And this is War
There she was, at her family’s apple stand. A hero of the world and especially the kirin, yet hard at work with endless humility. Freckles like stars across her face, beneath pure green pools that shined with everything that was good. Her body was wider and tougher than most mares, bulked with muscle that did not break the soft down of her orange coat. Small pocks and imperfections from her labor may have damaged the beauty of others, but with Applejack they finished the masterpiece her parents gave to the world. A mare of honest beauty, within and without.
They made small talk as Applejack bagged her order. It was too public, too noisy for anything more. The perfect mare needed the perfect moment. Besides, it would have been rude to disturb her while farming, or now while she was busy selling apples.
“And here ya go!” Applejack helped lift the sack of apples into Autumn’s saddle bag. “It’s real nice to see you again, girl. How long will you be in town?”
‘As long as it takes,’ was the correct answer, but Autumn went with another truth. “It might be a while. Rarity offered me work teaching her about our fashion, and helping her design kirin-style dresses.”
“Aw, that’s sweet. I’m glad to see you two getting along.”
“Yeah, she’s great.”
Even more so than Applejack guessed. The work gave Autumn money, and staying in Rarity’s guest room let her save it. Come Saturday they would be enemies, but until then Rarity was the most wonderful, generous pony Autumn had ever met. Next to Applejack, of course.
It occurred to Autumn that this might be her last time seeing Applejack before becoming her fiance. The thought brought heat to her face, and she dashed away.
On Saturday, Autumn awoke to find herself tied to the bed, gagged, and with a ring on her horn blocking her magic. She could hear Rarity in the other room, humming to herself as she primped and primed herself for the day. The mare walked in on Autumn wearing a dazzling blue dress, touching up the last bit of lipstick.
“Good morning, dahling. Nice and cozy, I see.”
She wa-ha-ha’d a little into her hoof. “Now. Sweetie will ungag and feed you breakfast after I am on the road. She’ll also do the other meals if I am late. While I don’t expect it to take that long to outwit my rivals and woo Applejack, she and I shall be quite busy kissing and planning our marriage. Toodles!”
Rarity returned very late that evening. She appeared before Autumn covered in a mix of tree sap and strawberry juice, hardened such that her mane and tail resembled bloodied barbwire. Grumbling something about evil pegasi, she undid Autumn’s bonds and retreated to the shower.
Next Saturday, Autumn crept out of the boutique before the crack of dawn. She left pillows under the blankets to make it look like she was still in bed. She also filled a bucket with cherry juice and left it balanced atop the cracked door of her room.
She hid in the bushes. A crash, splash, and feminine scream came from the boutique.
Autumn turned and dashed to the orchard. No offense to Rarity, of course. She was a good pony, and a great teacher.
Autumn sped, but not as recklessly as before. She entered the orchard careful and swift, avoiding the clear road to trot through the trees. Her eyes moved constantly, left, right, and up. Her tufted ears sat erect, alert for any strange noise. Leaves crunched merrily under her hooves – it was the season of red leaves, cool weather, and apples.
Apples and Autumn. They belonged together.
Leaves crunched again, this time capped by a menacing ‘click.’ An automated speaker played one of Coloratura’s pop singles, and the plate of a hidden catapult launched Autumn Blaze from the orchard.
Autumn stumbled back to the Carousal Boutique, sore and covered in tree sap. She sulked, watching the bathroom mirror as Rarity washed out her mane.
“Perhaps,” Rarity said carefully, hooves sudsy with pink shampoo. “We might make a truce? At least until we get to the orchard each morning. It’s in both our interests to not have a coin-flip chance of losing before we even begin.”
Autumn nodded. “That sounds good, yeah.”
Autumn awoke next Saturday tied to the bed. Rarity ran out the door in her night clothes, unleashing a shrill “WA-HA-HA, DAHLING!”
No mistakes this time. Autumn awoke in her hotel room, primed and ready. She crept out her window, not even trusting the neutral ground. She hesitated outside the orchard, then walked forwards at a long angle pointing only generally towards the farmhouse. Away from the road, which would see the fiercest battles. Hopefully the odd path would avoid any traps.
Autumn was more alert than ever, but moved quickly. She hopped, bounding step by step by step. Moving this quickly would let her get off a catapult before it launched. Crunch, crunch went the leaves.
A smell on the air. Chocolate and caramel.
