Chapter 13: The Elements of Harmony
“The Elements of Harmony are one of the most enduring of the legends which permeated out from the country of Equestria over the years. It was said that they were artefacts of pure, crystallized magic, the strongest force known to exist. Naturally, we paid very close attention to such whisperings.”
- Dr. Szill Tosak, Research Log: July 5, 1900 UIT
A sombre mood seemed to reign over Everfree, and for once the weather had lined itself up to suit the occasion, as ominous storm clouds had rolled in, and a grim shower fell throughout the forest. Around the Citadel, and its sister towers, windows were drawn and fires were kindled, as the disheartened members of the Resistance tried to warm their hearts and spirits with the same tools as they warmed their bodies. For Celestia though, the day’s events were simply too grim to be helped. For another year at least, Equestria would remain captive.
Celestia had trudged back into the Meeting Chamber listlessly, the weight of her heart holding her back almost as much as the exhaustion that sapped her limbs. When Terraria had questioned her, she had only shaken her head. There were no words that could fit the situation. Aqua and Atlas had been consoling, insisting that this was not the end of her journey, that there would always be a place for her within the Resistance. But there was only one place that she had wanted. And only Luna could get it now. Celestia had wished with all of her heart that her sister would be up to the task, though she had wondered if that were possible, and had seen the same fears on the faces of the Masters.
They had waited for hours, through several hasty cycles of day and night, and still there had been no word or sign of Luna’s success or failure. Finally, Atlas and Celestia had ventured out in search of her. They found her precisely where Atlas had left her, bent in thought, her brow creased in effort, still trying. But it was no use. With tears of frustration in her eyes, she had joined them on their way back.
Now they were back up in their room, Celestia pacing restlessly, while Luna sat at the window looking long out at the country. “I thought that I had done it,” Celestia said, mostly to herself. “I was right there, with the Sun and the Moon free, but I couldn’t control them. Why not?” The question had been rattling through her head ever since the event, and she could come up with no satisfactory answer.
“Nopony can,” Luna answered from the window.
“What?”
Her sister turned around. “Nopony can control the Sun or the Moon. They are elemental spirits, more powerful than any magic. They bow to no one.”
“What would you know about any of that?” Celestia snapped. “And besides, if that’s true then how does Terraria expect anypony to be able to complete her trial?”
“I know a great deal more than you!” Luna got up and walked over to her sister, each step resonating hard off of the stone walls of the room. “I’ll bet you approached the problem just as if you were sorting a book in a library: a classic unicorn mistake! Celestial bodies are not objects, they are forces of the world, just like the winds and the oceans. They do not answer to any command but their own.”
Celestia was momentarily taken aback, but she quickly found her footing. “That still doesn’t help the situation. Terraria wants order. How does it happen if we can’t make it happen?”
“You just have to understand!” Luna shouted, waving a hoof up at the sky. “They are not objects, and they have wills of their own. The Sun wants to rise at the right times, and set to cede the sky to night. If you let it, that’s what it will do. But if you try to shackle it, try to make it follow your will, then it will fight you, and you will lose.”
Luna turned away from her and returned to the window. Outside, the rain was pouring down onto the leaves of the forest, and sky overhead was obscured, so it was impossible to tell whether it was day or night. The twilight reminded Celestia of Eridian, and indeed the forest looked dull from here, dead though hours ago it had been vibrant.
“I can feel them out there,” Luna continued, now sombre and reserved again. “As clear now as I could this afternoon. More than anything else, I just want to help them, to set them free. But the Chaos magic is too powerful. While it’s out there, neither one of us can do anything, I suppose.”
A sudden idea sprouted in Celestia’s mind. Here was Luna, seemingly with the answer that had eluded her earlier in the day, stymied by the very thing that she had succeeded at. She joined her sister at the window. “If the Chaos magic was gone, you would be able to set the Sun back into its proper course?”
Luna looked up at her, still forlorn. “I suppose so. But I tried to make it disappear all afternoon. I know that I can’t make it happen.”
“But I can.”
