Prey
Chapter 4
Prey
A pair of midnight-blue eyes snapped open in frustration, their winged mistress sitting up as she rubbed a hood against her forehead. Luna had pushed her mind to its limits as she tried to 'Hack' her way into the slippery dreamscape she had discovered, ultimately failing in the end.
"We may have had a chance if they hadn't woken up so soon."
Nopony was there to listen, and they wouldn't even understand what the heck she was talking about, but she felt that she could save a bit of her pride by reassuring herself with that one statement. In all reality, she highly doubted she would have been able to break into that specific dream realm, even if she were to have put all night into trying.
"Bah! Tis a problem we will face another day."
After slapping herself for slipping back into her old speaking dialect again, she thoroughly hated how weird it made her sound compared with the new way of speaking, Luna stood from her velvety mahogany bed, stretching in a cat-like fashion as she tried to pop the few kinks in her back. With various satisfying crunches, the night alicorn's body lost its tenseness, making her feel perfectly comfortable as she hopped out of bed.
The goddess of the night trotted over to her spacious closet, ignoring the overwhelming choices of dresses that a certain designer in Ponyville had made for her to use at special occasions, and instead picked out her royal regalia. The metal necklace felt cool against her skin, similar to the glass slippers she had on, whose clink was muffled by the carpet coating the room's floor as Luna made for her bedroom's door.
The hall in which Luna's room was situated was empty at the moment, aside from the lunar goddess herself, the decorative statues, and the waxing moon right outside the windows. Luna sighed, at times she wished that the night were a time in which more ponies would go about their jobs, but she understood that sleep was a necessity. Besides, she was content with knowing that various ponies now partook in activities that were more celebrated during the night, like clubbing for example.
The thought of clubbing made Luna's thoughts wander over to the 'Party' category, and she suddenly remembered what was going on in most places across Equestria on that night.
"Nightmare Night, yes, just what I need to get some of this horrible work stress off of my system." the dark alicorn hopped onto one of the broad windowsills, flapping her wings a little to prepare for flight, "Perhaps I'll visit my subjects at Ponyville, like good old times."
Just as she was about to blast off into the night, the grey mare that took the role of her accountant called out to her from down the hallway.
"Princess Luna, please wait!"
The lunar goddess folded her wings back at her sides, jumped down from the window she had perched herself upon, and turned to face the employee. She spoke with a voice that seemed as cool as the night's breeze, and as smooth as the slate the stars were painted upon, hiding the annoyance she had at the interruption.
"What is it that you require from us, Miss Quill?" Luna disliked the bow that was given to her as she mentioned the mares name, it reminded her that she would never get the chance to walk among the ponies of Equestria as a everyday individual, instead of being cursed to live a life full of useless formalities.
"Sergeant Nightlock has sent for your appearance at the Northern Tower, he has news about the latest scout patrol sent to the northern border." the night god lit up slightly at the newest bit of information that had become available for her, she had been waiting for the report of her northern patrols for the past month, and she was eager to put a close to that part of her personal investigation.
"Thank you for informing us of this, Miss Quill, you may report back to your usual post." with a small, unwanted bow, the accountant left the princess' presence.
'It seems like the ponies of Ponyville will have to spend this year without our appearance at the festivities.'
Luna would have chosen to celebrate the special night with her friends, the only ones who could make her feel 'Normal', even if only for a couple of hours, but the news that awaited her was of the highest priorities to her. The dark alicorn spoke to herself as she briskly trotted towards the northern sector of the castle.
"Perhaps they've finally found her."
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Twilight's body shook as she attempted to stand on her shaky legs, straining at what little wind was left within her lungs. The beast she was pitted against had just lashed at her with its tail again a few moments prior, adding to the collection of bruises forming on her body. Her injuries were barely visible behind her dark lavender coat, but that didn't mean that they hurt any less.
