Drill Sergeant Cadance

by ThePinkedWonder

Chapter 3: This is gonna suck

The day of reckoning–that is, the next day at the Royal Guards’ training grounds…

Wearing armor that was further enhanced by alicorn magic, the Royal Guards stood at the ready in front of Sergeant Cadance. It was time for those guards to face their final test.

And probably learn how it feels to be an alicorn’s punching bag.

“Okay, slugs, it is time for your final test,” Sergeant Cadance said. “You will face one last opponent. Do whatever it takes to bring them down – fight dirty if you must – and do not drop your guard until I say they are defeated. Once you win, your training will be complete. Is that clear?!”

“YES, SERGEANT CADANCE!!”

“Good. Now, as for who your opponent is–” Cadance stepped forward “–She is me.”

“Oh, okay,” Flash Sentry said nonchalantly.

“Uh, ‘okay’?” Cadance asked in an uncharacteristically – for Sergeant Cadance anyway – baffled tone.

“With how hard you pushed us, I think we can hold our own against even alicorns now. We won’t be laughed at again by those apes you told us about.”

“Hehe, I’m imp–” She slapped her cheeks. The sergeant couldn’t go back to being a princess just yet! “I-I mean, I would expect nothing less out of my guards, so we will begin at once. Alicorns heal quickly, so do not worry about injuring me; fight me as hard as you would Tirek or Chrysalis.” Cadance flapped her wings and rose in the air.

The guards all glanced at one another and nodded. Most of the earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi charged toward Cadance. The sergeant’s horn glowed turquoise, and beams of magic shot from it and toward the guards. The magic’s targets sidestepped and weaved between the attacks.

Not a bad start.

Unicorns shot back with their own magic blasts, which predictively slammed into a turquoise barrier Cadance formed in front of her. The still-charging earth ponies and pegasi rammed into and bounced off Cadance’s barrier at full force with nary a crack of the shield. The ponies repeated their ramming and magic firing into the barrier.

“You are persistent, but you will have to do better than this!”

With Flash Sentry leading them, a small group of guards snuck behind Cadance.

“She fell for it,” Flash whispered. “Just like they said Princess Luna did during this tactic, Sergeant Cadance isn’t paying attention to anything behind her. Now, on three.” He pointed a hoof toward Cadance. One. Then pointed it a second time. Two.

With a third point of Flash’s hoof, the small group charged at the distracted pink alicorn!

Talk about anticlimactic.

*Slam!*

The wily small group of guards bounced off a second turquoise barrier that had just appeared behind Cadance. At the sight of the failed sneak attack, the much larger group of guards froze their decoy attack with their jaws dropped.

“How I knew is simple, slugs,” Cadance preemptively answered as she smirked. “You’re not the only one who knows how Princess Luna’s guards defeated her.”

A burst of magic shot from Cadance’s body in all directions and rammed into all guards. They flew through the air, spinning end over end screaming, and crashed onto the ground. Groans of frustration – and pain – ensued.

“All things considered, I will grade that a ‘6’ out of 10. I cleared out the rest of my day, so we will keep going until either you take me down or Princess Celestia lowers the sun. In the latter’s case, we will be back out here tomorrow to try again. Am I clear?”

*groans*

“I said, ‘Am I clear?!’”

“YES, SERGEANT CADANCE!!”

Cadance took to the air. “Then on to your hooves for round two!”

The guards-turned-punching bags pushed themselves to their hooves.

“Unless somepony has another idea on how to beat her, this is gonna suck.”

A stallion stared toward his Cutie Mark, though it was covered in his armor. “Sorry, flank. I think you’re going to get kicked again for a while.”

‘If an alicorn must pound on me for days, why couldn’t the alicorn be Princess Twilight?’

---

Shining Armor trotted out of the Crystal Empire’s borders and headed toward the Royal Guards’ training grounds. It was as good a time as any to watch Cadance's training in action.

“I still can’t believe she hasn’t given up. I gotta see how she’s doing for–”

A flash of magic surged from over the training grounds. Screaming guards flew through the air, end over end.

“Come on, slugs! You can do better than that! Use your battle instincts!”

Cue another magic blast. Cue more guards flying and screaming.

“Whoa. I seriously underestimated her. She’s really getting into it!”

Shining continued to watch Cadance’s “combat drill” and the smacking around of guards. A blush lit on his cheeks. Seeing his wife being such a badflank made her hotter than ever.

“I should have had her be the one to train them long ago. Or train me. Heh heh.”

---

Three days later, back at you-know-where…

One burst of magic lit up the air. Armor-wearing yet still bruised guards rained down onto the ground.

“Don’t give up! Remember those apes! Don’t give them a reason to think you are a joke by giving in!”

The guards stood to their hooves and gathered into a huddle.

“Okay, so ‘charge full force and hope it throws her off by it being too stupid’ is out,” a unicorn said. “This time, let’s pretend to rush her, then suddenly act like something’s behind her.”

“Good call, and it’s how the Changelings managed to land their first hit on her. Let’s do it!”

The ponies broke their huddle and sprinted toward Cadance. She raised a barrier, but the army immediately slid to a stop and gasped. Their muscles froze. They just needed Cadance to look behind her just for a moment, then victory would be theirs!

