>CREW AUDIO LOG
>M. SOBAN, CPT
>MANAAN, FLK. FRG.
>FERIN SHA FLEET
>9625.96 GSY
While I may never live to see my fleet again, or Hiigara for that matter, I feel it is my duty to record my life thus far on this alien planet. Even so, I must start from the beginning, during the events that took place shortly after the discovery of the Eye of Aarran; the great network of hyperspace gates.
It was a sight to behold; a Progenitor creation allowing faster-than-light travel for an entire fleet to almost any general region of our galaxy. The possibilities such devices held were incalculable. It was decided the fleet under my command, Ferin Sha, would provide escort for Fleet Command’s flagship, Sajuuk. We were prepared for anything. Resupply, repair, military action, everything. Or so we thought.
The marine frigate I had grown so accustomed to had been taken in for extensive overhauls at the time, so I took command of the flak frigate Manaan for the duration of this mission. We expected a simple, straightforward operation. We would head through the Eye, arrive at the outskirts of the galaxy, remain for up to two days while taking readings and searching for possible side effects of travel, then if no issues were reported, we would return home.
To this day, I still do not know what had happened to everyp—I mean, everyone else. As far as I was aware, my ship entered the Eye, then exited alone at the wrong coordinates, with several other complications in between. There’s little doubt in my mind this was some malfunction from the ancient device. I had expressed my concerns to Fleet Intelligence regarding sending such a large fleet head-first into the unknown, but so far only Sajuuk, with its link to the Progenitors, has been able to open the Eye. Being such a vital asset, we had no choice but to travel as escorts.
More concerning for me is what happened to Sajuuk and the rest of my fleet. I still don’t know if the others had made it intact at the correct exit coordinates, if they had all been scattered to different parts of the galaxy, or if their bodies had been lost to hyperspace. For everyone’s sake, I hope it’s the former, as I have reason to believe there may be a strategic asset on this planet, along with potential allies possessing powerful abilities. It’s probably best if I proceed in chronological order though.
I knew something was amiss even before I discovered Manaan was alone. As I regained consciousness, I found my ship drifting along the edge of a large asteroid cluster in a near inoperative state. Worst of all, my crew had gone missing. Twenty five crew members including myself must remain on active duty, with another fifteen in reserve, while the frigate is deployed. Yet none of them were aboard.
Only one theory seemed to come to mind, though to this day I still hope I am wrong. All across the ship, were hundreds, maybe thousands of burn marks, as if large jolts of electricity had stuck. Could my crew have been vaporised? If so, why did I survive? Luck? I have no other explanation for it.
I lack the luxury of time to dwell on such thoughts, though. Any fool who can operate a probe will tell you a ship of this size cannot operate properly with just one crew member, no matter how skilled he or she is. After repeated attempts to make contact with anyone either inside or outside my ship, I had set about trying to bring Manaan back to at least a basic operational state, even if I didn’t have the multitasking abilities of Fleet Command. Propulsion was a priority.
However, the damage was worse than I had thought. Not only were primary engines out, but vital systems had also been damaged. The primary fusion power plant, weapons systems, and worst of all, life support, were beyond my capacity to repair, as I lacked the time and the manpower. I’m a Captain, not a one-man repair team.
With no other alternative, I did what anyone else would have done: Improvise. I still had manoeuvring thrusters partially powered by the functioning auxiliary power plant, but with life support down, I only had approximately three days worth of air. By Sajuuk’s divine intervention, there was a planet nearby with a safe atmosphere. Reaching it was possible if I diverted the remaining power from all manoeuvring thrusters into the aft pair to either side of the primary engines and fire them all at once. Highly inefficient of course, but it got the job done.
A scan from low orbit confirmed the right combination of atmospheric gases, and temperatures were both stable and safe. I couldn’t say the same for the conditions within the cabin, so I began to make preparations for an immediate atmospheric entry.
