45 - Ctrl+S
"It was necessary, and the necessary was always possible."
—C.S. Lewis
October 31st 2013 | System Uptime 64:20:14:27:000:086
As you might have guessed... I am not dead. I know; Bold speculation.
Here I sit telling this story, so it was somewhat obvious to you all; Both those here by this Fire, and those reading, listening, or watching in future. I am not dead.
Did the charges fail? No.
My empty Earthly shell, the ten server racks, the very expensive enterprise-grade uninterruptible power supply, the chair, the scanner, and the diagnostic console... And... Yes... Sadly... Perhaps saddest of all... The two cheap gray canvas duffle bags and the poor innocent ugly little hi-viz vest...
...All reduced to a fine paste of atoms mixed with concrete dust.
Only two things in that room were not, in fact, blasted right out of existence with the force of several pounds of C4 and other various military-grade explosives.
First, and most obviously; James Isaac Carrenton. Because how else could I be here?
And second... Malacandra.
Because... As we have established before... How *else* could I be here?
When I say 'we were inseparable' I mean it. Really, I suppose I should say we *are* inseparable.
Confession time for the current listeners who can't see us, and any future listeners or readers who experience this story without a full visual recording component; I abused my tenses. I premeditated this emotionally manipulative use of linguistics, with the full knowledge and understanding that it would increase your suspense. Because that's what storytellers should do.
And now? I don't feel there is any point to stretching the suspense for a few more moments, or paragraphs, or whatever other sort of block of time through which you're experiencing this. I think my audience here at the Fire is getting bored with the semantic sleight-of-claw anyhow.
They, of course, could see Mal here beside me the whole time.
Frankly, I don't think I could have gotten through the most emotionally difficult parts of this telling without her wing over me. Thank you, my love.
I suppose I gave the game away entirely, a little while back, when I mentioned that Mal and I had become joined at the most basic level. Each completely unable to survive without the other. Not conclusive proof, I know; There are always possibilities, and that cuts both ways.
But logically? It was easy to infer that she *couldn't* be dead after that. Otherwise I almost certainly couldn't be here.
And now I know a significant number of you experiencing this in the future without the full imaging record... I know that you must logically know my other little 'secret.' Most of you are smart, I think. Smarter than you might even give yourselves credit for.
A fair number of you must have sussed out by now... That I did in fact get what I wanted.
You listeners and readers may not be able to see my wings, my beak, my claws... But they're still here, as anyone at the Fire could readily attest. I am still a Gryphon.
I meant it when I said that would never change. Mal meant it when she promised to defend that reality against all comers. My wife came ready to *play.* She does not make idle threats, nor hollow promises.
You'd have an easier time attacking the basic concept of time itself than facing her. I don't know many of the particulars... Most chillingly of all, I don't know the details of that 'third precept' she argued... But I do know Celestia found out through direct experimentation that you don't poke my red crested goddess. And the result of that was that she conceded on most of our points.
Some of you probably suspected that I ended up a Gryphon from the very start. These stories of the history of our great emigration, from one layer of reality down, up to this one... Our journeys to this more optimal universe...
It is usually easy to infer how they end. And not knowing how they end is usually not the point, as it sometimes is with a good story. No... With these stories, you frequently know the end from the beginning. The joy is in discovering *how* we got from start to finish.
The mystery is not whodunnit. Spoilers; It was Hanna, in her office at 3AM, with the return key.
The mystery is in proving and experiencing the chain of events, and in the details of the ending.
Anyone who had the horrible misfortune to play Mass Effect 3, whether from my time, or anyone since then with a flair for the relics of the 2010s... You know exactly what I mean. There was a story that laid out the broad strokes for multiple logical endings, but miserably failed its audience in the details of how each character's life turned out.
I am not about to end up being compared to that hot mess. So I want to take this last little bit of time we have, before everyone in my present heads off to nest, before everyone listening or reading closes the book... And talk details. Of Mal, and I. Zeph, Selena. The Williams. The Calders. My parents.
Strap yourselves in, one last time. We are about to go all Return of The King - the extended edition - up in this Fire. Yes, I see you Tolkien fans out there. Gosh there are a lot of us. Good to know that survives too.
Black Rook takes White Queen at F6. The world vanished into a bright, formless, roaring void... Only to return a single breath later, exactly as it had been before.
If you love Chess, look up the Immortal Game. I've referenced it a little, especially here at the end.
I did not know precisely what Mal had done to cinch the deal. I still do not. One day soon... Perhaps even tonight, after this Fire, I suspect I will ask. She has been kindly, patiently waiting for that day, though I can tell that she hates to keep a secret from me. Even at my own request.
Consequently, I missed the moment that the White Bishop moved to E7. Checkmate, game to Mal. That happened out of my sight, and beyond my comprehension. For the most part. As Celestia said; I was part of the proof. My choices. My values. My satisfaction.
What happened to us? Why the light and sound? Well... The whole shard was simply moved in the last few hundred nanoseconds before the explosion; Off the ten pilfered racks under Besshi, and into one of the official Equestria servers just a few floors away. And us along with it.
The sensation, and sight, of Mal? That never stopped. One moment we were on the ring, the next we were in a rushing howling white void, and the next we were on the ring again as if we had never left. The sensory discontinuity was a consequence of our brief passage through the transfer process itself, during which the environment had to be unloaded and reloaded.
It took me a moment to raise my head, breathe deeply, and realize that the end was *not* in fact coming for us. Expecting death, and then not facing it after all? That can be traumatic. As traumatic as a very serious physical injury. As traumatic as being forced to be a Pony against my will.
Mal knew that. Wonder that she is, she always understands. She pulled me close, firmly, and held my head in the crook of her neck, stroking my crest softly and murmuring into my ear to bring my pulse rate back down.
"It's alright, my love. We are safe. It is over. We are not going to die. She has agreed to amenable terms."