A spark of understanding lit up in Luna’s eyes. “You can, can’t you? Then that means that together—”
“We would have a chance,” Celestia finished for her. “Come on. I know you haven’t given up yet, and neither have I.”
The rain had intensified by the time the two sisters exited the tower, so each drop felt like the sting of a tiny needle on their backs as they began their trek out into the forest. Even though it was only about early evening, the combination of the clouds with the leaves overhead made the forest floor exceedingly dark. It was Celestia that struck up a light with her horn, just so that they could see where they were going.
The pair walked in silence for a few minutes, each one in deep thought over what they were about to attempt. Although it had never been explicitly stated that they would not get a second chance to succeed, it had been quite seriously implied. There was even the possibility that attempting a stunt like this would put them in dire trouble. It was fair to say that Celestia didn’t really care about such considerations at this point. For if they succeeded, then that was another matter entirely.
After about five minutes of silence filled only by the tense patter of the raindrops impacting the leaf canopy overhead, Luna spoke. “Do you remember a year ago, back in Eridian? We both promised to do whatever it took to save Equestria?”
Celestia remembered. Eridian felt like it had been ages ago, before both of them had been thrust into the search for their final destiny. All of that had been leading to this night, this one chance at success. “I do. I remember that I promised to always stand by your side, if an opportunity should present itself for us to free our country.”
She stopped for a moment, letting Luna come alongside her in the darkness. In truth, it had been scarcely a week since they had been reunited, after a year spent in individual solitude. But neither of them had grown apart, indeed that year had only strengthened what had always been an unbreakable bond, a bond forged from hardship and struggle in the depths of the High King’s cruelty. And now, the two of them were about to become even closer.
“We go forward together now, Luna,” Celestia said. “Whatever happens in the times ahead, I shall never leave your side. We shall fight for this country, and rebuild it in time, as one entity, forever.”
“Together, forever,” Luna agreed. “I couldn’t have made it this far without you.” And the two sisters shared a long embrace, as the rain came down all around them, and lightning lit up the black sky. Both were so lost in the moment that neither realized that the forest in their immediate vicinity had been illuminated slightly during that instant, but the effect was lost as soon as they released each other.
They came thence to the small clearing in which Luna had made her attempt earlier in the afternoon. It was roughly circular, and filled with tall grasses that swished about the two alicorns’ knees as they came into its center. Unfortunately, since they were now clear of the forest’s protective canopy, the rain fell upon them again in a hard torrent. But neither one paid any heed to it. Nothing would deter them from their goal at this point.
Celestia and Luna both cleared their own section of the space, sitting down into their own pieces of privacy. Taking a deep breath, and steeling herself for facing this task yet again, Celestia locked onto her sister’s gaze. “Ready?” she asked simply. Luna nodded, and so both of them closed their eyes, and fell down inwards into their own worlds.
Equestria fell away once more, and again Celestia awoke to find herself suspended above the intricate web of knotted cords that was Discord’s hold on the county. The tangle of his magic infected every corner of the land, concentrating on population centers but present everywhere regardless. The colossal warped tower that was his hold on day and night still stood there, forming a bridge between land and sky. It was thick and twisted as a braid, but Celestia knew its weaknesses. She had deciphered this puzzle once before, after all.
But before she could set off on that errand, Celestia felt it. A sort of uneven pressure applied across her eardrums, building up to a note of pain. In order for their plan to work, Luna had to bridge their consciousnesses, so that they could occupy the same mental realm. Naturally neither one of them had known what it was going to be like, but Celestia hadn’t thought that it was going to be quite this hard. She gritted her teeth and tried to force the sensation away, but with each breath it came harder, focusing into two intense spikes of discomfort. Eyes clenched shut; Celestia heard her sister’s voice, softly echoing in her head. Don’t fight it. You have to let me come. I’ll be here for you the whole way.
Celestia allowed herself to relax, taking a deep breath even as the discomfort intensified further. That’s good. It should only take a few more seconds. Do you remember our years together in Eridian? It wasn’t much, but we made everything that we could out of it.