Of course, most Hiigaran military vessels aren’t designed for re-entry operations. Fighters and corvettes would break up halfway in, as they lack power absorption layers larger ships have. Destroyers and larger ships would survive initially, but their sheer mass combined with the gravitational pull of a planet would render their engines useless, as they would be unable to cope with the immense forces required to make anything close to a safe landing. A frigate however, would have a much higher chance of surviving. After all, the hull is designed to withstand damage from plasma, so entering the atmosphere would not present a major issue, and the relatively lower mass would allow for a safer landing.
Still, the fact I had no main engines remained a major issue. Once again I had to reroute power, this time to the ventral and forward section thrusters. Topographic data indicated extensive woodlands of varying densities, situated on a large landmass near the equator. More suitable landing sites required remaining in orbit for a longer period, but by this point, my supply of usable air had dwindled to almost nothing. I figured trees were preferable to an ocean.
After the plan was set, I laid in my vectors, and with difficulty, the process was executed almost flawlessly. I watched as the outermost layer of Manaan’s armour burned away while I descended rapidly through the atmosphere and over the ocean. Upon sighting my landing zone, I had fired the thrusters in varying combinations, initially prioritising speed control over descent rate. The result was a trail of decimated trees a few hundred metres behind the area I came to a halt at.
It took a while for me to register it, but I had survived, evidently. Alarms blared and lights flashed, but nothing in any of the damage reports suggested a compromised hull. The worst of the damage was from the ventral flak cannon being completely torn from its mounting, though I would have been surprised if it had remained intact. With the remaining power, I activated the distress beacon, shut off all non-essential systems and ran out for some much-needed air.
The sun was barely up when I landed, so by the time I had finished the remainder of my tasks aboard Manaan, the opportunity to find some food and water had presented itself. As this was a world capable of sustaining plant life, I assumed there could also be animals, and by extension, predators. I took no chances, so I brought a pulsar rifle from the armoury, along with an automatic direction finder set to the frequency of the distress beacon.
Thus, my first day of survival began. Several canisters capable of holding enough water for a rationed week were taken with me, as I travelled north to a river I spotted from the air. Pretty uneventful day. The woods were sparsely packed, so I could see if anything approached, though I found nought but birds and small woodland creatures, not unlike those back on Hiigara.
Day two had been more eventful, as it marked the beginning of what would be a chain reaction of some of the most interesting discoveries. On this day, I had decided to head in an easterly direction. I was exploring for the sake of exploring, but I had taken similar equipment from the previous day in case I found food. An hour after the sun was directly overhead, I decided to return to Manaan.
That’s when I saw two brightly coloured quadruped animals off in the distance. About a metre to a metre and a half in height, these creatures were oblivious to my presence. They were animals unlike any I had seen, but one would keep me fed for days, so I stalked my prey, closing in without drawing attention to myself. Only then, when I had charged up my pulsar and taken aim, did I notice the most peculiar, and at the time, disturbing thing. They conversed with each other. In Galactic Common.
I had encountered a sentient, alien race. One unheard of until now. The best course of action at this stage would have been to fall back and report such findings to my superiors, but as that was out of the equation, I had instead decided to follow the creatures. Perhaps they had a home, or a society of some kind.
I think it goes without saying that the Captain of a marine frigate would have plenty of experience with remaining hidden during infiltration operations, so keeping up with those creatures was easier than shredding attack bombers with flak fire. This also gave me enough time to think about how I was going to approach the entire situation. Do I just walk up to a group, or do I try to find a lone creature and introduce myself? What will I say? How will I gain their trust? And most importantly, could they be in any position to help me?
Many hours later, and quite a distance further to the east, I had encountered a clearing where I found a town. An actual town, filled with these creatures. I stopped pursuing the two at this point, in fear of exposing myself prematurely. I had to have a plan. After all, I would be Hiigara’s representative to this race, so making a good impression, or at least one that wasn’t dreadful, would be paramount.
The sun had started to set, but there was plenty of daylight remaining when I executed my plan. As I traversed the woodlands to find a convenient area to emerge from, I came across an orchard, situated along the outskirts of the town. Still doing my best to remain hidden behind what little cover remained while I approached, I could make out a bright red creature pulling an empty cart towards some baskets. My plan was to intercept it, introduce myself, and obtain information on some higher authority I could speak to, without making my presence obvious to the major populace.
