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I - Enjoy the silence9,439 words
II - Vivid bit4,083 words
III - Pacific state5,254 words
IV - Blue Monday5,518 words

I - Enjoy the silence

All stories are a spark. Myths, legends and tales are the last legacy that someone may leave behind, before reaching the untimely demise. History in itself is just a big, bloody, messy account of everything. Since everything started with the smallest spark imaginable, the retellings of everything must originate from the same spark too, quod erat demonstrandum. It’s the small detail that changes every time it’s told and passed down: the changed inflection of the voice, the different context where you and others may or may not hear it. It’s important even if it’s not there for anyone to hear it, because lots of stories changed the history by not being present at all. Think about the nameless Juju god of trees of a far away African tribe. He’s now forgotten and lies dead in the dust; what would have happened to this world if his gospel, instead of the Christian one, got to be spread around the world? The element of change is what makes a story alive and well. It’s like being suspended in a state of quiet, controlled chaos. That’s why all the stories that have ever been told in Equestria are His, and originate in that strange form that now lies frozen in stone, in a lovely garden outside the castle. Harmony of parts and characters makes for a boring and predicting fabula, but when it’s all over the place, and you don’t get what is actually going on until it’s over, that’s a good story. You don’t know what will happen, why everything is happening, and what is your place in it.

That’s why everyone relates to good stories: they are very much like life.

EQUESTRIAN GODS

I said earlier that predictable stories are a bore. Yet, for the sake of simplicity (I am NOT doing ‘Memento’), I still have to adhere to one simple rule: every story has its protagonist. The hero, the good guy, the head honcho of the narrative context, whether he or she knows it, or not. I’ll try to abide to my self-imposed principle to make this story as interesting as possible as much as I possibly can, and I guess that Aristotle-themed ramblings about the unity of time, action and character won’t help.

Fly over the wind, over Dodge Junction, over the dusty deserts of Appleloosa and the majestic Everfree Forest, over the quaint Ponyville and Trottingham and Fillydelphia and Manehatten and Stalliongrad.

I present you Canterlot, the glamorous and chic capital of the Equestrian Kingdom: its majestic buildings, the sophisticated atmosphere, the immaculate streets, the fancy bars, expensive boutiques and restaurants, everything is designed to entice the senses and thrill the spirit. How could anyone not fall in love with such a sight? The radiant gem of ponykind is encrusted in a gigantic mountain: the Royal Castle, the towering monument of blinding white marble and bold travertine, in spite of all the laws of architecture, just dangles over a cliff, ridiculing boring concepts such as structural load and gravity. Held in place by untold magic and made shiny by the work of countless underpaid servants, this is truly a work that inspires wonder and awe. That’s what possesses Twilight Sparkle every single time she comes back to her home-city. It doesn’t really matters how many times she has strolled through the narrow, clean street of the historical centre, it’s always a sight to behold. That’s what the unicorn mare thought, as she made her way to the-

Wait, wait. Stop it.

I’m sorry, I can’t do it. It’s just… The Mane 6 won’t do for this one. Maybe you’ll find someone who can actually make Twilight Sparkle or Rainbow Dash or Rarity do something they would never actually do after countless chapters and rather captious insights about their inner dreams and feelings.

Me? I’m kind of in hurry. So you’ll just have to settle for something else. Zoom out. Still in Canterlot. Pan the camera a bit, one street further. Zoom back in.

See that filthy unicorn stallion rummaging in a bin? See how miserable he looks, with the drooping ears, the grey coat sticky and unkempt, the dirty blond mane that keeps sticking to his face because he can’t afford to wash it? See that peculiar cutie mark, a brain and a lightning? How he doesn’t even realize the disgusted look of the ponies that pass right in front of him, holding hooves under and wrinkling their noses for the strong… fragrance?

That’s OUR protagonist, Swift Thought. Since we all know that there is only one pony who actually has ‘being a hobo’ as his special talent in all of Equestria and he probably won’t be featured in this story, you might be wondering why the hell somepony who has a name and a cutie mark that just scream ‘smart cookie’ is currently eating the remains of a pizza with some overdue peach yogurt on it, especially in a place as meritocratic as Equestria.

Just wait and see. Actually, I think I’ll assume the role of a more traditional narrator from now on, since this meta stuff it’s starting to get boring. In three, two, one:

Pride is a strange thing. It’s always hidden in the most perplexing of ponies, the ones you would think wouldn’t actually care about what others think of them. I was always reminded when I saw those stars and famous ponies that perform on the stages, on the radio, on the TV. They were screaming for attention, and they didn’t mind humiliating themselves just to get a glimpse, a speck of care from anypony. Usually, the more famous you are, the less pride you have, and the more you whore yourself out for the bat of an eyelash. I could have probably made a chart or something, if I had the bits to buy a scroll and a quill. Anyway, I tried to keep my dignity, even when I was scooping in the dirt and the filth to find something edible. Hunger and bodily instincts were traitorous beings forcing to beg for some bits to spare, but I was adamant: if I had to stay just on the brink of survival, at least they had to let me do some civil disobedience. That’s why I kicked the bins before searching through the garbage to find something to eat; leaving them intact was a kindness this society didn’t deserve and, frankly, it was satisfying. As for the act itself, the sensation of your hooves connecting with the weak and bendable metal was amazing: it was just another spice added to the feeling of unruly rebellion. It was great, really. That’s when they always had to come in, to ruin the fun. I was busy looking through the dirt, and two Royal Guards sneaked up on me. I turned around when I heard that higher than thou tone I always hear from anyone addressing me:

“Look what we have here!”

