Divided on Earth, United with Ponies

by Hereward

The Day we Caught the Train

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I flung myself across the room and turned off my alarm. In my groggy state the events of the previous day all seemed to be a dream. I sighed as I lay waiting for the bathroom to become available, thinking how awesome it would be to meet the Princesses of Equestria for real. Before long dad left the bathroom and went to open the computer room blind. He let out a slight gasp of surprise before a slight 'Oh' came from him. As he went downstairs I chanced a peek through the curtains.

The sight of the picturesque view confirmed that we were in Equestria after all. I held my teeth together to stop myself from squealing with delight before going off to attend to my ablutions.

When I went back into my bedroom to change I started to open the curtains before closing them again, knowing that a pegasus might get a good view through the window. Once I was dressed I stripped my bed and checked over the paperwork Celestia had given us. Apparently we were to get the ten past nine train to Canterlot and make our way to the Royal Palace from the capital's station. First thing that came to my mind was that I'd probably have to take a few things to help convey who I was and where we came from; I ended up taking both my wallets, a bank statement, my notepad and a pen.

Once I was downstairs mum got up while I made myself some porridge as dad went to start washing up after his own breakfast. By quarter-past eight both of us had put the dishes away and mum had just come down, only for a couple of ponies to come trotting along the dirt track that had replaced the residential road. Looking through the net curtain I quickly identified one as Twilight Sparkle, the other was definitely an earth pony but until they were right in front of the living room window I wasn't sure who it was. It was Applejack. Before long one of them knocked on the front door, whereupon I dashed out through the back door and up the driveway.

"Hey!" I called out to them from the rusty gate. "Just so ya know, we always use the back door." Applejack gave me an odd look while Twilight grinned sheepishly.

"No need t'get excited." Applejack remarked.

"Sorry." I apologised. "I figured it would be more efficient to explain it now, and whenever someone's knocked on our front door before we needed to be quick or they'd walk off." They came over to my position.

"Are you ready to go?" Twilight asked.

"Almost." I replied. "But mum hasn't had her breakfast yet."

"Well don'chya worry ya pretty little head about it." Applejack remarked. "Ah've go' some apple fritters." I wasn't sure how mum would take that but I said.

"Okay. Mind waiting for a moment while we get our things together? I doubt you'd both fit in this house; everything's rather packed in." I walked back towards the door as they followed.

"Rarity did mention that the design of your home left a lot to be desired." Twilight commented. "I didn't mean any..."

"It's all right." I interrupted. "It's a 70's estate design; one of the worst architectural designs in human history. The stairwell's only about..." I paused to try and work it out, "Two feet wide?" They looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. I stepped back indoors. "Escort's 'ere." I told my parents, prompting a groan from my mother.

"Can't even get breakfast here." She moaned.

"It's covered; you can have an apple fritter." I told her as I put my coat on and grabbed my shoes. In under five minutes we were out on the patio.

"Didn't we meet yesterday?" Dad asked the two ponies.

"Yeah." Twilight answered. "I'm Twilight Sparkle and this is Applejack."

"Howdy." The farm pony tipped her hat.

"I could do with one." Mum muttered, prompting me to smirk a bit.

"Sorry." I apologised. "It's just that, where we come from, an applejack is an alcoholic cocktail." This got a funny look from the mare in question.

"Perhaps we should get going?" Twilight suggested, prompting my mother to sigh.

"You got yer key?" She asked me, causing me to nod and turn to lock the door.

As we walked off the small track onto a larger dirt road there was an uncomfortable silence. Mum did eat a fritter offered by Applejack but her method suggested distaste with the situation; dad, on the other hand, seemed just plain baffled by everything. It wasn't long before the tension between man and pony was broken by Twilight.

"So, what do you guys do for a living?" She asked.

"I'm a part-time library assistant for a college." I answered, being the one who understood Equestria to some extent.

"Really?!?" She squealed. "Sounds like fun." I shrugged.

"It's an environment I was comfortable with." I replied. "Of course the bookstands were a bit wonky, so shelving was something of a headache, but I do love to read. Albeit I don't always read actual books." Twilight cocked an eyebrow and turned to my parents as we entered Ponyville proper.

"And what about the two of you?" She asked.

"I... worked for Revenue & Customs." Dad answered.

"Oh, what sort of things did you do?" Twilight asked.

"I used to deal with issues regarding the tax threshold." Dad eased now that something normal was coming through. "More recently I was part of the team who checked that companies were paying no less than the national minimum wage." Applejack snorted for a moment.