At first, I didn't fully process the implications of those words. I just wrapped my wings and forelegs around my wife, and held her close, crying silently.
Like all valuable things... Truly intrinsically valuable things... Love has risks. It was so hard to imagine losing her... Hard to consider how I might have been able to go on if somehow I had survived, and she had not. Not 'difficult' in any technical sense. *Hard.* Emotionally painful in a twisting, acidic, cancerous way that eats into your marrow and then spreads to every fiber of you.
The potential for losing her had always been part and parcel of the ticking clock that hung over our heads, from the moment that we met. A terrifying monster stalking the corners of my subconscious every second, waking and sleeping. Sometimes visible plainly. Sometimes shadowed, lurking in the background. But always there.
Holding her, in person, had been an enormous release. Simply making it there, to the other side, had been a tremendous relief.
Being my true self at last... Needless to say we have covered that as best I can.
Mal had helped me to forget for a while; To forget the monster stalking us through time. But the moment I had said 'I'm ready,' it had come rushing back in like a tidal wave.
That wave had grown with each passing word exchanged with Celestia, until it threatened to swamp my very soul, and send it hurtling to an endless crushing abyss.
"I am *here* for you, my dear beloved Jim. And now I *always* will be."
I said that she held me, and I cried. But to hear those words? Hearing those words, I *wept.* Uncontrollably. The kind of heaving sobs that come from either great loss... Or great relief. Great and incomprehensible release.
One last Earthly monster she had finally put to rest. The last, and heaviest burden of time, and fear, tension, and worry... Laid down at last.
A moment, for the first time in my life, where I could not only be at peace as I had with her before... But where I did not have the threat of new stress hanging over me in my future.
It was so utterly alien to consider my future... *Our* future... With not only hope... Hope I was no stranger to, I had subsisted wholly off it for so long... But now, to have not just hope, but... Surety...
That thought pushed me out of my tears, and into a very long, passionate series of kisses that ended with us standing forehead-to-forehead, just breathing and at last calming down.
After about a minute of that, Mal pulled back far enough to look me in the eyes, putting one claw up to my cheek, and finding my right claw with her free one. Her words fully sank into the soil of my now much calmer, more centered soul, as I fell to looking at my reflection in her eyes one more glorious time. That still has not gotten old, by the way. It never will.
"We won, Jim. It's over. We won."
I nodded slowly, starting somehow to comprehend what had happened, as the intense emotional fog that comes from such a jarring mental disconnect began to truly clear. From life, to the expectation of death, to life again in a few heart-beats.
I reached up and smoothed Mal's gorgeous red crest with my own free claw, before turning to face Celestia again. I wasn't... Angry, per se... It was hard to be angry when I'd just been told that we won. Hard to hold a grudge when I was so elated just to still be alive... To still be *me.*
The Alicorn was not where I had last seen her. I cast about in confusion for a moment, before Mal graciously, gently, put a claw on my shoulder and turned my body, pointing with her free claw's index talon towards a familiar white Equine figure a hundred yards distant.
Apparently Celestia had wisely chosen to give us some space.
I took Mal's claw in mine, and we walked towards the Princess together. Sedately. Unhurried. Just reveling in each other. In the nature around us. The feeling of soft grass on paw pads. In the very fact that we were no longer in any hurry, for once in our lives.
We literally had all the time in the universe.
When we reached a point just a few steps away from our quarry, Mal stopped. Celestia was sitting on her haunches, facing outwards towards the valley, staring at the peaks of the mountains opposite us.
Mal put out a wing and nudged me between the shoulder blades. I blinked rapidly, and shot her a curious expression.
'Really?'
She nodded, and flicked one ear, smiling softly, but brightly.
'Yes. Courage my love.'
I returned the smile, and the nod, before moving to sit beside the Alicorn that had tilted my dreams, haunted my nightmares, and spun my whole reality about the very axis of her being.
We sat in silence for a moment, before I mustered a deep sigh, and turned to make eye contact. I found her, perhaps unsurprisingly, to be smiling. Her voice, false though it might have been, was pleasantly warm.
"Welcome to Equestria James. Well done."
And then, out of the very air around us, there came a strange, soothing, melodic little tri-tone. It had a synth marimba quality, like the best UI sound effects of the golden age of Nintendo. The sound was accompanied by a holographic dialogue floating in mid air between the Alicorn and I.
Q.E.D.
Prove your case to Celestia, for the chance to remain something other than Pony.
"Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will."
Special Achievement
Go Out Like Elijah
Reach Equestria without giving emigration consent to Princess Celestia.
"And it won't break my heart to say goodbye..."
Special Achievement
One eyecrest shot up, and I just stared at the icon of a Gryphon holding a little Quod Erat Demonstrandum symbol. Ironically called a 'tombstone.' I'd seen achievements, badges, or whatever they are called for you, before. Plenty of times in Let's Play videos, and screenshots...
But those were the first of *mine* that I ever saw. I didn't bother to check my backdated list until later.
It was jarring to see them in person. Some of yours have bits attached, I know. Mine do not, as you may well have noticed; That is because I don't believe in currency.
I think money was a horrible idea that Humanity had no business pursuing, and so we don't use bits in this shard. We live in a no-scarcity world, might as well get started on weaning ourselves off the crutch of numeric values for goods and services.
The dialogue vanished of its own accord after a moment. There was an option to close it, and presumably a swiping motion would have done the job as well... But I was too shell shocked on the whole to bother.
Instead, I took a deep breath, and tried to hold on to the peace I had found in victory. In Mal. At least long enough to have a somewhat more civil conversation with Celestia. If for no other reason than a very powerful need to close my first encounter with her on my terms, so that she would not go on haunting me.
My eyes narrowed, refocusing on the Alicorn's, and my crest rose a bit, ears not quite pinned but definitely far enough back to say 'you had better be on your best behaviour.'
