Trixie & The Haberdasher's Dungeon

by SneakyKGB

Getting The Ropes

Chapter Seven: Getting The Ropes

Leaves crackled as they were consumed by fire. Embers blossomed high in the air, painting the dark sky with spots of orange and red. The campfire bathed its creators in a generous warm glow, but they shivered despite it. Beside the blaze which had eaten up all the nearby trees, hours previously, this fire was weak. The weight of a pony's stare was enough to make it collapse on itself, birthing another wave of sparks. Even though the night never ended it still grew colder and slightly darker as the evening progressed.

“Collect more wood,” Trixie commanded, looking sharply at Mwali.

The zebra looked briefly towards the forest. “It won't matter,” he said, “I've never seen another pony so poor at tending a campfire.”

Trixie fished a coal out of the fire and chucked it at Mwali. The zebra jumped up instinctively, watching as the glowing rock rolled lazily to a stop. They traded glares until he sat down and turned back to the fire in silence. It had been like that ever since Trixie escaped the tunnel and they had agreed to wait for the others. The tension between them was thick, as Mwali tried to read Trixie's thoughts, and Trixie fought to hide any inkling of them.

The Great and Powerful Trixie was never unsure, nor confused. Even if she slipped up sometimes, she did her best to remain in control. Now, however, Trixie wasn't even remotely sure of what was going on in her head. Within the game she felt as though she was in her element, stronger, wiser, a towering figure. Yet for all her power and knowledge, there were very static limitations, based on the game-world's rules. Being that they had only just started playing, those limits were shallow, which left them very vulnerable ponies in a very dangerous world.

“We should discuss how we're going to get out,” said Mwali.

Trixie had half the mind to throw another coal at him. “This is just a cheap trick on Socks' part, as soon as the others are here we will convince him to end the game,” Trixie rested her head on her hooves as she spoke, “there's nothing else to discuss.”

Mwali maintained his stare firmly, he replied, “What if he doesn't? If the only way out is to complete his game, what then? Will we remain trapped here as our bodies wither in Equestria?”

“Any spell can be broken,” Trixie explained, as though to a foal, “it's a basic rule of magic, nothing can be done that can't be UN-done. Once the princess arrives I'm sure she'll show us all what fabulous alicorn magic can do to dispel this illusion.”

The zebra huffed, “Shouldn't The Great and Powerful Trixie be able to do the same?”

“Even if Trixie had the magical volume to end a spell this elaborate, she doesn't know any spells of disillusionment, and we don't know if they would work in this world.”

“Why would one who plays a master of magic not know how to break it?”

The mare rolled her eyes and stood up fussily, “My entire career is based on enchanting ponies, why would I ever need to do the opposite?”

The answer seemed obvious enough, Mwali held his tongue. Maybe to ponies it made no sense, softened as they were by centuries of peace. If one uses a power then one should also be prepared to defend against it. Whether or not Trixie was a powerful spellcaster made no difference if her scope was too limited. The most powerful unicorn in Equestria was useless with such a gaping hole in her knowledge. Mastery meant not only being capable of a skill, but being capable of rendering it ineffective, that was how Mwali had been raised.

The mare went on, frustrated by the unimpressed frown on Mwali's face, “If Trixie could find a seam, a loose spot in Socks' universe, there's a slight chance I could wake up our sleeping forms.”

“How would one find this 'seam'?”

For what felt like the millionth time that day Trixie sighed, “You don't. They're just there.”

“Nopony can find them, or you can't find them?”

“It would take powerful detection magic,” Trixie snapped. Just then, an idea smacked her across the face. She raised a hoof to point at the zebra, “which you have. Illusionist magic is the strongest utility magic, if you get more powerful you might be able to use the Detect Magic spell to find a seam.”

The corner of Mwali's mouth twitched upwards, “and you could use that to get us out.”

The showmare gave a little hop. Abruptly she realized that she was grinning, pleased at the suggestion. Trixie subdued her expression and replaced it with a frown. She replied in a dejected tone, “It doesn't matter though, that could take weeks. Princess Luna will be here with Socks... prime to take the glory.”

“You don't seem like the type of pony to leave her fate in another's hoof.” Mwali laid down so they were eye-level again. A bemused expression played on his face.

She didn't respond. For all that she had dreamed of Age of Nightmare now she only wanted to leave it as soon as possible. Trixie was genuinely afraid, but more than that she was infuriated by the sense of imprisonment. Socks held all the strings in that world, and even if he really could them safe she disliked being a pawn to his will. The entire point of playing his game was to prove that she could beat him, but she wasn't willing to risk her life by staying in his world any longer than she had to.

The zebra took on a sagely voice as he said, “Every hero was once small in size, given your time, Trixie, you will arise.”

Trixie watched him inquisitively. With his eyes shut he looked like he was at peace. She shook her head and gave a snort, “Heroes are foalish. Overrated ponies who were in the right place at the right time.”

Mwali opened his eyes, struck by what she had said. As he opened his mouth to reply he was interrupted by a noise.

