Mares...
Rainbow Dash was sulking. She would never admit to it, and even if she did she would rather use the word ‘brooding’ in its place. She was not upset about that evening’s dinner, it had been absolutely delicious. Nor was it that her father had teased about needing a stallion to cook for her, she was used to his attempts to rile her. No, what had put her in such a bad mood was that her mother had shown him that photograph. If she didn’t know better, she’d say that her coltfriend and her mother were competing to see who could humiliate her more. At the moment, her mother was ahead by a lot.
So, in a rather childish attempt to avoid further embarrassment, she had retreated to the comfort of her room. Unfortunately for her, she had forgotten that at some point Post Haste would end up joining her. Her head shot up when the door creaked open. “Rainbow?” a voice asked, somewhat timid, as though its owner was afraid of angering some horrid beast. Given the circumstances, it wasn’t a bad move.
“What do you want?” Rainbow asked angrily. “Here to embarrass me some more?”
“No, I...” Postie had not expected her to be this upset. “I didn’t think it’d affect you that bad.”
“Oh no, of course it wouldn’t, it’s just a photo that Rarity and Applejack would kill to get their hooves on.” Rainbow’s head hit the bed with a solid thomp. “Can you imagine what they’d do?”
“That’s if they see it,” Postie replied calmly. He lay down next to the mare and stretched his wings. “The photo’s gonna stay here, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“I know, it’s just...” Rainbow sighed. “I spent years building up this image. I guess I’m just a little - eep!”
Rainbow’s complaints were silenced as Post Haste began nibbling on her left ear, her ‘off switch’. That was important, he had learnt. Nibbling on her right ear had caused her to wing to shoot out fast enough to send him across the room.
“Stop that!” she whined.
“You know you like it,” Postie replied slyly. As if to confirm that, she began to moan and her wings slowly rose, as though she was fighting it.
“Nnng...” the mare moaned as she felt a hoof stroke her wing.
“What say we pick up where we left off before?” he asked, referring to their earlier showering session.
“I don’t think - ah! - that they’ll want us taking the - nng! - loofah.”
“And there they go,” Thunderhead commented.
“You shouldn’t be so upset about this,” Tranquil Sky commented from her place on the couch. “You know they’re in a physical relationship.”
“I know, it’s just...” the storm-grey stallion sighed. “She’s my little girl, and I don’t want to see her get hurt. Again.”
“She’s my daughter too,” Tranquil gently reminded her husband. “Besides, she told me about how they met. That stallion is a little strange, but he’s a complete gentlecolt.”
“I don’t know, dear,” Thunderhead muttered. “Something about him is just... off.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, ears perking up in curiosity.
“Maybe I’m just paranoid, but that colt is hiding something.”
“Thunder, you worry too much.” There was a brief silence. “Oh, could you pick up a new loofah tomorrow?” she added. “I don’t want to know what those two were doing with it.”
Thunderhead suppressed a yawn as he made his way to the bathroom for his morning shower. Despite what his daughter had been doing the previous night, sleep had come easy. A little too easy, perhaps. He’d have to go to a doctor.
As he passed the room Rainbow Dash and Post Haste were sharing, he noticed some indecently loud moaning. “Oooh...”
While he would have liked nothing more at that point thank to just walk on, he couldn’t believe that they were clearly going at it when it was only... he wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was certainly way too early. He pushed open the door and stuck his head in. “What do you two...” The words died in his throat.
“Good morning?” Postie asked cautiously.
“Dad, what are you doing?” Rainbow asked.
“Never mind...” he muttered as he resumed his short walk to the bathroom.
Postie and Rainbow shared a look before shrugging. “What was that about?” the stallion asked, pressing his hooves into the base of her wings as he did.
“No idea.” The technicolour mare let out a groan as he continued her massage. “You’re getting good at this.”
“Hey, you let me practise.”
Thunderhead was halfway through his mug of coffee when Post Haste entered the kitchen. “Morning,” the younger stallion said.
“Morning,” he replied, setting his mug down. “What was going on up there before?” he asked.
“Rainbow slept on her wing, I volunteered to do something about it.”
“Ah,” he replied. “As long as that’s all it was. It sounded like you and Dashie were doing... things.”
Postie blinked. “It sounded like that?” His face reddened. “Oh wow, I’m so sorry.”
“Just be glad it was me and not Tranquil. Princesses know what that mare would’ve said.” He chuckled softly as Postie poured himself some coffee. “I love her, I really do, but sometimes...”
“I get that with Rainbow every now and then, too.” Postie took his mug and seated himself at the table. “Sometimes, you just need some breathing space, y’know?”
“I’ve been married for nearly thirty years, kid. Trust me when I say I know that better than you,” the older stallion sighed. “Never tell a mare she might be gaining weight, if you like having teeth.”
The younger stallion laughed. “What possessed you to do that?” he asked, sipping at his mug.
