Equestrian Gods

by Teh_Zodiac

II - Vivid bit

And that was two years ago. When you look back on your life, sometime you just have to realize that there are times when even the most rational individual takes the most irrational decisions. I guess that’s life for you.

Amazing what would you do for vengeance and recognition: I had allied with a mad god, the Mad God. For now, I was not regretting it. For the first time in my life, I was tasting a slightly tangy yet refreshing glass of Monteponyano, served in a crystal glass, with a lovely radish salad on the side. The countryside was rushing beyond the windows, and the thunderous roar of the engine and the wheels was muffled, like background chatter. There was a sharp contrast between the quaint and bucolic scenery outside and the opulent and luxurious inside of the first class wagon. I bought my ticket based on the premise that the more expensive it was, the better it was going to be. There was a small ensemble, playing some wonderful chamber music that spread through the ether. Pure bliss, lovely-

“Enjoying ourselves, aren’t we?” A familiar voice broke my ecstasy. But it wasn’t that annoying anymore. After all, it was the voice that gave me all of this.

“Sure am. I mean first class wagon, wine, and the music. I had never even been on a train before, too expensive. Dad couldn’t afford them” I chirped in my head in response

“Well, now you can, sunny boy! You can buy everything and everyone, without even a shred of common sense. That’s because you are rich! Rich ponies don’t need no stinkin’ common sense.”

He ended the sentence with a loud spit I hope was only an imitation. The sensation of having somepony… someone else in your head was unnerving, sometime. For starters, I knew he could read my mind, even if we had an agreement about personal mental space and privacy. Also, it felt wrong. Not all the time, but if you really concentrated on it, you could feel yourself bloated and full, unnaturally full. But I wasn’t complaining. Not yet, at least. Being tied up with a deity had its perks. As for the plan, he wouldn’t tell me. He was always talking about associates, businesses and shares, carefully avoiding saying more than he thought he needed, without mentioning names or locations, excluding Ponyville. I had never been there, but I knew it was an old earth pony settlement. Ponyville… There was someone there I could have known, a long time ago.

---

The quill tapped lightly against the parchment, rhythmically, regularly. After a while, sounds like that get into your head, you can’t concentrate, you can only-

“ARGHHH! Stop it Cher, for crying out loud!” I scooped the parchment from under her hooves, leaving her with a sarcastic pout and an adorable groan “And don’t try to use the puppy dog on me! It may have worked once but… actually twice, but that’s beside the point! I’m trying to study for-“

“For the betterment of all ponykind?” She interrupted me and chuckled slightly.

I pointed an angry hoof at her “Yeah, that! And your continuous interruptions-“

“Break up my concentration and stop my artistic and political genius from flowing on to the parchment?” She said, while looking at her hoof with a bored expression. She knew that drove me nuts.

“Nghhhhh!” I picked up the parchment and the quills with my magic and threw them in the air. Why they had to fall so slowly! FALL FASTER! CONFOUND PHYSICS!

“Lighten up, Swiftie” She kneeled over the table and prodded me jokingly. “You’re so tense, so caught up, you don’t see the small details!” She ended that sentence with a small giggle.

I sighed and leaned back on my pillow. Cheerilee was just like that… Cheerful. When I first entered this chaotic room and met my roommate, I thought she was just the most annoying mare in the whole wide universe. But I guess that opposites attracts. It was always kind of like a comedy act: the straight guy and the funny guy. Others may find it boring, or difficult to build a lasting relationship on a simple dialectic difference. But we had managed fairly well.

“Yeah? Like what, Cher?” I asked, the corners of my mouth tugging in a smirk that screamed “I double dare you”.

She smiled and said “Well… For example, you always go on about reforming Equestria, yet your writing starts with an invocation to the Neirania, the Mare of Poetry”

My smirk turned into a puzzled expression as I asked “So? I don’t follow you.”

She giggled again. I really liked that giddy laugh, that’s what I liked first about her. “Who was the first to establish the tradition of starting a philosophical book with an invocation?”