I do remember, she thought to herself, casting back in time to what happy memories there were of that part of their lives. Most of the time they had been working, either in the streets or back at home, doing whatever it took to get by, but there had been moments that created fond memories. Surprisingly though, it was not their games of chess that Celestia found her memory drawn to. It was instead the times that they had just talked, just been together, without objectives or plans. Just the two of them.
In an instant, the pain built to an almost unbearable climax, and then was gone. Celestia opened her eyes, and found that Luna was now standing beside her in the realm of her own imagination. Her younger sister’s dark mane flowed out behind her head as she stared in shocked silence at the nightmarish landscape that was laid out before them. Celestia came up to stand beside her.
“It’s…” Luna tried to begin. “It’s… unbelievable. The way I could see it, it was all just grey, as if Discord had drained all the life and colour out of the country. I could sense them, all the lives out there, waiting for the day that they would be free. Now I can see why they’re not.” Both of them felt their gazes drawn to their old home, which seemed almost to glow, such being the sheer concentration of magical strands that ran like tentacles out from it.
“Seeing it again, I almost want to go back there right now and dismantle everything from the ground up. Tear it all out by the roots,” Luna continued, a note of anger entering her complexion.
Celestia shook her head. “As much as I agree, we’re still not strong enough for that. Our only hope lies in the Prophecy still.” Let the light of order again shine free; And Chaos’ End shall find thee. “Our task lies over there.” And she indicated the tower of magic clawing its way up into the heavens.
Both of them took to the skies, flying over to the area where the mass of magic rose like a tree trunk to the sky. It did not take Celestia long to discern the shape of the structure again. It was different than it had been last time, but still followed the same general patterns as before. It was beyond simple to cut it up once more.
Finally, she stood precisely where she had been only a few hours previously, with but a single strand still holding the celestial bodies in submission. Luna now hovered a few feet to her left, taking in the scope of the situation. “Okay, Celestia. So as soon as you cut that last thread, all of that power is going to be released, right?”
“Yes, Luna. You can feel them just like before, can’t you?”
Luna nodded immediately. “Their power is almost unimaginable at this close of a distance. None should be capable of withstanding this strong of a force.”
“But you’ll just let it pass through, right? You’ll allow each of them to find their own way?”
Luna was silent for an instant, and then calmly replied, “I think so, but I might need your help as well. There’s going to be a lot of magic at work here, perhaps too much for me to handle on my own. Be ready to jump in if I need you.”
“Right. Are you ready?” Receiving one final nod from her sister, Celestia reached out and cut the final strand, once again letting the full fury of the Sun run wild. She could feel it at the corners of her own awareness, that same burning force of nature as before. Expecting a similar grimace of concentration, she looked over at her sister. But oddly enough, Luna’s face was serene, eyes closed and lips curved into a gentle, slender smile, as though she was contentedly resting after a day’s hard work. Rather than fighting the rush, she was simply letting it happen.
But it was only an instant before she noticed a slight creasing of her sister’s brow, and the pulsing of a vein above her right ear. It seemed that her sister’s magic was indeed not enough. Coming to Luna’s side, she whispered softly in her sister’s ear. “I’m here, Luna. What do you need me to do?”
When Luna spoke, her voice was strained with obvious effort. “You… can feel it, right? Take… some of the burden, let it pass through you.”
Although the prospect frightened her, Celestia knew that there was most certainly no turning back now. So, gathering her own thoughts, and focusing hard on her sister’s words, she opened up her own mind to the torrent, immediately feeling the rush of power run through her consciousness. Fighting her natural urge to maintain control, she tried to just relax and let it all happen. It was a terrifying feeling, as if she was being swamped in the flood of magic and natural force. If she didn’t assert her own place, take some control, she felt sure that she would be lost. But then she heard Luna’s voice again, and it gave her strength. “Take heart, sister. Don’t fight it; above all else let it flow. We don’t have to do this alone. You should be able to find me within the torrent.”
