Shackles
Chapter Two
The torch, illuminating the area around the creature, revealed his surroundings. The light fell upon a zebra who had his back turned, draining the contents of a cask.The creature set the infants down and slowly advanced. As he reached the zebra he drew the knife he had concealed in his sleeve and raised it.
“Been so long since I’ve drank.” The zebra muttered to himself as he gulped down the contents of the metallic barrel. “These dogs might be slavers, but they make some good rum.”
The creature threw his arms around the zebra and raised the blade to his throat.”I-I can explain.” The now terrified zebra began. The creature pressed the blade against his neck. It stood in place, awaiting the zebra’s explanation.
“Okay, well most zebras rhyme when they talk, but you see, I’m actually-”
“Not that. Why are you here?” The creature interrupted.
“Well, I was being starved for not filling my gem quota, so when you set all of us free, the first place I came was here, the cellar! They’ve got some really good cheese and booze down here! You should totally try some! Now, if you don’t mind, could you please let me go now?”
The creature released the zebra and walked away. He walked up to the infants who were looking at him expectantly, and picked them up. He then picked up his torch and walked around the room and scoured it for a tin of milk.
The infants, after a few minutes of searching, had gotten restless. They began fidgeting in the creature’s arms; in response, he simply growled and increased his pace.
After another fifteen minutes of searching, the creature came upon glass bottles filled with a white fluid. He slowly walked up to them and picked one up. He undid the assortment of rags that made up his mask and poured a few drops of one of the bottles into his mouth. After confirming that the bottles contained milk, the creature exited the cellar and re-entered the kitchen, bottles in one arm, trio of infants in the other.
The first thing he saw was cheese. Cheese as far as his eyes could see. And in the center of it all, a zebra, the same zebra from the basement. The zebra turned and greeted him.
“Oh, hey, its you! That thing from the basement! Sup! I’m just making some sandwiches. Grilled cheese! Want one?”
The creature growled in response. He pushed aside a small mountain of cheese wheels and walked towards a stove. He set the bottles down and threw some logs into the stove. He placed three bottles over the stove
He waited until he decided that the bottles were warm enough and set the infants down. He took a bottle from the stove and lifted the bottle to the lips of one of the infants. It began crying the instant the milk made contact with its lips. The creature growled. “What’s wrong now?” It whispered. “You wanted milk, I’M GIVING YOU MILK!” The other infants soon joined the first in response to the creature’s shouting.
The zebra, piqued by the crying coming from beyond his wall of cheese, decided to investigate.
“Can I see that?” He asked, gesturing towards the bottle with his hoof. The creature grunted and handed him aforementioned bottle. The zebra took the bottle and, like the creature, poured some on his hoof. “Dude! This is obviously too hot!” The zebra stated. “You’ve got to cool it a little, like this!” He said as he took all the bottles and moved them to a river that was running through the kitchen. “You know” The zebra began “These diamond dogs might have been sadistic, cruel, rapists and slavers, but they sure did have a good sense of architecture!”
The creature growled in response. “Is the milk ready yet? Don’t want to waste time reheating it if it gets too cold.”
“Give it a minute!” The zebra chirped.
The zebra removed the bottles from the river and handed them to the creature. “They should be cool enough now.” The zebra said.
The creature grunted as he took the bottles. “Thank you.” He then poured some into one of the infant’s mouths, only now finally paying attention to the finer details of its body. It was gray, like iron, with a snow white mane and wings. It spread its legs as it gulped down the milk. The creature noticed another warmth on his body, this time on his torso. He looked down to see a yellow stream connecting him to what he assumed was the infants reproductive area. The creature, disgusted at first, raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re a girl, then,’ he thought. He moved to the next one, who appeared to be growing impatient.
The creature took another bottle and moved it to the second infant’s lips. This infant, after drinking, had a strange look on his face. “The hell’s the matter with you?” The creature asked.
“Try burping it.” The zebra whispered.
The creature took the second infant and raised it to his shoulder. A few quick pats on the back and the creature heard a light burp from behind him. The creature felt more warmth on his body, this time over his shoulder. He held the second infant at arm’s length from himself. “What are you anyways?” the creature asked, as he took his thumbs and separated the infant’s rear legs. He soon came to regret his decision as a wet, yellow blast of warmth hit the makeshift mask covering his face. The creature dropped to his knees and dropped the infant as he clutched his eyes. The zebra, acting quickly, moved under the infant before it could hit the ground and caught it. The infant on the other hand, was laughing. “Boy,” the creature growled, taking note of its sky blue coat and bright yellow mane.
The creature moved to the final infant, wondering whether or not he would come to regret his decision.
alexrjennings:
Unrefrigerated, possibly ancient milk from Celestia knows what animal, found at the bottom of a cave? I wouldn't dare to go near it, let alone drink it.
alexrjennings:
Move to earlier, unless its wings are also snow white.
alexrjennings:
If this happened only once or twice this would be fine, but by this point it feels like you're (no pun intended) taking the piss.
i will make a statue in your honor for making such a awesome story
1409247 Ummm thanks!
So the description and tags give the impression that this will be a story about a vengeful human escaping captivity and bringing his wrath upon the diamond dogs. Chapter one backed that vision easily. In chapter two he freed a bunch of slaves and found some baby ponies. Now in chapter three he is feeding said baby ponies. You have plans for where this is going right?
The following words are of my own, biased opinions. You have no obligation to agree with them:
Hmm, the scene you've set so far is pretty decent. Now comes the hard part: progressing the story. If you keep on doing nothing but introducing new characters, readers will soon lose interest. The prologue was the most attention grabbing part of the story so far, for me.
You have tagged this story as human, but I have yet to see any solid evidence of humans in the fic. If your mysterious main character is a human, maybe you should drop in more suggestive hints to it. Also, maybe it's time to actually introduce the characters. Character development is crucial in any story.
Some of your word selections don't flow very well in the context you use them for, e.g. the use of 'emanating' in earlier chapters. Not to say that a large part of your word selection seems strange. but I find it to be more descriptive and lifelike when you actually use simpler words in your writing.
Nonetheless, this was a great start overall. You had a good idea with the music, and the mood was perfectly crafted. Good luck writing the rest of this!
Uh... okay.
Needs bigger chapters with more stuff happening... and a plot, some sweet sweet plot.
FINALLY! A new chapter for this story!
*starts reading*
Change of pace for chapter? Yeah, I'm cool with this. It's nice to see that the "creature" cares for more than just himself. It's so...heartwarming to say the least. Well then, thank you very much for the light-hearted morning read Annhero. As always, I shall wait for the next chapter
if I don't go insane firstpatiently.While i like what you have so fart I find the chapters to short to enjoy. I would suggest beefing them up before posting. Maybe add a bit more character introspection or a few more events.
Feed some babies.
Get peed on.
WHOLE CHAPTER.