I laughed at the silly, obvious question: “Why, Ponietius, of course. His ‘Consolation of Philosophy’”

She got up, settled in front of me, grabbed my muzzle with her hooves and looked at me with a light smirk.

“And just who was Ponetius, Swiftie?” She asked.

“Why of course the most famous philosophers of the First Alunarian Period! A legend, an incredible mind, none less than the Prime Advisor….. of Celestia. Damn it Cher!” I rest my head against her, and she kiss my forehead lightly.

“Swiftie, what shall I do with you….Oh, I’m leaving tomorrow” My eyes dart up to hers. She still had that condescending smile. “Where to?” I asked, faking nonchalance.

“Ponyville. My sister asked me to help her out at her winery. I’ll be away for two months or so.” She got up and sat down beside me. I felt her coat brushing against mine. “Just try to stay alive without me around. Goddesses knows you are so dense sometimes.” I nuzzled her lightly and answered. “Don’t you worry! I’ve almost finished my work, and I’m going to show it to the board of professors!”

“Sure, hon. Just try not to get expelled.”

“Yeah sweetie, do try!”

“GAH!” I almost shouted in surprise, when the ugly (HEY) face of Discord showed up in my reverie. Privacy, where are you? “We had an agreement, no hallucinations and no interrupting my flashbacks! I love flashbacks! They add drama!” He just ignored my complaints, since he was almost suffocating with laughter.

“You should see the look on your face! Priceless!”

My annoyed groan couldn’t cover the small, angry voice filtering through the thick, wooden doors of the wagon. A female voice, hysteric and way too nervous. I recognized it as the voice of the waitress that served me the salad and the wine:

“I just don’t know Glade, they were right here, and then, poof, disappeared!”

Wait a second. Mad God. Unlimited money. Angry waitress. ‘Poof disappeared!’. No apparent catch. I facehoofed.

“Discord?”

“Yes, Swiftie old pal?” He chirped in response.

“I’m probably over thinking it. I am surely over thinking it. It’s just a coincidence. Rampaging paranoia. But… Does this money disappear after a while? Oh, what am I asking, you wouldn’t do something like that…”

“Uhm… I am the God of Chaos, after all” He answered with a whisper.

I bolted up and shouted with all my might: “I KNEW IT!”

Everypony stopped on their tracks, looked at me and just froze. I’m positive I saw poured water just stopping in its tracks. There was another waitress, levitating a plate full of glasses, that just gazed at my embarrassed form.

“Uhm, this radish is from Stalliongrad?” I said slowly with a sheepish smile, my eyes darting around, looking for a way to divert the looks and the attention from me. Silence is deafening.

And then everypony just turned back to what they were doing, and the wagon was full of the friendly and educate chatter of rich, rich, RICH ponies. I sipped a bit of wine, preparing the most horrifying mental image I could muster: it involved sweaty stallions returning from work, “Get your groove on Discord, these stallions work hard and they play harder”, whipped cream and a very unlucky statue. But before I could dish out the sexually abusive pain on the unfortunate deity, I noticed that the waitress was still watching me. She levitated her plate full of empty glasses onto an empty table, dashed and managed to sit down in front of me in less than one second. She had a long, smooth light pink mane, and a grey coat like mine. I couldn’t see her cutie mark, but her eyes were still fixated on me: big magenta eyes, eyes I was losing myself into. No! I had to stay focused, stay sharp, I don’t have any time for this and… boy she sure is cute up-close and personal! When she talked! Her voice, goddesses help me, the most jubilant and melodious I had ever heard:

“You recognized it!” Was she singing, or was her voice just that sweet?

“I-uh-ehm, I don’t- really uh-“

“The RADISH!” She smiled, from cheek to cheek. Oh sweet goddesses that smile! It was like the whole celestial chorus was showing me the heavens “No pony ever noticed the difference! I was always so sad, because it made all difference, but these grumpy nobles wouldn’t realize and then I started not caring anymore and then you shouted I KNEW IT and I KNEW IT you would say that, because that’s how I pictured it in my head, and my name is Inkette, but you can call me Inkie!” She extended a slender hoof and touched mine. Were hooves even supposed to be that soft? Were there bells in the background? My eyes were fixated on that single appendix. She was touching me. ME! Oh sweet merciful-

“Discord!”

