I have a feeling that this story tries to be too many things at once. I mean, it's a drama/tragedy fic about Sunset getting shot. Then it's a slice of life fic about Sunset adjusting to her new life. It's a hurt/comfort fic. And then, suddenly we get secret agents and Cozy Glow which seems like something definitely out of place. Followed by some hospital shenanigans I kinda cringed at, given that it basically boils down to "Sunset's been shot, almost died, may never walk again, a fellow student committed suicide in front of her. Let's laugh at her ass and then double down on ass jokes". At least then the plot moves forward, as before, in several directions, some of them very unlikely. At least the prose is rather competent, though there are some awkward moments:
The use of shouted vulgarity snapped Rarity mostly out of her hysterics.
This sentence repeats "shouted" from the previous paragraph, is very telly, oddly phrased, and I'm pretty sure "mostly" is kinda misplaced in it, if not unnecessary.
"Ah need tuh get back tuh th' farm. Apples ain't gon' pick themselves."
This is beginning to fall firmly into the category of fics "Goes way too hard on the applejack accent to the point of being distracting and sometimes indecipherable"
Not gonna lie the Cozy Glow stuff is not what I saw coming. Not to sound mean, but the story needs slow down on whatever it is that both it and The Fast and The Furious took.
Well, you took that a direction I was not expecting so kudos to you for that. Cozy, shadow organizations, man in the chair with a cigarette in hand, and Sirens. And Sunset in a chair. If this brings Princess Twilight into the picture I am curious to her reaction to seeing a paralyzed Sunset.
Aaaaaaaand you lost my interest with this chapter... feels like you want to tell multiple different stories that have nothing to do with Sunset being in a wheelchair...
Nice update, cant wait for more!
Specter is from the James Bond series
I know there’s a super-intelligent monkey named Specter from the Ape Escape video game series
Hail Hydra!
Great story so far, hopefully Lightning won't do anything stupid.
11228951
Spector was the evil organization from the Jaimes Bond movies
11229093
11228913
Have an invisible cookie, both of you!
11229093 Ah, gotcha
Did you get Cozy Glows code name from Batman by any chance?
I wonder how bad anon-a-miss will be if Cozy Glow gets involved lol
11229198
Yes, I lifted Cozy's code name from the Batman the animated series episode.
Aww! While I adore Momlestia stories where Celestia is Sunset's mom (either princess or principal), I do like Luna being Sunset's mom.
I have a feeling that this story tries to be too many things at once. I mean, it's a drama/tragedy fic about Sunset getting shot. Then it's a slice of life fic about Sunset adjusting to her new life. It's a hurt/comfort fic. And then, suddenly we get secret agents and Cozy Glow which seems like something definitely out of place. Followed by some hospital shenanigans I kinda cringed at, given that it basically boils down to "Sunset's been shot, almost died, may never walk again, a fellow student committed suicide in front of her. Let's laugh at her ass and then double down on ass jokes". At least then the plot moves forward, as before, in several directions, some of them very unlikely. At least the prose is rather competent, though there are some awkward moments:
This sentence repeats "shouted" from the previous paragraph, is very telly, oddly phrased, and I'm pretty sure "mostly" is kinda misplaced in it, if not unnecessary.
Did... Did you make a Spy Kids reference?
This is beginning to fall firmly into the category of fics "Goes way too hard on the applejack accent to the point of being distracting and sometimes indecipherable"
11229998
Yes I did.
11230154
It's how I've generally written Applejack's accent in my stories.
Not gonna lie the Cozy Glow stuff is not what I saw coming. Not to sound mean, but the story needs slow down on whatever it is that both it and The Fast and The Furious took.
11230304
I'm not going into space...probably.
Well, you took that a direction I was not expecting so kudos to you for that. Cozy, shadow organizations, man in the chair with a cigarette in hand, and Sirens. And Sunset in a chair. If this brings Princess Twilight into the picture I am curious to her reaction to seeing a paralyzed Sunset.
Aaaaaaaand you lost my interest with this chapter... feels like you want to tell multiple different stories that have nothing to do with Sunset being in a wheelchair...