“Ugh, he smells like an open grave!”
“You tell me? I had to actually drag him to the dungeons once. Couldn’t get the stench off after three days”

Ok, I knew that one. They talk like you’re not even there, and you’re supposed to feel bad about it, or be angry about it, stop whatever it is that you’re doing that is wrong, and ask the guards for explanations. But I was better than that. Ohhh, way better. I knew it everything! Back in my first bum days, I had a master that taught everything there is to know about officers and law enforcement. Cardboard, I believe that was his name. Glorious individual, always raging against the machine. That tactic was called “The Bait”. Well, frankly, I was kind of angry. They sent out two recruits, fresh out of the academy, to deal with a rowdy soul like me? With all the trouble I had managed to cause lately? The flower illegally watered? The newspapers turned the opposite side? Try not look at them, Swift. You’re going to play their game. I just kept looking through the garbage, hoping they would get bored. After a couple of watered insult even a foal would find weak, they left without a word. I was alone again.

It wasn’t always like this, you know. I didn’t choose any of this. Who in the right mind would choose to live as a bum, scoffed by everypony, condemned to live day by day, scraping pieces of gum and old pizza from the bins, sleeping under the damned stairs of a rundown building until some jerk thinks it would be funny to wake up the bun and zap him with a good ol’ dose of Itch spell? Swear I’m going to tear his-

Sorry. It’s just hard. Really hard. I used to be a scholar, could you believe that? A historian. Knew everything there was to know about mare-eval history. I could write a 300 pages long essay on every school of thought ever existed in ponykind, from Neighilism to Celestial Idealism. Now…

Three years of studies, theories, bar fights and a black eye! Finally I have devised the perfect sociological and political theory of a democratic Equestria! Once I write this down in a way that even the most idiotic peon can understand, first Canterlot, then all of Equestria shall demand the destitution of that accursed Celestia and we will create a democratic state, where everyone is equal and there’s no nobility, and I’ll be remembered as the one who ushered our great nation into its glorious days. Now, let me get the quill, and I’ll start right aw-
KNOCK KNOCK

I can’t restrain myself and groan in frustration. Not now! This better be important! I get up from my desk, and dodge all the mountains of books, the clothes, the leftovers I forgot to put into the fridge-

KNOCK KNOCK

“I’M COMING, GEEZ” I yell at the disturber. I finally manage to reach and open the door. In front of me stand a Twilight Sparkle with a smug look on her face.

“Hmph, Sparkle. What are you so happy about?” I ask, trying to convey how much annoyed I am at her interruption.

She just keeps that stupid grin on her face and slowly answers: “The professors’ board wants to see you, Swift.” I have to contain myself from leaping into the air screaming for the joy. Instead, I manage to suppress everything into a giddy giggle. The babble coming from the mare is muffled in my ears, as I run past her, into the halls, bumping into several professors and students alike. I finally reach the DOOR. It’s so beautiful, a work of mahogany and exquisite craft, even if it’s just a door. Why does it shine so? I open, and I get inside as calmly as possible, trying to maintain my aplomb. There’s this big circular desk with a dozen of professors just sitting behind it, and I’m in the middle. The winners always talk first, so:

“I knew you’d come around eventually. You all come at the right time, as I’ve just the finishing touch on my “Democratic and Ochlocratic Theory of an Equestrian Political System” It’s marvelous, and completely affordable!”

“Mister Thought…”

“I know, I know, the initial printings will be expensive, but as soon as the word will spread, ponies will rush to buy it! As for the title, maybe I’ll change it into something with a bit more pizzazz-“

“Mister Thought…”

“What about “Constitution of Equestrians?” Or “The Ursa Major”? Oh, I have it, “Critic of the Monarchic Reason”! It just fits so well-“

“MISTER THOUGHT”

“Yes professor Tome?”

“We are not here to discuss editorial matters, Mister Thought. We’re here to tell you to pack your things and get out of this University.”

“Get out…?”

“You heard it right the first time, Mister Thought. Pack your things and get out of our dormitory, or we’ll have to call the guards”

“Wh-what? But, I’ve just completed the work of my life, it’s in my room. I spent five years writing it, I’ve put everything I have into it! You can’t just throw me into the street!”

“We can and we will. This board thinks we’ve been overly patient with you, Mister Thought. Your persistent acknowledged disregard for this institution’s rules is not accepted. We will not stand by while you insult our Princesses and berate the Equestrian Monarchy! Your ideals are wrong, your conclusions mistaken and your theory is unacceptable and derogatory!”

“So you’re throwing me out because I don’t agree with you and THEM? What happened to free speech? You can’t just do it, I’ll appeal to-“

“To whom, Mister Thought? The Princesses? The Captain of the Guard, the brother of the brilliant student you constantly bug and bully?”

“I don’t bully Twilight Sparkle, we just have heated discussion on Political Class!”

“That’s not what she said, Mister Thought. And we are more inclined to believe the personal protégé of Princess Celestia than a notorious whitefly. We do not wish to endorse such… discordian research in this respected institution. You may be a fairly brilliant student, but you’re rowing against the current of harmony. This glorious nation has always been a monarchy, always has, always will be. Now, please, vacate your room by tonight.”

