Isekai'd An Hero

by Kaidan

02 Because We Care

A sharp pain sent me gasping for air, sitting up quickly as the street spun around me. It took a moment for everything to come back into focus as my heart stopped racing.

"Are you a spy?" somepony asked.

I glanced up at a small cloud and spotted Rainbow Dash sitting there, recalling she was the best pony from the show. Anyone who disagreed was probably antifa. "Rainbow! Did you see a bus around here?"

"A bus?" She laughed and rolled onto her back, not stopping for half a minute. Finally she looked back down. "Oh you're serious? We don't have a bus line in Ponyville."

I nodded, getting up and stretching my leg to help loosen a sore muscle. I then made my way over to a nearby house and leaned against the wall so I could keep an eye on the street.

"So, you're totally a spy right? From some far away country, like out of Daring Do or something? Are you related to Ahuizotl?"

"What? No," I sighed. "I was just on my way to pick up this really bitchin' video game when I got hit by a bus. Twice."

"Huh that sucks. Wanna sleep over at my place? It's, uh, totally safe from buses because it's a cloud house."

I sighed and shook my head at her naivety. "I don't have wings, how would I do that?"

"Oh, right." Dash stretched her wings then glided down to the ground. She stood barely up past my waist.

"Why don't we head over to the relocation center so I can get my free home and party and healthcare and all that jazz."

"Uh, what?" Dash asked.

"You know, Pinkie said you give out a free home."

Dash started laughing again. "Oh, good one. Maybe we can find you some work on Applejack's farm, but we're all about that sweet... uh... what do you call it when you only care about making money?"

"Capitalism?"

"Yeah! We're all about that in Equestria! Also Princesses, and apple bucking, and other kinds of bucking."

I nodded, still confused as hell, but at least it seems I woke up, back in Equestria, and bucking was still at the forefront of every pony's minds. I'm not saying women were ungrateful back on Earth, but I'm a totally normal nice guy who just couldn't get any action that didn't come in a disposable six-pack of eggs or with a totally-legal ancient dragon magical school girl dakimakura pillow cover on it.

"Wait," I said looking down at Dash and reached down to pat her head. "Huh that's weird, you seem a few inches shorter than Pinkie."

"No way! I'm two full feathers taller than her," Dash complained, puffing out her fuzzy chest hair indignantly.

"Oh, uh sorry, my mistake. I'm just a bit confused, seeing as how I have been hit by two buses in the space of like, fifteen minutes?"

"Ah, well that sounds more like a Twilight problem than a Dash problem. Though, I do have some pipes that need cleaning and I can't reach them but I bet you can..." Dash looked up with me with wide moist puppy eyes.

I smiled widely and looked back down at her. "Well, I guess I've got time for that before I figure out what the hell is going on." I wiggled my fingers in front of her face. "These things are rather slender and perfect for getting deep into... pipes."

She stifled a moan, and nodded her head to the left. "Town motel's that way." Dash turned and trotted across the street, tail waving high in the air.

I almost stepped out into the road but stopped. I looked to the left, then the right, then the left again. I even looked up. There was no way in hell I was crossing this street until I was damn sure there were no buses. I wouldn't have the fucking greyhound cock-block me and keep me from punching the first hole in my V-card.

Once I was absolutely damn certain there were no buses on the road. I took one step away from the house I had been leaning on. I then heard a loud noise. An explosion of wood and glass flew past me, knocking me forward to the ground. The last thing I saw was a white and black bus with wavy blue-green lines careening through the rubble and pancake me against something rigid and unyielding.