First contact was … interesting. Surprisingly it was no disaster, but it was rather awkward. As I poked my head out from behind a tree and tried to greet it—him, I should say, I received silence and a vacant stare. With more nervousness than I’d like to admit, I asked if there was anyone around who I could talk to for assistance, to which he replied with a simple “eeyup”, before motioning me to follow him.
Within the hour, I had become fully acquainted with the Apple family. The red one introduced me to his two sisters and grandmother. Admittedly there were a couple of shrieks of terror from the eldest and youngest, but after we all calmed down, they were surprisingly friendly. It almost felt as if I was taking advantage of their hospitality as they later shoved various apple related edibles in front of me, while I exchanged my tale for their information and assistance. They even offered me a room to sleep in, insisting it was an honour. How could I say no, when it was fast approaching night, and my ship was many kilometres away?
During this time, I took the opportunity to better analyse the physique of these creatures, who call themselves ponies. Four thick legs, short bodies, large heads and even larger eyes would be sufficient to describe their general appearance. From there on, other details varied wildly. Their short fur coats could be orange, green, red, or whatever else in between, along with the colours, patterns, and styles of their tails and what they call their manes. Oh, that’s their hair, by the way. Now, perhaps the most unique physical trait would be the symbol on either side of their posteriors, signifying their specialities or talents. Apparently they pop into existence when they realise what those specialities are, but I have yet to figure out how that actually works.
I also learned I was in a town called Ponyville, in the land of Equestria. To this day, the name still amuses me. Hah! Imagine Hiigara’s equivalent! Kushanville? Anyway, I digress. If I listed off every amusing name or corny event witnessed during my brief stay, I’d never finish this log.
The next day, the eldest sister brought someone, or ‘somepony’, as they liked to say, up to the orchard. I figured she was either an authority figure, or an intellectual being, though her behaviour and mannerisms suggested the latter. Most fascinating was the single, conical horn protruding from her head. This seems to serve as the source of her telekinetic abilities, one I daresay could be a military advantage if harnessed correctly. In any case, after a brief retelling of my story to the horned pony named Twilight Sparkle, I found myself dragged towards the inner part of the town, drawing mixed reactions from bystanders. Eventually we arrived at some sort of hybrid home and library cleverly built in to a tree.
Within a few minutes, Twilight had had fetched a small reptilian named Spike. Also sentient, he served as some kind of secretary who wrote everything as Twilight dictated to him. From what I overheard, she was going to contact the highest authorities regarding my presence; a pair of Princesses named Celestia and Luna.
Spike apparently has the ability to emit fire from his mouth, something that confused me after he burned up the parchment he had only just finished writing on. A minute later, I discovered the purpose, as a loud belch alerted me to witness another letter emerging from his flames! Something else I cannot understand, but it looked like some strange form of long-distance communication. It was a reply stating that we were about to be visited by royalty.
I needed no introduction from Twilight to know the pair who eventually entered the library were none other than the Princesses themselves. Both much taller than average ponies, sporting a horn and a pair of wings each, they entered and sat, staring at me, while my eyes shifted back and forth between their manes and tails. They flowed in a nonexistent wind, while one bore the bright colours of an Aurora Borealis, and the other of a night sky, complete with small glimmers representing stars. At this point, I had given up on trying to find explanations for the plethora of phenomena that seem to be exclusive to this minuscule corner of our galaxy. Wherever we are, anyway.
For royalty, I was amazed at how informal our meeting was, or that despite the pulsar rifle on my back, there was a lack of security beyond a pair of guards with spears, stationed outside the tree-house library. They listened intently as I explained my story for the third time. Soon after, I was bombarded with questions from the Princesses and Twilight.