The rustling came from the forest and was accented by several voices. Trixie and Mwali both stood, prepared for a scuffle. Both of them had small injuries, but nothing that would slow them down in fight or flight. It proved pointless, as one of the voices – boasting about the merits of a fedora – quickly revealed their identities. Socks had returned with the others, and they emerged from the forest to lay eyes on the small campsite.

“Finally,” Topstitch sighed in relief, quickening his pace as he went to Trixie's side.

As he attempted to wrap a hoof around the mare's neck she ducked under it. Trixie tilted her head and regarded him with a mixture of horror and disgust. “What in Tartarus did you do to your horn?” she asked, reaching up to poke the faintly illuminated fractures.

It was Topstitch's turn to evade, putting a step between himself and Trixie. He replied, “It's just the game, my character had a broken horn so mine is too.”

Trixie gave a single harsh laugh, “Trixie is aware of that, why does it look like a glowstick? You didn't really try to use it, did you?”

It was hard to tell if Trixie was concerned or making fun of him. Either way it did nothing to improve Topstitch's surly mood. “What about you two?” he asked, “Did anything happen?”

“We found the bear,” said Mwali as he came to join them, “it would have swallowed Trixie whole if Socks hadn't helped her.”

“It wouldn't have been there in the first place if not for him,” Trixie reminded them, casting a gloomy look at the haberdasher hiding behind Topstitch.

“Greetings, Great and Powerful Trixie and Mwali,” said Luna as she arrived behind the others.

Joe was just behind her and added his own greetings.

Topstitch waved aside Trixie's complaint, “Socks has an idea on how to get us out-”

“Simple,” Trixie interrupted, jabbing a hoof at the princess, “she uses a disillusionment charm.”

“That's not going to work...” Topstitch replied, pushing Trixie's hoof back down. The mare batted her eyes in irritation, inviting him to explain.

“Her Highness chose a pegasus as her race, she can't use any magic,” he said.

Trixie still didn't understand, “but she's an alicorn,” she said.

Topstitch shook his head, “Not here.”

With a loud growl Trixie turned away from them. The mare stomped off, muttering to herself and kicking stones aside. The others glanced around before following her. They joined her around the fire and each took a place, Joe adopted the duty of keeping it alive. Socks paced back and forth nearby. The others watched with bated breath, waiting for him to share his solution.

“I believe you need to beat the game- wait, wait!” Socks protested as the others gave a collective sigh, “not all of it! After I realized how short we were on time I cut out a lot of the content I had prepared. This world runs on a script, so when it runs out of words to follow it should end.”

To show them this Socks retrieved a notebook, he pulled it out of the air as if from an imaginary pocket. When they leaned in to observe he flipped through the pages. There were only a few, compared to the small encyclopedia he had prepared for the game originally. Socks skipped ahead, to the back of the book, confirming what he'd said before tucking it back away in mid-air.

“This is the first adventure, it takes place in a passage inside the bear's den. I knew Trixie couldn't resist peeking inside,” the haberdasher gave a satisfied chuckle. He went on, “the book doesn't go beyond this, it's all I had with me at the table. If you play out this dungeon we run out of script, magic things happen, the world goes all wobbly, then we wake up!”

Donut Joe gave a grunt, “Not that it looks like we got any other choice, but what sort of stuff did you put in there?”

Part of Socks quivered angrily. Would they never stop asking him for help? Still, he supposed they wouldn't be too pleased if he gave another excuse. He flipped through the notebook as he spoke, “La, de da, traps... traps... hidden doors, more traps – that was a funny one, actually – um, basic monsters, nothing that should trouble you. I hope you don't mind slime though, could get a little traumatizing near the end.”

As ever, Topstitch wasn't amused by Socks' attempts to share information without spoiling the whole thing.

“Then we need simply follow thy script and all will be well,” said Luna.

Socks clung to his notebook protectively.

“We'll need weapons,” said Topstitch. “We lost ours when the diamond dogs got us,” he looked expectantly at Knee Socks.

“Ugh, it wouldn't take you that long to buy new ones...” Socks got up and cleared his throat nonetheless, “Ahem... make a spot check, please. Topstitch, you have the best sight bonus.”

The seamster glanced around his companions, then back at Socks, not sure what to do. There were no dice for him to roll within the world. “Socks, I don't-”

“Close enough...” the haberdasher sighed.

A pale green light shone down on them as a green twenty-sided die appeared in the sky. It tumbled across an invisible board, teetered on an edge, and finally settled. A big gold fourteen stared down at them.

Socks looked at the number distastefully but went on, orating as if the words came from his script, “In the corner of your eye you spot a glint of metal hidden amongst the rocks in the cave entrance.”

Before he'd finished talking Topstitch caught sight of something. He wasn't even listening as he turned to watch the cave's mouth. It was there, just as described, a small glint of metal. The stallion got up and went to investigate, followed closely by Mwali and Luna.

“There was nothing there,” said the zebra, “I cleared it myself.”

As Topstitch bent to look, however, he saw the shiny buckle of a strap attached to a large sack. He took the strap in his teeth and yanked the bag out of the rubble, tipping it over and prompting a number of items to fall out noisily. Behind them Socks winced and muttered something about encounters. The three ponies assembled before the cave were too surprised by their find to bother checking what he meant.