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m in love…” I answered, and my face melted into a stupid ecstatic smile.

“M’boy, you have a bigger crush than a bad apple in the day of harvest. Thanks for that, AJ. As much as I’d like to say that this is only a waste of time, I’m a loony, so instead of preventing you from wasting our time, I’ll just stop time” I heard the familiar sound of claws snapping, and everything in the wagon positively froze. For real, this time. Oh goddesses the puns, they hurt. “and give YOU, pardner, a few pointers, because I can already see you’re completely clueless with mares.”

I wasn’t even noticing the blatant insult, I scrambled for words desperately and pleaded rather pathetically to the Mad God:

“You would? Please teach me, oh Wisest One!” I joined my hooves in prayer, and I was answered! He laughed heartily, relishing in my humiliation, and answered, with a boastful voice full of pride:

“Boy, you’re hearing in your head the true god of LOVE. Not that phony sappy stuff that Cadenza spread around! True love is dark, passionate, cares nothing about you and will trample your pretty little soul down to a mush. Anyone driven by love is pushed to extremes, and awakens the darkest sides of their innermost desires. Anyway, there was this one time when me and Celestia; let me tell you, she’s a feisty one; so I was chilling in her bed and-“

“I don’t want to hear your prehistoric love stories with a thousand years old princess, just tell me what to do, you cretin!” I stomped my hooves on the table in rage.

“Fine, fine, just follow my lead and repeat what I say.” He snapped his fingers again and time went back on its tracks. Her hoof was still touching mine, and she was still showing me her adorable smile.

“First, remove that idiotic smile off your muzzle. Try to look more self reliant, more confident. Here, I’ll show you”. An image of myself, wearing a small and charming smirk invaded my mind. I tried to replicate it as fast as I possibly could.

“Fair enough, now just repeat what I say” Discord said, and finished the sentence with a weary sigh.

“So, you’re the brilliant mind who decided to put Stalliongrad radish instead of the boring Canterlot one? Sure, it might be more famous and prestigious, but the sweet aftertaste of fresh carrots of the former goes wonderfully with the wine.”

She clasped my hoof tighter ( I don’t even know) and squealed in delight. Never was a more lovely sound heard by mortal ears.

“Yes yes yes, finally somepony gets it!” Said while clapping her hooves together happily.

I gulped and went on, repeating the words Discord whispered in my brain:

“Yet, you were carrying glasses and serving as a waiter! How can be tolerated that such a brilliant and cute young mare is slaving away in the wagons instead of expressing her talent and insight about food in the kitchen or better, in a restaurant?”

She blushed profusely at the word “cute”, but after that, her ears drooped and her eyes closed.

“Thanks… I tried showing my cutie mark” and pointed at her flank, her nice, shapely flank, where a chef’s hat could be seen “to everyone in my home town and in Canterlot, but nopony wanted to hire me as anything more than a waitress. I was going to try to my sister’s place in Ponyville, but I don’t know how to get off this train! I don’t even have to money to rescind the contract!” She started to sob quietly. How could such a simple and loveable soul get crushed down by her own special talent! That’s what was wrong with this world! Yeah, it’s great when you have a talent for dressmaking, journalism or photography, field where there weren’t lots of ponies, so you could manage to squeeze into the establishment. But a cooking talent? A broad, common talent, that said nothing about your true ambitions and dreams. How many fops that just baked Corneighish pies had they hired instead of her? This just wasn’t fair. I had understood a long time before that what you do have consequences: I tried to change Equestria, without being smart about it. But this mare had done nothing wrong, and her only crime was to live in a world where you could do only the things you were programmed to. The things you were told you were good at.

“I’ll take it from here, Discord” I telepathically whispered.

