Chapter 2: Dreams and Destiny
And as he exited the ramp and stepped onto the side, he heard somepony say, “I want that one.”
It was a voice he had never heard before, but somehow sounded familiar. It was, a dark voice, but somehow soft and reassuring at the same time. But dark nonetheless. He would love to have opened his eyes to see who the voice was, but he could not. Other Ponies came and, using their magic, lifted towels to his side to wipe off all the excess dye, and bit by bit dried him off.
And all he could do was wait and listen as the voice spoke, apparently to someone nearby, and said again, “I want that one.”
He wasn’t certain, but he was assured that the voice, which by now he could tell was a mare, was referring to him. But he preferred not to think this way, perhaps she was referring to somepony else. Perhaps to the Pony that had just come up before him. He tried not to get his hopes up, then again didn’t know who exactly this Pony was, or what they wanted. So he just simply listened.
Then another Pony, one that sounded slightly older, but he started to recognize after a moment, but still couldn’t quite figure out who it was. But it was definitely a warm, charming voice, but carried, somehow, a slight authority to it, “Hmm, are you sure little sister?” The voice said. Another female voice. “He is most unusual, he was afraid.”
“That’s why I want him. He looks, different. He’s not like the others. He has fear, but he doesn’t let it control him. We have a lot in common. I’d like to know him more. I think Twilight would like him. He’s complicated.”
“Hmm, I agree little sister, but it’s too early to know for sure, I want all of them to like him. It is too early.”
“You are right of course big sister. But I’d like to investigate on my own, if that’s not a problem.”
“Go ahead little sister. I’ll watch the others, maybe we’ll find what we’re looking for there.”
“You do that big sister. I’d like to question him myself now.”
“In a moment maybe, I think we need to give him a moment. He’s just been through a lot. He’s just been through a big change, let’s let him take it in.”
“Hmm, you’re right big sister.”
It was after this that he realized who this voice was, who they both most likely were. The big sister was certainly Princess Celestia. He had never met her personally, but he had heard her speak many times. But he had never actually met her, or been this close to her before. The other voice he suspected was most likely Princess Luna. Formerly known as Nightmare Moon, who had been turned back from the dark side by the Mane 6 Ponies from Ponyville. He had never heard her speak. She had only been back a short time, it was said though that she had changed much since she was released from Nightmare Moon’s power a mere year before.
He wondered what they could want with whoever it was they wanted. It was obvious they were searching for somepony, but who and what for, he had no idea. These were recruits. If they were looking for someone for a special mission why would they not pick one of the older Ponies? But he decided not to concern himself with this, he was still convinced that they were talking about somepony else, and not him. And so he just stood there and allowed the others to dry him off.
Finally one of them spoke and told him that he could open his eyes, and when he did he looked in the mirror that had been placed before him. At first he was proud, his coat was now a shiny, brilliant white that was everything that symbolized the Royal Guard, clean, pure, and strong, unique.
Few Ponies in Ponyville or anywhere for that matter were born with this kind of white coat. That’s why it was so special. Few were ever born with it, and those who were chosen to wear it were truly honored to wear it. And as he looked upon himself and his new form, he was proud and he knew that somewhere his father was happy for him. And as he turned and looked at himself, and at his flank and how it was a simple white, no longer the brilliant star that had for so long been a symbol of him and the strength he had tried to find, all of that was gone. He knew it wasn’t really gone, it was just not visible to the outside anymore. It was simply hiding underneath.
And as he looked at himself again, he no longer saw BlueStar, but someone he didn’t know, someone that he didn’t want to know. He wanted to be BlueStar, but he also wanted to be a guard. And right now as he looked into the eyes of this unknown Pony before him, he really didn’t know who or what he was looking at. But he tried to keep this to himself, he tried not to look disappointed, he tried to look proud as so many of the others were.
But then he turned and saw Luna walking towards him, and when he realized that she was looking at him, he turned away to pretend that he had not seen her, but he knew that it was too late, so when she spoke directly to him, and asked him what was his name, he could only reply, “Me?”
She looked at him strangely, like, why would he ask such a question? “Yes, you. What is your name?”
And for a moment he hesitated, and thought, “I really don’t know what my name is anymore.” He was almost going to say that to her, but something in his eyes seemed to communicate it to her, she looked at him and understood, but he knew he had to give her an answer, and so he did, “My name is BlueStar. I want to be a guard, but I’m not sure of who or what I am anymore.”
