Chapter 1: The kindest alicorn's decision
Prince Shining Armor sometimes wondered what was harder: being a prince, a father, or a husband. If he had to answer, he’d say being a husband was the toughest out of the three. He had to read the most books about that one.
In fact, in his bedroom, he was reading one of those books about being a husband at this very moment. Lying on his stomach on his bed, he was reading the previously mentioned book titled “20 Ways to Please Your Wife.”
Nuff said.
The tapping of hoofsteps approached the closed bedroom door. Shining slipped his book under his pillow–no way would he risk anypony catching him reading it. The door opened in blue magic and revealed Princess Cadance, who bore a conflicted frown on her lips.
“Uh, hi, Cadance. Something wrong?”
“Sorta.” Cadance stepped inside the room. “We need to talk.”
As it should happen to any husband upon hearing that dreaded sentence from their wife, Shining’s stomach and lips sank. Anxiety and dread built a house inside the collapsed stomach. “What did I do wrong?”
“No, I’m not mad at you.” Cadance trotted closer to stand right in front of her and Shining’s bed. “It’s just…I’ve been thinking. I don’t want to speak this way about them, but why aren’t our guards better at fighting threats?”
Talk about a question coming out of left field. Shining answered on borderline instinct, “Come again?”
“How they battled the Changelings before they reformed was…awful. It would be one thing if they had at least held their own, but it wasn’t even a contest!”
“To be fair, the Changelings took you down too.”
“Maybe, but I was weakened from a stomachache that day from something I ate.”
“Yeah, ‘stomachache’.” Shining blew a sarcastic huff. “You sure seemed awfully fine during your and Thorax’s duet about the Crystal Empire Buckball team’s first-ever Ultra Bowl victory.”
“B-but my stomachache came after our song was finished.”
“The Changelings revealed themselves barely one minute after your song. The timing of your stomachache is a little too convenient.”
The Princess of Love searched for another lie, but no new lies offered their services. Thus, she sighed in defeat. “Fine, you caught me. Still, despite being blindsided by the Changelings early in the battle, I managed to keep fighting for about ten or so minutes before I was finally overwhelmed and passed out. Flash Sentry was the only guard who managed to last thirty seconds.”
Unlike his wife, Shining knew not to offer work to aspiring lies. He copied her by letting out his own sigh of defeat, though. “Okay, that point I will relent to.”
“You trained the guards we brought with us to the Crystal Empire, so do you have any ideas on what’s wrong? You train them sufficiently, right?”
”Of course I do!” Shining answered in a half-offended tone. “I run them through combat drills every five months!”
Cadance raised a puzzled eyelid. “Wait, every five months? Shouldn’t it be a little more often than that?”
Shining rubbed his cheek in thought. “I guess, but I always make up for it by having them be in prime, tip-top shape with other drills. After all, my philosophy is ‘The best defense is an army of fit, strong ponies’.”
“I hate to say it, but I think your philosophy is only good on paper.”
“Hey! It's not just good–”
“Shining. Even without the Elements, Twilight's friends could fare better against the Changelings than our guards. You do know Rarity, right?”
If only Shining knew how savage Rarity could be in hoof-to-hoof combat, despite normally lacking the demeanor of a savage unicorn. Alas, he didn't know, leading to a second sigh of defeat. He poked his bed’s mattress with a hoof as he said, “You win.”
“I hardly think that having ineffective guards is ‘winning’,” Cadance deadpanned. She initially thought to simply suggest that Shining give their guards combat training more often. However, another idea flashed in her head. One that could not only yield better results, but potentially make the Crystal Empire nigh-uninvadable–if she wouldn’t screw things up.
“I have an idea. After Luna trained them, Celestia’s guards went from getting their flanks kicked even easier than our guards to being able to take down Luna. Maybe training from me can do the same thing for our guards.”
Shining raised his head in consideration. He was far from a weak unicorn, but their guards receiving direct training from an alicorn could bear more fruit than if he did it. But on the other hoof, the nature of (most) alicorns could consequently make them lousy drill sergeants, especially Cadance.
“No, that might be a bad idea.”
“Why? I may be much younger and a little weaker than Luna, but I’m still an alicorn.”
“It’s not that.” Shining rolled off the bed. He laid a hoof on Cadance’s back and said, “I just don’t think you have the personality for it.”
“I don’t have the ‘personality’?” Cadance asked as a scowl burned over her eyes. “What does that mean?”
He lifted his hoof off Cadance. “I remember the brutal things Luna apparently put her guards through during her training and even threw in insults for good measure. You’re a great leader, but you’re too nice to be able to treat our guards as harshly as Luna treated hers when she trained them.”
Cadance closed her eyes to slip into deep thinking mode. Did Shining have a point? No, for her kingdom’s sake, she would need to rise above her innate kindness and do whatever needed to be done. “Then let me prove I can do it by taking over training them,” she said as she opened her eyes. “If you really are right about me, the worst that could happen is that it’ll be a waste of just one training session. Given our guards’ current performance level, I doubt it would do much harm.”
Shining couldn’t deny that she wasn’t wrong. The face of a wife who wouldn’t take “no” for an answer further cemented his surrender of this argument. “Fine. If you want to do it that badly, you can train them tomorrow. If you can handle it, then you can continue to train them as you see fit for a while longer.”
“Great! I will inform them that I will be in charge of their training starting tomorrow, but I will send Twilight a letter; I’m going to need one of her friend’s – I think – help.” Cadance trotted out of the bedroom. She peeked back into the room and playfully teased, “By the way, I hope you didn’t ask Twilight to pick out that book under your pillow for you. It’s a little outdated.”
That evening, Princess Cadance surveyed the Crystal Empire from her castle’s balcony. Try as she might to fend them off, Shining Armor’s worries buzzed on her mind.
“Maybe Shining was right. I can barely stomach disciplining Flurry Heart. I should reconsider trying to train the guards.”
The sight of ponies walking about on the Crystal Empire’s streets landed a successful smack on the pesty worries plaguing Cadance. For those ponies – and the Crystal Empire as a whole – safety, she couldn’t allow herself to relent. No matter how much the Princess of Love might hate it, she would have to be more than just strict, but also harsh, mean, and loud to her guards when her training begins.
Naturally, her guards weren’t going to enjoy themselves either.
Methinks Cadance's guards are in for a big, and loud, surprise
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Oh, this is gonna be an even bigger comedy trainwreck than Luna's was. Can't wait for it.
The only thing that would make this funnier than Luna's bit is if Cadance brings out Flutter-Rage.
Why I am thinking about the BDSM?..
Sure Cadence... Sure.
Big and loud you say? Hmmm.
11601159
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!!!
This already looks amazing and I can't wait for more!
11601005
And you won't have to keep waiting too long.
11601077
Alas, there won't be Flutterrage, though there may be some type of rage. Still, Fluttershy acting as a drill sergeant is an interesting idea..,hmm.
11601159
There's probably none of that in the book Shining was reading. Then again, who knows what turns Cadance on in bed
11601850
More will be coming in a couple of days
11601223
Part of me wonders what would disappoint Applejack the most about Cadance's/Cadence's lie; the fact that she tried to lie in itself, or that it was such a bad lying attempt
11602143
Nope, I was thinking about the drills.
11606713
Thanks got letting me know about that typo. I just fixed it.
I believe that CJ can say it better than I can.