Divided on Earth, United with Ponies

by Hereward

Let us Ride to Canterlot

The interior of the carriage was open-plan but the arrangement of the chairs and general decor came across as somewhat ostentatious. While the five ponies started to spread out we just stared around the interior.

"This is a train carriage?!?" Mum declared.

"Cor!" I added. "I doubt even airlines have first class like this!" I stepped forward as soon as our escort were all sat down. "Wait a minute." I declared as I looked at the seated ponies. "There's five of us and there's five of you here."

"Oh, yeah." Twilight responded after looking round. "Could be just a coincidence, but some ponies might say there's more to it than that."

"And Ah'm one of'em." Applejack answered, barely glancing away from the window. "Ah reckon each o'us must be assigned to one of yer humans fer the journey."

"Coincidence or no coincidence," Rarity remarked, "I for one consider it a most fitting idea." Though I was the first to step forward I was actually the last to sit down as I observed the other four of my family gravitating towards particular seats. Granddad sat across from Applejack facing the direction of travel, my aunt Jane sat almost right next to Fluttershy and my mum wound up sitting across from Rarity leaving dad as the second to last, which somehow led to him sitting closest to Pinkie Pie. I then sat down across from Twilight. Another curious coincidence was that everypony was facing the rear of the train leaving us with the clear option of facing the front, though Jane and dad did not do so. The whistle was blown and I caught sight of Applejack leaning out of the window waving goodbye to her brother.

"Twilight," I asked, "Isn't that a little dangerous?"

"Only if you have foals with you." She answered. "It can be a welcome relief to let the wind blow through your mane in the hot summer days."

"But what about when the train goes through a tunnel?" I asked in a mildly anxious tone. Twilight made a half laugh before replying.

"The space between the train and the tunnel walls are never less than four inches and they always start off as being at least six." I cocked an eyebrow at this as the train pulled out of Ponyville station.

The train continually accelerated as it snaked its way through Ponyville; I couldn't effectively determine how fast it was going once the rolling fields of the outlying farms came into view but I guessed that it was somewhere between twenty-five and forty miles an hour. Pinkie Pie was already rambling away at my dad, making me feel uneasy as to the impact this would have on him, and Jane was trying to strike up a conversation with Fluttershy but otherwise there was an awkward silence.

"Twilight," I opened, "Mind if I ask you a question about magic?" She looked rather happy that I did.

"No, go right ahead." She replied.

"Can unicorns read the minds of others?" I asked, prompting a bit of a confused look from her.

"Well mind-reading spells aren't unheard of," She answered, "But they're extremely advanced; a sentient being's mind is such a jumble that it can be hard to pinpoint the thoughts that travel through their head. It's easier to project thoughts or to stimulate certain memories but full-on telepathy is one of the hardest forms of magic to learn." I was stumped by this although it was very conceptively put, which lead on to another question.

"So what's the standard spell any adult unicorn can perform?" I asked. "The one you use to typically move a drinking vessel. Is it called levitation or telekinesis?" Twilight did not seem in the least bit fazed, in fact she seemed to be in better spirits than when I asked if such questions were okay.

"Actually you can use both." She replied. "Magic has to be studied in order to understand how a unicorn can expect the flow from the mind to the horn and out into the world, so initially it tends to be thought of as levitation when the amount of concentration required is typically quite high but many ponies like to call it 'telekinesis' when they get older. I think it might be a matter of pride." I was most impressed by this argument.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down." Dad's voice cut through with its sharp tone. A brief period of silence fell on the carriage as everyone looked round. Applejack gave a slight laugh.

"Askin' Pinkie t'slow down's like askin' mah li'l' sister t'stop persuin' her cutie mark like it's the end-all of a pony's life." She said.

"Come... now... Apple-jack." Pinkie Pie recited. "I... can... talk... slow... when... I... realllly... need... to." Applejack groaned.

"Ah guess Ah shoulda seen that comin'." She said.

"You and me both." I replied and turned back to Twilight. "Err, does Equestria have corridor trains yet?"

"But of course." She answered. "How else will ponies get from one carriage to another?" I sighed.

"No, Twilight, not trains with corridors, corridor trains." She gave me a very confused look. "As in trains with lavatories on board." Now she gaped.

"That's rediculous!" She declared. "Not to mention gross." There was a pause as I figured what she was getting at.

"They don't hav't' flush right onto the rails." I remarked after the fashion of Harry H. Corbett. "They'd flush into a septic tank that gets emptied at selected stations; that's why you don't flush when the train's standing in the station." Twilight seemed to be lost in thought for a moment.

"I think we could have some enlightening dialogue." She commented in a slow almost-philosophical tone.

"At any rate," I continued, "What would this journey cost under normal circumstances?" Twilight paused for a moment.

"Same day return tickets to Canterlot from Ponyville are seven bits when travelling second class," She mused out loud, "So first class would be... eleven bits I suppose." To which I whistled, suspecting that was quite a bit. (No pun intended)

From then on I spent most of the train ride just staring out at the scenery as it rolled by. The rolling fields stretching up the valley, the distant brooding but still rather aesthetic Everfree Forest, the distant mountains of the West and the towering mountains that the train now wound its way through on the way to Canterlot. Always Pinkie Pie rambled on to dad and anyone else who'd listen but, most of the time, it was like she was talking to herself as we all seemed to have switched off from her monologuing. Occassionally Jane would make a statement or a question and Fluttershy would respond, although she'd hardly ever speak loud enough for anyone else to hear. There was an interesting moment when Rarity debated with my mum over whether or not pink would suit her but, all in all, the journey was pleasant but rather uneventful to properly document. Finally the train rolled over a viaduct and under an archway, which gave way to finely trimmed parkland and a curious form of suburbia that was somewhere between mock-Tudor and Beatrix Potter in its architecture. Soon the train began to decelarate and the conductor walked in.

