Came for the clop, read the story, and I couldn't stop reading, you have an amazing talent for writing, I'm not even talking about the cloppy parts. I was sad when the chapters ended :(
1925211 An hour is a long time for someone to be gone or off doing something, but I can't think of any other time than the first chapter something took that much time.
1929573 Maybe they do mix. But (guessing here) because of the way her hair grows ie; //////////////////// And how it is grouped that way. It may end up being overwhelmed in the colour density (If that made any sense )
If not. Because the different colours are divided like in the show, the stray hairs colour is missed and not seen properly in the denseness
Well 1929573 The way her hair keeps the colors from interrfering in each other is because her head is seperated into sections for each colors impregnated in the hair sacks.
1931441 (add to previous post) that might explain it let me check my scores клал аг слышу влады ...... Ok this story takes place in universe 427DT-MLP/H in this universe, das ist shmitt
My favorite fic I ever read next to my little Dashie. Loved it and the ending... I actually think you wrapped up the final chapter perfectly. Happily ever after
I really think that this story has great potential, but I just couldn't get past all of the grammar errors, miswordings, and awkward sentences. I kept catching myself rewriting each paragraph in my head so that it made sense. Having said that, I realize English probably isn't your first language, but getting an editor would help immensely with any of the aforementioned issues. Again, I do think that this could be a great story. Keep it up.
1954428 If you base your complaint on only the first chapter I can see why it is difficult since that is without proofreading. I got a proofreader on the following parts, but if they too are just as bad, I did a bad re-reading. As for the stories, I have planned to make plenty more while taking commissions.
This message seemed a bit dry without pictures so here's some:
Just finished reading and all I can say is that this is a really good read, but reading though some errors it's still one of the best fan fics I ever read. Really got me in the feels :')
This is Kalash93 of Authors Helping Authors writing a review for your story.
Story: Wings of Love
Grammar: 4
Pros 1. You told a clopfic that had a genuine story to it that was not dependent upon the porn. 2. I never found myself getting bored. 3. Your story was paced well.
Cons 1. Sex does not work that way. 2. Rape is not an acceptable throwaway plot point. 3. You have a habit of dropping plot threads.
Notes It is very rare for clop to have anything approaching a genuine storyline. However, you did write out a developed story arc, which is something to be proud of. The story was not boring. The non-clop scenes did not feel like filler and the sex scenes did not feel gratuitous. Now, the sex scenes started out good but gradually got worse and worse. The first time you wrote about anal... NO! JUST NO! Anal sex does not work that way! Sex just doesn't work that way- period! Secondly, you made rape part of Rainbow Dash's backstory. It's a throwaway piece used for creating a bit of drama that was resolved within 500 words. That's just sick. You seem to pick up and lose plot threads at random. The result is that the whole story feels disjointed. The ending did not sit well with me. It probably was meant to come off as character development, but the way in which Rainbow went about intentionally getting herself pregnant almost on a whim just so that she could make sure that Feather would be hers was not romantic; it was extremely creepy and unsettling. Also, she gave up being a Wonderbolt. I need a freaking drink. Finally, your mechanics are awful. English is probably not your first language. You seriously need a tough proofreader. My apologies for being harsh on this fic. It started out good, but it just went downhill the longer you continued. I feel as if I have a duty to be blunt and honest.
2296081 You're probably right about me not getting the sex right at times (since I haven't experienced it first hand), the rape thing was something I didn't think too much about when I wrote it so I have to watch out for that in the future and after the third chapter I kinda started to lose the spark that had started the story.
I don't know why I'm defending myself on this point, but I felt like I needed to do so since this is one of my most popular stories right now. It was also my first story so 2/5 is good as a first try and a sign for improvement.
Enough of this, time to get onto reviewing your story.
2377662 actually I have been thinking of making a none-clop romance story with Scootaloo a coulle of years after the end of this one. Does that start some interest or should I try to do it in the same style as this one?
2377703 Its your choice on what to write. I really like the plot and what has been developed. Maybe you could do both...?? Your the author its your choice.
DrTechno thank you so much for entertaining me with this beautiful story of your, I'm looking forward to reading more by you and I know that they'll be as good or even better than this on. Honestly I've read loads of clopfics and this has to be in my top three. Love the beginnig, loved the end and loved every sentence. Thank you and good luck
Oh P.S: I'm thinking of writing one soon and I was just wondering if you could proof read it when I'm done. It'd be amazing if you could, however of you can't don't worry about it :)
Normally, I don't put Mature stories with lots of sex in them with my favorites. But this one was an exception because it was a very, well-written story.
that was amazing thank you so much for writing this I enjoyed every bit of it.
1904858 More things are comming up, just a bit different and via commissions
sequel nao!
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/24203701.jpg
So now that this is done, are you going to be making any other Mane 6 stories like this?
Also dat ending
Five stars!!
Ten Ada ten!!
Four stars!!
wow i chose a good one as my first after not being in for a while. great story and, *cough* other scenes.
1905909 Maybe, if it's comes as a commission or I get some spare time on my hands
1907225 Your comment reminded me of something funny from a youtube show called game grumps.
and again, if anything like that happens again, ill be happy to help
I actually got the comment from Jon's show jontron, I think from the bubsy episode
Came for the clop, read the story, and I couldn't stop reading, you have an amazing talent for writing, I'm not even talking about the cloppy parts. I was sad when the chapters ended :(
Why did everything take an hour to get back from?
1922948 THanks, that means a lot to me and don't worry, more stories are on their way.
1925211 An hour is a long time for someone to be gone or off doing something, but I can't think of any other time than the first chapter something took that much time.
