"Fluttershy had noticed a little pale yellow filly and her father lying down." ~~~~ I noted immediately that this was gonna be a plot device linking the mane six to rainbow dash's scenario, and almost cringed at how unnatural it would be for fluttershy to ask some random stranger about the status of her friend, but you, sir, surprised me with that med tent business, and pulled this part off very brilliantly.
"Right as she said that, the bulk of the Fire-ponies arrived, swiftly putting out the fires on the outskirts of Baltimare." Instantaneous action is bad pacing... something along the lines of "...fire-ponies arrived, swiftly starting to put out..." would really help the events seem less paper-thin.
"...were racing to find that flamed-maned mare..." I would think their priority would be saving the people in the city...?
The way it's worded, applejack dodging the falling building is very anticlimactic
Once again, good chapter, and I hope you understand that i'm nitpicking these specific parts because I like the story so much
This is still a good story. Still nothing to say besides the shortness of some chapters. I also think I found a good theme for Pyre. Yes. Another. [youtube=hio1fHy_3HM]
1328374
This group can help you out if you're looking for art.
You probably couldve drawn out the suspense alot more im ALMOST disappointed
1363902
Well, at least he didn't use it too much...
However, a cliffhanger would've been great for this.
1361683
You should link this to me:
1364642
Classy as usual.
1364721
From a Pulp Fiction reference on one story to a religious/Science debate on a blog, I am everywhere...
And I bring fabulous tunes wherever I go.
Changed the title of the ch. cause fI didn't like the previous one.
"Fluttershy had noticed a little pale yellow filly and her father lying down." ~~~~ I noted immediately that this was gonna be a plot device linking the mane six to rainbow dash's scenario, and almost cringed at how unnatural it would be for fluttershy to ask some random stranger about the status of her friend, but you, sir, surprised me with that med tent business, and pulled this part off very brilliantly.
"Right as she said that, the bulk of the Fire-ponies arrived, swiftly putting out the fires on the outskirts of Baltimare." Instantaneous action is bad pacing... something along the lines of "...fire-ponies arrived, swiftly starting to put out..." would really help the events seem less paper-thin.
"...were racing to find that flamed-maned mare..." I would think their priority would be saving the people in the city...?
The way it's worded, applejack dodging the falling building is very anticlimactic
Once again, good chapter, and I hope you understand that i'm nitpicking these specific parts because I like the story so much
This is still a good story. Still nothing to say besides the shortness of some chapters.
I also think I found a good theme for Pyre. Yes. Another.
[youtube=hio1fHy_3HM]