party, he heard her laugh in the most incredulous manner.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They spent the night at the Dewdrop Inn before heading back into town on the morning train. Other than Queenie having an embarrassing moment when the bartender in the tavern car recognised her, the journey was pretty uneventful. By the time they got back to Ponyville, the Storm-Riders had been brought up to speed on their “mission” to the Griffon Empire and for the most part everypony was fairly enthusiastic.

She made a brief stop at the Ponyville station main window to pick up her tickets for later before the group headed back to the vineyard. She knew that Guaranty was one of those ponies who were “Crazy-prepared” and no doubt she would find almost all the other details involving her trip to be awaiting her no matter where she went. Part of her shuddered at just what Rarity was probably planning for them when she and the others dropped by. Of course there was no time like the present, was there?

No sooner did she enter the Carousel Boutique did the white fashionista seize her and her compatriots and put them all up on raised blocks to be transformed into clothes horses. Sour Grapes herself found a nice beige blouse upon her back with a rather fancy if tasteful, yellow cravat below her chin.

“Oh, Sour Grapes, Darling. How I wish I could go with you,” Rarity gushed as she made rapid-adjustments with an alarming number of magically manipulated pins. “I would simply love to see the fashions of such a different culture as the Griffons. It would no doubt be a VERY inspiring experience. An education in how form and function operate under a different mindset.”

Grapes just stood in the maelstrom of adjustments, trying to keep very still. “Never mind a completely different body type. After all, their wings are bigger, and they do have foreclaws,” she observed.

The seamstress examined a stitch before moving over to where Earshot stood equally stock-still and began trying another white suit on him.

“Oh, of COURSE, darling. Of course. Starting with a different model would very likely start you off on a completely different line of design. I understand that they have a strong militaristic mindset as well, so there could be overtones for that in the upper classes.” She experimentally tucked some shoulder pads into the suit and stood back a moment to examine the effect. “White is definitely your color, Earshot. Still, I think you and your team could benefit from something that suggests you and your teammates are… more team-like than just matching scarves. I’m loathe to give you anything TOO uniform-like, though. A guardspony I once dated told me that they are expressly forbidden to socialise in uniform, for fear somepony might think themselves tough to pick a fight with them, and heaven forbid I should ever squeeze the lot of you into the carnival outfits the Wonderbolts wear. Great for flying and showing off, however forgive me for saying this but… they just aren’t the sort of thing that says ‘Storm Riders’. ”

“Thank Celestia for that,” Squall muttered. “At my age wearing clothing tighter than me skin is more indecent than impressive.”

“Why not something that combines their scarves, with the vests they wear when they’re working for me?” Grapes suggested. “It isn’t too ‘uniformy’, but still suggests that they’re a team.”

Sour Grapes could have sworn that Rarity’s face could have lit up the room with the flash of inspiration that hit her. Instantly the white unicorn had snatched up bolts of cloth the same tan color as their scarves and was moving around the room at breakneck speed trying them on each member.

“Yes! Yes that would be ideal! I can whip up a plethora of vests in just a few hours, and I can stitch each one in turn with thread matching your individual coloring to personalise them. Perhaps name tags on the chest pocket to further the uniform-look.” She paused a moment before calling upstairs. “Sweetie Belle? Would you bring down my box of embroidered patches? I believe I left it behind my swooning couch.”

“Okay, Rarity!” came her sister’s reply and Rarity had to duck rather quickly when Earshot’s wings sprung to attention rather suddenly.

“OH! Earshot, darling. Would you be a dear and please, try not to move while I’m working on your new unit uniform?”

“Sorry, Miss Rarity,” he apologised. “It just… happens at times. I didn’t mean to…”

“It just… oh. How embarassing for you,” Rarity said with a titter of understanding. “It’s all right dear. It happens to all pegasi, I’ll just take advantage of your reaction to make certain your vest won’t restrict you during flight then.” Grapes just whistled innocently, as she waited for Sweetie Belle to return.