"And you, Mrs Slater?" Twilight pushed, only getting a 'harrumph' in return. With that I answered for her.

"She used to be a filing clerk for jobcentre plus, that's like an office of unemployment, before the title was changed to administration assistant; she then changed to the pensions centre and was promoted to an administrative officer, even though her role was more like a telephonist, before retiring due to medical issues." Twilight now seemed to hold mum in wonder.

"She worked in telephones?!?" She gasped.

"That's why she retired." I explained. "She hated the methodology of the system they employed."

"Oh." Twilight seemed rather embarrassed. "Telephones aren't as common round here as they appear to be in your world." I was moderately intrigued but held my tongue for the moment. "Couldn't you have refused the promotion?"

"No." She snapped. "If I had I could've been made redundant due to budget cuts. Besides being an AA wasn't much better than being an AO." Looking up from this conversation I saw that we appeared to be in the town square.

"So, which way's the station?" I asked, prompting AJ and Twilight to look round.

"This way." Twilight stated, gesturing with her hoof. Looking up the road in question I could see a cart moving along a human figure riding in it; since the sun was behind us at this time I could easily identify the person in question. We moved forward a bit quicker than before.

"'ello." Dad remarked as we began to draw level.

"Ey up, David." Granddad greeted upon turning to us.

"'ey." I acknowledged.

"Hallo, mah darlin'." He replied. "'s good t'see all of ya again." I smiled at this.

"Yep." I remarked, prompting a rather dubious look back from the pony giving him the lift; it was Big Macintosh.

"Aw right." Applejack responded to this. "Ah don' think he meant anything by it. Right?" Her look told me that if I deliberately made the reference there'd be a chance she'd break my chin for the trouble.

"Right." I answered, prompting an understanding nod from her.

As we approached the station it soon became apparent that catching-up with granddad would have to wait. I could see that Fluttershy and Rarity were already there and before long my auntie Jane came into view.

"See that yellow one?" Mum remarked. "Don't look her in the eye." There was a general sense of surprise from this but I got the gist of it.

"If I did I'd probably break down." I acknowledged.

"Worse than that." She continued. "She smiled at me yesterday and the next thing I knew I was being discharged from the hospital." She snorted indignantly.

"I think that might have been a special case." I commented. "I take it that each of us has been escorted?"

"Well, kinda." Twilight answered. "You see Mr Raymond here has been free to walk round Ponyville since Thursday..."

"Bu' since the train's scheduled fer nine-ten," Applejack continued, "We agreed he should get'a lift."

"A most thoughtful gesture." I acknowledged.

"Think nothin' of it." Applejack replied as we came up to the forecourt of the station.

"Hiya Lindsy." Jane greeted my mum. "How've you been getting on?"

"It's all rediculous, if you must know." She answered, taking out the pipe she was given for her tobacco-substitute. "There are no cigarettes, our car didn't come with us and everything looks like it was painted by a diabetic." This was a slight exaggeration as the colours of this world were much richer and tonal than in the series but still had a slight cartoony element about them.

"Oh, it's not so bad." Jane remarked. "These ponies are such a peaceful race. Fluttershy here was so kind to guide me here this morning, and I had to walk for three miles." I tried to whistle in appreciation but it sounded more like a gas leak.

"Oh, it was nothing." The pony in question stated. The sound of her demure voice felt as though someone had just injected me with morphine.

"Well, you're in your element there." I commented with a slight smirk. "Will Rainbow Dash be joining us?"

"Uh, she decided to fly up there." Twilight answered. "She said the train journey was too dull."

Mum had a smoke just outside the entrance while the rest of us went into the ticket hall. Big Macintosh's body language came across to suggest that his attitude towards the smell of the smouldering combo was the same as my attitude towards the stench of tobacco smoke.

"Summin' wrong, Mac?" I asked him as he walked through the door; whereupon he took another look outside before answering.

"Eeyup. Ah don't hold with burnin' cinnamon."

"Could be worse. Tobacco smoke stinks something chronic, and it's toxic." I glanced at the clock, it read five to nine, leaving us with fifteen minutes. For some reason there was an awkwardness in the air, it made my pants itch. I sidled over to Twilight. "Where's the khazi?" I muttered to her, earning a confused glance.

"The what?" She replied.

"The khazi." I repeated a bit louder. "The bathroom, the john, the lavatory."

"Oh!" She pointed with her hoof. "Males on the left side."

"T'anks." I proceeded into the bog.

The only thing worth noting about the Equestrian gents is that it seemed to be orientated like a squat-toilet, which wasn't too helpful; luckily there was bog paper of a sorts. Once I was done I exited to find that mum had finished her smoke and Jane was talking with Rarity. The clock now read 9 on the dot.