I utter: “This is not over” before leaving the room, without looking back. I don’t have to. I can feel her, behind me, just outside the door, with that satisfied grin on her face. To her, I’m just a subversive, unruly student who got what he deserved.

It’s not over.

A voice I did not remember reached out to me in the corridor:

“Sure it’s not. It’s only just the beginning, m’boy.”

I almost stumbled against the wall, but I managed to regain balance just before colliding my head against the hard bricks.

What was that? I had just remembered vividly the turning point of my life, but everything felt more like a moving picture rather an actual memory. After that day, it all went downhill. With my flank on the street and my dad lost Celestia knows where, I had no one. Tried a few odd jobs, but they wouldn’t keep me, I wasn’t just the type for manual labor. After a while, voice had spread, and no laborer, bricklayer and farm hoof wanted anything to do with me. And well, that was it. I couldn’t even pay the rent of the hole I managed to find in the suburbs.

But what had just happened? It was all a flash, a blur, and me talking and doing stuff, but it felt like I was watching, and not acting. And that voice… I had already heard that voice before, I was sure of it! I walked in circle, still a little confused, and my eyes fell on the entrance of the alley. Standing there, with a rather obvious expression of disgust, and patiently waiting for me to get out of the way, was the familiar and fine form of Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle… Before THAT, I kinda had the hots for her. She was smart, good looking, and represented everything I hated about the system. How could I have ignored her? Our heated discussions on Political Science (and in the mess halls, and in the classrooms, and in practically every single place we stumble on each other) were my rather cryptic way to get her attention. Alas, that failed admirably. Looking in retrospect, it’s not like I lost much: a brother maniac with mommy issues and a serious OCD. Oh, she saved Equestria. Twice. Yeah, you tell me if that seems fair to you. I stopped, and stepped sideways, gesturing here to pass. As soon as she neared me, I said with all the sarcasm I could muster:

“Guess I’m always in your way, uh Sparkle”

She just looked at me, asked with a hesitant voice “Do I know you?”And waited for answer. I stood there, still and silent. After a bunch of seconds she just turned forward and kept walking.

I just sat down on my haunches, thinking about it. She didn’t remember me. If there was one thing I always considered myself good at, was being annoyingly persistent. Every single day, we used to discuss rather animatedly about how Celestia was (for me) an illegitimate ruler that had to be put down from her nice throne or (for her) a wonderful and wise monarch that had all the reasons to stay on it, since she raised the sun anyway.

She ruined my life, and in four years, I was already something she had erased from her memory.

Insignificant. Unimportant. A nobody.

I felt a small drop on my forehead, and I looked up: looming over me were giant ominous looking clouds. The sunlight was already disappearing over the thick shroud of grey that was extending over my head. It started to rain soon after. At first small drops, then a full complement of downpour. I walked under a canopy that was further in the alley, laid down, closed my eyes and fell into a sleep that carried no unpleasant memories.

I woke up abruptly and hit my head against the stone stairs under which I slept. It hurt. A lot. I got up and looked around. It was already night, and from the look of it, it was really late too: it was possible to see the main street from the alley, and it was empty, even if the lamplights kept flooding it with a cheap, buzzing glow. The air was moist and fresh, and it soothed my sore, soaked fur. I didn’t really care if I could get sick from it, it was an amazing feeling .The cool wind whistling through my mane, the quietness of the night. I stretched my legs, because, well… It was night, I wanted to empty my head, and there was no pony around. It was time for a walk. I slowly reached the main street: empty, as I thought. I could see the clock of the city hall from there, and it struck three in the morning. It looked like I had woken up in the short space of time between patrols, so there weren’t any guards around. The perfect occasion, considering where I wanted to go.

Walking down the main street at night was a strange sensation. Everything was cold, dark and lifeless. Not that I disliked it, it’s just that everything was different. You could appreciate it more, probably. In the day, you were continuously distracted by the noise, the smells, the ponies. All just adds up, override your senses and forces you to put the autopilot: you don’t see, you don’t smell, you don’t hear anymore, you’re just too absorbed in yourself, your trivialities, incredibly frivolous problems to realize just how incredible it is. Just how many important ponies walked on these very stones? Dozens? Hundreds? Did I just step on the same stone that Starswirl The Bearded stepped on one thousand years before now? What about Haystotle? Ponydius? Neighspeare? Mante? Those great minds, those geniuses, all lived in Canterlot at some point in their lives. Did they breathed the same air I was breathing in that very moment? Walked on the same streets? Got soaked by the same rain?

How many things these streets have seen? Wars, battles, breakthroughs, discoveries, holidays and pivotal points in history? How can you go on your business and forget it? There was more history in this brick that what an entire town could accomplish in a lifetime, how could one just ignore it? The moon was not shining tonight, and the wind was light. The air was damp, and my nostrils picked up the familiar smell of stone soaked by clear rain: a peculiar, but not ugly fragrance

I twisted and turned, and reached the far end of the Royal Palace. Its pristine walls, I touched them with my hoof. They were kept together and standing by tyranny. It was a soft one, and that’s why no one would ever agree with me. How can anyone desire democracy, when all they have known was the security of a kingdom, ruled by two immortal goddesses? With such a system, you know where your loyalties lie, and what you can expect from your day every time you wake up: the sun is up in the sky, you have your special talent, your benevolent princesses willing to listen to your problems, if you are so inclined and wait long enough. You don’t have responsibilities, you don’t have to work for anything.