An assortment of weapons now lay in the dirt below them. There was a bandolier of short, thin knives, made for throwing, they obviously belonged to Barbas Shortsnout, the ranger, but Topstitch had no clue how to use them. A slightly deteriorated short-sword tumbled out hilt-first and nearly sliced his leg as it fell over, that belonged to Luna, or Lady Lunamoon. Also in the pile was a dirk with a long curved blade and a stout double-edged sword with an ornate silver-adorned pommel. Judging by the name 'Splinty Wiggledorf' etched into the blade, it could only be the pricey gladius belonging to Donut Joe.

“More would be useful,” Luna said thoughtfully, “these will do fine in dire situations, but are ill-suited if we need to strike from afar.”

Looking at the pile of steel Topstitch hadn't even considered the sinister purpose they were meant for. It occurred to him all at once that they were meant to actually use those things, with lethal force. Luna took up her raggedy sword in her teeth, stepping apart from them to give it a few test swings. The princess seemed all too comfortable with weapons, but Topstitch imagined she had used them before. Luna must have grown up in a very different Equestria.

Luna stuck her sword in the ground and stretched out her tongue, a vile taste clung to it from holding the grip in her mouth. A small look was all she needed to note Topstitch's concerned expression. Sympathy flashed through her eyes. “Bear in mind if you are forced to slay a creature in this world, they are not real. Thou mustn't hesitate as thou might in our own Equestria.”

“I'd feel better if I didn't have to get so close,” said Topstitch, nudging the dirk with his hoof.

“I will lead from the front,” Luna replied reassuringly, “if thou are unprepared, do not follow.”

Topstitch nodded reluctantly, “We should wait until morning then, so that we can all get used to holding these.”

Luna nodded. Topstitch took the rest of the weapons and went back to lay by the fire. As if by magic Donut Joe had transformed the pitiful embers into a tower of writhing flame. Trixie's gloom had been overpowered by incredulity as covertly interrogated the confectioner on his methods. Princess Luna looked back at her sword, unease brewed in her stomach. No pony should be forced to take up arms, let alone be comfortable doing so, she thought. As she did her gaze fell on Mwali, if he felt any anxiety about the situation he was masking it well.

“What of you?” she asked.

To her surprise, Mwali smiled, “Where I grew tribe fought tribe, they fought for land, for respect, and pride. For me, princess, it's no different here than in any other life..”

He turned away and left her to reflect on that. Pangs of regret came to her heart. The wars of the East were sporadic, but brutal. It was a land far from Equestria, enough so that Celestia had little say in the how they conducted themselves. With their powers it would've been simple enough to end the fighting, Luna had witnessed it in the past. Celestia feared that such dire interference in zebra affairs would only expand the scope of their conflict, and neither princess was willing to risk bringing it to Equestria. It was a stalemate, and one that weighed heavily on both Luna and her sister.

By the time she returned to them the other ponies had lightened up. At Joe's prodding he and Topstitch were having a knife-throwing competition. The stallions took turns whipping their necks and flinging the knives from their teeth, but most of their throws resulted in a floppy tumble through the air and a sudden plummet into the dirt. Socks criticized them from the sidelines, pointing out that both of their characters should've been proficient with the knives. Trixie sat nearby, guffawing at their attempts.

As Topstitch sank another knife into the ground only a few inches from his hooves Trixie began to shake her head,. She laughed, “If you were aiming for an anthill, well done.” When the stallion jumped backwards in alarm she laughed harder, and he realized she had been kidding.

“Well, I doubt you could do better,” he replied.

“Pfft.” Trixie got up, her horn glowing faintly as she picked up a knife and sent it flying into the stump. It struck with a dull thud and sunk in an inch. “Easy,” she said, with a satisfied grin.

Joe forced a laugh, “Yea, sure it is, when you cheat.”

With an indignant gasp Trixie got up and approached the line they were throwing from. At her haughty look Donut Joe held out a knife, handle first, which she clenched between her teeth. Getting into position, she grunted through the steel at both stallions and they cleared the space. Trixie pushed her hat up a little so that the brim wasn't in her eyes. The showmare took a deep breath as she turned her head as much as she could without losing sight of the target. She exhaled, whipping her head around and letting the blade fly out of her mouth. It helicoptered through the air before planting itself, slightly crooked, into the stump, just above the first one she'd thrown.

Joe's jaw hit the floor. “'Ey, can somebody tell me if I missed the chapter in Lulamoon's backstory where she became a knife throwin' expert?”

Trixie smiled as though she'd just won the World Cup, “Trixie spent the better part of her career performing at fairs and circuses across Equestria, knife throwing was bound to be at one of them. Trixie wasn't going to lose to Double Edge after he bet the last sweet roll that he could throw a knife more accurately.”

“Very well,” said Luna, in full regal tone, as she stepped forwards, “If it is a contest then We shall compete too, knife-throwing was once a royal tradition.”