The little unicorn came through the curtain with a decent-sized box balanced upon her back. She brought it over to where Rarity was working on Earshot and looked up at him with a twinkle in her green eyes.

“Here you go, Rarity… hi, Earshot.”

“Hello, Sweetie Belle,” he answered, smiling back at her with a bit of a blush.

The box was accepted by Rarity and opened up to show to all present it was filled with what looked like more embroidered patches than all of Celestia’s military could use. She began sorting through them with her magic until she came across some with the Storm-Riders icon upon them.

“Some time ago, back when I first met her, Rainbow Dash had me make some Wonderbolt patches for her so she could pretend to be one of them. Since then I’ve made a hobby of making them for any pony or organisation that struck my fancy. A bit silly but sometimes nothing is quite as fun as just embroidering a little patch. I suppose it’s the ship-in-a-bottle of sewing. Anyways when I saw your scarves I wound up making a few based upon them. I think… I may have enough for this project. YES! Yes I have enough,” Rarity said triumphantly as she held the Storm-Rider ones aloft. “These will complete the look of the vests for you, and your trip to the Griffin Empire will not be held up on account of it.”

"Rarity, any reason this apple is heart-shaped? Or is this a way to show that all Apple produce is 'grown with love'?" Grapes asked, quick to pick out one particular patch.

"Ur... Well. I was trying to come up with a patch that really gets the spirit of Sweet Apple acres. So I suppose my muse was trying to convey that notion,” Rarity explained, but Grapes notices a brief look of "I made it look like a HEART?!" on Rarity's face. “Perhaps... Doctor Crabapple could use it as part of an 'Apple a day' campaign for ponies to eat more healthily?"

"Maybe, but it's already got AJ's name on it," Grapes observed looking the patch over. "All nice and curly, too. You did this one up all fancy-like."

"Well you know me. Once I start fancying up something it's hard to stop," Rarity said, hastily

"Mmhm.. Still enjoying Neighypt, I see," Grapes said to herself

"I have a pincushion full of needles, Sour Grapes and I am unafraid to utilise them,” Rarity said with a reproachful glare

Grapes stiffened. "Okay, point taken. I'll shut up now before you decide to make a counterpoint. Sorry to be such a prick.”

"I swear I should stick a pin in you for that pile of puns, Sour Grapes," Rarity grumbled. "However I suppose one of us had to be the pointmare of such wordplay."

"Now you're just needling me,” Grapes griped. “But it’s good you have those patches ready. I don’t want our trip to the Griffon Empire to be delayed any longer than necessary.”

“Wait… Earshot’s leaving?” Sweetie Belle squeaked in surprise, causing Earshot’s wings to vibrate like a tuning fork in response. “Why would he have to go to the Gibbon Empire?”

“Griffin Empire, darling. Like Rainbow Dash’s estranged friend?” Rarity corrected. “You pulled a Siroccoism.”

“Oh. What did I say?”

“Gibbon. Which is a type of ape or monkey,” Grapes replied.

Sweetie Belle giggled, an act that made Earshot’s ears twitch and a blush enter his cheeks.

“Can you imagine whole land ruled by a monkey-ish people? That would be silly,” The little unicorn pondered “What’s this Griffin land like? They can’t all be as mean as Rainbow Dash’s friend.”

“We’re going to find out soon enough,” Earshot said trying to stay calm and still while Rarity finished his fitting. He was doing fine until Sweetiebelle began nuzzling the night pony’s wings.

“Did you ever notice that Earshot’s wings feel like Velour, Rarity? They’re really soft.”

“Sweetiebelle, do we have to have another talk about personal boundaries?” Rarity said before pausing and gently prodding a wing with a hoof. “Really? Velour? Well now, that’s an interesting comparison. I shall have to make a note of that.”

All the observers tried their best not to react to Earshot’s discomfort but fortunately Rarity noticed and finished up as quickly as she could.

“All done Earshot. Why don’t you go outside and say goodbye to Sweetiebelle and your friends while I continue the fittings for your teammates and Employer. Mmm?”