With democracy, who knows? Everything is suddenly your problem.

I strolled around the walls, looking for the part that connects with the Royal Gardens. I always liked them, even when I was small and they were still open to the public. My dad used to take me in the labyrinth, and we would spend afternoons looking for each-other, playing hide and seek. The grass was soft, and even in the grayest of days, the sun always seemed to shine on the park. I found a small, familiar bush that I loved when I was kid. Hidden in it, there was a small passage that led through the walls into the garden. I looked around for the last time, hoping there would be no guards around. Fortunately, that was the case, and I stood alone in the small alley, dimly lit by the lamplights of the main street. I snuggled through the bush and the wall, and reached the other side. In front of me a glazed expanse of grass, turned black from the darkness. The cold touch of the leaves on my hooves was a nice change compared to the hard stones I stepped on earlier. I contemplated the idea of just lay there until morning, get found by the guards and taken to a dungeon for a few days, with two free meals a day. Tempting, but I felt compelled to take a stroll. I slowly trotted on the open field with my eyes fixated to the sky, watching the stars shining on the dark vault of the sky. The show was magnificent and enthralling, all at once. Alas, if only Luna stayed true to what she was good at...

Nice evening, but I head butted a freaking statue. That day, I learned a precious lesson: daydreaming is best left at… day. I believe a nomen omen is in order. While I was busy drowning in my own pretentiousness, I didn’t notice that I was walking straight in front of a pedestal; I just realized it later, after the numbness from the impact faded and was subsided by pure, unadulterated pain. This just wasn’t my lucky day, I guess. I’ve always been one that exercised hindsight rather often.

“DAMN IT!” I said, bucking the statue with all my might. Let me tell you, stone is REALLY hard. I recoiled back, my hooves throbbed madly. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!” And I started punching the pedestal furiously, ignoring the waves of hurt that washed through me like ripples in a water pond.

“WHAT” thump ”DID” thump ”I” thump ”TO” thump ”DESERVE” thump ”THIS?” I fell back, exhausted and with one my front hooves slightly cracked and one universally shared feeling of soreness in my body. I’m not proud of it, but I started crying. I damned Celestia and Luna, those stuck up professors that left with no job and no home, Twilight Sparkle and her insufferable brother, that annoying lizard she kept using as a slave, my damn work, my damn life, this farce I lived every day. I don’t really know how much I stood there, bawling my eyes out, but after a while, from nowhere, I suddenly heard a mocking voice ringing in my ears, the same voice I heard before in my strange and sudden reverie:

“Please, m’boy. You’re a grown up stallion, you shouldn’t just break out and cry. You’re supposed to keep it all bottled inside for decades and then let it all out and dish the pain on some unsuspecting innocent poor chap who’s just passing in front of the cardboard box you call home”

“What the…” I murmured, while looking around frenetically, trying to pinpoint the location of the unlucky bastard who was going to get a nasty punch to the face.

“Spare me the threats, m’boy. Actually, it would have been marvelous if I had managed to feel your punches, earlier. Alas…”

It was unbelievably strange: the voice was reverberating inside my head, like someone just fixed an amplifier directly to the wall of my cranium. Surely it was some fancy magic trick I didn’t know of.

“Game’s up, pal! Get out and stop playing around!” I yelled in the darkness in the garden, gazing at the bushes and the trees, trying to discern a familiar pony silhouette.

“The game’s not over yet. It never ends. It’s crooked, but it’s the only game in town. Stop screaming like an idiot and turn around, Swift Thought.”

I slowly turned my head, confused to why I was complying with this crazy telepathic bastard. In front of him, stood the pedestal I was punching thirty seconds ago. I looked up to see that it was the base for the frozen form of Discord, the god of Chaos.

“Nope. No, no, no. Can’t believe it” I whispered softly “Isn’t this just fine and dandy? Not only I’m a bum that no one cares about, BUT I’M ALSO COMPLETELY CRAZY!” I screamed in frustration.

“You most certainly are a bum that no one remembers, Swift Thought. But you are not crazy. At least, not THAT kind of crazy. You are speaking with Discord, and he’s happy to make your acquaintance.”

“Ohhh, I’m happy to meet you too, Discord!” I answered sarcastically “ Is this part where you tell me about ‘something only you were supposed to know’? It’s not surprising, since you’re just a sick fragment of my already deranged mind!”

“No, this is the part where I, Discord, your friendly God Of Entropy, tell you that you have thirty seconds to run into that bush, before a Royal Guard with a golden sword as a cutie mark come down here investigating those shouts you have been producing earlier”

Sure thing, I was going to listen to the voice in my head. I mean, it sounded like a nice voice, and it didn’t ask me to kill someone and make cupcakes out of it.

Yet.

So, yes, I ran into the nearest bush and waited for the guard to come. I had to humor my own insanity, just to see how batshit insane I was. I was proven wrong: after a bunch of seconds, I heard the familiar sound of clanking, armor-clad hoofsteps, followed by the also familiar figure of a Royal Guard, a pegasus stallion with… A golden sword cutie mark. This wasn’t possible. The guard stood there for a couple of minutes, trying to find the source of my screams. Years on the streets had taught me how to hide well, and without the moon’s light illuminating the night, it was easy. After a while, he just turned and went back the way he came. I waited for the his trotting to fade in the distance, then I slowly disentangled myself from the branches.