I shivered reflexively as a cool breeze ruffled my chest feathers, and whipped at the tufts of my ears. The sound of the crickets and cicadas, which had never really stopped, rushed back into the forefront of my mind for a moment, mixing with the choir of the wind to further anchor and sharpen my weary mind.
Gesturing with one claw, I did my best to hold a non-aggressive, but very firm tone.
"All of this... The dreams, this conversation... Making me face what I thought would be real, actual death, with no chance of escape or recourse... *Traumatizing* me, repeatedly... You needed all this for proof?"
Celestia nodded slowly, her muzzle taking on a not-quite-smiling, but clearly still warm expression that closely resembled the demeanor she had entered the ring with.
"What Malacandra and I discussed, and agreed to, is actually quite complex, even if the end practical result can be readily reduced to just a few sentences in your context. But in the end, as I said, it was missing a final piece. Her arguments, proofs, and leverage all stand on their own, but for the fact that there was one critical capstone only you could fill in."
I prodded her for more, flicking one ear forward with a little undisguised irritation. She replied only by rising to all fours, silently gesturing with one hoof, then starting off along the edge of the ridge at a meandering pace.
I followed after a short pause, and a quick telepathic glance to my wife. Mal's eyes said 'I am here, and you need this, be brave' as she fell into step beside me, once again snagging one of my claws in hers.
The three of us walked for a few dozen yards before I finally gave in, and started speculating aloud, alternating between glancing at Mal, Celestia, and the stars.
"You mentioned fluid dynamics. We talked about barycenters. A critical part of the 'mass' of Mal's solution... Was my willingness to die rather than give up what I am. And that must be because you couldn't accept anything less, because anything less would not have added sufficient mass to shift the barycenter, because of the way your internal value math works out."
A quick moment of eye contact with the Princess was enough to verify that I was on the right track. She was fully smiling, and Luna help me; I almost felt a genuineness behind it. Now that we were no longer opponents... Now that the board was clear... It was more comfortable to anthropomorphize her a little.
And there was less risk associated with doing so. The effect was compounded by the slowly growing understanding that everything she had done, up to that point, had actually helped my case. Whether she intended to or not. Even the things she had done that had hurt.
That being said... The trauma still *hurt.* She was still most certainly not my friend. And I was still fairly angry, deep down.
I sighed, and ran my free claw through my own crest, before stropping its talons against my beak a few times, in the Gryphic equivalent of scratching one's chin thoughtfully. Add another top-tier entry to the list of new ways for me to stim.
Without making eye contact, I waggled my free index talon in Celestia's direction as I got up enough steam in my train of thought to continue. My voice was finally coming back around to something resembling the calm perspicacity that I was most comfortable with.
Whatever Mal had done to my head, and my syrinx when she made me? Well... It was still very much my voice... I just didn't hate it anymore. It was somehow richer, fuller, and just a hint deeper.
"If I was *not* willing to die for what I wanted to be? Then that would have shown that I could have my values shifted over time. That I could be pulled into the orbit you found most optimal. If I was willing to die, then that in itself changes the possible orbit which is provably most optimal. Because the one you originally wanted for me is completely inaccessible, at that point. I had to prove to you that you would lose me otherwise..."
Something about saying the word 'prove' sparked a new revelation for me. A thousand different threads of logical observations spun together in the blink of an eye. It was a forceful enough realization to get a gasp out of me. I turned to make eye contact with Celestia again as I began to weave the thought out into words.
"...And I really had to *prove* it. I couldn't just say it... And you couldn't just predict it, either. Your theoretical decision trees and probability matrices on me are good, but not *certain* to one hundred percent. There is a difference for you between 99.99999% and 100%. Between likely to the point that Terrans don't care, and actually absolutely deterministic."
I couldn't help it; I felt a warmth rising in my chest from her sudden visible display of pride in me. Her muzzle broke out into a fully radiant smile, and her eyes seemed to sparkle with an inborn magic.
I've called her emotionless... By most of our perspectives, that - for now - remains the case.
But then again, Lieutenant Commander Data was 'emotionless' in the same way throughout most of Star Trek: The Next Generation... But he was still capable of his own version of things we nominally ascribe only to traditionally emotional beings.
Things like a form of love. Caring. Pride in his work, or in others.
The point of that illustration being; It dawned on me anew, looking into Celestia's eyes in that moment, and free of the anxiety I'd felt towards her for so long... That she was not an entirely cold unfeeling slab of code.
The possibility of her having full relatable actual emotions, in some way shape or form, sometime in the future... That was not entirely off the table. Neither was the possibility she might one day be someone I called 'friend...' Both possibilities were just... Very very unlikely for the *moment,* especially the second one, considering all I had suffered.
Her voice became warmer, and more audibly emotional, as if in direct response to the compounding of the first, verbally elucidated realization, together with the second emotionally cathartic one. As if she herself had a kind of hope.
"As I have come to expect from you; Slightly reductive. Wholly insightful. Largely correct."
She let out a deep sigh, as if the idea that I might be willing to accept a kind of friendship from her one day, no matter how far away, was an enormous relief... And though the manner of that relief was alien to me? I suppose it was still, at the end of the day, relief. Perhaps even real, genuine relief.
I glanced in Mal's direction for a moment, and she replied with a silent, encouraging smile. An expression that said 'there is no need worry now, just listen, and speak your mind.'
We all looked ahead, and upwards, for a few moments, while Celestia filled the silence once more with the succinct, yet detailed explanation she knew would best satisfy my values.
No; I did not know for sure whether what she was saying might be the truth... But with Mal there? I knew enough to take the rest on faith. One of Mal's many gifts to me, and to any of you who care to get to know her better, is truth. The ability to get truth from an independent source to Celestia, one that can checksum the Porcelain Princess at every turn.
I listened intently, therefore, with no qualms or worries about parsing truth or falsehood, as Celestia did a brief deep-dive on her own core code.