With a deafening roar that reverberated off of the cave's walls, the velocidrome that had stalked her to the chamber she was in put its long legs to work and charged at the unicorn it was facing. Adrenaline flooded through Twilight's veins as she jumped out of the collision course the lizard-like beast had set, barely managing to roll away from her offender. The unicorn mare found herself hiding behind a partially large boulder as she tried to salvage any of the mangled thoughts running wildly through her head.
'You're not going to be able to outrun this one, Twilight.' Potential's voice finally made an appearance since the attack began, but she was saying the last thing Twilight wanted to admit to herself.
"I know, I know! I'm running out of options!" the carnivorous lizard finished the failed charge, and turned towards the source of the commotion that his highly developed ears could pick up.
'Fight it off, just hurt it enough for it to run away.' after Potential stated the obvious final resort, Twilight looked down to her hooves and found that various stones had managed to chip off from the boulder she was hiding against. Just as she levitated up the solid rocks, the velocidrome jumped over the boulder being used as her cover, turning its head to glare at the lavender mare.
Twilight found herself locking eyes with the predator standing a few feet away from her, amethyst clashing with gold in a battle of intimidation that was being dominated by the larger creature. The velocidrome let lose another one of its trademarked screeches, but this one only went on for about two seconds before a cold stone was shoved into his mouth by a purple aurora, effectively silencing him. Another rock was fired at his face, smashing against the red crest that adorned him as the leader of the velociprey pack, followed shortly after by many more. When Twilight's barrage of stones ran out, the top predator crushed the rock in its mouth with its jaw, spitting out the pebbles that had formed within his orifice.
The unicorn mare began to back away, not liking the sinister grin that grew on the predator's face. She was running out of both options and ideas. Without materials to work with, defensive or offensive spells to cast, or a way out, Twilight was useless in a physical battle against the natural born killer. She had only enough time to realize that the velocidrome was crouching down before it lunged into the air, reaching a height only achievable with legs that had undergone evolution over millions of years to perfect their structure. She had even less time to realize the trajectory of his jump path, learning only after the full weight of the predator came crashing down upon her.
No wind found itself in Twilight's lungs as she writhed in pain under the velocidrome's claw, which was pressed against her chest, keeping her pinned to the ground under the giant carnivorous leader. Her heart stopped as his crested head craned down and gave her an experimental lick on the face, giving her the feeling that this wasn't exactly one of the hunters in the group.
No females in the velociprey species meant that they had very limited numbers, barely surviving on the meat they could gather from their ecosystem. But, out of every five or so velocidromes, one of them was born different than the rest. This special velocidrome is born with the uncanny ability to reproduce with anything of the female gender as long as it can hold the egg within its body, and he had such a candidate writhing under his claw.
Twilight felt a alien warmth on her belly, her heart catching in her throat as she got an idea in her head,but saw only the malicious grin of the velocidrome as she attempted to look down. Her right eye twitched as the foreign heat pushed against her stomach, pulled back afterwards, and repeated the cycle.
'Twilight, what are you doing!? Fight back! Struggle!'
The unicorn simply stared blankly as the carnivore on top of her began to move its body back, while still keeping her pinned to the floor with its claw, positioning itself better for its job. There was a break in Twilight's mask of blankness as the horrifying heat brushed past its target, missing by no more than a couple of inches.
'Twilight! Run! Listen to me you have to get out from there and run aw..'
Make it pay. Make it cry out in pain. Make it beg for mercy.
The velocidrome almost burst his vocal chords as the mare under him released a buck that would have made Applejack's jaw hit the ground, hitting him right between his legs. The alpha backed away a couple of steps, releasing the unicorn from his grip.
Twilight was gone, there was nothing left in the unicorn's mind at the moment that even resembled the friendship-loving mare that the world believed to be dead. No, this was a horned, lavender creature that had a static expression on its face, yet managed to exude anger, hate, and a fair share of malevolent intent into the environment surrounding it.