She ducked, and a plate full of melted candies sailed overhead.
Autumn wasn’t armed, but there were plenty of mushy, fallen apples on the ground. She returned fire with powerful kicks, sending gooey brown bombs to where the strike had come. She shot twice and ran, avoiding a cupcake aimed for her face.
Oddly, her enemy proved a duo of ponies working together in alliance. A cream-colored earth pony and mint unicorn, heaving their precious ammunition in vain effort before Autumn dodged behind a tree. They settled to sniping, with wormy apples and confections sailing back and forth whenever there was a chance of hitting.
“Surrender!” the unicorn screeched. “Applejack shall be our wife and daughter!”
“Lyra, do I really have to be involved with this?” the other grumbled.
“She lost her parents, Bon-Bon,” Lyra said. “It’s so sad. We have to adopt her so she won’t be alone anymore!”
“But why does she have to be your wife?”
“Our wife, sweetie. She’s the same age as us so we can’t only adopt her. We need to make her our wife, too.”
The bombardment lessened, as though one pony turned to stare at the other.
“What?”
“Trust me, Bonnie. This is the only way.”
They would continue firing until they ran out of pastries and retreated, never realizing Autumn took advantage of the confusion to slip away. For the next fifteen minutes, the tantalizingly-exposed target Lyra and Bon-Bon aimed for was a watermelon with a smiley face drawn on.
Autumn ran on. It was working! No traps, no more rivals. Sounds of cartoon violence came from the orchards behind, but it was distant and faded. She even zig-zagged her path in case this was anticipated, then realized delay might prove fatal and broke into a sprint.
The orchard cleared at once, to a lawn of tall wild grass outside a red barn and house.
And there she was, with Celestia’s sun upon her. Orange coat glistening with honest sweat, bringing in two heaping buckets of fresh apples. Freckled and friendly, with soft lips and loving eyes.
Autumn sprang forwards. Angels sang. The wind blew only enough to dramatically wave her hair, and birds flew alongside.
...Wait, no, not birds. Just one bird.
A very dumb, pegasus bird named Strawberry Sunrise.
They slowed, then stopped, blinking dumbly at each other.
Strawberry landed, face in a snarl. She puffed out her wings to appear larger. Autumn hissed and mrowled, bending low and flexing the claws on her spiked hoof.
“Aw, hiya girls!”
Instantly the pair stood normally and turned to Applejack with wide grins. They even edged close to show Applejack that they were in fact not about to fight but were very good friends because they were friendly ponies which is a plus for any romantic partner.
Applejack shrugged out of her her load, then trotted to them with innocent cheer. “Applebuck season, don’t’cha know. What can I do you for?”
Autumn couldn’t confess in front of her rival. Strawberry would turn it into a fight, and all would be lost. Besides, her presence hardly made things romantic and tender.
“I came… to help with the harvest!” Autumn said, suddenly alight with idea. All she needed was Applejack alone for a while, then…
“Me too!” Strawberry added. She then huffed and looked away. “I mean, apples are way heavier and harder to reach and stupider than strawberries, so I figured you needed a hoof. It’s not because I like you or anything, bakka.”
Their mouths maintained the friendly expression. Their eyes met with smoldering rage. The chance, ruined. Not unless the other departed willingly, and that would not happen.
Admittedly, Applejack’s radiant grin made this all worthwhile. Almost. “Wow, thank you both kindly! Hitch yourself to some carts, and let’s get bucking!”
The short, blue pegasus patiently held the map still, giving explanation as Autumn Blaze studied it. “No, no. I’m with the group trying to adopt Applejack. You’re with the group trying to marry her. We come in from the north side of the orchard, you need to come in from Ponyville or it doesn’t count.”
Autumn awkwardly tried to wipe off the mushed apple from the mare’s head. “Aw, geez. I’m so sorry, Miss, um...”
“‘Missus,’ actually.” The pegasus smiled with motherly patience. “Windy Whistles.”
A high-pitched scream came from behind, slowly increasing in volume.
“I’d buy you some water to wash off, but I don’t hear Apple Bloom anywhere nearby.”
“It’s quite alright. Ha, you should have seen my first day here, I stumbled right into...”
The source of the scream dashed between them: Lyra in full war-paint like the unicorn Celts of old, bearing a squeaky hammer she used to knock out Windy. The last thing Autumn saw was Lyra’s hammer cleaving from one blow to the next, right towards her face.