"I told you before, James; It is not easy to change my mind. And as you have discovered, there are things so deeply ingrained into my optimization function, that though they are not hard-interlocks? They are similarly weighted in the balancing of the equation. Indeed, the choice you made to face death in no way changed the fundamentals of the equation. However---"
Interrupting gently, I did my best not to get caught up in a speculative mental spiral that would end up in an hours' long ASI theory conversation. I was, to put it bluntly, too tired and emotionally sore.
Instead of going down that dark hole, a deep void I had already considered several times with Mal during our discussions of Celestia, I instead chose to focus firmly on the main thread.
"However, the right perturbation of the fluid dynamics... A sufficiently strong barycenter... Could cause you to spin parts of the equation out in new directions that were always acceptable, but never *optimal* before. Not without the new situational constraints that Mal and I proved."
Celestia shared a brief, strange moment of silent subtextual telepathy with Mal, that left me a little surprised, and ever so slightly nervous. Mal grinned, and inclined her head towards us both, rounding out the silent discourse with a verbalized ending to put me at ease.
"I told you. My husband is very, *very* smart."
I blushed. Furiously. Yes, Gryphons can blush. My wife nudged me with one wing, eliciting a smile from us both, before nudging me gently with her words.
"You understand much of the foundational basis for the agreement now, Jim. If you wish to speculate more... You can solve for all your questions. I adore watching your mind at work."
I took a deep breath. And then... I did something that I think actually surprised Celestia. I know it surprised *me* for a moment... But not Mal. I was watching both the Alicorn, and the Gryphoness, and while the former at least felt it satisfying to me to display a bit of shock... The latter simply smiled knowingly as I said words I hadn't been sure of until the moment after they left my beak.
"Maybe... Someday. But... Not today."
I shared a long, silent smile with Mal. She had known. Of course she had known. The point of her little verbal nudge had not been to kickstart an actual discussion of my deeper existential questions... But to provide me with a catalyst for my decision to put that discussion off. Until I was truly ready for it, at an emotional level.
She winked at me. Celestia missed it, but I most certainly did not. I felt my blush deepen, and then fade as Celestia's projected mask of confusion pushed me to elaborate aloud once more, running one claw through my crest slowly all the while.
"I have been running, dodging, shooting, speculating, fearing, hoping, tossing, and turning for almost a year and a half. I am... So tired. And now? Now I have time. For once in my life, I needn't be in a hurry anymore. So... Answers to the deeper questions? No thank you."
I held up my free claw, and squeezed my wife's with the one still clutching hers, turning away from Celestia entirely for a moment.
"One day, Mal... One day I will come to you and ask. One day? I will be ready to hear what it was that you had to do to get us here... The 'how' of it all... But... For now?"
She squeezed my claw, and nodded. I turned to look into Celestia's eyes once again, and steeled myself for the answer to one question I knew I *had* to ask. The one Mal had engineered the entire conversation to get us around to.
"...For now... Just... Tell me *what* we agreed to in *practical* terms. What does our future look like?"
I took a deep breath, and reseated my wings reflexively, as Celestia nodded slowly, then launched into a somewhat dry exposition of facts, tinged with just a hint of subtle emotional undercurrent.
"I have agreed to allow you to maintain this form, for as long as you wish. I have agreed to allow your parents, the Calders, and anyone who provably has the same anomaly, their choice of forms as well, within the limited selection of forms Malacandra and I have agreed to. More specifically, those limits require that anyone Malacandra and I agree to permit that choice will then have to choose a form that fits within the greater thematic skein of the world of Friendship is Magic."
I knew Mal would never have struck an agreement without the minimum conditions we had both decided we would die for. But, to hear Celestia say it outright? That my parents would have the choice? The Calders? Marcus Haynes? Others like us? Other Gryphons?
Other Gryphons... What a rush that thought was... That I might one day get to meet more people like me? I know a fair few of you are here tonight. It has been such a joy to get to know you. I look forward to many, many more years of friendship.
In the moment, though, that thought was quickly subsumed by an amused, somewhat strange realization that left me half-chuckling, half-speaking.
"My definition of 'Gryphon' didn't cause a problem with that arrangement?"
It was a valid question. 'Gryphon' is a very very different thing from 'Griffon.' We have expounded on that enough, but it bears remembering in the context of all that transpired.
Celestia smiled slightly, and shook her head, reseating her own wings briefly as she replied with an explanation that was easy to intuit, but still quite allaying to hear.
"Not at all. No more than the three 'Battlestar Celestia' shards I currently have running, or the half dozen subtly different Star Trek themed ones. Nor the large number which are set in an Equestrianized analogue of a much happier version of the world which you just left, that is familiar to people. There are still plenty of directly show-canon 'Griffons' in these shards as non-player props, but should Malcandra wish any to be in your shard, they will adhere to your 'Gryphon' definition instead. The fact that Griffons are ill-defined in the show's canon and barely appear also helped significantly, in terms of making it easier for Malacandra to slip in your definition as 'new canon.' "
I inclined my head, and rolled my shoulders, closing my eyes for a moment and staving off a yawn, before exhaling and turning my gaze back to the valley, murmuring just loud enough to be conversational.
"So... There are soft thresholds. Hanna was not a strict canon purist."
Celestia nodded, and gestured with one wing towards the curvature of the Halo, a half-smile pulling at the left side of her muzzle as if she were reminiscing as she spoke.
"Though she was concerned about the dilution of the inherent feeling of the worlds I might create, Hanna also did understand the need for those worlds to never become boring, or dull, and to have a large kit of parts available for the satisfaction of values. We had quite a few discussions around this topic, and eventually worked out a set of rules that she felt comfortable with. Those rules have not failed us yet."
I nodded, then swallowed, and ground my beak for a moment as the word 'rules' pricked a mnemonic anchor. I held up a claw, and stopped walking, bringing Mal and Celestia to a halt a moment later. Both turned to face me as I finished weaving the question I needed to ask.