First, we take his sense of dominance
The pony lowered her head mechanically towards the recovering velocidrome, planning out her move before charging horn-first at her opponent. The predator had only just recovered from the mare's attack before he received a horn-assisted tackle straight to the chest, hearing a couple of ribs crack as the momentum the unicorn had carried with her transferred onto him.
A brilliant red flash enveloped the vicinity of the cave, blinding the velocidrome for a couple of seconds before he opened his eyes to find that he was alone in the chamber. He wasn't sure whether he should have felt relieved that the mare was gone, or annoyed that a perfectly capable mate escaped. It didn't matter though, because an intense pain in the back of his skull told him that he wasn't alone in the cave yet.
No, he wasn't lucky enough to save himself from the recently teleported mare, not lucky enough to avoid the flying buck she had swiftly delivered to the back of his head. The beast fell face-first into the ground, smashing has head against the cold stone floor. He wished he could just wallow there on the ground for the rest of the night, it was a wish that wouldn't come true.
Twilight, still falling from her teleport-aided assault, aimed her legs at the velocidrome's skull again as she fell towards him. She heard the, strangely satisfying, crunch of the bone, along with a couple of teeth, smashing from the blunt force inflicted. The mare walked off of the huddled heap of carnivore that once had her on her back, opting to stand a couple of feet in front of it as it stood to its great size. With a battered head, the velocidrome let loose a faltering bark at the mare. He scraped one of his legs against the ground, signaling that he was about to charge again. He didn't like the idea of being beaten by a simple pony, and it was that very stubbornness that caused him to use the battle tactic that had failed him so many times in the past.
Next, we take his pride
Twilight turned tail and ran in time with the velocidrome's charge, heading towards one of the cave's walls. The carnivorous creature screeched to a halt as he came within no more than a couple of feet from the wall, not wanting to bash his head any further than it already was. The lavender mare, however, continued to run towards the wall at full speed, not stopping for anything.
The velocidrome's jaw gaped as he watched the unicorn run up the wall with nothing but her bare hooves. He craned his neck backwards as she propelled herself from the stone wall, through the air, and onto his back, catching him by completely by surprise.
Twilight endured the wild thrashes that the velocidrome began to give off as soon as she jumped onto his back, he clearly didn't want her anywhere near his precious skull anytime soon. His cold blood froze completely as he felt a pair of diabolical hooves grip his precious crest, the one thing that made him special, other than the freakish size, and begin to pull.
The violent movements increased tenfold as Twilight began to tug on the scarlet crescent between her hooves. The mare could feel the smooth object between her hooves begin to give way, small cracks appearing between the beast's head and the red ornament.
With a sickening snap, the precious red crest snapped off of the predator's head. The very sound of that happening made his eyes shrink to pinpricks, and his breath to catch in his throat. Twilight felt the velocidrome under her seize up entirely for a couple of seconds before she jumped off, still holding the valued red crest in her hooves.
The predator fell onto his side, staring at nothing in particular as he thought of what he had just lost. Without his crescent edge, he looked like nothing more than a over-sized velociprey, and he would be treated as such if he were ever to return to his pack. The red crescent that once adorned his head was his key to being the leader of his kind, and now he was nothing without it...nothing.
Now, we take his blood
Twilight didn't know what she was listening to. She wasn't sure if they were her own thoughts, Potential's advice, or if she had finally gone insane under the pressure she was subjected to whilst being beaten by the creature that now lay at her hooves. All she knew was that she had a path to follow, and she was going to follow it.
A stab of pain formed in Twilight's mouth, causing her to flinch her head back from the sudden sensation. It was a feeling that lasted no more than three seconds before it was washed away by the mare's subdued mind, and the adrenaline still lingering in her system. She somehow ended up in another stare-off with the fallen velocidrome, glaring at him as he lay on the floor. But something was off, she felt her orifice begin to tingle, and her throat went dry.
Thirsty...that was what she felt as she looked at the beast under before her.