“Th-thank you Miss Rarity.” he stammered gratefully before he left the room with Sweetie in tow.

“I am tempted to corrupt an adage and say that love is a foal’s game,” Rarity tittered moving over to work on Firestormer’s outfit.

“A foals game?” Grapes asked, raising her eyebrow.

“Well the correct term is Fools Game but seeing a foal’s first crush is so adorable it’s easy to think of it as something… special. Simple. Pure.” Rarity sighed before shaking her head and getting back to work. “That’s not to say that experience doesn’t have it’s place. Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. In my case I’m thinking of leaving the crush I had on Blueblood VERY lost.”

“I agree. But then, better to lose that loser, than to be stuck with him.”

“True enough. On the original topic though, I am confident that it is currently beyond Earshot’s ability to hurt Sweetie Belle’s feelings. I find it difficult to imagine him being the love-em-and-leave-em kind of pony.” She paused, thinking about it before smirking. “At least not right now. He has the potential for it later. I suspect he will grow to be rather handsome.”

“Even then, he’s not that type of colt,” Grapes asserted with a shake of her head.

“So, do remember to keep in touch when abroad. In fact I have some tour books you may wish to take with you. They’ll let you know where some of the best ‘must-see’ tourist traps are.” She paused and giggled excitedly. “And photographs! take lots of photographs! I want a full record of everything. ...I wonder what the Griffonian palace staff are wearing this season?”

“My guess is… feathers and fur?” Firestormer groused while being trussed up with measuring tape.

“Oh hush now, Firestormer. I am in the ‘Zone’ as it were. And aren’t you supposed to be mute right now? Where’s your face-cage?”

“Discord’s meddling sped up the healing process, Rarity.” Firestormer explained. “Guess that’s part of the residue chaos thing. Kinda like why you got a big-flank rock sitting out in your OWCH!”

“We do NOT discuss Tom...ur.. the rock, thank you very much. Now hold still please. We wouldn’t want you to get jabbed again, would we?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Grapes looked amused, and privately glad to not be the center of attention just now.

The rest of the fitting was mercifully short. It helped that Rarity did the group as a whole rather than one at a time. While they promised to not ask about the mysterious boulder in her yard, Sour Grapes did ponder about it… and why part of Rarity’s home/workplace had plywood hammered over one section of it. Possibly she lacked the funds for proper repairs, or the magical might to do so herself. Most likely she had been too busy fussing about her invitation to Canterlot for the awards ceremony that it took second place in her thoughts. Either way, it was possible that it would be fixed by next week by very latest. The repair ponies of Ponyville, long inured to the disasters that happened on a fairly regular basis in the town were just that good. She wondered momentarily if the true export of Ponyville was contractors, then shrugged it off and returned to the farm with the others.

-----------------------------

“Well… might as well get this over with.” Sour Grapes muttered to nopony in particular as she went down the path to the north field where Redline’s home was.

It was actually looking pretty nice. She could tell that Moondust had been busy with her paintbrush, as every rock, stump and root had been given fresh coats of paint, and the path itself now had edging to define it, in the form of two long lines of stones, each one painted vibrant colors. As she approached the small ranch-styled home she had built for Redline and Moondust she began to become aware of the massive clockwork contraption looming off to the side of the big shed that served as Redline’s workshop.

To call it strange was an understatement. It almost defied architecture like an M.C. Eicher drawing. It however stood dormant even as a unicorn in a Haz-Mat suit pointed the business end of a thaumometer at its base. He examined the results then looked up to take notice of her and trotted over close enough for her to see Redline’s face behind the protective faceplate.

“Oh, hello, Miss Grapes. What brings you to this end of the property?”

“You’re going to be cleaning things up, I hear?” Grapes asked. “Thought I should let you know I’m going on a trip to get out of your mane while you’re doing so…”

“Oh. Thank you for the heads up,” he said removing the helmet and giving his scarlet mane a shake. “Yeah, I was kinda surprised when I got a royal request to help deal with residue chaos magic in the area. I mean I know I did my first-year thesis on it but seriously… A royal commission is something big to put on my resumé.”