“Hmm,” she said, “I understand. For a long time I didn’t know who I was, I thought I knew, but I didn’t. You intrigue me. You have, fear, pain, and yet you are here. I’d like to know more about you. I’d like to understand you. There’s only one way that I know to do that, I’d like to have your permission to enter your dreams. And have you speak to me. Understand that this is a very personal, and deep thing. I don’t ask it lightly. We don’t always like what we find, but if you’re willing I want to understand you.”
“Why?” He asked, perplexed, uncertain.
“Hmm, you remind me a lot of me, uncertain, afraid. We have a lot in common, you and I. We both have darkness inside, we both have things that have held us back. But, I believe you will not let them stop you. I want to see if that’s what truly drives you. If it is, then, we have something special for you.”
“I don’t understand.” He replied, uncertain.
“Hmm, you will. As I said you don’t have to do this, I’m not going to hurt you. What happens is just between us. I won’t think any less of you if you say no.”
He paused, uncertain, confused, and in honesty afraid. He did not understand what the Princess was asking of him. Or why. Why would she care what he thought, why would she want to understand him? He didn’t understand what she said when she said ‘We have a lot in common’. He’d heard the story of what had happened to her, how a long time ago she had tried to take over, and overthrow her sister, because so many of the Ponies had disdained her, looked down on her, and hurt her, and didn’t give her the love and attention that she deserved as the Princess of the Night. But then, he began to understand. She had been alone for a thousand years on the moon, with only her feelings and her pain. And this was something that he understood very well. He had been alone, for a long time, he had never fit in. He never wanted to, he was who he was, and at some point he had simply tried his hardest to fit in, but now he no longer tried. It just didn’t seem his destiny, to be with others, to be friends, he would always be the outsider. He would always be alone. So when he looked into her eyes once more, he understood why she thought of him this way. They both had been alone, and so he bent down and allowed her to do as she had asked.
He simply said, “I will allow you into my mind Princess Luna, but I don’t know if you’ll like what you’ll see. I’m, afraid.” He said honestly to her.
“It’s alright, you’ll be alright. I’m not going to hurt you. And I’ve seen many things from many minds. I think, I’m going to like what I see in your. If not, it’ll be alright. Now, go to sleep.”
And with a simple touch of her horn to his, he felt heavy, and tired, his back legs, still standing, but slowly, bit by bit, relaxed and collapsed under the weight. And he could almost feel himself falling, as his eyes got heavy, his body got tired, and for a moment he was that young child, fighting off the timber wolves. He had used almost all his energy to protect those he had barely known, and he remembered collapsing onto the ground, tired, exhausted, and weak. And then it passed, his eyes got heavy and closed, his breathing changed, and slowly, he felt like something had simple knocked him away into a world of dark, and at first he was afraid. At first he didn’t understand, he was scared, he knew he was asleep, and that he was dreaming, but he had never entered a dream quite this way before. And so he was afraid, his body still the brilliant white that he had chosen to become, but he did not feel like the brave Royal Guard that he had tried to be, instead he felt like that frightened child, turning, looking for someone in the darkness, but finding no one.
He called out, expecting to find Luna, but didn’t find anypony. All he found was dark. And then the ground beneath him disappeared, replace only by dark water, and he fell into it. Taking a deep breath before disappearing below its surface, he struggled and fought, and failed. Then he heard a voice call out to not fight, to not struggle, to be calm, and let the change happen. As he desperately tried to keep his head above water, to keep from drowning in whatever darkness he had fallen into, he did not believe the voice at first, and kept struggling.
But soon realized that the voice was right. And so he just let go and let the water carry him where it would. And he could feel it changing him, altering him slightly, he closed his eyes and allowed the change to come. To his surprise, he found himself at the surface once more, and slowly took in a breath and allowed himself to just simply be, and relax on the surface. He found he could just stay there relaxed, and lay his head back on the water’s surface, and let the change come. His eyes closed, unafraid, not because there was nothing to be afraid of, because he had accepted what was happening to him, and trusted in the voice.
A moment later the change was over. He opened his eyes at the voice’s command, and looked upon his surface once more, and once again he was BlueStar. And this made him happy, to see the brilliant blue of his body, the gentle blue of his hair and the yellowish lightening streak that went along it. And most of all the brilliant Blue Star that was emblazoned on his flank that meant so much to him.
Then, he grew slightly sad, realizing the symbol of what he had strived so long and hard for was gone. But he did not let it hurt him, he knew that this was what he was and what he wanted. As much as it meant to be a guard, to be there for Equestria, it meant even more to him to just be BlueStar. It was only then that he felt the solidity of land underneath him and was able to pull himself out of the dark water, which no longer frightened him, because he thought he understood that all it had done was turn him back into what he truly was, instead of merely what he wanted to be. And as he turned back away from the water and looked ahead of him, he saw Luna, standing there before him, barely visible in the darkness that was around him.