As Trixie stepped aside the royal alicorn took her place, Topstitch got another knife from his bandolier on the ground and offered it. Princess Luna bit firmly and eyed the stump with Trixie's two successful shots buried in its bark. Luna's aim locked on a crack in the bark directly between Trixie's previous throws. She drew her head to the side, eye not leaving the crevice she had sighted in on. Swish! She snapped her neck around as hard as she dared and let fly the knife. It went soaring high into the air, its whooshing noises like taunts flying back to her as it flipped over and disappeared into the woods.

Luna stared after it, under the wild pretense that it might come back and score a hit. It did not. Trixie hung onto Joe as she burst out laughing, drumming on the stallion's side as if he were a bar-top. Topstitch couldn't help but feel like she'd still done better than him. Princess Luna affixed a dissatisfied frown at the trees and turned away to fetch another knife.

“We will show thee,” she said, silencing Trixie's mirth, “the Princess of the Night has a keen eye, and unparalleled throwing skills.”

In the following hours Luna would only prove that her keen eye was very much out of practice. The ponies stayed up for a long while, either tossing more knives at the stump or else searching the woods for the ones that the princess and Donut Joe had managed to lose. Topstitch hadn't improved by much, but he could at least throw his knives into the woods as accurately as any of the others by the time they all settled down.

Without any blankets they were forced to huddle as close to the fire as possible. It took each of them an inordinate amount of time to fall asleep. Although it was dark enough by far, it was still impossible to tell if it was really night or day. Besides that, none of them were quite accustomed to sleeping on the cold moist dirt. Trixie had issues even allowing her cape's hem to touch the ground, but she was one of the first to fall – noisily snoring – to her sleep. The others soon followed suit.

Luna was the last one awake, left to stare up at the stars that she had not painted across the sky. She observed also the unyielding moon, which glowed far more brightly than Luna could ever remember having seen. Ironically, as she watched the object of her admiration she could only think of her sister. The last time she had known a night sky that wasn't her own, it had belonged to Celestia. What had become of her in the Nightmare world? Luna sighed and thought to herself, perhaps that is a question I do not wish to know the answer to.

* * *

When 'morning' came and all the ponies were roused they wasted no time in readying themselves and headed for the cave. They were all ill-rested and in poor spirits, and each of them was coping poorly with their empty bellies. Without knowing which way to town, however, their only choice was to finish Socks' quest and eat their fill back in the real world. The haberdasher had disappeared, leaving them with no hints. There was no small amount of anxiety in the air as the five ponies trekked into darkness.

“So how're we supposed to know what we're looking for?” asked Joe. The stallion prodded Trixie's flank as she walked ahead of him.

The showmare swished her tail in Joe's face and looked back scathingly. “Trust me, we'll know. If there's a hidden door either Mwali or Topstitch should be able to find it.”

“Who made you the team player?” he teased.

“It's not Trixie's fault that the battlemage's skills are focused towards combat. Lulamoon is not a utility character, she was designed to deal damage.” Trixie realized only at the end of her explanation that he was toying with her. The unicorn groaned and looked ahead.

Luna, at the head of the group, spoke up on the subject, “That is all fine and well, but how do we use our skills?”

Trixie shrugged.

“I think it's simpler than we're making it,” said Topstitch, walking beside her. “In the real world you announce what you want to do, but the real characters already know how to do it. We know how to make use of their abilities through instinct.”

“That seems a fair guess, learn through necessity.” Mwali was taking up the second spot in their line, positioned off to the side so that he could see ahead of the princess.

It wasn't long before they had an excuse to put the theory to the test. They had reached the minecart Trixie found the day before, and with it a dead end. It didn't take a genius to see that the track which the cart traveled on disappeared into the walls on either side of the room. In the stark glow from Trixie's light spell they could plainly see a seam around the stone of both walls, and no visible switches or buttons.

Each of the ponies filed into the small alcove and mulled about. Trixie was lured towards the minecart again, eager to examine its contents. Topstitch followed her, still suspecting that she would somehow get herself into trouble. Luna and Joe were testing the strength of the wall on their left while Mwali looked over the hidden door opposite them. The zebra's hex marks glowed as he cast a spell to detect what was beyond the passage.

Trixie had propped herself against the minecart and was sifting through its contents. It was filled with a number of jagged hunks of crystal, but none of them seemed particularly valuable. Trixie wasn't even sure what type of gem it was. She stored a smaller piece within a pocket of her cape for future inspection.

“You're still trying to find everything Socks hid in here,” Topstitch commented, smirking as she continued digging through the pile.

Trixie came up for air with a cloud of rock dust around her nose as she replied, “Trixie said she'd beat the hatter, and I intend for it to be a spectacular defeat.” The showmare dropped to all-fours and continued looking around the minecart's base for anything that might have been tucked out of the way.

“There's something over here, I can feel magic but the purpose is unclear.” Mwali looked to Trixie as if for orders.

“Open the other passage first,” said Trixie, tilting her head towards Luna and Joe. “Topstitch, they're going to need you.”

“How do you know this is the correct one?” asked the princess.

Trixie reached underneath the minecart as she replied, searching for a hidden panel or some other nonsense, “The passage with magic is likely the way we're supposed to go. The other way should have treasure or useful items.”

