Cold Ones
Ah, I think we forgot the bacon. Maple, how could you forget such an important thing?
Hey, hosehead! We're on the air, do it!
Oh, whoops! Silly me, eh? Cooroocoocoocoocoocoocoo!
Beauty. In case none of you know, which would make sense since it's our first broadcast, we're on the radio. I'm Maple Canuck, and this is my brother, Loonie.
How's it going, eh?
So, our producer wants us to do these little things every holiday or something, talking aboot stuff if he likes us today. Sounded pretty neat, so we took it.
It was my idea, don't let hosehead over here tell you otherwise!
Take off, we're both in this together.
Yeah, okay. When I get famous, you'll be looking for me for a job in the big time.
Now, we had to think of something to cover now, since it isn't a holiday today.
We decided to talk aboot anything we think of.
Exactly. So bear with us, and sit down for the show—
Listen to you talk, eh? I'm getting sleepy just listening to you go on and on...
Why'd you have to interrupt me? There you go, making me look bad.
Just hand me a pillow so I can rest. You know, I kind of like this situation. I could be naked for all you know— we could both be naked. You right there listening to us wouldn't have any idea.
Hey! You're scaring them away! Due to you, we won't ever get famous. Then what'll happen to that hit single you wanted to write at Christmas time?
I guess you're right. I could still be naked for all you folks know, though *snort*.
Take off.
So, we're ready for anything we think of. We've got a six-pack here and some back bacon on a portable stove if we want. Gotta keep happy, eh?
Hey, hoser! You forgot something!
What?
You're not wearing a tuque! You're clearly not part of the great white north.
I am too!
Whatever. Even if you aren't a true Caneighdian like me, you can still talk with me. I'll call you my guest, so it sounds like a real neat broadcast.
Okay. I'm Loonie Canuck, and I'm an expert on... wait, you never told me the topic! Why would you do that, making me look bad?
*snort* That was pretty funny. Anyway, I wanted to talk aboot them Equestrians down south.
Oh, well I'm an expert on them for sure!
Well, Mr. Expert, can you tell us aboot them?
Well, they're all weird and stuff. They don't even play hockey at all. I'm pretty sure they haven't even heard of Braeden Coltby or Boer Orr.
That sounds like a nightmare! What else can you tell us?
Their police don't have nice jackets like ours! They've got this weird blue colour to them— colour! That's another thing! They talk all weird! Their accent is weird, they say "zee" instead of "zed", they don't have a "u" in some words like colour...
You can't hear somepony saying colour differently.
Oh, yeah. But I see it in when they write stuff.
Wait a second, I think this topic was supposed to be our Caneighda Day topic scheduled if we last that long.
Oh, take off. Our listeners wouldn't remember after all that time, even if we do last that long.
Are you calling them stupid? That's not very nice.
We should talk aboot beer instead. I don't like where this conversation is going, eh?
I know what you mean. I just grabbed a cold one, and if you want one too, I'll put one on the table.
Thanks. Wait, what kind of beer is this? It doesn't have the Coltson logo on it.
Oh, I picked up a different kind, it's called "Cud Light". It's pretty popular in Equestria, so I decided to try it for myself, eh?
I suppose so. *sip* Ugh! This tastes awful! Is it made out of real cud or something? Take it back, hoser, or I'll make you drink both bottles!
If you folks haven't noticed already, my brother is a huge hosehead. He always takes my back bacon, he forgets his tuque, and he gets mad when I play a little joke on him like this. You see, folks, we like good beer. Goosehead, Coltson, Heelback, you name it. But that stuff that Equestria and beyond calls beer... it shouldn't be imported here. It tastes like back bacon was shoved into a cup of Tim Colton's worst coffee.
But we like Tim Colton's and back bacon, hosehead.
That is true. Have you been there recently? They have this new system that makes every size bigger. I think everypony there just wanted to stay awake for longer or something.
It's pretty cold out there, maybe they want to warm up.
You say that like it's a bad thing. Maybe if you had a tuque, you wouldn't mind the cold so much.
Tuques are a beauty, eh?
Indeed.
I bet you stole it from me, that's why I couldn't find it last night.
I bought this one this morning, you couldn't have owned it.
I'm a time traveller, eh? *snort*
Oh, you totally are. You've got the smarts to make a super cool time machine that is super complicated and stuff.
I'm a genius, haven't you noticed?
If you were a genius, you would've known that I said something sarcastic. If you were a genius, you wouldn't have dropped out of seventh grade. If you were a genius—
Hey, hosehead!
What? Why would you rudely interrupt me like that again?
I don't need a college education to be smarter than you!
You don't even have a high school education.
Why do you have to be so mean? I'm your brother, and you said we have to stick together earlier in the show.
Well you started it. I guess I'll stop it.
*snort* I knew that would work.
Okay, so that's the end of our show. No more time left to talk about anything. Good day— oh, we already have fan mail. Well how about that? Let's read it, Loonie.
Sounds good to me, eh?
It's from Twilight Sparkle in Equestria. It says "You guys were rude to Equestria earlier in the show. You shouldn't have said those things about us, they are completely untrue—"
Blah, blah, blah. How did she even send that so fast? It's like she has some sort of magic ability to send mail to us.
Yeah, but who cares? She's from Equestria. At least we did get some fan mail— hate mail, I guess— which means people listen to us.
I guess that's a good thing, because then we'll be famous someday, eh?
I guess so.
So that's our show—
That's my line.
Cooroocoocoocoocoocoocoo! That's our show for today, see you on the next holiday! Good day, I'm Loonie Canuck and this is my brother Maple!
Take off.
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Pure, 100% Canadian.
wat is this i dont even
Canada? That's an American state, right?
I found this difficult to clop to.
1291790 wat the buck no its not
1291798 Are you sure? Because I'm pretty sure it is.
1291807 its not. Its that big cold country north of the United States
1291812 Country? Nonononono. America invaded Canada back in the 16th century, we learnt that at school.
1291819
Have you been watching FOX News again?
1291847 How did you know
Well, I'm off to go kill some single mothers and to insult religions that differ from my own. See ya! 
1291858 'MERIKU!
1291858
Oh you...
1291867 You should see some of the Americuh vs. Europe discussions we have in the TWE, I think I offended some people by saying Twinkies aren't the greatest confectionary on the planet. Boy, did they tell me otherwise
1291880 ummmm....wat
I opened this hoping that there would be discussion of the most critical issue currently facing Caneighda: the recent theft from the Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve. Is it true that a pink earth pony was spotted walking into the building shortly before it all vanished, and that some sort of pink blur moving at sublight speeds was seen at various points throughout the country afterward?
1291819
Eh boy, what have you been smoking. They tried to invade us then they got put back to their own little part of the continent.
(Disregard US has the money, that was before they got hit by the recession)
Let me see... their country is bankrupt while ours is sitting quite pretty, unemployment in Canada is lower then it is in America.
Canadians are Multicultural. Those Americans created such a stink in the Middle East by being so intolerant.
Public Healthcare, nuff said.
1291790
1292061 I'm British, matey.
1292064
Oh... disregard rant. Changed it to they and their.
Oh Bob and Doug!
1292071 Haha
Still true though
clean.alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/jpg/me-gusta-not-sure-if-gusta.jpg