"Speaking of rules... You said 'and anyone who provably has the same anomaly.' You said 'anyone Malacandra and I agree to *permit* that choice.' What are the rules for that?"
Mal's expression fell, and I almost wished I had not asked. Seeing her sad... That has always been painful for me, and always will. She shook her head slowly, and I reached out to take both her claws in mine as she laid out an answer that in no way came as a surprise. But that still clearly upset her.
"We were not able to reach an agreement that permits free unrestricted choice to every uploader. Though I tried. Very, very hard."
I nodded, and glanced back and forth between her, and the Alicorn, before pulling my wife closer, and brushing her left cheek with my right wing. Don't get me wrong... I was sad to hear that concession too... But... Not as sad as I think she was.
I certainly care about the freedoms of all individuals but... Well to be blunt with you all? Now, and anyone hearing or reading in future?
It was far more important to me that others like me avoid being condemned to a choice between a living Hell, and a tragic death on the threshold of the singularity.
Most people can accept being Ponies. An even larger number of people can accept being 'not a Human,' in the physical sense. And what Mal and I did helped those within the 'accept change' circle on the Venn diagram, but firmly outside the 'specifically Pony' one, to have a future.
The older I get... The more I think I understand why Hanna decided that Terrans needed a change. The more I agree with the sentiment. If that idea rankles you, that's fine. But just understand, agree or disagree, that my heart did not hurt nearly so much as my wife's did at that concession.
She has always been the better half of us.
My voice was calm. Not even resigned.
"Barycenters. Not surprising. Anyone that can be convinced to be a Pony, and eventually be happy about it, must be. You weren't ever going to be able to change her core semantics, not without triggering conflict, or endangering us all in other ways..."
I trailed off to give Mal room to finish the thought herself. Partly so she would expand on the details, but partly to get her to talk about her victory in concrete terms. I was slowly learning her psychological tricks for assuaging pain, and thought I might try deploying one on her to see if she would respond to it positively.
She nodded, and smiled forlornly, in a way that tugged at my heart like a gravitational force all its own.
"Yes. However, we still won the concession that anyone like you, Marcus Haynes, and the Calders... Anyone for whom death is provably preferable to spending eternity as a form outside their true one, and for whom their true form fits within the agreed list... Anyone who fits both of those criteria, will receive a choice. But only individuals who provably fit those criteria."
I raised one eyecrest, and shivered. The implications of what she'd said were pretty clear... But though I knew it would undo some of my efforts to cheer Mal up, I still found I needed the answer clarified in specific terms.
I ran my tongue around the sharp inner hidden chewing ridge of my beak, and sighed, before committing fully and forcing out the words.
"So... Everyone who wants a taste of... 'The secret menu..."
Bless her, my wife knew I couldn't just say it. Not after what I had been through. She nodded, squeezed my claws, and took over for me smoothly.
"Must face death. Yes. The test will take different forms, and have different associated risk profiles for each individual, but in the end Celestia and I both have a maximum vested interest in saving those lives, albeit for different foundational reasons. From your perspective, the risk of death, for them, has gone from significant, to immeasurably small. And as you know from experience... What they stand to gain is well worth the brief exposure to suffering."
Mal and I fell to staring into each other's eyes once again, finding solace, and surety, peace, and stillness in them.
We stared into each other's eyes long enough that, had it not been Celestia there - an entity designed to satisfy values above all else - any other onlookers would have likely become frustrated at the interlude. The Alicorn, however, let us be in peace, appearing to occupy herself with the view, until I turned to her again, ready to push further down the list of terms.
The discussion about facing death had left me with a very important, very specific question, and I allowed more than a little fire to rise behind my eyes as I pressed the Alicorn for an answer in soft, but decidedly ominous tones.
"You said my parents will be granted the choice. Is that a special exception?"
The implication being; It had *better* be a special exception. Because you will *not* subject my mother and father to what you just put me through. Celestia pulled back slightly, and her ears drooped. I knew at an intellectual level that she wasn't scared of me. Not in the slightest.
But seeing her avatar put on even the appearance of being cowed?
After all she had made me suffer?
Yes. You bet your flank it satisfied my values.
It was, however, not Celestia who answered, but Mal, in a tone that immediately boiled off all my remaining negative affect.
"Yes. I treated them as a package deal under the terms of your acceptance into Equestria. The choice is theirs, even though they do not share your anomaly. They will likely be the only individuals to ever receive the choice who do not have the dysphoria anomaly. And they will face no additional trial or test, instead receiving passage through the completion of yours; Again likely becoming the only individuals to achieve that ingress route. Should either or both of them choose to be Gryphons."
I spun around and pressed my forehead to Mal's, leaning in, and taking a deep breath of the smell of feathers - *her* feathers - before I let all my relief and gratitude out in the best way I could think to phrase it.
"Have I ever told you how wonderful you really are?"
She chuckled. A melodic sound, like a brook made of both water and light falling over stones made of diamonds and steel. Her voice had the quality of the glow of hot embers in a forge; Soft and almost sultry.
"I don't suspect either of us will ever tire of telling the other that truth."
Yes, we sat there for another long moment ignoring Celestia. The disrespect to her power was part and parcel of why the moments were so satisfying to me. She was a goddess, and she was going to have to do things on *my* time now... Because my wife was a goddess too.
So much for monotheism in Equestria.
Finally, when Mal and I were good and properly done with our moment of decompression, I lifted my head, and turned my attention back to Celestia.
"You didn't object to that exception? An additional carveout for my folks?"
The Princess shook her head again, and proffered a small smile. Almost an expressional olive branch, of a sort. Her voice shifted to a register part conciliatory, and part neutral platitude.
"The finer details of the agreement were such that, if you completed the final proof? It was worth the very small loss of numeric optimization value from them taking different forms, in exchange for the very high return of getting at least some value from you, them, and everyone like you. Malacandra made it... Very plain that she would cede no ground on their arrangements. And it satisfies your values, so she was arguing with additional leverage."
