Twisted Truth and Lonely Lies

by Plasmadon

The Demented Forest of Magic Death

Chapter 7: The Demented Forest of Magic Death

It had been a week since our little adventure in Ponyville. Nia finally allowed me to take my bandages off, thus allowing me to breathe again. Angel met a fine lady rabbit, and Nia and I nearly had to knock him out to get him away from her. We caused a ruckus in another town by the name of Trottingham, and made off with a handsome sum of money from bounties and only 3 deaths on our consciences.

There was a noticeable change in my mindset as well. After that first guard I killed, every death became a little clearer and focused in my memory. I began having nightmares about those people I had killed. Murderer’s Guilt, I think they called it in Psych class. I woke up every night either gasping for breath or beaded in sweat. I kept telling myself I would only fight for self-defense from then on. Then, my mind would wander to a situation where Nia or Angel got kidnapped, and I would grit my teeth in the effort of not slaughtering every living thing that got in my way to free them.

It actually surprised me just how fond I had grown of the two after just a week and a half. Nia was explainable; I’d saved her life, and I possibly held some feelings for her. Angel, I guess, was my wingman in this Technicolor world. Well, as close to a wingman as a rabbit without wings can be. He had taken Paco to be his new personal club, while I picked a lightweight knife for Nia. Hey, I can’t say it isn’t cliché, but she’s a ninja when it comes to killing people.

We were flying out in the countryside, skirting a deep, winding forest Angel identified as the Everfree. The moment the three of us touched down, the back of my neck prickled, and I felt a subtle pressure exerting itself on my body.
In other words, home.

I relaxed instantly, momentarily slipping back into my Earth mindset. Angel did the complete opposite and tensed like a coiled spring.

“Christ, I feel great right now,” I said. Nia raised her eyebrow.

“Seriously? Just ten minutes ago you were complaining about a constant headache.”

“I blame the bright colors. Besides, this place reminds me of Earth.”

“You really aren’t from this world, are you?” Nia asked. There was a note of resignation in her voice.

“Um, hello? Planet to Nia?” I rapped on her head, causing her to look up with a playful expression. “I thought we already established this.”

“Um… Cooper?” Angel said blankly. “You do realize that sounds like a crappy cover story, right? I mean, you’re from another dimension, sent here by a damned spirit, to fight in this huge Game that encompasses all of Equestria. That’s like the dog eating your homework, bro.”

“Hey, never underestimate a dog. Those things are the bane of my existence.”

“Again, Cooper, you do realize that you’re one third dog right now?”

“And there’s the universe’s twisted sense of irony. Angel, do me a favor and never get drafted by the gods. It fucks with your sense of humor. It really does. I mean seriously, Griffin the Griffin is a good guy and all, but his idea of funny is a little-”

o_._0_0_._o

NO! BAD COOPER! NO BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! THAT’S DEADPOOL’S JOB!

“Alright, jeez. Just stop yelling in my ears.”

Sorry.

“No problem. The only problem now is how I’m going to explain to Nia and Angel that we’re just story characters, and not force them into an existential crisis.”

Hold the freaking phone. How do you even know about the fourth wall in the first place?

“Dude, I went to a school for geeks. I literally have all the Deadpool comics.”

Fine, just stop talking to me before Nia and Angel look at you weirdly! God, now I have to rewind the past five minutes of this terrible story. I swear, being an author is hard work. Am I right?

“Dude, shut up and get to the Reality Shifting.”

Alright. Bye-bye, Andrew!

“See ya.”

_-_-_ “.ay eeS” !werdnA ,eyb-eyB .thgirlA “gnitfihS ytilaeR eht ot teg dna pu tuhs ,eduD ?thgir I mA .krow drah si rohtua na gnieb ,raews I .yrots elbirret siht fo setunim evif tsap eht dnirew ot evah I won ,doG !yldriew uoy ta kool legnA dna aiN erofeb em ot gniklat pots tsuj ,eniF “.scimoc loopdaeD eht lla evah yllaretil I .skeeg rof loohcs a ot tnew I ,eduD” ?ecalp strif eht ni llaw htruof eht tuoba wonk neve uoy od woH .enohp gnikaerf eht dloH “.sisirc laitnetsixe na otni meht ecrof ton dna ,sretcarahc yrots tsuj er’ew taht legnA dna aiN ot nialpxe ot gniog m’I woh si won melborp ylno ehT .melborp oN” .yrroS “.srea ym ni gnilley pots tsuJ .zeej ,thgirlA” !BOJ S’LOOPDAED S’TAHT !LLAW HTRUOF EHT GNIKAERB ON !REPOOC DAB !ON