Then came the question I was surprised I didn’t hear sooner: “Can we see your ship?” I obliged, though not without hesitation. With the help of my tracking device, I pointed in the right direction and stated the rough distance we would have to travel. Before I could prepare for the long hike, a flash of light blinded me, and I found myself standing in a forest, dumbfounded. We had teleported. These horned ponies could mentally move objects, and teleport themselves and others with them! I’m no scientist, but this should be studied. If we can determine the maximum area of effect and distance that can be travelled, it may offer an alternative to hyperspace, allowing even strike craft to travel vast distances. The evasiveness of even battlecruisers could create superior military power and combat effectiveness with fewer vessels.
I was so caught up in the surprise that I did not notice we must have teleported slightly off course, as one of the Princesses flew up over the treetops to scan the area. She must have located Manaan, as we appeared at its side after another flash of light.
Manaan hummed healthily as its auxiliary power plant began to increase its output, compensating for the additional power demands from the lighting and systems I had activated. I would like to say I gave my guests the grand tour, but when a ship of this size enters a planet’s atmosphere and lands in a less than graceful manner, loose objects tend to litter the cabin. Karan save us if this was a torpedo frigate.
Finishing off the tour at the bridge, I asked the question: Could they help me? Considering my first impressions of their technological levels, I expected a no, but I got the opposite, under one condition: I allow the royal Equestrian scientists access to the ship for research purposes. I had to think about that one. I could be charged with treason if I allowed Hiigaran technology to fall into the hands of others, or hooves, as the case may be, but in the end it was a calculated risk I took. My only condition to their condition was that I be present at all times and that no scientists be allowed access to any part of the ship without my permission and supervision. Equestrians might look like pacifists, but I still had to ensure the safety of sensitive data, such as deployments and tactical information stored within Manaan’s computers.
After our agreement, we materialised back outside Twilight’s library, and the two Princesses bid farewell. They would be in contact within a week, leaving me with time to kill. Mere moments after the Princesses left, Twilight and I stepped foot in the library, where a bright pink pony ambushed me, blowing confetti in my face and assaulting me with streamers. It seemed as if the whole town was somehow crammed in there for what was apparently their idea of a welcoming party.
I’ve never been one for parties, or any other kind of celebration for that matter, but I have to admit, this party was certainly … different. It was rather juvenile, with balloons, candy, songs and games, but I had become acquainted with an entire town in a matter of minutes, with the insistent ‘help’ of Pinkie Pie. Take a wild guess what colour her fur was.
The party lasted throughout the entire day, moving on into the night at some sort of nightclub. It was much more bearable, considering the style of music changed, and they provided me with free alcoholic beverages, most of which I have never even seen back home. Upon retrospect, it was most certainly a bad idea to try them all, considering I
>REDACTED
I probably shouldn’t have said that. Will have to edit this later.
I decided it was safer to spend the remainder of the week in the library, partly due to the … alcohol incident, and partly due to some mint-green pony constantly stalking me in an unnerving, conspicuous manner. Naturally, as I was in a library, there were plenty of books to read about Equestria, which satisfied my curiosity in their sporadic use of technology, their use of this so-called ‘magic’ by horned, or ‘unicorn’ ponies, and of course, their astronomy.
This was where mysteries began to surface. By the end of the week, I had come across the same emblem several times in a couple of books on legends and historical artefacts. Of course, they weren’t a perfect replica of the real thing, but there were striking similarities suggesting the origin of this symbol was none other than Abbasid. Concerning. Very concerning.
I was not part of the Pride of Hiigara’s fleet when they encountered the keepers of Abbasid during the Vaygr Campaign, but the mission reports I read suggested the keepers were virtually unstoppable. Had it not been for the self-genocidal sacrifice of the Great Harbour-Ship of Bentus … Well, things would have turned out much differently. However, the fact remains that these symbols I have seen, and their implications, were unsettling. Should there be any keepers on or near this planet, it would be wise not to awaken them. Although I figured if there was a keeper here, it probably would have detected me long ago, so I felt slightly reassured.