"Canterlot the next stop!" He declared. "End of the line!" I immediately got to my feet and stood waiting for anypony to take the lead. Curiously enough only Pinkie Pie leapt up and then decided to bounce around the carriage before the platform came into view, then the rest of my family rose with Applejack offering her shoulder to help granddad but he declined the offer. Only when the train stopped did everyone stand, Twilight once again taking the lead.

We exited the carriage in single file: Twilight, me, Applejack, Rarity, dad, mum, Pinkie Pie, Jane, granddad and Fluttershy. The platform was unusually wide even by mainline termini standards and the station building itself seemed to be a cross between a castle courtyard, a market and the Brighton Pavillion. Almost immediately four members of the Royal guard stepped forward, their stern glares made me feel a tad uneasy in spite of the fact that I was aware they were trained in the fashion that people often expect the grenadiers to be.

"Miss Sparkle." One of them addressed her. "We've been instructed to escort you and these... beings to the palace upon your arrival." The tone of his voice when he referred to us indicated that there was no sense of animosity or distaste but simply bafflement.

"Of course, sir." Twilight replied. "I understand, but could we just check that none of us requires a lavatory break?" There was a glance between the guards before the apparent senior answered.

"Any of these creatures who requires such must be accompanied by either one of us or one of you young mares." There was a look between us before mum remarked.

"I'd better take one." With a nod Applejack volunteered to be her escort for this purpose.

"While I think about it," I said as those two wandered off, "I probably should take one, just in case." It was curious that they decided to let one of the two unicorn guards escort me there.

"So," I remarked, "Is there a particular reason why you guys were assigned to escort us? I mean surely Twilight and her friends could've made sure we wouldn't go wandering off and make sure we'd be going the right way."

"I'm sorry if our presence feels redundant." He answered in a monotone suggesting that he didn't have any concern either way. "But standard procedure for immediate diplomatic meetings calls for the foreign parties to have an escort with military experience." As we walked into the gents he added. "I shall have to enchant the window, just in case you're of a dubious nature." I looked at him in both a sceptical and hurt manner.

"Then I'll just have to prove your concerns are unfounded. Although, thinking back on human history, that might be a lot harder than first impressions suggest." With that I went about my business.

When we got back to the group mum was still away and before long a blue streak came along.

"Hey there!" Rainbow Dash greeted us. "What's the hold-up?"

"Mum's still attending to her ablutions." I replied, earning a slight laugh from the pegasus.

"Your kind sure have some funny expressions." She commented.

"Honestly, Rainbow." Rarity groaned. "At least he doesn't use the kind of vulgarities you do."

"It's early days, yet." I remarked. Once that little banter wound down mum and Applejack showed up.

"Ordinarily," The apparent-senior guard informed us, "We'd lead you to the palace along the shortest route but, in light of the evidence, we'll have to take the shortest route that doesn't incline so much."

"I take it then," I replied, "That the fastest route is a bit steep." There was a slight non-committal nod from the guard in question.

The streets of Canterlot were not paved with gold nor marble; they were paved with well-chiselled blocks of fairly ordinary stone that looked like a fine limestone but my understanding of the chemistry of such a rock-type led me to the conclusion that it must be another kind of sedimentary rock. As we were guided up to the royal palace many a pony would stop and stare at us, to which I just rolled my eyes and sighed but it didn't seem like any of the others were any more concerned, except that Twilight and Fluttershy seemed a little bothered. However, at one point, mum made a facetious remark.

"You'd find more cheer in a graveyard." She muttered and looked like she might snigger at any moment.

The sight of the palace grounds came upon us quite suddenly. We came round the corner of a rather ostentatious-looking restaurant and there was a wide plaza with a low wall on one side and a set of high railings on the other, separating the palace grounds from the rest of the city. Granddad was bearing up well with the trek but mum was struggling somewhat. At any rate we'd arrived. Once we came upon the gates the guards passed random words before the tall golden gates were opened and we were led inside. The towering spires were truly a sight to behold; it was like a cross between visiting Buckingham Palace, Belton House and New York. What puzzled me at this time was why exactly were we getting this mauve carpet treatment?

Author's Note:

Sorry if I seemed to be rambling at points. I usually take this as a sign of writer's block when feeling tied to a schedule.

I use the term 'mauve carpet treatment' as meaning 'not as grand as the red carpet treatment but still rather high class'.

Comments

[Rikkity]

Okay fuck this story. This has too much misanthrope in it. You keep fucking glorifying a world you know next to nothing about (I will admit I don't know much either, but certainly more than you do.)

You just bumped the whole misanthrope, and Equestria Utopia cliche/tropes to a whole new level with this. I'm done reading.

[Cerulean Rush]

2837935 Good, I won't have to listen to you BITCHING ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!

[ZeroZi]

2837935 good riddance

[ZeroZi]

6416967 i know right