“Oh, of course. That would make Moondust VERY proud of her big brother.”

“I know.” He said with a smile. “I have been provided with a modest stipend for materials and quite a bit of freedom to hire on help. I hope you don’t mind me employing your farmhooves while you’re away. And I managed to find a few ponies in the region who have the letters to their name to understand what I’m doing. I had no idea that the hermit who lives way outside of town is a CSFGU alumnus.”

Sour Grapes thought for a moment. “The hermit who liv… wait, him, really? Oh, he certainly doesn’t flaunt it. Well, except for his cutie mark. Not many algebra-based cutie marks out there… and just so you know,” she glared lightly at Redline, “he’s NOT a hermit. He just has a different schedule than the rest of us. And from what I hear from Applejack, he’s a good friend of Big Macintosh, too. That’s probably why he decided to help out in cleaning the farm...”

“He is? Okay, my mistake. Anyways, although Chaos-Magic theory was still pretty young when he got his degree it’s still good to have somepony who can double-check my calculations so I don’t mess this up. But all in all, things are looking up.”

“Good thing for you, I would presume. ANYway, about that rather surprisingly nice unicorn couple I have working for me…” Grapes added seemingly at random. “They seem to be related to you.”

He was silent a moment then hung his head with a heavy sigh.

“They’re my Mom and Dad. The ones who are running from the law right now.”

“Were running from the law,” Grapes corrected. “I think they ended up paying their debt… Hence the need to work at my vineyard. They also seemed to want to… reconnect with the son and daughter they foolishly threw away in their haste to avoid the tax mare.”

“I know… and I am very grateful that they took care of Moondust while I was… on one of my ‘ozone expeditions’,” he said looking back at the monolithic contraption. “I still have so much anger right now but, at least I know there’s something in them that may be worth… worth… well ‘reconnecting’ was a good word for it, I’ll use that.”

“Good to know. They’ll be good for foal-sitting Moondust while you’re cleaning up,” Grapes observed. “Anyway, we’ve got to pack for our trip. I thought you’d like to know.”

“Thank you. I certainly have my work cut out for me. The effects are few and far between but still very strange. Applejack has been pressuring me to clear her orchard first. She says no pony warned Big Macintosh when he went applebucking and round up looking like he lost a fight with a gang of toughs,” he chuckled. “I shouldn’t laugh, I really shouldn’t but in my mind I can almost hear the xylophone-like sound of all those coconuts falling on him.”

Grapes chuckled, shaking her head. “Poor Mac. At least all I got was raisins,” she said.

“I should have those back to plump and juicy grapes by the time you come back. You’ll have to be the one to inform me if they are up to par though. I’m a genius, not an agrarian.” He again gave a wary look back to the contraption in the yard. “And I know I’ll feel a lot better when I know what THAT thing does. All I know is that it’s real, and not just something Discord whipped up. The parts are all from the dump but real work went into it… I just… I just wasn’t in a stable frame of mind when I built it.”

“No kidding,” Grapes uttered.

“I’m not really sure I like thinking about the experience all that much,” Redline said, checking the readouts on the thaumometer before putting it into the suit’s saddle bags. “It wasn’t so much that he ‘discorded’ me, or even that he did it in a way that reflected on my caffeine addiction. It’s… I only know one definite thing about being like that.”

“Oh dear. What would that be?” Grapes asked apprehensively.

“I liked it.”

He quietly bowed his head and shuffled his way back to his home, leaving Grapes to ponder his last words.

“Thank you, you mish-mash monstrosity, you’ve probably did the most to make Redline completely and utterly backslide,” Grapes grumbled to herself. “Maybe it’s a good thing his parents came back.” She trotted back to the farm to continue packing when she was unexpectedly intercepted.

"He's GONE! He's GONE, Sour Grapes!" Queenie uttered, shaking Grapes in her frantic agitation. “I was just in Dusty’s room to get his lazy bones out of bed when I discovered both Dusty and his personal effects are missing!”

"You don't seem happy about it," Grapes observed.