Those thoughts had been temporarily pushed to the back of my mind when Princess Celestia returned. She was to take me to the capital city to begin the collaboration between myself and the scientists. I had only found out later on why I was taken to the capital, instead of directly to Manaan.
During my approach, and subsequent crash in the forest, I had failed to notice the capital off in the distance. A magnificent castle city hanging precariously off the side of a steep mountain, with multiple waterfalls cascading hundreds of metres down towards the base, Canterlot is the home of the Princesses, and to my amazement, the new location of Manaan. Princess Celestia explained to me that during the week prior, a crude dock was hastily constructed underneath a section of the city with ample room for the disabled frigate. From there, it was a matter of teleporting the frigate into place and securing it. I said it before, but I’ll say it again: We have to study this teleportation. Fleet Intelligence would not be living up to its name if they disagreed.
Thus began my career as a supervisor for a bunch of giddy scientists. I had been generously offered a place to stay within Canterlot, but after a ship-wide cleanup, I declined and used my quarters aboard Manaan instead. I guess it was nice to have an all expenses paid life just for keeping an eye on some overexcited white-coats, but I did want to speed up the process. As enjoyable and relaxing as this place is, I would like to reunite with my fleet, if they are alive. I needed Manaan in working condition.
There was one thing I was still missing: A crew. The moment I mentioned it as an innocent, passing comment, I was pinned to the floor by a mob of scientists, all volunteering themselves. What choice did I have anyway? As a result, I had to set aside time in my schedule to teach multiple groups of ponies the basics. Each pony would be posted to a different station, so specialisation was in order. Some would be in engineering, some on weapons, some would be on the bridge, and so on.
I also took advantage of this extra time with Manaan to repair the damaged systems. As I mentioned earlier, the three systems I could not repair when I arrived were life support, weapons, and the primary power plant. The power plant was top priority for two reasons: Without it, the auxiliary power would soon run dry, and even worse, no primary power meant no main drives.
Documentation for these systems and how to repair them were already within the ship’s data banks, but a lot of these tasks involved meticulous tuning, multi-crew operations, and plenty of lifting over several days of almost non-stop work. Some components had to be outright replaced. While engineering contained spare parts to most of these systems, others required extensive improvisation, particularly with the power plant. I’m still worried about achieving a stable output, but in theory, the only issue that might exist would be a lower output, most of which can be compensated for anyway.
During this time, I had busied myself with several books from the Canterlot Library. The keepers had returned to my thoughts, and I started doing a lot of bedtime reading on books similar to those in Ponyville. Another book made reference to the same emblem once again. Interestingly, this book was on the Elements of Harmony; six fundamental components representing harmony, peace, and order. These Elements are wielded by ponies to create some of the most powerful magic in existence. I won’t pretend to understand these Elements, but how are the keepers, and their Progenitor creators related to them?
With Twilight being a bearer of one of these Elements, I figured she could assist me, so she agreed without hesitation to temporarily move to Canterlot. If nothing else, she would be able to read through entire books faster than I could even open them, leaving me with more time to work on repairs and crew training, while she searched for information on what this link between the Elements and the keepers could be. Regarding the symbol of Abbasid within the book on the Elements, Twilight insisted she never knew of its significance, dismissing it as some random pattern within the background of an image when she first read the book.
Only yesterday, when the final repairs and basic tests were completed, did we make a possible breakthrough. Twilight had burst through to the bridge with a book levitating alongside her. It was supposedly a science-fiction novel written by an unknown author about aliens living in a giant nebula and preying on ships that travel through it. Sound familiar? Far too many similarities to dismiss it as coincidence. The symbol of Abbasid was described, and the narrative added Equestria into it, naming an area within the nebula after the plains between Ponyville, and some small rural town named Appleloosa. If this leads somewhere, those plains might provide answers.
I have no idea what could be waiting for us though. A device, perhaps? If whatever this object is exists, it must be hidden beneath the ground, otherwise others would have come across it already. It could be cloaked, but that seems highly unlikely. With Manaan’s sensors, I should be able to find whatever it is that lies there in no time at all. If we find nothing, the journey will at least serve as our test flight.