At her prodding Topstitch had already begun searching for a way to open it. Although he'd never opened a secret tunnel before he had read a few fantasy novels. Some of those involved similar scenarios, and taught him what irregularities to look for in the stone. Slight color variation, a seam, or a noticeable texture were all dead giveaways. The seamster tried to settle in to the mindset of a cunning thief, carefully scanning over each inch of the wall with his eyes.

“If that is the quickest route to our objective, why then should we open this passage instead?” Luna continued her inquiry.

“Equipment,” said Trixie, “Socks is a traditionalist, Trixie suspects he'll reward us for venturing off-course. That usually means small loot, torches, magic stones, things we might need for this quest. Healing items would be nice, but that may be hoping for too much.”

There was a loud click. The wall trembled and began sinking into the ground, calling all their gazes to it. Luna flared out her wings to push the others back. Trixie's horn gave a faint glimmer as the ghostly light hovering above the group dove through the gap and flooded the corridor ahead of them with light. As the last of the rock sank away they looked into a narrower tunnel, the tracks led around a darkened corner and out of sight on a slight incline.

“Another point for Trixie,” said the satisfied showmare as she stepped past the rest of them, nose high in the air.

Joe chuckled and followed after her, the other three fell in behind. The showmare's confidence was rubbing off on the rest of them. They progressed further up and into the mountain, following the tracks until they reached a dead-end where the ceiling had caved in. After checking the debris for loot they entered a small alcove, which led through a more traditional mineshaft and ended in a flimsy wooden door.

Despite its decrepit state the door didn't open easily. It wasn't locked but something was blocking it from the other side. Joe being the strongest among them, they cleared the path to allow him some space. With a single hard kick from his rear right leg the door broke about the middle and shook on its hinges. The confectioner drew back his leg with minor scratches from the splinters. The door didn't fall off, but it was damaged enough that Trixie could tear it apart with magic while not wasting her allotted energy.

“Dear Celestia...” breathed Topstitch.

Before them lay a confusing scene. They looked into a large rectangular room that appeared to have been the site of a battle. One of the three long tables had been positioned to block the door, broken chairs were rotting all about the floor, dishes lay in varying degrees of wholeness as well. Mixed among the wreck was an assortment of aged and battered weapons. Halberds, swords, shields, even bits of tattered clothing all littered the ground in a wide radius. Despite all this there were no bodies to be found, and certainly no survivors. It was as though someone had simply destroyed the room, blocked the door, and left. On the far side of the room was another door, sturdier than the last.

As with the minecart before, Trixie was quick to start picking through the mess. The weapons were useless, for the most-part, and there wasn't anything hidden among them. They were also all coated in a congealing substance. The unicorn mare gave a drawn out 'ew' as she wiped her hoof clean on Topstitch's cloak.

Luna went to try the door at the far end of the room. Surprisingly it was locked, but that only confirmed her suspicions that whoever had been in the room must've fled through it. That didn't give them any answers as to what had happened, but it gave them a lead. The princess knocked on the door, testing its thickness, it seemed sturdy enough to withstand brute force.

“Do any of you know a way to break a lock?” Luna asked the room at large.

There was a round of shaking heads. Donut Joe reluctantly raised his hoof and indicated the leg he had used to bash in the former passageway. Luna shook her head softly in reply. She turned back to the door and drew her sword. The others watched as she attempted to unseat the latch by jamming the blade of her weapon into the crack of the door, but succeeded only in nearly bending her sword.

The princess hummed, “Could we blast it open, Trixie?”

Finished picking through for loot, Trixie took a look at the offending object. Her expression supplemented the futility of her reply, “Trixie could blast the lock open, but even my weakest spell would be far too overwhelming for the structural mediocrity of the framework... it would cave in and crush us all.”

“Tempting offer,” said Topstitch sarcastically.

“Neither suffocation nor blunt trauma are ways I would like to go,” Mwali added, even less helpful.

Joe eyed the overturned table nearest him dubiously, giving it a light kick. “We could make a ram?” he suggested.

It seemed like their best option, but was more difficult than anticipated in practice. Without a properly built ram it was a challenge to grip the table in a way that they could hit the door with enough force to open it. After a few clumsy attempts they realized they wouldn't be able to turn the table into a suitable piece of equipment without proper tools. Instead they came up with a simpler solution. Using the weapons strewn across the ground they took turns attempting to pry off the hinges, and little by little they made progress.

“Huzzah!” cried Luna at last, whooping as the door's top hinge clattered to the ground. The door wobbled ominously on its last half-secured hinge.

With an axe blade hooked around the hinge, Mwali gave a last mighty heave. The hinge fell off and the door shook. It fell inwards immediately, nearly squishing the zebra before Topstitch yanked him out of the way. The hunk of wood hit the ground with an astounding cacophony as it smashed clay dishes and broken swords. Mwali gave his thanks to Topstitch before they all moved forwards to check out the next passage.

It was a dead-end. The circular room beyond the door had no other exit. It was lined with shelves filled with dusty glass bottles, barrels sat on one side in a stack whilst crates and sacks were piled high opposite them. There was a small rack of weapons hanging on one side of the room, seemingly untouched. Some of the sacks or barrels were partly open, but the room seemed like it hadn't been disturbed in a very long time. Most importantly there was no other exit and no ponies, alive or otherwise, inside.

