1575926 well you had a decent final fight scene at the end there it just didnt feel complete
"she burst into flames and was done."
She couldve at least been screaming while it was happening or you couldve described the very flesh on her bones charring into ash before everyone's eyes apart from pop fire and all that was left was a pile of ash
1576028 not graphic enough for my tastes but to each his own I suppose
I wouldve said
" Before Pyre could begin another round of her insane cackles a single spark rose from her horn and quickly erupted into a raging blaze. As the superheated air filled her lungs burning her from the inside she screamed 'WHY' with what little strength she could muster. Before Deaths cold grasp could her grip she head Fire calling out to her 'you have failed me, but I will find another.' With that the charred corpse of what had at one point been Equestrias greatest threat fell over with a soft thud before crumbling into ash."
And that would've been a satisfying conclusion wouldn't you say
And there! Equestria's Pyre is complete! Please leave your opinions and comments, and check out my other stuff too!
I was waiting for the ending! :D
Nice story. It was a good idea!
Well that was kind of a let down
1575904
How so?
1575926 well you had a decent final fight scene at the end there it just didnt feel complete
"she burst into flames and was done."
She couldve at least been screaming while it was happening or you couldve described the very flesh on her bones charring into ash before everyone's eyes apart from pop fire and all that was left was a pile of ash
1576000
*edit
nothing that graphic, but how bout this?
1576028 not graphic enough for my tastes but to each his own I suppose
I wouldve said
" Before Pyre could begin another round of her insane cackles a single spark rose from her horn and quickly erupted into a raging blaze. As the superheated air filled her lungs burning her from the inside she screamed 'WHY' with what little strength she could muster. Before Deaths cold grasp could her grip she head Fire calling out to her 'you have failed me, but I will find another.' With that the charred corpse of what had at one point been Equestrias greatest threat fell over with a soft thud before crumbling into ash."
And that would've been a satisfying conclusion wouldn't you say
Now we wait...
THE WORLD OF ILLOGIC IS TAKING OVER
1579305
1576000
You all convinced me; I'll be revising the story soon anyway, so I'll rework the ending too.