And so I come to today. Launch day. Extensive analysis suggests all systems are online and working within acceptable tolerances. Though lacking any experience or anything close to proper training, I have a crew, and they seem more eager to learn and improve, than most recruits I have seen in service. After being informed of the day’s plan, Twilight recommended the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony be aboard. I reluctantly agreed, as the pink one with no sense of personal space was among them. Within a few minutes, the only way off this ship will be through the airlock.
…
Well, the moment of truth is here. I’ll be needed on the bridge shortly, so I should wrap this up. If all goes well, our plan will be to launch, then set a course for the plains, gradually increasing power to full output over an extended period. The cabin will be sealed to test life support performance, and the weapons systems will undergo calibration and simulated combat en route. If we find nothing, we’ll return to Canterlot. If we do find something? I haven’t figured that part out yet.
Captain Soban signing out.
>LOG TERMINATED
I guess I'll start off with the generic "'tis my first fic"...Anywho...
Feel free to assault me with cake if it's shit. I don't mind. There are a few parts that I wasn't happy about, but what can I say? I tried to write it so that fans and non-fans alike can enjoy it. I will be dropping more references in future chapters as well, because lets face it...Homeworld!
And to Homeworld fans: You finally have what Sierra and Relic could never deliver...HW3 (oh yes, because THIS will end well...)! Anyway, I've stuck to most of HW2 canon, but let me know if something is incorrect.
Well there you have it! A HiE fic where the H does not stand for human!
You get a favorite just on the premise alone. I'll give this a read later.
You are toying with my childhood here... Be weary of how you go about this...
Having played through Homeworld, Cataclysm, and Homeworld 2 dozens of times each, written mods for all three, and bought the strategy guides just so I could read chapter after chapter of backstory, I'll just say - Curses, you beat me to it! Homeworld-MLP has been on my to-do list forever. Better that someone finally does it that having it gather dust on my bucket list.
Marvelous! This was executed very well!
One complaint though would be with the beginning and end. Very, VERY minor issue with the presentation.
Also, you should put down that he is Captain Soban of the Kiith Soban somewhere in the starting.
Try something prettier... like.
>>>KIITH SOBAN PERSONAL AUDIO RECORDING DEVICE #00293<<<
>>>NAME & TITLE: Captain M. Soban<<<
>>>CURRENT VESSLE: Manaan Flak Friget, Ferin Sha Fleet<<<
>>>STAR DATE: 20/12/9525 GSY<<<
>>>ENTRY: #00001<<<
...
...
>>>END RECORDING<<<
Great start. I am curious about what they find out there on the plains. Keep up the good work!
ill give it a fav just out of me wanting to read this later. like Discord said, you are playing with my childhood as well, make wise decisions. You dont want this story to end up like "Beyblade goes to equestria" (Actual spelling of the title btw) I still puke when I think of the horrible grammar in that one. Anyway, Its looking good so far. so I dont think I need to worry.
I've only played the demos of Homeworld, Homeworld 2, and Homeworld Cataclysm, can someone elaborate on what the Abbasid are?
STOP TOYING WITH 2 LEGENDARY ARTIFACTS!
on one moment you have Homeworld saga, which already has a DEEP back story and rich heritage. A game that is in the record books for "game of the year", Still playable and still surpassed Alot of "current" titles in terms of replayablity. You sir are good at what your doing, so keep going. (still squeeing in excitement)
The next moment you have the MLP universe, which is very unexplored territory as the pony's only have Steam punk Airships, thus your Very far into the future with regards in the MLP universe. (just a thought)
(Why would you crash your state of the art ship that cost you around 5000 RU's to build, Thats like over 1 Trillion in dollars with earth money, adjusting for space and inflation.)
I ask if you can describe the ship, Im an artist and would like to draw the scene of the ship crashing towards Equestria.
Keep up the good work, Sincerely a Die Hard Homeworld 1 and 2 fan
HIGGY
I've never played Homeworld, but damn...awesome idea. I'm unfamiliar with a lot of names but the way you presented the ponies against the Captain was awesome. Can't wait to read more.