“Told you s-“

“Don’t you dare.”

“But-“

“Don’t.”

“Fine. You’re such a bore, really, lighten up a bit.”

I had to restrain myself from shouting again. I ran to the base of the statue and whispered angrily.

“Lighten up a bit? I don’t know what’s worse, if I’m actually hallucinating, or if the God of Chaos is doing chit chat with me!”

“Pfff… I know, ‘God of Chaos’ can be such a dreadful title. But I thought that you, of all ponies, would connect a bit with me and my fate.”

“How so?”

“I know your story, Swift Thought. A rebel oppressed by the system. You tried to ‘stick it to the stallion’, I believe that’s how it’s said today, and you failed before even starting…”

“You? A rebel? You were the king of Equestria before the Princesses, how are you even a rebel? You were just another tyrant.”

“What would you say if I told you that everything you’ve been told since your birth is a blatant and, frankly, boring lie?”

“I’d say you’re crazy”

“Ehehehe, and you would be right. I am crazy. Yet, I’m speaking the truth. I never lie. I don’t have to. No matter how you can try to deny it, there’s nothing more painful than truth. It hurts, and your mind rebels against it. ‘It can’t be right’, ‘He must be lying’. That’s what you’re thinking, I can tell. Yet, I didn’t even tell you the whole story. You claim to be a different soul from the other ponies. You claim that ponykind was poisoned and brainwashed by your princesses, yet you think I’m lying, because you were told since you can remember that Discord is the Prince of Deception and the King of Lies. But there’s nothing more unsettling and chaotic than the truth… Do you know who needs to lie? Those who need to keep things neat and orderly.”

He was right, and I knew it. I was already on the defensive, because I was talking with Discord, an extraordinary malevolent being. That was just what I was told, since birth. When he broke out, he just messed up some things, but never hurt anyone. And I had free food for almost a week, with all that cotton candy and chocolate I managed to stack.

“Yep, I take it as a personal pride: never turned anypony into stone. Will you listen to my story, on this moonless night, caressed by the stars?”

In front of me, there was a statue of a mischievous spirit talking directly into my brain. Behind me, the Garden. My usual ‘life’. What was I going to lose?

“To Tartarus with it… Why not? At least I’ll hear a good story. And save the sappy crap, you’re not good with it.”

“Fine, fine. As for the story, mine are always the best…”

The darkness around me started to get blacker, and blacker, until it was painful to look at it. It started to move and swirl around, like tendrils of a gigantic beast, waiting in the shade. I wanted to scream, but the voice died in my throat, and only a small rasp came out. My legs failed me, and I sprawled on the ground: the tendrils were creeping up the sky, obscuring the light of the stars, and soon, they were all around me. I tried to get up, but my limbs wailed wildly, not responding to my brain’s pleas of help. Soon, the darkness crept up on my legs, and it felt cold, too cold. It made its way to my body, my face, clinging to me like glue, and the last thing I remember was the sound of my own conscience screaming as the blackness covered me entirely and everything turned dark.

thump

I felt the gentle heat of the day on my coat, and a solid, warm ground against my back. I opened my eyes, and I was in a vast plain, covered with yellow grass. There was light, but when I looked up, to the sky, I only saw a blue expanse, and clouds drifting slowly, but no Sun to be seen. In front of me stood a big mountain that just sprung from the ground like the head of an arrow, and the walls of rock were punctured with various caves. Just when I thought about trying to shout for Discord, I saw animals familiar yet alien, coming out from the caves: a rhino, as big as an Ursa Minor: it walked slowly to the edge, and slumped down on the warm rock, and yawned with a roar that almost swept me off my hooves. A hyena, a crow, a leopard, a hippo, all gigantic, out of proportions, and freakishly scary. Just where in Tartarus was I?

“The end of the World, m’boy! Also, I wouldn’t shout, if I were you. You wouldn’t want to disturb them, trust me. Just THINK to answer me, and I’ll hear you”

I felt relieved: in my mind I could swear and yell as much as I wanted:

“THE END OF THE WORLD? WHAT IN TARTARUS IS WRONG WITH YOU? Oh, right, you’re the bucking God of Chaos, and I was so stupid to trust you AND your deranged psycho offer. Or maybe I AM completely crazy, and now I’m just hallucinating in some goddess-forgotten alley with froth coming out of my mouth and a freaking seizure!”

“This again? You are not crazy, all of this is real… Just a different kind of real. As long as you do what you’re told, you’re going to be fine. Probably. Maybe. Almost certainly! Now, do you see that small cave in front of you? It’s empty, go inside it”

There was a cave, right in front of me, and it did look empty. But how could I bring myself to trust him again?

“It’s not like you have much of a choice. You can trust me, or just wait until Leopard is hungry. Your call?”

Damn him and his stringent logic. It was true: I had no idea what to do, and it was either listen to him, or wait to see what those… things that looked like animals had in store for me if they discovered me. So I trotted, careful not to be too noisy, and ducked a bit to enter the cave: it was too small to stay upright, so I just laid on the ground. I expected it to be cold, but the temperature was pleasurable, and from the depths of the spelunk came a slight breeze.

“I’m here, now what?”

“Define Celestia and Luna, Swift Thought.”

I grimaced slightly, annoyed at the simple mention of them.