Celestia tried to think calmly in the raging flood, tried to see through it to the source of her sister’s voice. Sure enough, she could detect the pinpoint of Luna’s consciousness, doing its best to stand amidst its own current. Slowly, the two of them came together. “Offer me your strength, Luna, and in return you shall have my own. Together we shall outlast all of this.”
“Together forever, Celestia,” Luna answered, and in that instant, their minds joined to become one.
It was an altogether novel experience for both of them. Never before had they been so close, literally joined together on a psychological level; each intimately aware of the other’s thoughts and memories. Time stretched out to an infinite continuity as the two sisters simply were, together in the face of the entire world’s power, weathering the storm. Neither before nor again would any two ponies experience such purest Harmony as did Celestia and Luna that evening.
After only a second — or an hour, or a century, it was impossible for Celestia to tell — it was over. The torrent ceased, bringing with it a sense of purest excitement, and undeniable power. For perhaps the first time, Celestia truly felt the legendary fury of the magic of the pegasi, held deep within her heart, and combining with the unicorn magic in her mind. The collected energy erupted forth from both of them in a dazzling nova of light, illuminating both their mental realms and the real world of the forest where both still sat. Looking beneath their perch where the Sun and Moon had once been held captive, Celestia could see the tower of magic, before merely severed, now shrivelling in the intense blast of light, dying away to nothing on the matted floor of the country. Indeed, not only was the Sun free for now, it would be for a long time afterwards. They had done it.
When Celestia and Luna opened their eyes, they were met with a most unexpected sight. It was still dark, for apparently the “true” time had been the middle of the night, but the fullness of the Equestrian Moon lit up the forest with a twinkling radiance. There was not a cloud to be seen. Moreover, the formerly empty clearing had been blasted flat in radiating lines, each blade of grass blown outward from the very center of the area. And in the clearing’s center, still smoking slightly from the release of magical energy, rested a most curious artefact.
On its side on the ground was a circular disk of gold, upon which the design of an eight-pointed star had been inlaid. Resting on the outlying edges, five bright gemstones had been arranged in a symmetrical pattern, with a sixth sitting in the very center. Each of them greedily drank in the light of the Moon, shining forth in a dazzling array of colour. Besides their visual beauty, Celestia and Luna could both feel something else. An intense magical aura radiated out from the area, imprinting each of their minds with a feeling reminiscent of what they had experienced together in their shared mindspace. It was an exhilarating experience, and both of them turned to each other with wide grins.
“We did it, Celestia!” Luna let a joyous laugh shake through her features. “Discord’s power has been shaken, and soon it will break.”
“Indeed, Luna. These magical gems must be the article spoken of in the Prophecy: Chaos’ End. I can’t wait to get back to the Citadel and spread this news.” And picking up the ring, Celestia began galloping back through the forest.
“Sister, wait!” Luna yelled after her, causing her sister to stop and turn. Luna was airborne, wings flapping powerfully over the forest. “I don’t think that this occasion really calls for walking,” she called down to her sister. “Let us bring back this news with the triumph it deserves!”
With a laugh, Celestia joined her sister in the sky, and in seconds the two of them were closing in on Everfree. Both could see that a few ponies were outside, milling about in confusion over the rain’s sudden disappearance. It wasn’t long before one of them pointed upwards, spying the returning sisters out over the forest’s canopy. Afire with each other’s fully awakened magic, both of them knew that the situation required something special. And so, with only the slightest effort, Celestia and Luna reached out with their minds and built a sprawling rainbow, arching gracefully from one end of the night sky to the other, and passing directly over the Citadel.
As the news spread quickly through the building, more windows and doors were opened, and soon enough there was a large crowd gathered beneath, joyous at the turn of events. Celestia couldn’t help but think back to the days they had spent entertaining crowds back in Eridian, although this event comprised a completely different nature than those ones had.
Celestia looked over at her sister, aflame with the glory of magic and light that rang through both of their minds. “We’re ready sister. Today Everfree, tomorrow Equestria, and for the future, finally there is hope.”
“Ponies will be free once more. Thank you for everything, sister.” And again the two of them embraced each other lovingly, to the exuberant cheers of the multitude gathered down below.
