"Most burgers are made from a mixture of ground pork and hay. I know most of the burgers here are made from cow, but in Equestria, cows are as smart as you and me, so killing one for its meat is both murder and cannibalism. And that's highly illegal."
"They're twelve year old girls, not M-I-six agents or child soldiers. You're going to eat junk food, tell scary stories and watch dumb movies...maybe call and hang up on boys. They're not going to attempt to topple a government, assassinate an elected official or attempt to blackmail a CEO in a honeypot scheme."
This fic is kinda schizophrenic. It still feels like you're trying to write two or three different stories at the same time and each of them has a different mood, genre, and style. The part with Sunset living with Luna and getting adjusted to her disability is perhaps the best, despite the somewhat unusual religious undertones. Lightning Dust coping and moping has potential, but it's unfortunately directly tied to the weakest part of the story (or perhaps the one that feels the most out of place), with secret agents that look like children, cringe last names forced on characters that don't have them, and a somewhat nonsense plot (especially compared to the more realistic tone of the rest of the story). Hell, the Cozy Glow parts seem to be the only ones that use onomatopeias. At times it feels like it's written by two people.
After Gilda and Spitfire left, Celestia turned to the two police. "Thank you officers Armor and Fig...pucker." It took everything she had to not accidentally say anything vulgar. "If I see or hear anything, I'll let you two know."
is he the same dude at the festival? though tmeline is all weird
You naming the cop Fig Pucker made me laugh, that was a good one.
nice aro representation
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I did the best I could trying to put myself in the mind of an aro person, seeing as I'm not aro.
It makes sense.
Cozy Glow has likely been through that already.
Are you sure? I could see them trying that.
This fic is kinda schizophrenic. It still feels like you're trying to write two or three different stories at the same time and each of them has a different mood, genre, and style. The part with Sunset living with Luna and getting adjusted to her disability is perhaps the best, despite the somewhat unusual religious undertones. Lightning Dust coping and moping has potential, but it's unfortunately directly tied to the weakest part of the story (or perhaps the one that feels the most out of place), with secret agents that look like children, cringe last names forced on characters that don't have them, and a somewhat nonsense plot (especially compared to the more realistic tone of the rest of the story). Hell, the Cozy Glow parts seem to be the only ones that use onomatopeias. At times it feels like it's written by two people.
Figgy pudding!
Another great chapter love. Laughed at the cops last name. Nicely done if I do say so myself
good to see she is human