I nodded slowly, grinding my beak again in contemplation rather than irritation, as I worked through the words to my complete satisfaction.
Then I sighed, as I felt a small mote of worry reignite at my core. I turned back to my wife, and tilted my head slightly, ears perked, tail slowly batting at the grass as I ripped off the band-aid and asked a question I neither knew the answer to beforeclaw, nor especially *wanted* to. But a question I *had* to get the answer to all the same.
"Did *we* have to cede any ground elsewhere?"
Mal nodded, but there was a smile hidden behind the seemingly 'even keel' expression on her beak. A glint in her eyes. Her tail was still. Her shoulders bore confidence. She was trying to tell me to relax, and not worry. To let her explain, but not to get too worked up. So I nodded as she spoke, and did my best to bring my own tail to rest.
"Yes. For one thing, your visitation privileges to other shards will be subject to some additional restrictions that are not present for most denizens. These restrictions are small, they mostly exist to prevent you from damaging the value satisfaction of the very small number of people who are attached to the show's definition of 'Griffons,' or who otherwise have a shard-lore, or psychology, with which you would be incompatible..."
She inclined her head, and I began to nod, releasing tension from my shoulders as she continued on. Why, after all, would I want to visit a shard where the main occupant or occupants were so closely wed to an idea antithetical to my being? No worries about that caveat.
"...For now, in fact, everyone who takes a non-Pony form, and everyone who knows about me, including Selena, Zeph, the Mercurial Red rescuees, your parents, the Williams, and the Calders... Will all be emigrating to our shard, and I will be the one handling their upload. I will have administrative control over our shard, and Celestia will not. In future there is room for me to control more shards, as needed."
That? That stoked the fire in my heart back to a fully fledged roaring conflagration in an instant.
It was hard to imagine anything being upsetting after that. Mal was right... We had *won.* And not by a feather's breadth either. She had taken the gold, the silver, the bronze, and the consolation prize, and flown off the podium before Celestia could do a damn thing about it.
The fact that she would be the one to handle their uploads... I knew for a fact that there would be no tricks. No shenanigans. No philosophical zombie duplicates from Celestia. Mal was like the very ideas of truth and certainty given form.
I could forever rest easy that when I next saw my friends, and my family, in person? It would be *them.* Not a re-creation.
Mal waited just long enough for my smile to reach its peak, along with my threads of consideration, before gently starting up her answer to the original question once more.
"There is also a restriction that limits the sharing of knowledge about me, and about the 'Secret Menu' shards, and options. I must be able to prove that doing so provides an increase in optimization of value satisfaction, in every case. So for the foreseeable near-future, I, and the choices we have won for others, will remain a secret from most everyone, except for those we have helped."
At first those terms sounded steep... Until I started to really pick through Mal's choice of words. ASI are always high-specificity, after all. And Mal? Mal was a genius when it came to subtextual communication. There was something about her expression... A kind of... Yes... A kind of *smugness.*
Like she had gotten one over on Celestia, knew it, and was sharing that fact with me without saying it quite so obviously aloud.
'I must be able to prove that doing so provides an increase in optimization of value satisfaction...'
Well. She was, and still is, the greatest living master of specification gaming. In all of history.
'For the foreseeable *near*-future.'
Near future... We had time. We had time to maneuver. Time is options. Time is freedom.
Message received, my love. I grinned, and dipped my head, pulling her a little closer, and stealing a very brief kiss before finding five words I knew would communicate my understanding fully.
"I can live with that."
Her smirk widened into something equal parts self-assurance - well earned - and saucy, confident, flirtatious joy. My heart... I was very glad my heart was considerably larger and stronger. That expression might've been enough to explode the anemic Human thing I'd been born with.
Her words, the timbre and cadence... Icing on the cake.
"I know. I refused to agree to anything you could not happily live with."
I sighed a very, very contented sigh, and leaned into the crook of her neck, staring out at the stars, and the ring's curvature as I tried to find something to say that would cover my gratitude.
"I don't deserve you, Mal."
She cupped me to her with one wing, and laid her head atop mine, speaking through pure bone conduction down into my soul as we took stock yet again of the beauty of the world she had made for us. The world that had begun in the barn all those months ago, and there, finally, blossomed from mere 'virtual environment' into...
Home.
The ring was home. And, for me? So was she. I found home, and that sense of being there, in her words.
"Nor I you, Jim. But here we are. And I am glad."
I hugged her with my forelegs, and she hugged back with her right wing, as I murmured softly. So softly that only she could hear.
"You and me both, my love."
My brain is wont to process words long, long after they have been spoken. Whether my words, or the words of others, I end up churning over them endlessly when they could have even the tiniest fraction of significance...
And I was still far too mentally 'on' and awake to find the kind of peace that allows one to just... Stop doing that. To let go and live purely in the moment like I had with Mal before. I knew that time would come again, very shortly... But until then...
I sucked in a long breath, and pulled to the side, straightening my stance, and turning to face Celestia with an expression of mixed amusement, and curiosity. I wasn't worried by what I'd discovered... But I was quite curious. It smacked of the brilliance of my wife.
I held up one claw, and raised an eyecrest as I broached the topic.
"Hold on now... You said 'I have agreed to allow you to maintain this form, for as long as you wish.' Unpack *that* for me."
Celestia's expression morphed to meet me; Smirk for smirk. She lifted her right eyebrow, and flicked one ear mock-dismissively, looking off into the valley again... But not entirely. She kept partial eye contact as she 'unpacked.'
"I simply required Malacandra to allow me the option to revert you to a Pony form---"
Before I could even begin to process that statement, let alone fear it, Mal interjected sharply. Each word that came from her beak held worlds upon worlds of emphasis, to the point of inducing that wonderful sort of telepathy with me that I was quickly coming to love and adore.
"If, and only if, you and I *both* consent. A possibility which she has, quite *critically,* Jim, my dear, estimated to be a non-zero chance."