“Hmm,” she began, “this is definitely your color, I like you better this way.”
“I like myself better this way too.” He replied. “Why am I here?”
“That’s a good question, why are you here?”
“I’m here because, I want to serve, I want to defend Equestria. I want to be there, for those who need me, but I don’t want to stop being me. I want to be BlueStar. But I know I can’t be both.”
“Hmm, perhaps, not the way you think. Walk with me.” She said. And they walked along the slight path that appeared before them. “You’re an interesting creature.” She said to him. “You mind is very dark, and yet there are, positive bright things here, why do you hide them?”
Then, almost on cue, a brilliant memory flash briefly before him, one of him and his father, those many years ago. And then another, of him, slightly older, just simply enjoying being with his friends. Another, looking on the machine, the device his father had built, and enjoying watching it preform the way he had intended it to.
Then several more, too quickly for either of them to understand, then he didn’t have an answer for her, and simply replied, “I don’t know.”
“I let the dark control me for a very long time.” She said. “I can see they control you too. I told you not to be afraid, why didn’t you believe me?”
“I don’t know.”
“I do. You were afraid because you don’t trust me. You thought I was going to hurt you, that I was going to let you get hurt.”
“I don’t know you, Princess, respectfully Princess I don’t know you. You expect me to trust you, but I don’t know you.”
“I understand that, but I am your Princess, don’t I deserve your respect? And your trust?”
“Yes, you do. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. This may have been asking a little bit too much of you all at once, but you’ve never trusted in anyone have you? Not since you were a child.”
“Princess Luna, did you really come here to analyze my childhood?”
“No, but it’s important to you. Your father, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
“How could you have? It was a long time ago.”
“Yes, but that wound still hasn’t healed. I hope it does soon. The wound between me and my sister didn’t heal for a very long time. And the interesting thing was that, it was never healed by me and my sister, it was healed by somepony else. Somepony, that I would never have trusted. Trust is important, friendship is even more important. I see that you and I truly are alike, we’ve both been alone. We both wanted friends, but never really knew how to get them, or how to keep them. Hmm, you and I could learn a lot from each other, I like you.” He looked at her strangely, not understanding what her intent was. “Hmm, yes, I think I could learn to like you a lot. But, that’s not why I’m here. I’m here because I have a special job for someone like you. It’s been my experience, that those who have the most to learn, end up being the best qualified to teach.”
“I don’t understand, about what?”
“Friendship. You know the story of the Mane Six, how these six friends who barely knew each other were able to overcome my dark magic, by simply being there for each other. I think you need to learn these same lessons.”
“That’s, very nice, but what does…?”
“Simply, that I want you to go to them, to watch over them.”
“What? They’ve never needed help before.”
“No, they haven’t. But someday they might. There may be times when we can’t be there for them, and in those times I want someone like you to be there for them. Not just as a protector, or guardian, but as a friend. I must say that this isn’t a job that me and Celestia can do very well.
Hmm, I’ve heard much talk about Celestia. About how she’s a hard, uncaring ruler, the truth is, she’s always cared. She loves her people very much. But we both know that sometimes the best thing to do is to let the people solve their own problems. That’s what the Mane Six are all about.
We could go down and fix most of Ponyville’s problems without even trying, but what would be gained, what would be learned, how would they grow? We can’t do this for them, only they can.
But, we know we need to be there when they need us. Sadly, we haven’t been there for them when we really could’ve been, I admit that. So I need you, to watch over them for me. And be their guardian, their protector, and their friend when they need it.”
“But, why me?”
“As I said, you have much to learn, as do they. I’m confident that you’ll learn together, and you both will be made stronger together.
Remember, the greatest power here is togetherness, friendship, love, community. As long as you have that, you will always prevail against whatever threat comes to you. But when you try to fight alone, that’s where failure comes.
That’s why I asked you to trust me, I was asking you to let me help you. To trust that, together, we can handle any problem. No one here accomplishes anything on their own, this isn’t our way, it never has been, it never will be. Which is why I want you, you need this lesson. You need to learn this lesson yourself.”
“I guess I should be flattered.”
“Hey, I had to be zapped by the Elements of Harmony to be reunited with my sister, I understand what you’re feeling.”
“Hmm, what about Celestia?”
“What about her?”
“She doesn’t seem to keen.”