“I do not understand,” said Luna.

“It's a storeroom,” Trixie replied, stating the obvious.

Luna gave her a brusque look. “That much was clear, where are the ponies who left behind their weapons? They could not have blocked the door from the outside.”

“Hey, who cares?” said Donut Joe, peeking in one of the nearest barrels. “There's food in here!”

Trixie watched with distaste as Joe lifted a hoof-ful of undeniably ancient crackers out of the container. “Trixie is not going to eat stale, dry bits of cracker-shaped dust.”

Joe considered the morsel before taking a bite. It was certainly stale, dry, and flavorless to boot, but it was food. It quelled the rumbling in his stomach, if only a little. Upon the good omen, that Donut Joe hadn't keeled over, the other stallions began to open crates and barrels, checking which ones contained food that could have been preserved and which were definitely beyond the realm of edible.

“Does cider have an expiration date?” Topstitch inquired, looking through the bottles on the shelves.

Luna turned to leave, going to examine the mess hall again. Trixie followed. “What does thou make of it?” asked the princess.

“Theatrics, of course,” said Trixie. “Socks is saving the reveal for when it's most dramatic. Really, Trixie would give him credit for it if it wasn't obvious.”

“Thou art a true 'geek',” said Luna.

Trixie spun about as if she were going to pounce on the princess. “Trixie is not a geek! The Magnificent Trixie didn't come all this way to be insulted for her deductive prowess.”

Backpedaling, Luna rushed to explain herself, “We only meant that thou art truly proficient, as Our sister explained it 'geeks' are among the true veterans of the world of role-playing. Is this not so?”

“Trixie is not a geek!” the azure mare reiterated loudly before scampering away in distress, back towards the storeroom. Luna stared after her, confused, and unaware whether or not she was in the wrong. It was possible that she'd misinterpreted Celestia's use of the term.

It turned out not to be a waste of time. As Trixie had suggested, the storeroom was home to a small bit of loot. They found rucksacks tucked away in one corner, which made a handy carrying bag for the torches they took and some of the food they judged safe to eat. They opted to take with them the weapons from the racks as well, adding a war axe with a long crescent blade, a short-sword of fine folded steel, and a spear with a lengthy broadhead and two sharp prongs beneath it. Mwali took the spear and now wore it across his back, sticking out ahead of him over his right shoulder, a small leather strap hung down so that he could aim and stab the spear with his foreleg.

After organizing their spoils they headed back the way they came, eventually reaching the minecart again. Luna was glad to be out of the room with all the abandoned weapons. The group lingered a while to indulge on a meal comprised of the tasteless finds. More than anything else the objective was to kill time until Socks showed up. Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that, wherever he was, he was paying them no mind. They could only hope the haberdasher was working on a solution to get them out, or at least orchestrating things to keep them out of harm's way.

Once everypony was ready to move on it was relatively easy to find the switch to the second hidden passage. Just as before the stone wall slid out of the way, disappearing into the ground and revealing a tunnel, which descended into the mountain and trailed off into darkness. Trixie directed her illusory light that way and it bounced along off the floor and walls.

There was something slightly more intimidating about going underground versus towards the peak of the mountain. Luna went first, with Topstitch beside her to keep an eye open for traps. Trixie followed after them, leaving Mwali and Donut Joe to take up the rear. The air got colder the further they went, and the darkness pressed harder around them. Even with the magical light source it was becoming hard to see. When her light was reduced to little more than a firefly trailing along ahead of them Trixie realized that it had to be the effects of either a darkness spell or some sort of magical dampening.

“Who has the torches?” Trixie asked, bringing the party to a halt.

The confectioner called forwards from the darkness behind her. A moment later his outline squeezed past Mwali in the tight space and he held out an unlit torch to the showmare. Hopefully they still worked. As the others watched she lowered her horn to touch the wrapped top of the torch and a small ember jumped towards it. Immediately the head caught and turned into a blaze which illuminated the whole hallway and all five ponies in a wavering glow.

“Always knew there was a spark between us,” Joe mumbled through the wood in his mouth. Trixie smirked and turned away.

Luna looked from the torch to Trixie's magic light just as it blinked out. “Should we be concerned?” the princess asked.

“There may be traps here,” admitted Trixie, “if that was supposed to cut off our light source Trixie suspects they'll be easy to see. The spell should only affect weak magic though. Battle spells should still work.”

They only traveled a short distance before her warning became prophetic. The group stopped before a small gap in the floor, roughly five feet across and spanning the tunnel's entire width. It appeared to be a trapdoor that had malfunctioned at some point, on the wall of either side was a slab of would-be flooring with a stretch of tracks attached to it. In any case it seemed easy enough to cross.

“Unless there's something magical about this, I don't see anything we should worry about.” Topstitch had only given a cursory glance of the area, but remained confident.

Mwali stepped forwards, peering over the edge into a blackness with uncertain depth. “Who goes first?” he asked, taking a few steps away.

“Sounds like you volunteered...” said Joe.

The zebra shook his head firmly in reply.