“Illegitimate rulers” I answered, trying to collect as much spite as I could and put into those two words.

“Go on.”

His tone had changed: it wasn’t playful anymore, but serious and maybe…angry?

“Tyrants… Uhm, brainwashers? I don’t know, goddesses?”

“Goddesses… Let me tell you the story, it’s edifying and guaranteed to teach you something. Back when the world was new, and the earth was still fresh and moist, the Hawk dragged the Sun across the skies during the day, and the Rabbit dragged the moon during the night. The Hawk was vain, and dragged the Sun just to feel the warm in its wings and bask himself in the light of the star. The Rabbit was always on the run from the Bear that stalked him through the stars and the firmament. They both didn’t care about the others living on the ground, and pulled them without care or worry. The day was invaded by a scorching heat, and the night by a freezing cold, and the very earth started to crack, and freeze, and fracture. Of all the creatures, the most worried was the Snake, since he couldn’t survive on the icy nights, and the ground was too fractured to allow him to sleep warm and in peace. But the Snake had cunning, and even if no one liked him, he decided to steal the Sun and the Moon from the Hawk and the Rabbit. The Rabbit despised the Snake, since he frequently tried to hunt him along the Bear during the night, and the Snake despised the Hawk, that always tried to snatch him from above when he saw him slithering on the ground. One day the Snake, hidden in the tall grass, crawled alongside the Lion, who couldn’t see him, the same time the Hawk was passing over him with the Sun. The Hawk had a sharp eye, and spotted the Snake even in the tall grass, so he scooted down, trying to catch him. But the Snake hid in a crevice, and as soon as the Hawk got near the ground, the Lion leapt up and ate him without even chewing. But the Hawk was a feisty one, and got stuck in the throat of the Lion. Trying to free himself, he decapitated the Lion from the inside, and tore his forelegs off. The Hawk tried to get away, but he managed to squeeze through only his head and his claws in place of those of the Lion, and remained stuck. The same night, the Snake reached the end of the earth, and jumped on the night sky. He waited until he could see the Rabbit, running from the Bear, and started crawling in front of him. The Rabbit dashed back as soon as he saw the Snake, but the Bear snatched him and gulped him down. The Snake took both the Sun and the Moon, and presented them to the two Mares as wonderful jewels that were meant for them, since they were beautiful. The Mares accepted them, realizing late they were deceived. Still, the Snake had chosen well, as the Mares were big and had powerful legs, and with the Lion dead, the Hawk stuck and the Bear satiated, no one was hunting them anymore. So they accepted their duty, and shepherded the Sun and the Moon with great care, allowing all the creatures on the ground to run in warm days and sleep in fresh nights. But they didn’t forgive the Snake, and cursed him for his deception: they gave him the Lion’s paw, the Hawk’s claw, the Rabbit’s legs, two flimsy wings, two big horns, so that he could always be spotted, even in the tallest grass, and covered his body with fur. The Snake, unrecognized by his people, ran to the end of the world, and swore to never lie again, for lies had been his bane.”

“Nice story. A little on the Zebrican side, but nice nonetheless. Now that we’re done with the storytelling, can you please take me back to Canterlot?”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, ‘why?’ This is the freaking end of the world, you said it, I don’t belong here, I’m just a pony!”

“Do you belong in Canterlot?”

“Of course I… do…”

“I guess that being blunt is for the best. You are pathetic, m’boy. A brooding mass of self pity. A shame, really. A loser. The purple one, on the other hand. Head over hooves for Celestia, and look where she is now. Was she really that smart? Sure, she can dish out some spells, but you’ve read the ‘poetry’ she tried to write back in college. Yuck, was that bad.”

“Sure, Twilight Sparkle is a hooflicker that has some talent with spell, a serious need for a psychiatrist and an almost ridiculous amount of luck, so what? I hate her, but it’s not like everything that’s wrong with my life is her fault.”

“A long time ago, there was someone, a wise individual, that said something that rings true in every century, doesn’t matter how many eons have passed. ‘Know yourself’. Do you know yourself, Swift Thought? Do you remember your heart’s desire? Have you ignored, for the longest time, when your life really got off its tracks?”

What was he talking about? Probably the time I got expelled by the University...

“What is your point? Stop beating it around the bush, and tell me what is it that you want from me!”

“Fine. I’m a god, Swift Thought”

“You don’t say!”

“And I’m old.”

“Who would’ve guessed!”

“And I need your help.”

“My help? Me? A GOD like you needs the help of a simple pony? Actually, scratch that. You’re Discord! Why should I help YOU of all ponies?”

“Because I can give you your dream back. You may not like this, but Celestia and Luna, they are the same as me.”

“Annoying, obnoxious and molest? “

“Goddesses, Swift, they are goddesses.”

“Goddesses? Please. They may be powerful, and got invested by Harmony to rule over the Sun and the Moon, but goddesses? They are the last alicorns, not some tribal idol!”

“Ah, the irony, is so gigantic it’s almost painful. Truly something to gawk at. There have never been alicorns. It’s just a lie, made up by them to keep the secret.”

“Secret?”

“Gods are a fickle thing, Swift Thought. They are born, they live and they die, just like every being on the earth. We rise when misery touches the peak, and you have no one else to turn to. And we feed on faith, we live in function of it, for it and thanks to it because without faith, we are nothing. What’s a god, if no one believes in him?”