The velocidrome stared into the eyes of the unicorn that had bested him, finding himself unable to look away from the red orbs that stared back at him. His cold blood nearly turned to ice as the slowly narrowing eyes moved their slitted pupils away from the intense gaze-lock they had shared, and settled onto his neck.
Thump-thump...thump-thump...thump-tump
Twilight could hear it all, the shallow breathing the creature gave off, her own hearty breaths, but, most importantly, the steady heartbeat of the predator near her. She unconsciously licked her lips as she began to trot closer to the fallen beast, never letting her vision stray away from the exposed neck before her.
The lavender unicorn felt her mouth open slightly, unsure what it was that was happening, and began lean towards the velocidrome's body. Her heart fluttered with excitement for some reason as her soft lips pressed against the exposed neck of the hunter, said excitement increasing as her teeth began to lightly prod at the flesh between them.
To say that Twilight was confused would be a major understatement, but she couldn't do anything as she was stuck in her trance-like state, only feeling whatever her body did. She felt the skin break against some of her teeth, allowing some of the cool blood to trickle out of the predator's body and into her mouth. Her eyes drifted closed as she suckled on the cut skin, licking at it to let more of the succulent fluid into her awaiting throat
If Twilight was confused at the moment, then the velocidrome's mind was screwed up in every way possible. One, he was just beaten to a pulp by some random purple pony he found in the forest. Two, said pony didn't run off after beating him into the ground. Three, the creepiest fact of all, that she was drinking from his neck as if he were some sort of twisted water fountain. He wanted to run, he wanted to go home to his nest and cry from the mental trauma he was enduring, but he couldn't move. He literally couldn't move ever since he stared into his 'Prey's' red eyes, as if he was paralyzed on the floor and was nothing more than a blood bag for the unicorn.
Twilight pulled away after about five minutes, gasping at the realization of what exactly she had just done. As much as she didn't want to admit it to herself, she had just drained the velocidrome of its blood, and she had enjoyed every second of it. Even if she had wanted to stop herself, Twilight couldn't have. Her motor controls were all lost to her for the duration of the battle, only returning to her once she had robbed the lizard-like predator of his blood supply to feed herself.
Her eyes, which had reverted to their vibrant amethyst color, scanned the creature before her, and she let loose a content sigh as she saw that he still maintained a steady breathing pattern. The physical abuse, mental warfare, and the lack of blood all caused the velocidrome to slip into unconsciousness, where his dreams were plagued by a lavender monster that would stalk him through the forest.
One detail that intrigued Twilight was that the blue creature had two little holes in his neck, but they disappeared shortly after they had been discovered by the mare. The unicorn got an idea in her head on what could have left the incisions there, but it was a ridiculous one that she highly doubted.
Twilight pushed her tongue past her lips, moving it to the left until it reached the corner of her mouth. Well, it would have reached the corner of her mouth if it hadn't been obstructed by something smooth blocking its way. The mare's heartbeat sped up as she tried the opposite side of her mouth, meeting similar results as the left side.
With a start, Twilight ran to a small puddle of water that had seeped in through the cavern's walls, and what she saw inside was yet another change to her physical form, albeit a lot more noticeable. There, just poking out of her mouth and sitting against her lips, were two gleaming fangs that glimmered in the artificial light that Twilight had set up. Her bruises were nowhere to be seen, only the unharmed tissue that she usually had.
'Wow! When did you get those!?' Potential's voice startled the jumpy unicorn with its sudden appearance, barely having been heard since Twilight had woken up from her memory-inducing dream.
"Where have you been!? Did you know that I was nearly raped!?" Twilight blinked after she spoke, the teeth weren't obstructing her speech at all, but her voice sounded...huskier. It was a change so subtle that she doubted anyone else would realize it, but it was there, and it made so many more questions pop up.
'Hey, don't blame me! I don't know what happened, all I remember was trying to get you to run away from under the velocidrome before I 'Blacked out', so to speak. What in Equestria happened to you?'
"I...I hurt him, very badly." Twilight turned towards the huddling mass of carnivore that once intimidated her, finally giving Potential a good idea on what exactly went down in her absence, but she wanted details.