o_._0_0_._o

¬“-elttil a si ynnuf fo aedi sih tub ,lla dna yug doog a si niffirG eht niffirG ,ylsuoires name I .seod yllaer tI .romuh fo esnes ruoy htiw skcuf tI .sdog eht yb detfard teg reven dna rovaf a em od ,legnA .ynori fo esnes detsiwt s’esrevinu eht s’ereht dnA” _-_-_

Finally, all done. Now back to Andrew’s point of view. Dammit Deadpool, stop teaching teenagers about the fourth wall!

Hey, it’s not my fault Rob Liefield and Fabian Nicieza decided to have a little fun with my character deisgn.

Get back into Deadpool vs. Equestria! You are banned from my house until further notice.

Ha, I can just scare you into submission with my face.

Oh yeah? I can scare you more. Here’s a picture of MLP Luna and Rarity R34.

Oh, come on. It can’t be –holy shit!

Finally, we can get back to the story! Sorry for that minor inconvenience, and let us continue with the Twisted Truth and Lonely Lies.

I started feeling a bit strange, like the past five minutes of my life was erased by Angel’s comment. I decided I was going to retort with the greatest comeback mankind has ever known.

“Yo mom’s a dog!” I cackled and dashed into the forest, leaving behind my two very confused companions. I ran until I was exhausted, and when you’re a seraph, that’s about six or seven miles of nonstop sprinting. I panted, still throwing my occasional wheeze of laughter from the terrible joke I had used two minutes ago. I eventually got up and looked around. The forest thickened the farther I had gone, and now I was facing what seemed to be a temple made of trees. Seriously, it was like the witch’s hut in The Minish Cap, only a good hundred times taller. Branches wove in and out of the wooden walls, forming a lattice pattern that was impossible to keep straight in my head. A wooden message was carved into the front. It read:

“This temple was erected by the power of M. Y. Balls, in honor of the great goddess Terra”

The funny thing about it, it was written in Latin. I never knew there was Latin in Equestria. I glanced at the doors one last time, then turned as Nia, accompanied by Angel, huffed and puffed into view.

“My temple brings all the girls to the yard, and they’re like, it’s better than yours. Damn right, it’s better than yours,” I hummed. Nia just shook her head and tried to slap me. I hastily blocked, and due to her half-conscious state from running so much, I accidentally knocked Angel out of her fur.

“Christ, what’s got you two in a twist?” he growled. I noticed he had the faintest Welsh accent. Great, another Euro. Nia will never be able to handle the both of us.

“Look at the great temple of M. Y. Balls, and rejoice in its glory!” I mock praised, raising my hands to the sky. Nia rolled her eyes, but gave one of her trademark cute giggles.

“How do you know what this says, anyway?” Angel grumbled.

“Latin,” I murmured back. I got up close to the engraving. “Old human language. The odd thing is, it’s written perfectly. They didn’t even use lowercase letters or spaces. It’s like a Roman himself carved this.”

“That’s actually pretty weird. Even for us.”

“Damn right it is. Let’s go in.”

“What?!” Nia said, shocked. “Are you crazy?! There could be all sorts of dangerous things inside!”

“Exactly.” I twirled Lasair, its blade glowing faintly in the dark of the thick canopy. “If we get into a pickle, we can just burn the place to the ground. Besides, I want to get back to killing things that aren’t sentient. Watching ponies die isn’t exactly my idea of pleasant.”

Nia glared at me for another moment, then sighed and motioned for me to lead the way. Did seraph get periods? Only asking because that may explain a shit-ton of stuff. With that thought in my head, I pushed the doors open, and entered the temple of Terra.

Comments

[TheVideoGamingGuru]

xD

What the man means is, good work on this chapter

[Hat and clogs guy]

xhstdjrurdut new chapter xjfxkculvyf cgfckylukyflftuknt

[kragor]

fourth wall breaking for da wiiiiiiiiiiin

[Fireeaters]

Moar

[the monkey ninja]

Oh great temple of M.Y. Balls, accept my sacrifice of tons of LOL's, some 's, and a couple of 's.