With a noisy woosh Princess Luna cleared the gap. The alicorn's wings could only unfold partially in the cramped cave, but it was still far more than she needed to make the jump. From the other side she looked back at them, her gaze exuded satisfaction. She backed up and bowed low, beckoning to them with a sweeping gesture of her hoof.

“I suppose that's a solid endorsement...” said Topstitch. The seamster wasted no time in gathering a running start and followed the princess across.

Donut Joe followed soon after. The confectioner nearly dropped his torch into the pit as he jumped, causing a moment of alarm that ruined his landing. The stallion fell on his side and rolled over once before coming to a rest. The torch, still ablaze, rolled a foot or two away, and came dangerously close to lighting Luna's forelegs on fire. With a groan Donut Joe cracked his neck and got up, he held a hoof in the air to assure them he was fine as he recovered the torch.

“Try an' top that,” Joe panted.

“Trixie will have you know she won the Canterlot Junior Show Jumping Competitors Open.” The showmare stretched out her forelegs and rolled her head in preparation. She bolted towards the edge of the pitfall. Then her front left hoof caught a patch of stone awkwardly. Instead of raising, her entire front half fell slack, and her nose absorbed the force of the floor as well as a bag of chips might. Her aft section lingered in the air as a loud siren went off, calling her attention to the glowing green die over her head, which showed a violent red three.

“Wait!” Topstitch shouted from across the divide.

Before Trixie could react a force hit her from behind. Another siren went off and she had time enough to see a big red '1' appear on the next shape to materialize in the air. The zebra-shaped sack of bricks that had collided with her sent both of them careening off the edge and over a bleak descent. Trixie wailed as she swung her hooves, seeking the wooden slats of the cart tracks while Mwali was blinded by her cape. The black and white equine's eyes became blank saucers with only tiny pinpricks for pupils as he fell.

Luna's defiant shout broke Trixie's scream as the princess dove headfirst into the pit. Her wings tucked in close to her form and she shot down like an arrow. Trixie looked after her and tried to warn her off, but was unable to move without falling in herself. There was no way Luna's wings would be able to snap open wide enough to save them from the fall, let alone get back up. Topstitch had already leapt across the divide again and was laying on his belly, reaching out to pull Trixie back up.

“C'mon Luna,” Joe pleaded, his muzzle practically graying before their eyes as he peered helplessly into the pit. “I'll give up everything I ever baked if you make it.”

“GAH!” The sound of something sentient and very mushy hitting something solid was followed by rather un-princess-like expletives.

Those on either side of the pit blinked at each other and down at the shadows in confusion.

Beneath the black fog the pit extended only a few feet. Mwali had landed in a heap, suffering only minor damage, while the princess had dived nose-first, straight into the rock, and as a result lay on the floor as she whined softly and rubbed her face. It was karma, she knew, for the slight amusement she'd felt when Trixie had fallen. As she fought off the tears of pain she registered that the Mwali was now looming over her.

The zebra was still shaking as he stood beside the princess, staring down at her almost pitiful shape. His limbs hurt, but he was otherwise whole. More astonishing, however, was that the regal creature griping at his hooves had risked her life for him. He wasn't her subject, they weren't even the same race and she'd not wasted a second. The zebra reached out a hoof slowly to help her, but quickly retracted it as she stirred and began to rise.

“Skittering legs can be heard. Glittering eyes light the darkness in the small alcoves around you. The hairs of your tail tickle as you realize you are not alone here. Suddenly they pour upon you, eight-legged black monsters with coarse hair and hungering gazes. Their mandibles snap loudly as they beckon you to become their next meal...” a ghostly laugh echoed throughout the tunnel.

“Hey, that ain't funny!” said Joe. He had no time to hope for a reply as small black arachnids poured out of whatever cracks and holes in the tunnel's face they could find. The confectioner gave a surprised grunt as he wheeled around to face the bugs, waving his torch at them and attempting to stamp them back. Topstitch and Trixie were no safer, their side of the tunnel was also quickly being filled with spiders.

Mwali and Luna had it the worst. Upon rising and looking about they'd realized the sticky floor around them was covered in small eggs, eggs which they had smashed. Each one was emitting a vapor that was summoning more and more bugs to them. Worse than the small ones, however, were the spiders that soon crawled from smaller hallways at the bottom of the pit. Each one ranged from the size of a large cat to a border collie, and there were a few to be spoken of.

“Mwali, we need light!” Luna shouted, stomping on a few of the smaller bugs.

The shocked zebra gave a nod and his hexes glowed softly as he focused on a spell. The only ones he could remember would only give them a brief flash though, short of any guarantee they could scare away the swarm. Tiny legs tingled up his own, prompting a shiver. Mwali decided it didn't matter and smashed the nearest bugs underhoof with a fierce snort as he gathered up the magic in his markings and let out a silent explosion of bright white. All as one the spiders hissed and fell back, if only for a moment.

Meanwhile swathes of fire could be heard lashing back and forth back up top. Trixie was back to her old tricks, bathing the cave in a manic spray of heat from her horn. It was quickly exhausting her spell power as she was forced to use stronger magic to counteract the dampening effect. It was all Topstitch could do to stay out of the flames.

“Can you two get up?” the seamster shouted down, having deduced that they were okay by their sounds.