'My god! How the hell did you pull that off!?'
"I don't know, Potential, I just did. I just followed my instincts on what to do, and I ended up beating it until it fell unconscious."
'Damn...that's so freakin' awesome. But what's with the fangs, they make you look like some kind of wolf.'
"I have no idea regarding how I got these, perhaps I already had them and I hadn't noticed before. Wolf teeth are actually a common dental problem among equines, in fact." Twilight desperately wanted her fangs to be nothing more than a dental condition, just a mistake that she could clean up, but that still didn't explain her final act towards the sleeping velocidrome, or why she liked it so much.
'Well you could ask Colgate to give them a check-up when we get back home. How about we start moving before meat-breath over there wakes up?'
"That'd be best, the sooner we reach civilization, the better." Twilight didn't inform her mental companion on the fact that she had drained the velocidrome of its blood out of fear that Potential would think less of her for it. She planned on telling her, but decided that it would be best to gather further information on the subject before actually approaching it.
Before stepping out into the young night's light, Twilight trotted over to the slumbering velocidrome, the red crest she had cracked off levitating at her side. The unicorn levitated the crescent to the top of creature's head, pasting it back on with a simple melding spell. It was the least she could do to make herself feel better after beating the living crud out of the poor creature, and she unknowingly saved him from a lifetime of humiliation and depression.
'Ready Twilight?'
"Ready."
______________________________________________________________________
Luna smashed her hoof against the table that housed the latest report from her sergeant, nearly splitting it in half from the sheer force of the contact. Her scouts had not only not found the pony she was looking for, but had also been assaulted in a ambush, leaving them out of commission for a couple of months.
"I'm sorry that the search parties returned fruitless, your majesty." Nightlock spoke from across the conference table that had just been punched by a frustrated princess, sympathy deep in his voice as he tried to calm his ruler.
"Tis not you at fault, Sargent Nightlock, we should have foreseen that the search would prove to be useless at this stage." Luna simply sighed as she noticed that she had slipped in her speaking pattern again, clearly in no mood to do much to correct herself.
"Why don't you try to attend the festivities of your night, my princess, it could help you keep your mind away from this for a while?" Nightlock was the only guard that could say that he interacted with the night princess when the job didn't force him to.
"No, we doubt that we would be able to enjoy ourselves at the Nightmare Night celebrations being hosted with our current state of mind, and we wouldn't want to ruin the setting everypony else has set up. We will simply return to our chambers for the remainder of our free time, have a good Nightmare Night, Sargent Nightlock."
"You too princess, you too."
Luna flew out through a open window in the hallway, choosing to use her wings to reach her room. The cool wind blew past her as she dashed through the night sky, soothing away some of the tension of the day with the gentle breeze. After much delay, the night goddess landed on the balcony that lead into her bedroom chamber, not even locking the door as she ran inside and jumped onto her bed. A sad frown grew on her face, but determination was clear in her celestially blue eyes.
"Just because we didn't find you today doesn't mean that our search has ended, we will find you, no matter the cost."
______________________________________________________________________
'Would it kill anypony to carve a path through the Everfree one of these days.'
"Most likely, you know how dangerous it is around here."
Twilight's horn lit up the area around her as it pushed aside the foliage blocking her path home. Using the location of the celestial orb in the sky, Twilight was able to find a relative location to Ponyville, and she had been walking nonstop ever since. Her thoughts lingered on her battle with the velocidrome, on the way she had used it as a food source, the way she had become the predator for once. It sickened her to the core that a grin grew on her face as she thought about herself as the dominant creature in physical power, but it just wouldn't leave her face.
'What's with the smile, huh?' Potential and her ever nosy nature had picked up on Twilight's facial features somehow, but her comment (thankfully) made it disappear from existence.
"I'm just glad we finally get to go home, and hopefully we can get some answers as to why I was inside a coffin." It wasn't a lie, it simply wasn't the full truth.