“It’s your funeral” He answered with a sigh.

Tears were starting to form in the corners of her eyes. I reached her muzzle with my left hoof and wiped them off, hoping she would calm down, and stop crying. It was a shame seeing such a cute and gentle mare cry for an injustice.

“Take me to your boss and we’ll settle this.” I said sternly, hoping to convey some of my determination to her. She opened her eyes again, and looked up, straight into mine. I saw a glimmer of hope shining in those beautiful magenta pools.

“But-“ she said hesitantly.

“Just trust me, ok? By the way, my name is Swift Thought”. I got up from my seat, walked to her right and offered a hoof. She grabbed it, lifted herself up and smiled weakly at me. Then, I followed her up through the wagons.

I noticed that with every step, she became more and more determined: she emanated an aura of confidence that just irradiated the surroundings. We got through one last door, and we were finally in the kitchen: there were two stallions frenetically running around and checking pans, and a big, vocal earth pony mare that kept shouting orders. Inkie touched me and pointed at her:

“Uhm, she’s my boss.” She said slowly. “Her name is Rampant…” I put on my best smile and walked to the mare, that in the meantime, had noticed me, apparently to her great annoyance.

“Miss Rampant, is it? I’ve talked with-“

“Who the hell are ya and watcha doin in mah kitchen? Why is Inks with ya?” She shouted, pointing an accusatory hoof at me.

“Well, I’ll cut the chase: I’m here to pay the fee to rescind Miss Inkette’s contract. How much is it?” I levitated my coin pouch in front of me and waited for her answer.

“Forget it fancypants, there’s no way Ah’m going to let go of Inks here! She’s the only unicorn we have on this damned train, and her fancy mojo jojo magickey stuff It’s pretty darn useful! Ah know what ya’ll gonna do to her! Just enslave her using the debt as an excuse! Well let me tell ya, mister, there’s no way Ah-“ She was muted when three thousand bits of pure gold were floating in front of her. “Well, ya sure look like the responsible type! Ya’ll free to go, ‘specially you, Inks. Now get the hell out of mah kitchen before Ah call security!” And she waved us away while she counted the money. We exited the wagon silently and returned to my seat without saying a word. We stood in front of it. I moved to sit, but I was engulfed in furry and soft blur that smelled softly of vanilla:

“THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!” I just stood still, enjoying the feeling of her soft coat against mine. I couldn’t even lift my hooves to respond to her hug. When I felt her nuzzling my neck, my legs started to tremble and give away, but fortunately (or unfortunately) she stopped, and sat down. I joined, in front of her. We gawked at each other for a while, and after a minute or so, I had found the resolve to say:

“It’s nothing.” Tried to sound indifferent, sounded like I was sucking on a frog. Yet, she didn’t point out. She didn’t make anything of my awkwardness.

“It wasn’t nothing, it was everything! I’m sorry for making you spend so much, though. The rescind cost was just of three hundred bits, yet you spent ten times that…” Her ears drooped and the smile lost a bit of its luster. Good job, Swift, you couldn’t even help without making her sad.

“Hey, it’s really nothing, really. I don’t mind spending, if it’s to save such a pretty and talented mare.” Whoa. Did that really came out your mouth? That sounded like an actual, effective flirt. And by the goddesses she blushed. “Also, I think ‘Rampant’ is kind of a clutz. She’ll probably lose the money before she knows it.”

How much, Discord?

“I’d say… one hour. Slick moves you got there, pal”

“So, how much until Ponyville?” You asked.

“Oh, just half an hour, probably!” She answered happily, still too embarrassed to look at you in the eyes.

“Then, why don’t you talk me about this sister of yours?”