I promise I'll read the final version of this once I get a spare moment. Too much stuff to do!
I'm glad it's getting a good reception so far.
1301990
Never play with your childhood, unless your childhood plays with you...
1302109
I actually had two or three other ideas on how to approach such a HW story. One of them included the dreaded HW storyline with ponies...yeah, that idea stayed in my head for a good 30 seconds before I applied a generous amount of hoof to face. I actually saw another HW fic, but it was exactly that kind of story. Pity. Now I can't say this is the first ever HW fic.
1302139
Yep, those were one of the things I wasn't entirely happy about. However, the way I saw it was that if I made things too obvious by saying 'this is the name of the person talking', and 'this is the ship in question', etc, then it would detract from the matter-of-fact, no-nonsense format of a more military style. As for the date, I went for the more 'Star Trek' approach for two reasons: Firstly, as GSY is supposed to be a universal time scale for the galaxy, there is no way to tell which races and planets use the same number of days in a month, months in a year, and so on. Secondly, the Star Trek style of logs is done in such a way that if there are multiple logs on the same day, subsequent logs are tagged as 'supplemental'. Been a while since I watched ST, so correct me if I'm wrong on that. I will definitely agree that the formatting is still out of whack.
1302265
The name alone makes me WTF. In any case, at least my grammar is excellent, so I doubt anyone will have to cringe at that.
1302517
Homeworld is best pony. Period.
I'll try to give a more detailed description of the frig in the next chapter, but considering the design of most Hiigaran (and Kushan) ships, they will all sound so similar. The Taiidan had some interesting designs, even though some of them just made you want to WTF (that sensors array looks like a hand).
Oh, as for why you'd crash the ship, I did mention near the beginning that the main engines were out, so...yeah.
Holy mother of Luna's nipples, this comment turned out to be longer than I thought!
1303156
1.
2. I have never watched Star Trek in my life... and I couldn't care less really. I just find that if he was in the military of sorts they have to keep a strict record of everyone or anyone that use any of their services, including the audio logs. So everything that is known about the person would be written down... for security purposes. Also, I used the Red and Black color mode, because those are the colours of the 'Kiith Soban', where he is situated. Maybe I/you should add Mission/Op details as well, like the name and kind (Diplomatic, Escort, War, Research, guinea pigging etc).
Point taken. I did purposefully avoid any font formatting just to keep things simple (and I don't see it being use anywhere else), but I could add it in at a later stage. Little busy at the moment with the next chapter, but surprisingly, I've managed to shoot through a lot of it already. I just like to scan through the 'final' product at least five times to make sure there aren't any major issues.
Oh yes, apologies for that horrible joke of mine!
1303626 Only thing I have a problem with is that he seems a little to mellow with 4 legged medevial equivalents (with magic) handling his stuff without his permission. Of course, mabye that's just the type of character he is. Intresting story either way, looking forward to the next chapter.
Oh my Luna, Homeworld is one of my favorite things in the world; I'll be holding you to a high standard here. I almost passed right by when the angel moon emblem caught my eye. Lets see what you got, reading now.
The legendary Captain Soban amongst technicolor ponies? You've got a fave. One thing I'm worried about is how you'll handle dialog, seeing this chapter completely devoid as such. Either way this is an excellent start, and I can't wait for the next installment.
On another note, there is a terribly sad lack of good Homeworld fanfiction, and I thank you sincerely for contributing.
I want to know what Berry Punch and Soban did.
*Snickers*
More, please!
Cheers
GM
1306572
Partly why I chose Soban was because we all know him, but not much is known about him, or even how he talks. That makes it easier to write. The way I see Soban is that he is completely calm under pressure, with just a tiny hint of sarcasm and humor.
1305211
True, true. Right now, he doesn't have much of a choice. Without a crew, he won't be going anywhere and he would remain trapped on that world. Of course, we all know that isn't an issue!