A beam of turquoise magic rammed into the group of faking guards and knocked them onto the ground.

“Ow. Okay, so faking that something is behind her is also out.”

“Did you really think I would forget how the Changelings blindsided me with that same trick?!" Cadance yelled with her horn still glowing. "You’re not even trying to exploit any of my weaknesses! Use your knowledge of me as a pony against me!”

Unfortunately for the guards eating dirt (again), Cadance wasn't a pony that forgot her lessons. The previously mentioned dirt-eaters picked themselves up and re-gathered into a huddle.

“Okay, any ideas?”

“Nope. I thought I knew her, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Or maybe we do,” Flash said as he smiled. “Remember how she giggled when she saw how we weren’t worried about having to fight her, even if we feel otherwise now?”

“That’s right! There’s still some Princess Cadance inside of Sergeant Cadance!”

“And as powerful as she is, Princess Cadance has a big weakness we can use! First…”

Flash whispered their newest plan. After they all nodded in agreement, the pegasi broke from the huddle and flew ahead at full steam. Cadance raised a barrier, but the pegasi cut hard to the left and circled her like a tornado. The Bugbears they fought before would be proud.

“Trying to make me dizzy I see, but it won’t work!” Cadance fired another wave of magic outward, sending her pegasi guards into tailspins. They all crashed onto the ground, again.

“Ow!” Flash winced and grabbed a foreleg. “My leg!”

Cadance’s eyes and mouth widened. “Oh no! What have I done?!” She flew to her downed guard. “I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt–”

“NOW!!”

Unicorns fired magic blasts into Cadance’s sides and back. She yelped in pain and the force of the magic attack knocked her to the ground. She lay still but emitted feeble moans.

“No!” one of the unicorns exclaimed. “Now we went too far!”

Wearing frowns, the unicorns hurried to the motionless Cadance.

“Sergeant Cadance! Are you okay?!”

“We’re sorry about that ploy, but you told us to fight dirty if we–”

A blast of magic flew from Cadance’s body, smacking the unicorns away and onto the ground. She rose to her hooves and shook her head while muttering “tsk-tsk-tsk.”

“What did I tell you slugs about dropping your gua–”

A familiar orange pegasus rammed into Cadance’s back. The earth ponies joined in with punches and kicks onto Cadance’s stomach, back, and even face (She did order them to fight her like they meant it!), followed by tossing her into the air. Pegasi joined the sergeant-pummeling with rams and aerial punches/kicks as the pink alicorn ricocheted throughout the air like a living pinball, painfully yelping from each hit. The attacks ceased…just for magic beams to take their turn laying into Cadance’s progressively bruised body.

Perhaps those ponies bore a bit of resentment against Cadance and her training methods that even they weren't aware of.

One last magic beam attack later, Cadance slammed into the ground, leaving a small crater under her. The guards surrounded her, hooves planted and at the ready.

“We didn’t,” Flash said in seriousness.

“Ow. Okay, I am defeated, so you really can stand down now.” Cadance’s lips softened into a proud smile, despite her body having seen better days. “I’m so proud of you, and I’m sorry for being so mean and harsh to all of you. I hated it more than any of you could imagine, but your training is now over.”

“We’re glad you were so hard on us,” Flash said for all the guards. “Thanks to you, we are ready to protect the Crystal Empire from anything now. We will never let you and Captain Shining Armor down and be jokes again!”

“And we’re sorry we hit you so hard, but you wanted us to go all-out against you. Do you need a doctor, Sergeant Cadance?”

“Definitely. But just in case I’m hurt far worse than I think and so I don’t have anything left unsaid, tell Shining Armor that I…once had something better in the past.”

“What do you mean?”

“Trust me, he will know what I mean.” Cadance’s eyes closed as her consciousness went out for lunch. If she didn't think she deserved this beating due to guilt, she would have regretted not wearing any armor of her own.

The guards stared at one another. Confusion blocked their urge to fetch a doctor for their injured ex-sergeant.

“I don’t get it. Does anypony know what she was talking about?”

“Nope. Let’s just hope Captain Shining knows.”

However, while his comrades remained baffled at Cadance’s (hopefully not) final request, one guard understood the true meaning of her words. This guard had first met Cadance years ago, before she had gotten together with Shining Armor.

And he danced for joy in his head at Cadance’s confession.

---

Princess/ex-Sergeant Cadance nearly ruined everything, but she succeeded in turning her Royal Guards into buff, mean, fighting machines. Thanks to the improved guards and their resolve to never be laughed at, the Crystal Empire was set to be safer than ever. The Princess of Love would sleep easier from now on, and the Crystal Empire’s ponies would live happily ever after.

As if!

Naturally, this sorry excuse of a story wouldn’t do without this biting Cadance hard in the flank due to something she didn’t see coming. But in her defense, alicorns are powerful, not all-knowing.

Author's Note:

That doesn't sound good. What's going to go wrong for poor Cadance?

and this story isn't that bad

Comments

[Mystic Sunrise]

‘If an alicorn must pound on me for days, why couldn’t the alicorn be Princess Twilight?’

That can be arranged.