---

After indeed half an hour, the train stopped with a loud screech at the Station of Ponyville. In the mean I had learnt everything there was to know about Inkette’s family. Her sister, Pinkie, seems like the kind of mare I would never, ever want to meet. There was only so much whimsy and happiness I could take in one sitting, and the portrait was one of a filly perennially on sugar rush and with a serious need for meds, even if I thought I had heard the name before. Inkie, on other hoof, seemed fairly normal, if a bit on the cheery side. That wasn’t bad, there’s no spice in everything without a little discord. We got out of the train chatting a bit, but after we reached the exit our paths had to part. I just wished her the best of luck and slumped my way to the nearest tavern; the sun was almost down, and crickets were starting to sing in the summer air. Discord was silent all the way. I asked the mare at the reception for a single room and two nights, got up and threw myself on the bed. A matter of seconds, and I was already sleeping.

I was smiling, a long time before. There was a garden, somewhere. And a stallion, looking at me, smiling. I was running, going after a bright red ball. I smacked my head against a funny statue. The stallion stopped smiling, just for a second. I saw him, and hugged him, to make him feel better. He nuzzled me, caringly and lovingly. Like a father would. There were other times, like that. Sometimes he had a different coat and a different mane, and he told me he liked to change style once in a while. Never even once there was a mare with him. He carried me around on his back, and we slept in different places a lot of times. He told me he liked to travel. He was always there, with that smile. One night, I went in his room. I had been having nightmares lately, and I asked him if I could stay in the bed with him. There was a window in his room. I almost closed my eyes, but a flash of light washed in front of me: it was beautiful, and it encompassed the night sky like a rainbow, and it had the same colors. Then, I heard a loud sound, like a roof breaking down, and some shrieks in the distance. Horrified, I snuggled against the stallion. He sighed and said that She had found them, and that the fun was over. He nuzzled me one last time, and I fell asleep. Once I woke up, he was gone and the bed was empty. There was a note on the table in the kitchen. “Go here”, with an address. I ran there, hoping to find the stallion. But he wasn’t there, and they took me, saying I was a stray foal. That’s the last time I saw or heard of him.

Know yourself.

When your life really got off tracks?

What’s your heart’s desire?

What you truly wish for yourself and all the others?

Who do you really loathe?

What do you really stand up against?

Where is your mother?

Where is your father?

What happened to those times?

Why you don’t want to remember?

What are you really afraid of?

The shadow, looming over. It was enormous, and it engulfed everything in darkness. I felt the floor tumbling under my hooves, and I fell.

I saw just dark, then a small light shimmering in it. I reached it, and touched it with my hoof. Now, I was in the kitchen, at the table. There was the stallion in front of me. He smiled at me, and asked:

“Just who are you?”

---

I woke up with a gasp, and drenched in sweat. It was a long time since I had dreamed of my father. I didn’t really like to remember him. It was dawn, and the sun was already peeking on the world. Discord was still unusually silent. Maybe being in the town that housed the Elements of Harmony got him in a pensive mood. It wasn’t my problem, at least until after breakfast. I went downstairs, and asked for breakfast: the tavern was completely empty. I ate a small loaf of bread with jam, gulped down a cup of coffee and reached for a newspaper pile near my table. The headlines were talking about strange resurgences of chaos magic in the Royal Gardens, with Celestia and Luna assuring everypony that Discord was still imprisoned.

“Yeah, right.” A familiar voice mumbled in my head.

“Ah, so you are awake. I was beginning to think you were actually-“

“Sleeping? I was. Every god of chaos needs his beauty sleep.” He yawned “Anyway, up and at them, we have many ponies to meet and much work to do!”

“So, where we go first?” I asked, curious.

“Ponyville Elementary. There are two ponies there, so unlikeable and annoying, you could say they’d send chills down your spine” He answered with his usual playful tone. “You know, I have good feeling about this. It’s a beautiful day. A magical play.”

Author's Note:

This is probably full of mistakes, since I haven't done any proofreading cuz there's the freaking Hobbit to see and I don't have the time. So enjoy it, and again, I need editors yaddayaddayadda

Comments

[Sandman]

5 bits on Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

[Raistlin]

WHAT!? American Gods Equestria Version?!

24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw6ez4m8lM1qf5z5eo1_500.gif

So, if Discord is gonna be Wednesday-Odin, which will be his role?