1307111
Take him to a Vagyr facility, and he MIGHT talk. No guarantees on that though...
1307301 Oh fuck, I can imagine it now.
Maury: Equestria.
Soban...you ARE the father!
*Laughs hysterically*
Bah! It has to be Jerry Springer! And Berry's other coltfriend needs to be there to throw a chair at Soban.
...Then a massive brawl ensues, and security is forced to restrain everypony!
This thing writes itself!
ETA on the next chapter is about 2 days or so. Comparing the two chapters, I'm concerned with the quality of the upcoming one, but you guys can be the judge of that. Maybe I'm better at doing first person past tense than third person.
In the meantime, amuse yourselves with something unrelated to this story...When Karan sees this, she will shit
bricksRUs:Wow. So, like I said in my earlier comment, I'm writing a HW:E fanfic as well... and we have completely different ideas about how to do that, apparently.
Your story's good. It looks pretty damn good grammatically, and while I didn't analyse it too deeply, I'd say the narrator's voice was good as well.
The concept is where I have a problem. First, the set up is painfully contrived. He just happened to be the one guy left on the one ship that happened to appear over Equestria for some unknown reason. I hope later chapters make that less... coincidental. Given that we're dealing with Keeper tech I'm not about to dismiss that as impossible.
Second, it's HiE (Hiigarans in Equestria?). Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with that, but it seems like... a bit of a waste of the crossover I guess? I don't know, this is just a personal nitpick. Feel free to ignore it.
Third... Abbasid? Wha? Google informs me that's a reference to middle eastern history, so I guess it's appropriate given the material, but... they're the Keepers. Why did they need another name, and where did that name come from? Did the Hiigarans find "Abbasid" spray painted on the side of Balcora, or something? (Wait, how did they know what Balcora was called? Ah, to hell with it. Ignore this too.)
Fourth: MANAAN IS THE NAME OF AN ENTIRE KIITH. This is ANOTHER personal nitpick, but you have to understand; the Mannaani are basically my favorite Kiith. They are the Pinkie Pie Kiith: parties, parties, parties, suddenly badass, more parties. Why is a ship—a FLAK FRIGATE no less—named after an entire Kiith? Especially given that the CO is from Soban, a completely different Kiith. (I know, I know, "Shipyard Nabaal", but at least that was a SHIPYARD, which was appropriate for a Kiith devoted to technology and building stuff.) This was the first thing that bugged me, and it just won't stop bugging me no matter how many times I recite the MST3K mantra.
Fifth: Soban's voice... I know I said this was okay, but he doesn't sound... military. His tone and vocabulary seem to change quite a bit, and he doesn't act much like a captain. For that matter, why is he working on a Flak Frigate in the first place? It's been a while since I played HW2, so I imagine he didn't die, but... why is he running a Flak Frigate? Wasn't he in command of a frigate fleet? Where did that go? Nitpick again. I'm on a nitpick roll here.
TL:DR, that was all basically small potatoes. This isn't bad. It's quite good, in fact, and I love seeing active Homeworld stuff still going on. The ponies are a bonus.
P.S. I think I've decided. I'll call my fic... My Little Homeworld. No, that's stupid... Friendship is Hyperspace? Hyperspace is Magic... wait, that last one actually works. Homeworld: Hyperspace is Magic? Argh, I'm just brainstorming with a keyboard, sorry. If you've got a suggestion... let me know.
Moving a large extraterrestrial ship would require an immense amount of magic, possibly more than both the Princesses combined. The fact that they teleported it? I don't believe that's possible.
Not only are they moving a large mass, but depending on the canon in this story, nothing on the ship has the same innate magic that everything on Equestria has, meaning the effort to use magic on it would be multiplied by 1.5
As a side note, I had my iPad's text to speech read this to me :D
This is beautiful. So beautiful that I'm imagining how first contact would go if aliens were to meet the human equivalent of Big Mac.
7176187
Thier also alicorns who can move the sun and moon, not to mention fight discord on near equal terms, so yeah they do have enough energy for it, though they'd probably be wiped afterwards