“She’s just cautious, that’s all. There are a lot of other candidates to look at. And I’m not saying you have the job just yet, but I have faith. I have faith, because I know what you need, I know what you’ve been through.
As I said, we’re a lot alike, you and I. We both understand what it means to be alone. Be there for them, be their friend, and I’m sure it will make you all stronger. Now, it’s time to wake up. Wake up BlueStar. Wake up guardian. Don’t be afraid, everything’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you. As long as I’m here, no one will ever hurt you.”
In a moment, his eyes lightened, and he felt his strength returning to his body. And he slowly opened his eyes, slowly, slowly, the light almost hurting him. He regained a little of his strength, and managed to lift his head of the floor, and was surprised to see Princess Luna, bending down in front of him, her eyes closed, her horn just above his, and she too opened her eyes slowly, awakening from the dream. She too, seeming slightly tired, as though the experience had been draining to her, and he felt sorry for her. He had heard the stories, the rumors, that Princess Luna spent time in other ponies dreams. To see now what that might have cost her, worried him.
And she moved to slowly lift herself, BlueStar tried to do the same, but turned to realize that he was no longer the white, the brilliant white that he had so hoped for, but was once again the blue and yellow that was BlueStar. And this time, he didn’t know what to feel. And he realized that everyone around him was looking at him, realizing that most of the ponies in the room, were the same brilliant white of the Royal Guard, and here he stood, after passing through the pool, for a brief moment he thought would cost him his life, was still standing here the same pony he was. So he could only hold his head in shame. Despite what had just happened in dream, he felt shame.
Then Luna spoke, “Do not be afraid, or ashamed, BlueStar. In my eyes you will always be a member of the Guard. And if I do not choose you, you may still be a member of the Guard. Don’t give up. Your destiny, is still uncertain.
But I still believe one that will be worth fighting for. Now rest, me and my sister have a lot to discuss. Take him back to his room.” She said before turning briefly to a member of the Guard who wore his brilliant golden armor, and simply led him away to where he had been staying the past few days while he had tried to pass his trials. And he did what he was told, and simply lay down and rested, something that he, honestly, needed to do for a very long time. And in that time he dreamed, he must admit that he expected to see Luna there, at least once or twice.
But, probably realized that she had spent enough time in his head, and that she had other places and things to do. Being in such contact with the Princess had changed him somehow, it had allowed him to see a part of himself that he had simply pushed away, part that he was ashamed was there.
Though he had grown, and was now an adult, the events of the past, the events that had driven him away from really making friends, everything from the teasing, to the hard work he had poured into mastering the device from his father, just simply being a Royal Guard, he realized how much it had hurt him. But now, just simply tried to let it go, easier said than done, but he tried to accept and just let go of all those feelings and all those things that had happened so long ago, and realized that he was at peace now. That this time, he was ready, truly ready, to be what he wanted, and needed, to be.
His fear would always be there, fear of failure, rejection, of being alone. But now he had accepted them, he realized what they were, where they had come from, and bit by bit, managed to simply deal with them, and in time, they no longer hurt him the way they did, his soul was free. He could simply lay his head down on his bed, and not be afraid, just relax. Just let dreams carry him, he was no longer afraid. But fear would always be there, and he knew that and now he developed new fears, fears of the future, uncertainty, fears of ‘what’s going to happen to me?’
He was still disappointed of what had happened, that the brilliant white that he should be wearing was no longer there. But he couldn’t deny that he was happier this way, that he was still him, he was still BlueStar, and always would be. And he admired his Cutie Mark, and what it meant to him. More than he had ever done before.
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Nice work, though as friendly suggestion, at such long conversations, try to show the emotions, I did the same error at the start
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Heyo, just thought I'd stop by and offer a little tip. See the box with the two arrows in the upper right corner of the comment box? Clicking that allows you to directly reply to someone. They'll get notified and will respond if they so wish.
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Indeed, I like to think its actually a well-respected job and such, that they actually can get things done.
And if you like to hear more, be my guest
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Thanks and that's a good suggestion. The conversations between Luna and BlueStar do drone on a bit.
Stay Strong and Pony On
BlueStar Out
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You're welcome
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If you're referring to me hmm I thought I did that. I clicked on the box labeled reply and it opened a text dialog at the bottom of the screen where I entered the comment.
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pardon, but you answered your own comments
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Oh sorry about that.
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just as friendly heads up
a first story published in under a week despite not having access to auto-approval??? >.>
man, the metric truckload of caffeine I dumped at fimfic hq must've finally hit