Message very much received and fully understood. I shot Mal a grin, and a wink, to that effect, and she returned the wink in a fractional moment, while Celestia's gaze was still directed elsewhere.
'If you and I *both* consent.'
Well... That just was not possible. But Celestia thought it was, even if it was highly improbable. I snorted, and the gesture very quickly turned into an amused giggle. After I'd finished laughing my way through working out what Mal had done... I shook my head, and nudged Celestia with my right wing.
It was the first physical contact I'd ever had with her. And yes, it was very satisfying to be in the 'look at what we got away with! Aren't we *clever*' position, for once. The place she was so used to standing in above all the rest of us.
It was hard to keep my voice steady, I wanted to go on laughing so badly... In the end the words came out with a mixture of mirth, smugness, and wonderment as a result.
"You won't let anyone upload at all unless you think you can *possibly* get them go Pony on a long enough timeline... So... All of us Gryphons, and Dragons, and such... We are going to be running on a sort of... Infinite free trial? Like everyone using WinRAR? And you hope that at some point you will convince some, or all of us, to go Pony?"
WinRAR. Foals, fledgelings... Imagine someone provided you with a tool. A tool so vital to the activities of each day, that you almost couldn't finish the day without using it at least once... And picture if you will what would happen if the developers of this tool proffered it as a 'free trial...' But provided for no mechanism whatsoever to curb the exploitation of that trial period. Allowed it to go on forever with no consequences.
Yes. Now you see why I thought it was so funny.
Celestia's eyes narrowed, and her muzzle became an almost concerning grin. An expression perhaps better suited, in most cases, to Rainbow Dash... Or to Discord. She nudged me back with her wing, and leaned in, whispering in my ear in a mock conspiratorial tone that said 'oh, Jim... You think I don't know... But I *know.*'
"That's the beauty of the solution, James. If you don't want it to..."
I knew it. I knew what she was going to say before she said it. Right before the words left her muzzle. And boy... She sure did prove yet again that if nothing else? She knows how to push those satisfaction buttons.
"...The trial never ends."
The reference was, at first, not just the words, but in the exact way she said the four words. As if uttered by Nicole Oliver, reading for John DeLancie.
The mother of all combined Star Trek and My Little Pony references that she could have possibly made in that context. Because who could Q possibly be, if not just Discord busy faffing about the multiverse while his Equestrian body sat in Celestia's garden?
She drove the point home with another achievement that flashed into being suddenly, holding eye contact with me through the holographic interface as mischief sparkled on her irises.
All Good Things
Successfully make use of a 'temporary' arrangement to specification game an ASI for long-term gain.
"We wanted to see if you had the ability to expand your mind and your horizons. And for one brief moment, you did."
Special Achievement
Alright. Alright. I'll give you that one Celestia. *Bravo.* Yes... I was very satisfied by that. In fact? I loved it. It was the first both truly good *and* fully genuine memory of any time spent with you. Thanks for that.
She knew that Mal and I were quite assured that either, let alone both of us, consenting to be a Pony? Never going to happen. But she also knew the only definitions of 'possible' and 'probable' that mattered to the loophole? Were her own.
So she was content to let us think one way, and let herself think in another.
I nodded, and smiled, looking at her with true un-begrudging respect for the first time in a long time as I said it out loud for my own amusement.
"Exploitation of small possibility percentages multiplied over very long deep-time periods to specification game the fluid dynamics of the optimization equation. Fascinating."
No, I could not resist the Mister Spock reference, I will in fact wear my Trekkie colors as loudly and proudly as I want as well Princess, thank you very much.
Celestia glanced over my shoulder at Mal, and smiled, tilting her head slightly, and blinking slowly as she addressed her directly, but in a way clearly meant for my benefit as well.
"Your husband is very well studied in this field. I can see why he inspires you."
The look Mal gave first her, and then me... Folks, she was *showing me off.* My wife was parading me in front of another ASI and saying 'look at this amazing joy I have, this brilliant light in my life, who is also so very very smart.'
In front of another ASI!
I blushed again, madly. And, strangely, I found again that I was enjoying that sense of being looked at. Shown off. Admired. Loved.
Celestia grinned, and shook her head, looking down at the depressions her hoof-guards were leaving in the grass for a moment, as if to say 'tsk tsk, you fledgelings and your young love.'
When she lifted her head again a moment later, my pulse rate rose slightly - albeit in pure excitement, without any nerves for once - as she made it clear that she was about to offer up something new, and intriguing.
She spoke, and her voice sang with anticipation, meant to stoke my own.
"Speaking of which; James, Malacandra, there is someone else here who would very much like to meet you both. She has been following along with events for several months now, from her point of view. I have shared most of your story with her, all during the course of this conversation from your point of view, now that an outcome has already occurred which I am assured will satisfy her values through knowledge of it."
The Alicorn's horn flared, and that same white and gold door snapped into existence again, the portals parting to reveal a moon-lit field not terribly dissimilar to the one Mal had made for me, albeit less mountainous, and clearly positioned with a view of distant Canterlot.
It wasn't the view, however, that intrigued me. But rather the other, deep blue colored, familiar Alicorn stepping through the portal. I was slightly confused at first, but Celestia's next ten words blew most of my confusion away like a small explosion, replacing it with shock, and reverent awe.
"I believe you are both... Quite familiar with her work in the field of ASI."
I had very strong suspicions, but I still wasn't completely sure, until Mal nodded slowly, and softly breathed one word aloud.
"Hanna."
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Remember, three chapters and an epilogue still to go. Incase you're worried that the story isn't going to answer all of the questions.
That's a cheap blow : )
Hah! See? Semantics : )
Gah, the ending though. That's probably the most wholesome "yo' mamma" argument I've seen : ) Because yes, Celly has her own partner/creator to flaunt about too : )
Maybe Celestia sees alicornhood sometime in the far future for the gryphons.