“Let me get this straight. You’re saying that gods are born when somepony makes them up, and they keep on living as long as somepony believes in them?” The notion was so ridiculous, It was actually kind of convincing.

“Admirable synoptic skills, m’boy. Yes, that’s how it works. Celestia and Luna, they were always the sharks in the pool. Long before now, we were all content to live each on his own, but they had to be the only ones! They took it to the extreme, and before you knew it, few of us remained. But the constant war they waged on everyone else took its toll. The ponies, even if they didn’t call themselves like that back in the days, started losing faith in them. Started to reject them. So, they changed the rules. They made it impossible for everyone else. A crooked game we were forced to sit through, while they kept raking up the chips. They made up a story about how they were the last alicorns, an ancient race of powerful equines, and they used their ability to control the Sun and the Moon to legitimate their claim to be the monarchs of Equestria. And, rather sadly, your kind fell for it completely. The worship was changed: they weren’t revered as goddesses anymore, but the respect and the adoration they received from their subjects was so overwhelming, that they didn’t need it anymore. It was over for the old gods. They didn’t need us anymore.”

“Why are you still here? You don’t have anypony worshiping you, for that matter.”

“Do you believe that I exist?”

“How could I not? I watched you as you turned Canterlot into a giant candy bar stuck in the mountain. Pretty funny if you ask me. But, uhm, don’t let it go over your head!”

“There you have your answers.”

“Then why keep you on display like a trophy, if you always try to defy them?” What was I doing? I was actually starting to believe him?

“Oh, I’m just a reminder. They may not think of it consciously, but every time a pony sees me, deep inside his mind a revelation sparks up. ‘If I don’t do what they tell me to, this is how I’m going to end up’. It’s high time this ends, Swift Thought. They have changed the natural order of things, and they have been at it for thousands of years: they suffocated progress, smothered even the smallest sense of individuality and responsibility out of every single pony under them. Except you. I don’t know why, but you are unique. You see what’s wrong with the current order of things.”

“Of course I do! It’s everypony else that’s so blind! I mean, sure they control the Sun and the Moon, so what? Does it mean they are authorized to rule us without any chance of self-government? Why can’t I, for once, get a chance to say what I think Equestria should do in relation to the Griffin Kingdom? Or the bystander, the common everypony? Why do the Princesses only get to call the shots, and why no one seems to care that they do? It’s been two years, two years of living like a bum, a day for a day, and I still can’t wrap my head around it! Why no one gives a hay?” Finally someone who gets it!

“Why should they? They live in a world where responsibility is lifted from their shoulders. They don’t have to worry about anything; your kind even gets told what they’re good at, thanks to that magic tattoo you get on your flank. Really classy. Ponykind is a stagnant race, and it needs a change. I know what you want.”

“Oh yeah? What do I want?”

“Democracy. I want them out of the picture, you want them out of the picture. The enemy’s enemy is my friend, right?”

“Sure, and as soon as Celestia and Luna disappear, you get to rule Equestria alone. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Nonsense. I never ruled anyone and I never will. That, ehm, outburst six months ago? It was me winding up. I never really obligated any pony to do anything. I knew that my days were numbered. The Elements of Harmony would get me in the end. They always do. So, I had fun. But democracy, is just what you and I need. Everyone is free, and everyone can feel about anything the way they feel fit. Is there anything more chaotic? I want everything to turn back the way it used to be: gods get worshipped and there is no one trying to eliminate the competition. Democracy does just that. A win-win situation. And of course, if you think I’m actually stepping out of line, you’ll still have the Elements to stop me. But that won’t be necessary.”

“That’s an incredible plan, Dissy! Can I call you Dissy, by the way? I’m just going to drag your tacky frozen form in front of the Princesses, and I’m sure they are going to surrender and free you right away!”

“Ah. Ah. Ah. That’s where you come in, m’boy. I can talk to you, and do some basic magic, but I can’t really leave the garden. Unless, you help me. Let me take a hitch on your body: we’ll be sharing it, but I’m just going to be a spectator, unable to do anything unless you consciously let me. We’ll be making a nice trip all over Equestria, to meet some old friends of mine. Then, we’ll expose Celestia and Luna for the frauds they really are. You get your democracy, I get to be free again, the world resumes its natural order. Everybody wins!”

“No way in Tartarus I’m letting you inside my body. How can I know you’re even telling the truth? And why should I help you? True, you may have the juice to change this country. But even if they are tyrants, ponies love the Princesses! They feel they could never be complete without them! I’m not forcing change on them. How could I? How could I think of myself as better than them?”

“Forcing? Forcing is a harsh word indeed. I like to believe that as soon as ponykind sees the truth, they will leave the old system for the new. If they don’t, then your kind truly doesn’t deserve salvation. And you will be probably frozen in stone, same as me. Let me tell you, it hurts. A whole lot. Also, even though all this charade was necessary to make you believe that I’m not just a voice whispering madness in your ears, I can’t hold on to this much longer. Actually, I think we’ll be back in Canterlot in three, two, one-“

The world screamed and wailed like the roaring sea as everything folded down in front of me: the cave disappeared under the ripples that unfurled in front of my eyes. My sight went completely blank, and my hearing was invaded by the most terrible sound I had ever heard, as my body compressed into a small point with no dimension and dived into the pitch black darkness.

