A Variant Issue

by Sandvich Brony

For Want of a Journey

Chapter 1: For Want of a Journey

Jace had no idea what he did to deserve this. He didn't even know whether to start having a mental breakdown or find a way to contact Pinkie and throw the biggest celebration he could. But one thing was for certain...

He was in Equestria. Or more specifically, the Everfree Forest.

This he figured out after waking up laying on the ground in-front of the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters (or at least what's left of it) The only thing he could remember before waking up was the fact that he was anticipation the next day of staffing Camp Barrett. All he had was whatever he had on him when he fell asleep, which consisted of his clothes, his house key (probably never to be used again), about seven dollars in ones and a five, and a leather pouch with the letters "cb" branded into it.

He had been trekking through the forest for at least three hours now, glad he had fallen into bed in a heap without taking off his shoes. Jace had already had to run from at least two packs of timberwolves, and nearly escaped a close encounter with a manticore. Luckily, the hike had given him some time to make a plan.

Step one: Try to find Fluttershy's cottage and gain her trust (if possible).

Step two: Somehow get to Twilight and explain the situation.

Step three: Get to meet the mane six and get some exposure to everypony else in town.

Step five: Find a way to get settled.

Step six: If all else fails, get to Celestia and explain everything before things get ugly.

The entire plan hinged on the first step working. Jace had to make sure Fluttershy was more curious about a new animal than scared of a strange beast.

After a half-hour more of hiking, he made it to the forest edge. Looking around yielded nothing but a dirt road that traveled along the forest edge. Sighing, he continued forward hoping to find something.

Five more miles later, he found what he was looking for.

The cottage was not what he expected. Sure there were animals everywhere, but the cottage itself was the unexpected part. Then again, he was now standing in-front of one of the most iconic places in the show. On a high note he walked up to the door.

The animals seemed very curious about the new creature that was walking to the cottage. One in particular caught his attention. Namely a small bunny that seemed to be looking at him with more caution than curiosity. Angel was so cute Jace nearly did a Fluttershy approved sqee.

Once he made it to the door, he took a deep breath and knocked.

No answer.

Jace knocked again.

Again no answer.

Somewhat hesitant, Jace looked at Angel and asked him a question.

"I don't suppose you have a key for the door?"

The look of complete shock was priceless. That rabbit was so adorable. And that's when he heard the hoofsteps.

In a moment of panic, Jace leapt into the bushes on the side of the porch. All he was hoping was that Angel bunny would be to shocked to do anything. Peeking out through the leaves to see who was coming. Only to freeze at the pony he saw.

Straight haired Pinkie Pie.

His initial reaction included trying to stifle some of his screaming and looking for an exit in case she found him. Then came second looks, where he realized she didn't seem insane. In fact, she seemed completely fine. No erratic movements, no twitching eye, nothing. All he could see that was not usual was exactly what he noticed to begin with. She walked with an air of confidence, like she knew exactly where and why she was there. Then Jace noticed her cutie mark. Three crosses, two yellow and one blue, in the same formation that the balloons were. This looked like a completely different pony.

She wasn't walking towards the cottage but a small shed. Probably used for storing feed. His assumption was correct upon her opening the door. She pulled out a bag and started spreading it out to the animals, which flocked to her in hoards. Once the bag ran out, she turned around to close the door. Then Angel made his move. He started tapping her foreleg in an attempt to get her attention. She looked at him with a questionable look.

"What, is something wrong?"

Upon hearing her voice, it was clear that this was the pink pony herself. Angel began pointing to the cottage frantically and Jace realized he was trying to get Pinkie to see him.

"Is there something in the house?" Pinkie asked the rabbit.

The bunny facepalmed (or was it facepawed?) and directed her gaze to the bushes where the human hid.

"Something in the bushes?" Pinkie asked again.

Angel nodded and bounced in Jace's direction. The pony followed.

Very quickly, the human searched through his options. One, he could come out of the bushes and hope Pinkie didn't freak out. Two, he could stay hidden and see what her reaction would be then. Three, make a break for it and hope she wouldn't pursue. However, he didn't have time to find an answer because he heard a rustle of leaves and a gasp. Jace looked up at the shocked face of the pink pony and did the one thing he hadn't thought of.

He blacked out.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jace awoke to the sound of voices.

"Are you sure you don't have any idea what it is?"

"Completely positive. I haven't even read anything that even remotely describes it."

"Do you think it's dangerous?"

"Probably not. It doesn't seem to have any claws or teeth. Not to mention you said it fainted when it saw you."

"Well you are correct on that. Oh it's waking up!"

Jace decided to open his eyes. he was laying on the floor inside the cottage. Two ponies were staring down at him. There was Pinkie (hair still straight) and a pony that looked an awful lot like Rarity. Again the differences consisted of mane style and a different cutie mark, Which in this case was a pentagon with a diamond at each corner and at the center. Her mane was cut short and curled in a similarly to BonBon's Both ponies had a look of curiosity and a slight bit of fear. Pinkie was the first to speak.

"It's okay. Your going to be fine."

What to say to a pony. Jace said the first thing that came to mind.

"Umm, hi?"

Again, the shocked expressions were priceless. This time the Rarity lookalike spoke.

"You... You can talk?"

It's official. The other pony was Rarity.

"Uh, yeah. I can talk."

Again, the look of complete surprise was priceless.

"So, what are you exactly?"

Caleb decided to go with what the average non-brony should know.

"Well, I'm what's known as a human. And as far as I know, horses shouldn't know how to talk."

"Horses? We're ponies."

"Okay fine. Ponies shouldn't know how to talk"

"Well as far as we know, there are no such things as humans."

"Touche my white friend."