1929573
Maybe they do mix. But (guessing here) because of the way her hair grows ie;
////////////////////
And how it is grouped that way. It may end up being overwhelmed in the colour density
(If that made any sense )
If not. Because the different colours are divided like in the show, the stray hairs colour is missed and not seen properly in the denseness
It's 3 am here. Sorry if you can't understand
Well 1929573
The way her hair keeps the colors from interrfering in each other is because her head is seperated into sections for each colors impregnated in the hair sacks.
Don't know if this explains anything, but I tried
I decree
Dr. Techno, mechanic of the universes
*gets entire ziolian armada into carnagie hall* come on to the stage author! *entire armada aplauds (this caused a 3.5 earthquake)* BRAVO BRAVO! *armada leaves* *im still clapping*
This story has the royal ziolian seal of approvalprofile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash3/c84.0.332.332/s160x160/29411_122788821076674_2527132_n.jpg
This message has been randomly written by,
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
1931441 (add to previous post) that might explain it let me check my scores клал аг слышу влады ......
Ok this story takes place in universe 427DT-MLP/H in this universe, das ist shmitt
My favorite fic I ever read next to my little Dashie. Loved it and the ending... I actually think you wrapped up the final chapter perfectly. Happily ever after
I really think that this story has great potential, but I just couldn't get past all of the grammar errors, miswordings, and awkward sentences. I kept catching myself rewriting each paragraph in my head so that it made sense. Having said that, I realize English probably isn't your first language, but getting an editor would help immensely with any of the aforementioned issues.
Again, I do think that this could be a great story. Keep it up.
1954428 If you base your complaint on only the first chapter I can see why it is difficult since that is without proofreading. I got a proofreader on the following parts, but if they too are just as bad, I did a bad re-reading.
As for the stories, I have planned to make plenty more while taking commissions.
This message seemed a bit dry without pictures so here's some:
Just finished reading and all I can say is that this is a really good read, but reading though some errors it's still one of the best fan fics I ever read. Really got me in the feels :')
This is Kalash93 of Authors Helping Authors writing a review for your story.
Story: Wings of Love
Grammar: 4
Pros
1. You told a clopfic that had a genuine story to it that was not dependent upon the porn.
2. I never found myself getting bored.
3. Your story was paced well.
Cons
1. Sex does not work that way.
2. Rape is not an acceptable throwaway plot point.
3. You have a habit of dropping plot threads.
Notes
It is very rare for clop to have anything approaching a genuine storyline. However, you did write out a developed story arc, which is something to be proud of. The story was not boring. The non-clop scenes did not feel like filler and the sex scenes did not feel gratuitous. Now, the sex scenes started out good but gradually got worse and worse. The first time you wrote about anal... NO! JUST NO! Anal sex does not work that way! Sex just doesn't work that way- period! Secondly, you made rape part of Rainbow Dash's backstory. It's a throwaway piece used for creating a bit of drama that was resolved within 500 words. That's just sick. You seem to pick up and lose plot threads at random. The result is that the whole story feels disjointed. The ending did not sit well with me. It probably was meant to come off as character development, but the way in which Rainbow went about intentionally getting herself pregnant almost on a whim just so that she could make sure that Feather would be hers was not romantic; it was extremely creepy and unsettling. Also, she gave up being a Wonderbolt. I need a freaking drink. Finally, your mechanics are awful. English is probably not your first language. You seriously need a tough proofreader. My apologies for being harsh on this fic. It started out good, but it just went downhill the longer you continued. I feel as if I have a duty to be blunt and honest.
You get 2/5 flutteryays.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story, Racer And The Geek: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/81159/racer-and-the-geek
2296081 You're probably right about me not getting the sex right at times (since I haven't experienced it first hand), the rape thing was something I didn't think too much about when I wrote it so I have to watch out for that in the future and after the third chapter I kinda started to lose the spark that had started the story.
I don't know why I'm defending myself on this point, but I felt like I needed to do so since this is one of my most popular stories right now.
It was also my first story so 2/5 is good as a first try and a sign for improvement.
Enough of this, time to get onto reviewing your story.
2296816
Thanks for taking the criticism so well. I wrote the best review I could.
Time for a sequel! :D
2377662 actually I have been thinking of making a none-clop romance story with Scootaloo a coulle of years after the end of this one. Does that start some interest or should I try to do it in the same style as this one?
2377703 DO IT
2380411 I think I will do it clopless to try to something else and because I have already have a plan for that kind
2377703
Its your choice on what to write. I really like the plot and what has been developed. Maybe you could do both...?? Your the author its your choice.
static4.fjcdn.com/comments/3366123+_2e450d155edac8e03e6967b521f1da18.jpg
so adorable
Should have shouted my balls work
2953903 just wait until it comes up again in the Twi fic. It's a bit more towards its suited purpose there, but still used for sex
DrTechno thank you so much for entertaining me with this beautiful story of your, I'm looking forward to reading more by you and I know that they'll be as good or even better than this on. Honestly I've read loads of clopfics and this has to be in my top three. Love the beginnig, loved the end and loved every sentence. Thank you and good luck
Oh P.S: I'm thinking of writing one soon and I was just wondering if you could proof read it when I'm done. It'd be amazing if you could, however of you can't don't worry about it :)
This story is awesome and very touching. I am crying tears of joy right now.
Normally, I don't put Mature stories with lots of sex in them with my favorites. But this one was an exception because it was a very, well-written story.