“We are presently indisposed, when thou bringeth a ladder we shall consider thy question again!” Luna's words were enunciated with grunts as she smashed the spiders around her. Soon she was forced to pull her sword from its sheath to take on the larger arachnids as Mwali speared a huge one between its eyes.

Joe called back, “Rope an' torches is all I got for ya.”

“If you've no plan to light us aflame, as I hope,” Mwali retorted, “then proceed with the rope.”

“Yea, sure. Easy to say, like to see you do it.” Joe dropped his torch on the ground, then lit a second and dropped it as well, effectively warding off the spiders. He was quick to fetch the rope from the supplies they'd found earlier.

He looped one end around himself and threw the other down, never mind how he was meant to pull up a zebra that was bigger than he was, plus the princess. Down below, Luna forced the rope towards Mwali as she slashed with wild power and surprising accuracy at the arachnids attempting to bite her ethereal tail. Once the zebra had tied himself on he gave a tug. His entire lower half was covered in bugs, he could even feel them under his armor.

Joe began to pull with all of his might. A twenty-sided die appeared above his head, rolling slowly in its place as it contemplated what score to give. It landed on an even eighteen, and Joe gave a powerful tug. Jerking at his stomach, the rope pulled Mwali up a foot or two, nearly out of the reach of the spiders. The zebra tried to quell the embarrassment of the situation as he raised a few more inches to the tune of Donut Joe's strained growls.

Beneath them Luna coiled on her haunches, she'd sheathed her sword, and spread her wings as much as the small space would allow. She beat them down powerfully at the same instant that she leapt, propelling herself out of the darkness and just shy of the ledge Joe stood on, close enough to wedge her hoof in the slats of the rail tracks. With no small effort she managed to pull herself up, adding her own strength to Joe's to help pull the zebra up.

“Trixie!” said Topstitch, calling the mare's focus off her opponents as they saw Mwali lifted free of the black abyss – looking like he was going to puke, no less.

The two of them leapt across, luckily having no trouble that time. With all four of them present they managed to get Mwali onto the ledge. The chittering spiders were close behind them, their many legs like the patter of rain as they came closer. Climbing the wall was no issue for them. The arachnids swallowed the side of the pitfall and spread out to consume them. Joe and Mwali each took a torch and the group ran for it, stomping through the spiders that blocked the path forward and going down the tunnel at a full gallop.

“Traps, traps, traps!” Trixie yelled repeatedly, as though this might make it easier to dodge whatever was hidden in the expanse ahead of them.

Their hooves sank on pressure plates and she could hear projectiles whiz past, and in one case a gout of fire. Surviving those, they found themselves at the top of a steep ramp. Joe slipped and went face first, sliding down at top speed. The others didn't have many choices to shed momentum and skied or tumbled after him. A lump of writhing bodies was deposited at the bottom, just inside a pair of large golden doors. The entire tunnel had grown, in fact, now more than large enough to be called a cavern.

Luna leapt from the group and slammed against the nearest of the doors. The other ponies limped and dragged themselves out of the heap and followed suit. Five bodies pressed all their weight against the fifteen foot barriers. Beyond the crack between them Topstitch could see the spiders approaching fast, the biggest ones at the head of the pack. The seamster shouted at the others to push harder and doubled his effort. Trixie blasted off telekinetic magic, using what energy she had left to inch her door shut with Mwali. Despite their great size and weight the doors closed, bit by bit.

With a great final effort they snapped the golden portal shut. Thumps, scratches, and skitters were heard as the spiders piled up on the other side. They climbed over each other and Luna could imagine the entire door being covered in a wriggling black sea, desperately trying to gain entry. The ponies didn't dare move away and entrust their fates to the weight of the doors alone. Little by little the noises died away, until it seemed all was peaceful again in the tunnel behind them. Each of the ponies fell into a gasping lump on the spot, not even bothering to take in their surroundings.

“This...” Trixie wheezed, “is all your fault... stripey.”

“She can't...” said Topstitch, weakly amazed, “even come up... with an insult!”

Donut Joe gave an exhausted yell, rolling over onto his back as he replied, “Next time I'm throwin' you guys across.”

A few chuckles echoed about the room. A delighted haberdasher rested his head on one hoof as he watched them from the shadows. It was like watching a gaggle of jesters poking blame at one-another. To think he'd almost interfered. It would have been too easy to warn them about the pit, or to give them a helping hoof in getting out of it, but they'd done marvelously. Now we're having fun, he thought. A pleasant smile seated itself on his face, and he watched for a while as his players laughed off their narrow escape.

Comments

[Firebirdbtops]

So, I take it that Celestia thinks Luna is a geek?

[SneakyKGB]

2193036

Maybe a little bit, a geek in training at the very least.

[Themaskedferret]

I like this fic but much like School of Hard Knocks, I worry about it'd ability to stay out of dark territory. Simply because Trixie and Co have the very real chance of getting seriously hurt or by being rather emotionally wrecked from having to kill sentient beings. Socks however shows neither understanding of the power he has or care for the danger he's put his friends in.

Don't get me wrong I still really like this fic, but it's a cautious enjoyment.