While this particular FO:E story doesn't hit any buttons for me as it feels a tad cookie-cutter, it's far better written than an overwhelming majority of other FO:E fics, with very little in the way of grammatical errors, which given a quick glance over your profile is well done seeing as you're dyslexic.
The structure and pacing are off, but beyond that and my own personal dislike of the basic premise, it's passable.
Good luck with your story.