The journey through the forest lasted a couple of hours, if the moon was any indication, but the night was still early by the time the duo spotted lights in the distance. The forest around Twilight began to thin away the closer that she got to the lights until it was nothing more than a grassy plain. The lavender mare finally saw her home, and it was a sight that brought a tear of happiness to her eye.
The small town had grown from what Twilight could tell, many residential buildings having been constructed in the outskirts of town, and the amount of light emanating from the not-so-small town lit up the night sky. What really caught her attention though was that the buildings were decorated with novelty bats, spiders, and snakes that made the atmosphere creepy. Ponies of all shapes and sizes walked around in costumes of great variety, none of them noticing the mare that was slowly approaching town.
'Nightmare Night, look at our luck, something good for once.'
"How is this good, aside from the fact that its a party."
'Now we can blend in with the crowd by using your creepy new fangs, it'll be as if we were just any other pony.'
"Well, that could work, but it's a bit risky. What if they recognize me, I don't want all of the attention right now."
'You've dealt with much tougher things today, just go through with it. You'll be fine, I promise.'
With a silent nod, Twilight continued to move ever closer to the town. Just as she was going to enter the field of vision of a group of ponies, her entire body stopped all of its movement.
'Twilight? Why did you stop come on we have to keep mov...'
We must not be seen, move silently atop the roofs
Twilight sprung to action, ducking into a dark alleyway as a group of foals passed by were she originally stood. Next, the mare jumped onto one of the walls, and then used that wall as a launching pad to launch herself to the opposite side, repeating the cycle to effectively 'Wall jump' her way to the top of the buildings.
The silent mare looked out over the town, watching each and every individual move through the decorated streets in search of candy, and in a test of bravery. Her directive was still clear, so her slitted scarlet eyes focused on a building near the town's center.
With a path planned out Twilight jumped down from the rooftop she was on, landing on a different building, and repeated this for various times. Her billowing mane came to a stop as her body did the same, her sprint across the rooftops had gone uninterrupted until she came across a peculiar group of ponies. She watched from the shadows as a female zebra told stories to the young foals of the town, whose attention was focused solely on every word that left her lips.
Twilight shook her head before she got too interested in the zebra's tales of monsters and ghosts, instead opting to continue her prowl through the village's rooftops. The wind whistled as she made her way through the buildings of Ponyville, never stopping her movements towards the town's center, which was oddly devoid of anypony trotting around in a silly costume.
A cloud of dust rose into the air as Twilight jumped off of a three story building, landing without so much as a scratch on her body, defying the very rules of nature that a pony was supposed to abide by. She didn't care that she was doing the un-explainable at the moment, she only cared about completing her objective, and she was very close.
Twilight found herself in front of a heavy oak door, one that she had longed to see ever since she remembered about it. Her hoof rose on its own accord and knocked against the wooden entrance three times. She heard multiple objects hit the floor, followed by a loud groan of annoyance. After a few seconds, the only resident of the building began to walk towards the door, rubbing a sore spot on his head as he opened the door.
The resident's greeting died in his throat as he took into account who the pony knocking at his door was. His mouth hung open as the lavender mare gave a smile that fully displayed her new fangs, and he nearly fainted as she spoke to him in a voice that he believed he would never hear again.
"Hi Spike."
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Hello, dear reader, did you enjoy the extended delay...because a sure as hell DIDN'T! What the hell people! First, I get slapped with school projects, then, no internet, and finally I get stuck with the flu. Sorry, bu life hates the living, and now I ask you to forgive me and correct my mistakes in this chapter because a editor would delay this even more!
you're back! Huzzah! Sorry to hear that you've been under the weather, hope you're feeling better! I feel your pain regarding school, I just finished my last final yesterday. Oh, and before I forget, awesome chapter!
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Thanks, yeah waiting on chapters sucks big time, but now I'm back to writing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go feed the readers on the Familiar Embrace story.