“I don’t remember, honestly. I was young, though, and maybe drunk. Tranquil has a mean right hook, though.”
“She's an ex-model. Rainbow’s an athlete. Our first big argument, she gave me a black eye and knocked me out.”
“That’s it?” Thunderhead asked. “She really must like you. She hospitalised the last idiot she brought home.”
“Yeah, she told me about that,” he replied quietly. “It’s kind of intimidating, dating somepony who could break your spine. Not that she would,” he hastily added, “but the fact that she can...”
“As long as you treat her right, you won’t have nothing to worry about. From her or me,” he finished, a hint of menace in his voice.
Postie simply looked at him. “I love Rainbow. I would never do anything that would give her a reason to leave me, and it’s the same for her.” He set his mug down and planted his forehooves on the table. “Rainbow practically gave me a reason to live. I was just... going through the motions before I met her. Do you honestly think I’d do anything to betray that?”
Thunderhead took a few moments before answering. “That’s what I wanted to hear,” he said. “You’re a good stallion. I just had to be sure.” There was a brief, slightly awkward silence, a common thing that arose when two males ran out of conversation topics and were struggling to find another.
Eventually, it was broken when somepony else entered the room. “Are you two getting along?” Tranquil Sky asked, curlers adorning her mane and tail.
“Just fine,” Thunderhead added with a wave of his hoof. “Could ya make us some waffles, maybe?”
“As long as you save some for Rainbow,” the mare said with a scowl. Postie got the distinct impression that she’d rather not make breakfast.
“I could make the waffles, if you want,” he said, leaving his seat.
Tranquil smiled. “That’s kind of you, dear, but it’s okay. After all, you did make dinner last night.”
“All right then,” he said as sat back down again.
Another silence arose as the pair of stallions waited for food. “Say,” Thunderhead said cautiously, “tonight, what say you and I go to Maxwell’s restaurant, and have a couple drinks?”
“You know I don’t really drink, right?” Postie asked back, an eyebrow raised.
“I’m not saying you need to drink the really hard stuff,” he said airily. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”
Author’s Notes:
If you think that first part is too much, would you kindly pull the stick out of your ass? Come on, I’ve read clop (at least, it was advertised as clop, it was kinda disappointing) that has less detail!
And yes, they did things with the loofah. Best not ask what.
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...Never say what's the worst that could happen. It's a bad omen.
Really, really bad omen.
“Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”
No.
693953>>693963
Safe to say that Thunderhead has no knowledge of narrative causality, I s'pose.
"What's the worst that could happen?"
Gilda gets bitchy, dragons attack, Postie's secret is revealed, Postie and Rainbow get in a fight, Thunder and Tranquil get in a fight, they get mugged, Pinkie Pie...the list goes on and on. And those are the best ways I can see this ending.
the worst that could happen is exactly what will happen, trust me, I can smell it.
"Whats the worst that could happen?"
Once that line is said.....ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
694130 What does it smell like?
Anyways, update
New chapter! YEAAAAA
"What's the worst that could happen?"
Just watch, next chapter will be yet another proven point to NEVER say that line. Which I will definitely enjoy!
Shall wait impatiently for it!
Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Rainbow_Dash.png
We're going to hell in a hand basket people. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_gaze.png
Somepony failed to stop him, do they not know those words are the calling card of Murphy, Discord, and irony?
Fucking jinxed it there at the end... you don't come back from that.
Last time I said something like that I ended up blacking out, throwing up out of a moving vehicle, falling down a flight of stairs, and suffering the worst hangover ever... the worst part is that I don't remember anything after the first couple beers... I just had the bruises to prove it...
695939
Wow...
Thanks for the ideas.
696456 Oh poor postie...
“Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”
...Do I even have to say it?
If what I just so happen to think will happen happens, then I may just so happen to post that what I thought would happen happened after the next chapter happens to happen. It just so happens that I (and all of us) will have to wait to read the next chapter in which what happens next happens. Oh, and "happen," just in case I forgot to say it before.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/discord.png
I think everyone has an idea where this is going. Postie get's drunk and tells Thunderhead that he's technically an alien from another world, who with the help of Princess Luna turned him into a stallion. I can see Thunder getting pissed at the "half-truth" Postie and Rainbow told him, but not the whole "I was born a bi-pedal alien thing named Justin" after all the princesses know about it and so does 70% of Ponyville. In Postie's defense he and Dash and a legitimate reason for not telling her parents.
"What's the worse that could happen?" is part of Film Making Cliche 101 just like the phrases: "I'll be right back." and "What's that over there?"
Peace Out.
695939
696456
696474
*Facehoofs*
*Double Facehoof*
*TRIPLE FACEHOOF*
*M-M-M-MULTIFACEHOOF*
Damn it man! Not only did you make me ram all four of my hooves into my face, but you broke rule zero! You -never- give the Author/GM ideas!
Great things, Mr. Potter... terrible things... but great.