"Okay." I stated nervously once I was within a couple of yards of Twilight. "So when can we expect Candy Mane to join us?" Once again she gave me an odd look.

"I don't know anypony by that name." She answered. I rolled my eyes.

"I meant Rubbber Hooves." I wasn't too sure if I should've mentioned the mare's real name.

"Nope. Still can't place the face."

"Ah think he means Pinkie." Applejack calmly stated, prompting me to look round.

"Well why didn't you say?!?" Twilight responded to me.

"Well, it comes down to two reasons." I answered. "First, I expected mentioning her real name would make her turn up. Second I thought I'd get into the swing of things by giving some of you nicknames."

"Well, Ah'd reckon ya'd get on well with 'er if ya into that sorta thing." Applejack stated. "B'sides y'all never can tell if and when she'll be there."

"I don't know about the first, AJ." I said. "I'm like Fluttershy when it comes to sudden noise but my reaction is closer to Rainbow Dash's response to a sense of danger and I dread to think what'd happen if I lose control." I bit my lip.

"Oh, don't look so down in the mouth." I felt a hoof tap me on the back, prompting me to jump and exclaim mildly.

"Good grief, Candy Mane!" I cried out. "Would it hurt for you to turn up like any other pony once in a while?"

"Oh, don't you like surprises?" Pinkie asked.

"Depends what they are and how they're done." I replied. "Like I said I get startled as easily as Fluttershy but I react to them rather more brashly, sometimes I can't even hold my tongue and barely restrain my limbs, which might be why I've never got involved in kiddy-type things with others since I was six." Pinkie really gasped now.

"You've never had a party since you were six?!?" She cried.

"For myself." I replied. "I'm more into the quiet subdued types of celebrating, mainly because sudden noise makes me so anxious that I enter a state more akin to a primal hunter defending his territory; a human without reason almost. I can't even look at an inflated balloon without feeling anxious." The three mares now looked between one another; Pinkie looking like she just had culture shock, Applejack looking baffled and Twilight appearing rather thoughtful.

"Well, I'm sure we can get this all sorted out once we've seen the Princesses." Twilight stated.

"You're sure it'll be both of them?" I asked.

"Indeed." She answered with a dubious look. "Luna's never seen any of you before as far as I'm aware." Just then a distant whistle was heard. "We'd better get onto the platform."

I was surprised to discover that Ponyville train station had two tracks but one platform, considering the substantial facilities available on the station.

"Just think," Twilight commented as we all stood in a row, "This'll be your first train journey in Equestria."

"But, hopefully, not the last." Pinkie Pie piped up. I couldn't resist making a gag any longer.

"Oh, fab!" I quoted. "We're going to see a puffer-train." I wasn't surprised to hear someone sigh at this but what did surprise me was that it was Twilight who sighed.

"I don't get it." She stated. "You describe yourself as being similar to Rainbow Dash with Fluttershy's sensitivity and the next thing you start acting like Pinkie Pie?"

"I guess you could say I have aspects that are present in each of you." I answered. "Most of them are probably the more negative aspects." The train now came into view round a corner; it was certainly as colourful as the iconic one seen in the series but I wasn't sure if it was the same one.

"You guys had better follow us." Twilight mentioned as the train rolled past her position. "I doubt you'd find the right carriage." We all gave a nod at this. Once the train came to a stop a stallion wearing a blue cap came out and announced.

"Ponyville! Last stop before Canterlot! All aboard!" Twilight now walked forward and along, followed by Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rarity who were in turn followed by myself, my dad, my mum, Jane and granddad. One of the doors to the second carriage from the front opened seemingly of its own accord and Twilight stepped on.

Comments

[Rikkity]

okay now I gotta bitch every time I read a chapter of your story. SERIOUSLY?! Fucking A man...you must hate humanity and all of its fucking glory. Wow........So I guess the Ifle Tower is terrible architecture; the Royal Palace in England must be terrible architecture....the BASTARD HUMAN trope never ends!

[Blade Star]

2837244 Firstly, the correct spelling is Eifel. And it was disliked by many Parisians.

Secondly, there is no 'Royal Palace' in Great Britain, it is referred to as Buckingham Palace. HM Queen Elizabeth II has many residences through the country.

Third this is roughly what the protagonists house looks like: www2.rgu.ac.uk/publicpolicy/introduction/images/douglas.jpg

And finally, if you disapprove of any of the themes or issues raised in this story, no one is forcing you to read it.