Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Equestria

by Stalin with Da Spoon

10. Glitterbombing a Galloping Gala

Another day, another time Black spy is forced to haul his crippled and maimed body all the way back to his hideout. Turns out, being immortal was still a solid pain in the rear end when your injuries and the pain from said injuries remain. Luckily, both him and White spy had gotten use to the sheer pain that is existence after one of their failed plans, so the pain was slightly dull. Of course, the 'slightly' part became emphasized as while Black was shambling through the forest, he stubbed his foot on a rock and threatened to break the known record for the loudest possible sound made by a living creature as he screamed in pain.

After several minutes of writhing on the ground in pain, Black let out a grumble as he strained before popping his foot back into place, before snapping his arms and back into the proper orientation and dusting himself off. He soon reached the lift down into his hideout, tapping on the metal door as it opened and he stepped onto the platform as it lowered down. His feet impatiently tapped on the ground while his eye lids twitched in annoyance, before the lift finally reached the ground as Black's silent seething and grumbling turned into a full blown temper tantrum as he proceeded to grab the nearest thing and throw it directly on the ground. Unfortunately, the item he grabbed was a grenade, and upon hitting the ground, it promptly did what grenades do.

Boom!

Black waved away the smoke and pinched the little fire on his hat as he dusted away the ash and soot covering his body before entering a state of deep thought. With his tantrum dissipated and the rage clouding his mind dust on the wind, Black could finally focus. What went wrong?

Answer, White Spy happened.

How did White Spy happen?

Very bad luck.

Solution to bad luck?

None.

Well crap, looks like he didn't have a plan for once. He sat himself down in a chair, or rather he realized he didn't have a chair, quickly constructed one, and then sat down in it so he could think to himself. The sudden sound of knocking on his hideouts metal hatch snapped him out of his thought as he yelled before falling out of his seat. He quickly stood back up as he pressed a button and a periscope descended, putting his eyes up to it as the view of the surface was visible to him. He turned the periscope towards the hatch, expecting to find some kind of CIA raiding team. Instead, he found a mailbox, where there was not a mailbox before. Sufficiently intrigued, he let the periscope up before stepping onto the platform and rising to the surface.

As the hatch opened and he stepped out onto the grass, he turned and opened the mailbox, taking out the letter inside and inspecting it. Well, it wasn't actually a letter, but a scroll, wrapped in a red ribbon with a golden clasp on the exterior. Opening the scroll, Black spy read it's contents.

'Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, and honorably grants invitation to the recipient of this letter. We hope you-'

He closed the scroll as it seemed to drag on about happiness and friendship and all that dumb drivel. But now he was left with three questions.

One, where did the mailbox come from? Answer, considering that weird pink pony exists, this wasn't that different.

Two, who the heck was Princess Celestia?

Three, what's a galloping gala and why does it have such a stupid name?

Answer to two and three, why not attend the 'Gala' to find out? Black always did appreciate more high society events.

Meanwhile, at the very peak of the mountain White spy was sitting in his secret hideout, which was currently nothing more than a shack at the moment, as he sat around a heater and shivered with icicles forming on the end of his nose. A knock on his door quickly perked his attention as he stood up and opened the blinds on his window, looking to see a mailbox had appeared next to his door. Unlike Black spy, White had actually planned to install his own mailbox, so if anything this was just convenient for him. The box actually had a backdoor leading inside the house, allowing White to withdraw the mail inside without exiting the heat of his hideout. As he reviewed the letter, a devious smirk crossed his face. If he had gotten this letter, then Black had too. And not just that, but the ponies would probably be there as well. And he'd be able to get the drop on all of them...

Time for a plan.

---

Tonight was the night, the night of the great and grand Galloping Gala. All the newspapers said this event was one of the most important in all of Equestria, and due to it being held in the royal castle at the very heart of Canterlot, of course it had high security. Or at least as high security you can get with a bunch of doofuses in worthless gold armor wielding toothpick spears. No guns to be seen anywhere... This disappointed White Spy greatly. This was going to be easier than he thought.

He watched as ponies passed by wearing all their fancy clothing and dresses, all having a unique variety of colors and decorations to make themselves look snazzy and swag. White spy just found it all gaudy, but A for effort on their part. This whole event wasn't just about fashion though, it involved 'friendship' and 'harmony'. Blech, even barely thinking about it caused White to turn partially green. Not that anyone would notice, seeing as he was hidden inside a garbage can watching in silence for the perfect opportunity.

And soon, it came. He could hear the voices of that perfidious group of six mares walking their way along the path as they all chatted with each other. He watched as the pink one stopped and suddenly started sniffing the air. He started to sweat as her sniffing lead her right up to his current hiding spot, but once she shrugged and bounced away, White spy let out a sigh of relief.

At least until someone dumped their coffee cup inside the trash can. White spy had to do all he could to not break the sound barrier by jumping into near orbit from the sheer scorching heat, looking on as his nemesis snickered before showing his scroll to the guards, as they exchange a confused look before they slowly nodded and let him through.

Good news, he was in fact, invited. Bad news, Black knew plain as day that White was too. And if the pink one suggested anything, the ponies would know too. Great, element of surprise is dust on the wind, just like Peter Parker in infinity war. Okay, that might've been too soon, or too late, but still. The presence of the elements was also a problem due to the fact they had that orbital rainbow friendship laser of death at their disposal, so getting caught was something he wanted to avoid.