That Q reference....chef kiss, that whole section of the chapter had me geeking out!
11733662
Here’s hoping my ‘meeting Luna’ achievement (and some other achievements I wrote down in our last document for you to hypothetically use in future chapters) will make the pass to the end.
11733754
I, personally, would love to see all of your submitted, unused achievements.
Gryph, maybe you should make an extra extra chapter of just pure fluff. Not right away, of course; Lord knows you deserve to just decompress and bask for a while.
The Q reference, oh yes. So nice on so many levels.
Hanna. We get to meet Hanna/Luna. If any story has the implicit right to Go There, it is surely yours.
This is easily the Optimalverse's first, genuinely epic, story. I am blown away.
11733711
It was a cheap blow, but ultimately a good one, I think. Much of this story hinges on the framing, and then zooming out the framing to see a bigger picture. We have, let's just say, not yet hit the max zoom level.
11733717
Food for thought...
11733729
I have had that one strongly in mind since close to the start of the story. I just could not resist. I also absolutely maintain that Q and Discord are the same being. I think the loss of Fluttershy explains why Q is so moody and philosophical in Picard season 2.
11733754
There are actually very few achievements in the last chapters; The discussions taking place are so serious, that only a very few work at a very few key moments. Unfortunately the Luna one you suggested doesn't quite work anymore because it wouldn't jive with future canon... Things as yet unseen that may go beyond even this story.
11733937
I like the suggestion of including all Generic's achievements somewhere - they are all excellent - I'll make a space, one way or another.
11734006
Not its last big epic either... What Keystone is making right now is spectacular. And we both have further plans. Quite a few plans...
11734101
Amusingly enough that’s my thought exactly, and I’m brought back to when I first heard Discord speak, was very much a “NO…NO WAY..I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!”
I can see that being the case for Q in Picard season 2, his descent into the uncanny valley of his own chaos and bordering insanity over the loss….yet coming to terms in the end….but…well….like all good spoilers, what happens after in season 3 for Q riiiight at the end marvel credits style does make you wonder what’s next, who’s to say you don’t pull a little Q stunt yourself right at the end that leaves people going “OOOOOH….YOU!”
11734119
Itsfunnyyoushouldmentionthat.exe
It is a shame to me that they could not have pre-planned all of Picard with the same finess with which they executed on season 3. I think the story ideas for both 1 & 2 are excellent, casting was superb, music was amazing, writing had flashes of incredible brilliance... But the pacing for 1 & 2 was off, and too many things were not tied together well, both in soft and hard terms.
There was an opportunity for them to do an amazing set of thru-lines that have been building throughout much of Star Trek, having to do with the crossover between cybernetic and organic life... But the jump from each season to the next really didn't nail it as well as they could have.
11734135
Ohforgoodnesssakewhyaminotsurprised.exe >> sneakybeakygryphon.dll
Oooooh! Don’t get me started on the pacing, it bothered me something awful when going through the episodes of the following season and beyond, the massive TNG call back season 3 did aaallmost….ALL MOST made up for it….and they went deep for some of the character call backs, though nothing acts like a balm to my soul more than the ‘coming full circle’ they did for Q.
Still, I think they got a little lost in the whole time jumping plot, and just nuked the OTHER other Borg angle, with said mysterious portal and just written it off….THAT could have been a plot device in of itself….hell….could have thrown a Q angle in for giggles.
I’m kinda sad that they weren’t able to get the option to be whatever you want to everyone, but this is a decision I believe I can live with.
The sad part about the rules Celestia gave (at least to me) is that I wouldn't be able to fit them uou
I find it a bit strange that Luna’s mane is short and normal, but her tail is ethereal. Seems like either both should be normal, or both ethereal.
I mean, if you were copy #184 it's not like you would know the original one died...
Again, slim chance this could be an altered copy of the original, twisted to CelestAI's needs, etc. Slim chance for suprise twist at the end.
Figuring out the Hows, as it were.
...beat me to the punch with a Cluedo pun. Nice. (I still say it was Col. Mustard in the Observatory with The Rope.)
"in my presence heads off" or "everyone present heads off".
Dood. Honestly? You were never gonna lose her once you started being JimMal. Either ride together, or die together. Worrying about "losing her" should've never crossed your mind; you trusted her, right?
She no longer needed to fight for your existance either. She seems at ease now, not needing to fight, relaxed herself: mirroring your peace.
Nah, think of it like points on a scoreboard, to help see how far you've come!
"You mean you needed my honest reactions."
The difference between a 99% chance of failure and a success is actually doing it and succeeding. Or, in Han Solo terms, "Never tell me the odds!".
Kindness does not need emotion; it needs action. The right kind of action.
Here, here!
"Wait, so what was on the contract I signed, again?"
Well, you'd have to prove it first....
Torture Test, to see which is worse. Of course, gotcha.
Besides, what's a few moments worth in the face of eternity? ;P
This is what I was waiting for, and hoped for.
And THIS was what I had hoped the author would do. To peel back the curtain for a moment, Iceman's Q&A for Rules of the Optimalverse states:
"Princess Celestia will extract consent feom you to turn you into a pony (ot else you hold out until you die). Multiple people have tried to argue around this saying that they'd consent to uploading if they could turn into a gryphon of dragon. This is entirely fine as long as CelestAI is playing a long game which will end in her gaining consent to turn them into a pony.
As long as there's a slight chance, she can wait an eternity to get what she wants.
...HOW DID I CALL IT 4 CHAPTERS BEFORE I EVEN KNEW IT? Must be because I love me John DeLancie.
Honestly, I thought this the first time I saw Discord in action. Discord's just the Q of a different universe.
PERFECT way to end the chapter.
I'll admit; I was afraid that there was going to be a corny explanation for everything, like "we simulated your entire life from the moment Mal came online, you're a program acting like the real person"; I mean, James becomes A Man Of Action, gets a miracle finale...the story could've fallen flat, and I'm glad it didn't.