And everything exploded back, right in the Royal Garden. Suddenly, I was back, in front of the statue, the same spot I was before I got teleported. However, the sky wasn’t dark anymore: a light pink hue was starting to creep on the horizon, and I could see the tip of the Sun peeking over it. The crack of dawn, and that, in the Royal Palace, meant only one thing.

“Patrols! That’s right! If I were you, I’d be choosing my side pretty quickly, cause a lovely mare guard by the name of Spear Point is coming through the Gardens to patrol the area! If you’re caught, you’ll be thrown in the dungeon, and after a few days, you’ll resume your sad, pathetic excuse of life. Or, you could accept my offer.”

He was right, he was completely right. I could even hear the clanking hoofsteps in the distance. I knew I couldn’t make it back in the bush, I was too far away to reach it in time. The dungeon… Not so bad. I mean, free food, warm, a roof over your head…
I turned around, and realized that even in the horror struck form Discord had assumed when he was frozen, a lion paw was sticking out in front of me.

“Listen to yourself. You’d like a stay in the dungeon for the free food? Where is your dignity? There was a time when you thought about changing Equestria forever, and now you’d gladly lie down in a musty old cell just to get your sad flank off the streets? I’m offering you a chance to redeem yourself, to gain back what they took from you! What this country owes you! You can change everything for the better, destroy this diarchic tyranny and be hailed as the real hero of ponykind! All you gotta do is shake my hand.”

How could I? What if I was going to betray my kind? What if he had been lying all along?

“You know I’m telling the truth”

The guard was just around the corner, and that paw, even if it defied logic, was coming towards me.

“Also, I’m going to help you give Twilight Sparkle what she deserves.”

Never done something you don’t immediately regret later, but actually feels like you’ve made the most appropriate choice in your entire life? I rammed my hoof against the scaly dragon claw, and I’m positive I saw his gaping mouth turn into the most frightening grin I had ever seen.

“It’s a deal”

A swirl of furious magic encased me and everything turned white. I felt my entire body invested with an astounding amount of energy, and a plethora of voices rushed to take place in my idea. In front of my mind were flashing many images, of strange places I had never seen and creatures even a madpony couldn’t imagine, and everything burned with a white hotness on my entire skin. The maelstrom of searing magical energy disappeared just in time, as the guard (indeed a mare, with a dashing cutie mark that looked like a spear) walked over the small bushes and in front of my kneeling figure. I was expecting a scream, or a shriek of disgust, or a harsh “Stop right there!”. Instead, I felt a cold, steeled hoof touching me gently on the shoulder, and a quiet voice asking me:

“Are you alright, sir?”

I got up, easily, even if my legs were feeling like jelly and just about to betray me. I looked her in the eyes, and answered with a voice that wasn’t my own:

“I’m fine, thanks. I came here for an early stroll, but I think I didn’t rest well enough. Please, proceed with your patrol.”

She looked at me in a peculiar way, her eyes completely emptied of substance, then answered plainly:

“Yes”

Turned around and went back the way she came, without saying another word.

“What did you do?” I asked, after I made sure she was gone.

“Nothing, I just used my charm.”

“You said you wouldn’t do anything unless I told you to!” Had I been wrong to trust the Spirit of Disharmony? What I consciously let inside my own mind?

“It was just for this once, won’t happen again. Do you like the make-over?”

“What are you-“

I stopped in mid sentence, as I took a quick, conscious glance at myself and I realized I wasn’t dirty anymore. My coat was almost gleaming, and it was a vibrant grey, not the sickly blackish it was before. My blonde mane was clean, straightened and styled back. The fur on my fetlocks was normal, not abnormally long, and the short spiky beard I had on the muzzle had disappeared. I looked-

“Positively dashing. You know, if you hadn’t spent all your life reading books, you might have found yourself into a sea of pus-“

“Enough, I get the idea. Why?” I asked, trying to mask my excitement. It was ages since I had felt so clean.

“Simple. I can’t afford to get stopped by some overzealous guard because you smell like a three year old sock. Also, with good looks you get everywhere, in this world.”

“So, what now?”

“Oh, hope you’re ready, cause we’re going to leave Canterlot for good.”

“Uh, you said I look good, but it’s not like I can just wink at the machinist and we can get a free lift!” I answered sarcastically

“Check behind your ears.”

I ran a hoof through my mane, and reached for my left ear. I felt a weight shift, and picked up a small leather bag. It sounded like it was full of bits. I opened, and I had never felt so satisfied to be right. It was bustling with golden, shining money.

“It’s a dimensional pocket. You’ll never run out of money.” He said that so calmly. I'm rich. I'm freaking RICH.

I looked over the labyrinth, over the garden, over the horizon. The Sun was already halfway over it, and the aurora turned the sky pink, like petals of a rose. The chilling breeze flowed through my mane. For the first time in a very long time, I had a meaningful reason to wake up every morning. I had to see if my decision was the right one.

“Enough with the lollygagging, we have much work to do! Prepare yourself, m’boy! You’ll have to leave your old self behind, and even I don’t know what’s waiting for us. But I guess we’ll have to find out as we go along, right? After all, such is the way of life, and that’s why it’s always so much fun.”

Author's notes: So there it is, hope you like it, yadda yadda, leave the comments in the section below, remember to say why you downvoted and all that fancy stuff.

Since I'm not an anglophone nor have any available native speaker right now, any editor who actually speak English as a first language will be accepted with open arms and possibly a cookie.

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