Deciding to make his move, he stood up. To any observers, the trash can had suddenly grown legs, and quickly walked the guards as an arm extended out of the hole showing the invitation, causing the guards to simply shrug while a literal walking trash can walked past. It was a world of magic, anything could happen. Now entering the Gala, White Spy ditched his dingy little trash can disguise and dust himself off. Now though, he was getting looks of disgust from all the pompous prick nobles in the room due to the coffee stain on his shirt. So in order to blend in, he quickly spun around and did a quick costume change, switching into a more stylish fancy white suit complete with a black tie.

He looked across the vast room full of gala-goers and party-ponies to see his nemesis dressed in a more militaristic black uniform with white lining his service cap and a rank patch on his shoulder matching the rank of general, complete with the spy's many gold and silver medals. White knew that Black was always full of himself, but this was just too much. He was tempted to walk over and slap him right in his valor stealing face, but that would work out well for two reasons. One, both spies had served in wartime and if he knew anything he knew that both he and his nemesis deserved that rank. And two, randomly slapping someone in a crowd full of peace loving ponies is a good way to either get kicked out or start a ballroom brawl, neither of which sounded particularly fun.

Yet another devious plan was needed, and as the White spy glanced over to the snack table, he could already feel one creeping into his mind just like the smile over his face. Sneaking his way over to the snack table, he stopped by the punch bowl before checking to make sure nobody was looking before pulling out a special little vial of liquids and letting a couple drops spill into the punch. He then looked to see Black approaching, totally oblivious to White's snickering as he backed away while Black grabbed the punch ladel and poured himself a cup, slowly drinking it before...

...

Why wasn't he violently spontaneously combusting?

He took a look at a tiny sign on the punch bowl. 'Anti-poison enchantment included!' Damn you magic! Alright, new plan. With his combustion powder now acting as punch seasoning, he had to take a more... Spicy approach. So he decided to, while nobody including Black was looking, drop a little jalapeno into his punch. And by the time he realized what he had drunk it was already done his gullet and it was too late, as the heat boiled and caused him to rush to the nearest bathroom. As the door slammed shut, White slowly whistled to himself and snickered before pulling the pin on a grenade and rolling it right under the door, plugging his ears right before the panicked screams of Black and banging on the door were heard. Thankfully, nobody seemed too spooked by the explosion due to it being rather mute thanks to Black shoving the grenade in the toilet and flushing.

The toilet had definitely seen better days though.

As the door opened and a smoking Black spy dusted himself off with a very annoyed expression, he turned and eyed White's smug grin. The two spies stared each other down, before hearing a distinct voice...

"Hey Twilight, wanna see how much punch I can drink in one go?"

That sounded like one of the pink ponies friends... The one with the gay pride hair and the wings. Which meant the whole gang of pestering ponies was nearby. Close enough for revenge. And why not cause a little bit of chaos for everyone else?

The music slowly approached the climax with everyone on the dance floor vibing to the beat and enjoying themselves gleefully, dancing elegantly and gracefully with their glorious dresses glistening in the light. The disco ball above spun and shimmered, as the two gentleman Spys in their disguises snickered to themselves, nodding to each other before each pulling out their own remote, and pressing big red buttons.

Time to take this fashion show to the next level of 'sparkly'.

You see, before this party, the spies had done a little work in the backrooms, as the letters had come in a day early and given them time to make preparations. And this prep work evidently paid off as the swirling disco ball suddenly cracked open, as a massive burst of glitter was sent out across the dance floor. Several balloons popped as well, sending slime flying everywhere. And the massive cake at the center of the snack table? Well nothing special was inside it, just an anti-cake bomb that blew it into hundreds of chunks upon detonation.

In exactly one second the Gala had gone from spectacular party to horrid mess. Conveniently the two spies were untouched, as they hid themselves behind plant pots, shaking hands before going their separate ways as they made like trees and left while everyone was distracted.

The distinct shrieks of misery from that one purple haired pony made them both snicker.

---

Next time, on Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Equestria!

Temperature? I hardly know her! ... Omnissiah strike me down for my sin against all of comedy.

Comments

[Comickook]

Whoa. How did I go more than two weeks without finding out about this? I thought I had this on my alert. Weird. Oh, well.

Anyway, the characterizations, action, humor and future chapter set-up are all rather well done. Definitely appreciated the bit about Black Spy building a chair so he could sit down and think after that bit of extremely bad luck concerning White Spy before the shenanigans at the Gala. Really appreciated the observations concerning the gala's security as well as Pinkie and her friends. And they actually worked together in the end concerning that bit of chaos? Whoa. Well, they were bound to win at least once, even if nobody got badly hurt.

REALLY looking forward to more of this.

[Stalin with Da Spoon]

11691342
I think you missed it because my dumbass clicked the public button when I didn't mean to and when I un-published and re-published upon completion it fucked the alert. Also thanks for the reviews mate, keeps me going.

[EvilTreerat]

*snicker snicker* Oh just the thing to trigger a happy mood.

Well Sunny. You wanted to livin things up and the spies definetly delivered. Chaos, havoc, and one OCD pupil having a coranary. Pity about the cake though,

*goes back to cackling like a deranged loon*

[SLASH AN ASSASSIN]

I wonder why don't the two spies bury the hatchet and join forces they both want revenge on twilight sparkle and her friends like in the mad episode spy vs spy kids i mean the two spies seems like they want the same thing so have them work together