"Now, if you don't mind, I have some questions." Her horn lit up and a piece of parchment and a quill floated out of some nearby saddlebags.

"Can I ask one first?" Jace asked.

"Sure"

"Where am I?"

"Well," Rarity started, "this world is called Equestria. Your currently in the town of Ponyville laying in Dianne's cottage."

"Dianne?"

"That's me." said the pink pony.

"Dianne?" Jace thought, "Is this some kind of joke she's playing? And why is her mark different? Wait, if pinkie's going by a different name then..."

"Okay, one more question." Jace said, "What's your name?" He pointed at the white pony.

"Oh, my name is Rarity," she answered.

"Well there goes that hypothesis"

Rarity asked some fairly generic questions. Where he was from, why he had clothing. Even the simplest of answers got the occasional "Oh" or "Hmm" and something written down in her notes. Pink- no, Dianne asked a question every so often about animals on earth. She didn't seem all that interested. Probably because animals were the same in both worlds. Then Rarity asked a question about something Jace wasn't expecting.

"What is this?"

Rarity pulled Jace's house key out of his pocket. It probably wouldn't have been noticed except for the fact that he had attached something to his key ring that was sticking out. It was a small string of beads with Rainbow Dash's color scheme.

"Wait..." Jace thought.

"These colors look very familiar," Rarity said with a hint of suspicion.

"Oh shoot"

"It looks like Rainbow's colors," Dianne added.

"Think, think, quickly! How can you explain this!?"

"How do you know this color scheme?"

"Times up!"

With a sigh, Jace decided to come clean.

"Umm... I'm going to have to tell you later."

...At a different time.

"Why later?" Rarity asked.

"I need some time to think about how I say this."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not going to be pretty to say the least," "That's an understatement," He thought, "Not to mention now is not really the right time. I'll tell you when."

"Okay then, I think."

"That's one bullet dodged."

"Is it just me, or are the stars out already?" Jace asked in an attempt to distract the two ponies.

It was in fact night. There was no denying that fact. Luna's moon was now hovering over the trees of the nearby forest.

"Well, I don't know about you two, but I need some rest," Jace said.

"Do you even have a place to sleep?" Mentioned Rarity.

"Shoot. No."

"If it would help, I have an extra bed." Dianne started. "It's probably a bit small, but I think it could work."

"Yeah, that would help." Jace agreed.

"Besides," added Rarity. "we need someone to keep an eye on you."

"Figures they still don't trust me."

"Well then, where is the bed?"

---------------{]-[}---------------

A bit small was an understatement.

Jace's legs were hanging about two feet off the end. He had to curl up quite a bit just to fit in it. Two more minutes of rolling around and he was finally comfy. His last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were him wondering about what was going on with the two ponies he had met that day. Why was Pinkie going by her middle name. Why is Rarity's hair so short? And just what was he getting himself Into? Hoping these questions would be answered later, Jace fell into a peaceful sleep.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Okay, first things first. I have no idea where this is going to go. Seriously. This was all based on an idea I had while reading the original story. So on that note, I have to say something in my defense if this seems badly written to anyone. This is not just my first fanfiction, but my first attempt at writing any story. Please be at least somewhat lenient in your criticism and any advice on how to improve my writing would be appreciated. Thanks!!

Comments

[Sandvich Brony]

Me in my haste to submit this I forgot to mention something. The main character is based on me. Any experiences or otherwise that apply to him actually happened to me. Eg. camp staffer.

[WhovianPony]

Cool story so far!
I score it five out of five mustaches!

[Bluebirdd065]

Looks promising. Have a thumbs for now!

[squall_wave]

i will check this so far it looks like it could be great

[Zephyrus Scary]

It was fair, especially as a first attempt at writing a story.

Your biggest issue is (obviously) dialogue. You include quite a bit of description... up until the characters start talking. As soon as that happens, it seems your ability to describe what's happening flies out the window! People (and ponies) don't "just talk," they pace, they gesture, their facial expressions change, and other things happen in between (that may or may not (temporarily) interrupt the dialogue); try to incorporate a lot more of this--and don't just say something like "the shocked expressions where priceless," tell the readers why they're priceless.

Off the more technical side of things, I don't see why Caleb would go so far with the "acting non-brony" thing as to talk about horses and ponies not being able to talk... That position doesn't seem to "provide" anything that simply "going along with the idea and finding talking ponies not surprising" wouldn't also do; unless, perhaps, the ponies realize later that it's suspicious how he didn't find their talking as surprising as they found his if he's supposedly used to ponies that can't talk? Also, when Caleb stated he came from a place where ponies can't talk, why didn't Dianne and Rarity become instantly suspicious, or at least inquisitive, of this "place where ponies don't talk"?

Also, I think you meant "fangs" instead of "teeth"; that, and though we don't have "fangs," humans still have sharp canines... Though I suppose any change there would result in a complete rework of the last two-thirds of this chapter (which may or may not be warranted )...

[Sandvich Brony]

1494400 Sir, I credit you for pointing out these flaws. No one can learn without knowing what mistakes they've made. That being said, I'll try to improve on those points.

To everyone else, don't be afraid to speak up if you see something that should be changed or improved.

[notMurphy]

Interesting...

One suggestion - the last paragraph of this chapter could easily be done from Caleb's perspective:
Before drifting off to sleep he wondered "what is going on with these ponies? Why is Pinkie going by her middle name? Why is Rarity's hair so short? Just what am I getting himself Into? Maybe this will all make more sense tomorrow."

Make the character's thoughts work for you. They can express things the reader wouldn't expect the Narrator to discuss, or break up monotonous segments (just know that like any tool they can be overused too).

All in all, good show. Hope to see more.

[Mike the Red]

I like this as well. Looking forward to more!