The Sun had begun to peek its way over the far eastern horizon by the time that things had gotten settled in the Citadel. It was the first real sunrise that Equestria had seen in more than four hundred years, and Luna could feel the hope that had radiated out to the whole of the country this past night. The two sisters now stood together outside of the entrance to the great chamber in the Citadel. Since it was such an important occasion, envoys had arrived from Aqua and Atlas’s Orders as well, so the room was much more vibrant than it had been before.
From where they stood, just outside one set of doors into the room, Celestia could see a great deal of the arrangement, as multitudes of unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies sat in their assigned sections. The overall mood was jubilant, echoing the thoughts and feelings which circled about within her own heart. In the centre however, things were surprisingly more subdued. Atlas especially appeared almost uncomfortable. Celestia put it down to nerves. He never had liked being the center of attention.
Once everything had gotten settled down, Celestia and Luna dutifully made their entrance, letting the excitement of the past twelve hours show clearly in their faces as they received a standing ovation. Celestia carried the magical ring in front of them with her magic, and finally placed it in the very center of the room, such that it was literally the focus of everyone’s attention. Two extra chairs had been laid out for them, and both sisters promptly took their seats, eager to get the proceedings over with so that they could be off to Eridian to complete the revolution.
Terraria rose first to address the assemblage. “First, allow me to extend most sincere congratulations to our two guests of honour, Celestia and Luna, for having restored natural light to our Citadel, and recovering this article of power.” There was another round of applause, even with some light whistles thrown in from a few of the pegasi. These Terraria quieted with a raised hoof. “Truly, the hour of our final victory is very near at hoof. Our long years of waiting have not been in vain, and very soon we shall at last be free.” More cheers and applause broke out as she spoke, but again the old Master asked for silence. “However, allow me to advise caution,” she continued, her voice having suddenly grown very grave. “This cannot be thought of as our final redemption.”
A collective gasp shot through the pegasus section, as well as a few of the earth ponies, but the most of the ponies behind Terraria nodded their approval. “We require three heroes to form our new Triumvirate,” Terraria said. “At the moment, we have four. Somehow, we must still choose one of the sisters.”
A pegasus in the front row of the Air section rose then to speak. “Respectfully, great Master, did you not see the signs of power that I saw this last night? These two sisters have given their all to our cause,” he bellowed out over the room. “Surely they are the heroes after which we have sought. How can we then commit such a crime as to only allow one of them to save our country?” There was a chorus of approval from the benches behind him, but Terraria immediately rose to answer.
“The Prophecy is very specific on this point,” the Master of Earth enunciated clearly. “For twenty years now we have known what we require, and Atlas and Aqua were selected beyond any doubt. We must make our choice somehow.” In his seat, Atlas stared longingly into the wood grain of the floor, looking as though he would rather be anywhere than here. Behind him, his Order was calling for their Master to speak.
Reluctantly, Atlas pushed himself forward, and stood facing Terraria’s seat. In an uncomfortable voice, he began, “This is a truly momentous occasion. For many of us, it is the first real hope that we have seen in all our time with the Resistance. Understandably, many of us are cautious about believing that the end has arrived after all our years of work.” He spared a moment to glance over at Aqua, seated across the room, then continued. “I think that my Order is simply a bit… restless after so many years of waiting for our opportunity to arrive. Now that real power has finally found its way to us, might we not consider striking against the tyrant while we can?” A tiny sliver of determination entered his voice on the end of this speech, bolstered by the many shouts of approval which he received.
Terraria quieted all of this with one hoof. Authoritatively, she rose once more. “To move on Discord now would be folly,” she emphatically declared. “We must wait until the right time comes, and that time has been ordained for us by the Prophecy. Until it is fulfilled, we must take our responsibilities with heart.” But no sooner had the words exited her mouth were they drowned out by another cavalcade of objections, answered by shouts of approval from Water and Earth.
As the chamber descended into argument and disarray, Luna turned to face her sister in the very center of it. “When you said that there would be a small ceremony before we got to go fight Discord, did you have this in mind?”