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ill see you there
I know that no amount of apologies or reparations could ever possibly make up for the crime I've just committed. I instead ask the jury, what would they do? If they were in my position, without any suitable clip to use, would they, too, stoop so low? Well, my so-called 'peers', would you?
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*GASP*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Ok Twilight definitely escaped the first enemy ambush. sweetness.
also she showed that velociprey who was boss.
cheers
1813538 i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/232/114/e39.png
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theres a trailer about me!?
1813478 Mistakes you say?
A pair of midnight-blue snapped open in frustration
because a intense pain in the back
He scraped his one of his legs
You've deal with much tougher things today
1. Missing your Eyes in this sentence.
2. An.
3. Extra his.
4. Dealt.
Sweet mother of... I did not expect that to happen with the velocidrome... and I can now only wait as the inevitable happens of Twilight going to suck the down dry one way or another...
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Nothing awakens the badass within like a monster lizard trying to rape you
Also, thanks for the check-up, how many times have I told you this already?
1813836 No idea. Might be once per chapter?
Edit: My mistake, it starts from chapter 3 though I think you also refer to your first story correct? If so, I have absolutely no idea
well i hate this site you can only hit the like button 1 BUCKING TIME DAMN IT ALL TO TATARUS fimfiction-static.net/images/emoticons/flutterrage.png oh well il just need to say through these here comments how much i love this story fimfiction-static.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png
Velocidrome???????????? AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like a Monster Hunter Reference to me
Yup almost as annoying as vespoids lol
omg omg omg omg omg
DO WANT MORE!
Btw, almost raped by a giant lizard? I like the way you think
This is fantastic. Tracking and favoriting. Longer review once I get home. Hope to see the next chapter soon. I. Also get the feeling that spike and the rest of the girls are not going to have a happy reaction initially as they will think someone isdressed up as twilight for nightmare night. That will be a very interesting scene to read
Meh. Not bad. You certainly could use an editor, though.
Some things to work on, since I know you can do better: Dialect-they are in Equestria. Oh god? Nope, use Sweet Celestia, or something along those lines. Freakin'? Use bucking. Just an few example of what you can change to make the story more immersive, and that's something every author should want!
Keep up the work, I see potential in you
awesome chapter! i keep wanting a mature tag though, i don't know why, it just seems to fit.
cool...blood...?
wow, that veloci-thing is certainly smart, like higher mental capabilities smart. (considering it's line of thoughts when it was being (b)eaten)
'Sergeant' if it's military i believe, the only instance where i could find "Sargent" was in mexico or something. (i didn't look that much though)
those chills...
So do you have an estimate for the next chapters release.
DANGIT! You stop the chapter right before we see the spike's reaction. You evil, evil monster. Awesome chapter, my reaction whilst reading was along the lines of: "OMG WTF REAEP, OP TWILIGHT IS OP, WTF VAMPIRE"
1813549 lel, that movie trailer seems like a bizarre parody of your fic.
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Cold-blooded monster = Cool bloody refreshments
1817663
...you're awful...
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Sorry for the mistakes, but if I hire a editor it would delay the chapters even further, and I absolutely hate to leave readers waiting. You can only suffer a cliffhanger so much before you get frustrated of it.
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t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS_lN_5MV0J8eybuzbrjhB4fq0dVlXCe8SzdeLZym37A-vUz7mEpA
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Then right as its about to go into rage mode and charge me *POKE* paralysis and then tanked until I'm dead
Need I continue
I began to read this on a whim.
I love that whim.
Ah, what whimsical whimsy.
GASP
TWILIGHT'S BACK!!! 
I like the new voice.
I got this image of V Twi laying on the rooftop like a cat, you know, crossed paws, intent look you only notice after you finish whatever interested the cat. Watching Zecora.
Also, I am slow, but I thought of this. Did she wake up on the same day she was checked on or months after. It would be odd if all the body changes happened in an hour.
50 bits says Spike shat.
ah-
Dammit, I forgot what I was gonna say.