"It's just so... sudden. Rather left us in the lurch, as it were," Queenie uttered, gesturing toward the vineyard.

"How so? We're not exactly going to be, you know, present," Grapes said with a shrug.

"Well yes, but we didn't KNOW that until a few hours ago. Did we?"

"Yesterday," Grapes corrected.

Queenie sighed and looked at Grapes with half a smile. "Look. I admit that I was finally getting used to him. I can't say I wasn't still angry just... it was getting too hard to stay angry at him."

"I think he went to find himself," Grapes observed. "He'll be back when he has," Grapes said, with a shrug. "Firestormer, Thistledown, and Squall all reported that Dusty was being a major depressor or was majorly depressed... Something like that, and they were helping him with it."

"Really? I didn't realise he was feeling that low," Queenie said furrowing her brow. "I hope he'll find some manner of peace, wherever it is he's gone then... and maybe that he drop us a line now and again."

"Oh he'll be back," Grapes said with assurance.

"OH? I mean... Oh? That is good, then."

"... You'd rather he not?" Grapes asked snarkily.

"Well... I never said that. Just... good he'll be coming back. He's one of the few family members you can stand, is he not?"

"True. He is," Grapes said with a nod.

"Then so long as he's safe I will be happy for you."

"You know... There is another reason why he'll be back."

"There is?" Queenie asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah. There's this mare he's utterly besotted with," Grapes said with a sidelong glance at Queenie.

"Oh... really? How... interesting."

"He even found a way to tell her that he loved her without her noticing it."

"That's... rather sweet. Isn't it?" Queenie said hesitantly.

"She didn't even notice, even after she read the book," Grapes said with a snigger. "'Every time you said “Farm boy do this” you thought I was answering “As you wish”, but that's only because you were hearing wrong'."

"That... That's so... sweet," Queenie mumbled before getting up. "I have to... do... things."

"Things?" Grapes asked.

"Yes. Yes, things."

“What kind of ‘things’?” Grapes asked.

“Oh you know… thingy things of a thingy variety. Those sort of things.”

“Well that was perfectly vague,” Grapes laughed. “Do you want to try to be even more obscure or do you think you’ve achieved the clarity of mud?”

“I’m certain I can be more obtuse if I put my mind to it,” she said quietly. “Look, we’re about to head out on a major journey and we each have a laundry list of thing… tasks to perform. Clothes to choose, luggage to pack, and in your case I recommend a trip to the druggist for some stomach settler for your airsickness.”

“Good point. Just don’t go bonking your head against the wall,” Grapes said, with a slight smirk. “Now… Airsickness medicine. Good idea… Though I will be good if I don’t go near any windows… Still good to have. Maybe some train snacks, airship snacks, more train snacks…”

Comments

[i_am_the_jam]

Gonna be a long trip...

[SageBrony07]

Glad to see your back. Nice new arc. I wonder how things will end in the Griffon empire. I loved the little Sweetie, Earshot romance. Thanks for a good chapter. It made me smile. Also it looks like Grapes will be getting her vineyard back by the end of this trip.

[moguera]

Regardless of description, I couldn't help but think of this guy
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/popeye/images/3/3b/Oh_Popeye.png/revision/20141228234731
when Squall was looking at himself in the mirror.

[The Incredible Werekitty]

5944498 Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy. :3

[Sidetrack]

Wait, what? I'm caught up? Well,Buck. Now I gotta wait like everypony else.

[The Incredible Werekitty]

5953146 Well since they don't exactly have the Bible, there, it has to be a quote from a wise stallion, instead.

[Sylvian]

I am enjoying this so far.

And, seriously, AJ and Rarity dancing around their feelings is almost physically painful, as is Queenie and Dusty's dancing around their own feelings. Though I think the Navy will do good for Dancer, it is after-all actually a tradition in the British Isles to do some form of Military Service for titled nobility. Perhaps when he returns, he and Queenie will get along a little better.

[Abel DuStable]

5737846

Well he DID dress up as the pony version for Nightmare Night.