Celestia shook her head slowly, feeling the excitement of the past few hours drain out of her system. On the floor in front of them, even the magical gems had lost some of their lustre, seeming to react to the tension and distrust in the room. “No, Luna. This isn’t what I thought would happen at all.”
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Just read the first three chapters, including prologue. When it comes to grammar and description, it's superb. You've shown that you can eloquently portray a scene and the characters actions. So far from what I've read, I like the way you've developed Celeste and Claire's character, especially in their dialogue. Dialogue sounds "natural" if that makes any sense. It's doesn't sound awkward, and I can totally imagine them saying those things.
However, there are instances where you can lose the readers' interest. It feels like there isn't much happening with the characters in the first few chapters (excluding prologue). In the "shell game" scene, there's isn't much action, despite what's going on. One moment, they're leading a sucker into the game, and the next moment, they've got a crowd, followed by the end of their operation. A large portion of that scene was explaining how the whole thing worked, rather than being in the scene. Also, you probably don't need a picture of the chess game nor go that into detail with it (e.g. "White Queen onto h7"); I think describing their situation in the game is sufficient.
While you do an excellent job with description, there are instances where you go into a long explanation of what's happening and the reason behind. Since this story is being narrated in third-person, in which the reader doesn't know exactly what each character is thinking, I suggest adding more dialogue to keep it entertaining. It's great that you can use words to paint a scene as if you're really there, but without character interaction, it's just a painting.
One last thing, I really like the names, Celeste and Claire. They sound really nice.
This review brought to you by: Authors Helping Authors
(yes, I am aware that I am very, very late in doing this. Sorry, I haven't had much time.)
Name of Story: Legends of Equestria Act I: Ascending Star
Grammar Score: 10/10
Pros:
- Characterization of the original characters is well done
- Worldbuilding is very in-depth, and shines out in the story
- You are an excellent descriptive and narrative writer.
Cons:
- As stated by others, the biggest problem with this story is the sheer amount of explanation. As other commentators have already tackled the issues of description vs action and dialogue and show vs tell, I will focus instead on a different aspect: You are very, very wordy, in a way that reminds me a little of Ayn Rand. Take this paragraph, for instance:
This can be cut down to "It was easy for the sisters to stand out in a crowd, for they were alicorns. Alicorns hadn't always been so rare, and could be born of any mixed-race marriage, but these days the pony races didn't intermarry much."
This encyclopedic/textbook style of writing, which should be avoided at all costs in a story such as this, is only one problem. Your descriptive sequences are excessively wordy as well. Take this paragraph:
AFAIK, not one bit of this becomes important later. Occasional passages like this are interesting bits of worldbuilding, but you have them everywhere. Clamp down on your description, and keep it to what is strictly important.
Another thing is that you don't have to explain every little thought that goes through Celeste's head. A paragraph like this:
can do without the entire second sentence. The dialogue alone is enough to suggest why Celeste is asking that question.
I'll consider those three different types of excess description to be my three cons. Wordiness is by far the biggest problem this story has, to the point where it's rather hard to see any others it might have through it.
Thanks for reviewing my story Fragment!
Meh it was just another "Celestia basher" that literary removed the magic and charm out the show
boring
Yipe, what a note on which to go to hiatus! I can only assume that the resistance haven't quite reached the point in the prophecy they think they have, and that they're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
This is an epic story you're laying out, even if most of it has been setup so far. As others have noted, the descriptions are amazing, though it helps that I've had Tangerine Dream's "Loved By the Sun" going through my head all day, and it meshes wonderfully with both Aqua's valley and the Citadel. (And speaking of Aqua and descriptions, I can't help wondering if she's on a distant branch of the same family tree as a certain generous fashionista.) The expanded history between the Masters is an interesting angle, as well.
...That said, I kind of wish you had the original Act I still lying around somewhere for posterity. I actually read it and Act II quite a while ago, but even if they're not (as you put it) the most complete expressions of your ideas, they're a decent story in their own right, especially considering that this current iteration of the story will be eliminated as well (if I read your blog correctly).
Ha, eat shit rule of three.