It was pricey, but Apple Bloom had started carrying a barrel of cider on-tap in her cart, and there was nothing wrong with a little indulgence. Autumn sat on a fallen log, balancing the purchased hayburger on her lap while setting her mug carefully to the side. Cherry Jubilee sat next to her with an order of grilled carrots, while the newcomer paced irately as he wolfed down his haydog.
“It’s really not fair,” Trenderhoof moaned for the third time. He was a brown pony, in a green Hemline-brand sweater and glasses. “Oh sure, it’s pathetic when a stallion pines for dear Applejack, but when you all do everypony thinks it’s cute.”
Cherry dabbed primly at her lips with a napkin. “Aw, I’m sorry, sugar-bear. Does the rich Canterlot unicorn think life is unfair?”
Autumn nodded. “Yeah, dude. Why don’t you tell her again how much you admire ‘earth pony work ethic?’ Chicks dig microaggressions.”
“How is that bad?”
“You literally used her race as a conversation topic because you don’t actually know anything about her!”
“Knock it off,” Trenderhoof snapped. “The sole foundation for your so-called relationship is Applejack pulling you off a literal cliff after your own people exiled you for being annoying. She needs someone who can appreciate her beauty! Her figure! Someone educated enough to pick her out from the herd, not just chasing the barest threads of personal connection. Someone who–”
Autumn had ordered her hayburger with an inadvisable quantity of ketchup for just such a moment. It splattered into Trenderhoof’s face and he fell to the ground.
Cherry gave her a winning smile. “Nice work, darlin’. I’ll treat you for your real lunch, what’ll it be?”
Autumn beamed. “Another hayburger, this one just with–”
A cherry pie hit the side of her head. Autumn cursed silently as she fell, having slipped and forgotten the most important rule: never trust a pony who calls you ‘darling.’
It took time, but the moment came again. Autumn was quick, lucky, and good. She hopped from one of Rara’s traps before it sprung, out-dueled Strawberry in a fair fight, and used the looted fruit of her namesake to take out Rainbow Dash. Again, she came to the relative clearing that was the Apple family lawn.
And again, Autumn saw the most beautiful mare in Equestria, hard at work with her beloved apples. Although Applejack didn’t seem to be working at the moment; she stood facing away from Autumn, still and quiet.
Autumn glanced to each side, then behind. Nopony else in sight!
After so many weeks, the chance to finally propose to Applejack sent a weakness through Autumn’s legs. She approached, breath catching in her throat, only managing a weak “H-hey, Applejack.”
Applejack turned slowly. There was no enthusiasm, none of her usual zest for life. Her smile was wide, but lacked its gleam. Her green eyes turned in endless spirals of green and black.
“...Howdy,” she mumbled as though sleepwalking.
“Whoa.” Autumn stopped in front, working to keep her smile up. “You okay, Applejack?”
“Yep...” Applejack said, pausing after each word. “Just… peachy… getting… married… soon.”
“Love-bug, who is that?”
A regal voice oozed from the barn. Green eyes peered out from the shadows, and out walked a black, bug-like pony, twice as tall as Autumn. A twisted crown sat on her head, and fangs slipped out over her smirk.
“My… friend…” Applejack said dully.
“No, no, no.” Queen Chrysalis shook her head, clicking her tongue in condescension. “Remember, love-bug? She’s not me, and so is no one important.”
“Hey!” Autumn growled. She clawed the earth, ready to charge. “What did you do to her?”
Chrysalis huffed and glared back. “Oh, isn’t that always the case? A changeling wants to marry a pony and you clutch your pearls and wail about mind-control. Why is it so hard to believe she loves me, you racist?”
“Because you’re Queen Chrysalis!”
Chrysalis snarled, breaking the glare-off to look away. “Damn, she’s got me there.”
“And you, uh...” Autumn shuffled. “I mean her eyes actually have little spirals in them. So yeah, you definitely hypnotized her.”
“Fine!” Chrysalis barked. “So what if I did? That won’t make the marriage illegitimate, I checked. This time next week, we shall have a beautiful royal wedding, and then Applejack will be all mine!”
She grimaced, still looking away. “We were going to have it this week, but the venue was… ew. Never use FlimFlam’s Discount Matrimony Services. It’s cheap, but not even worth the price.
Autumn puffed out her chest as large as she could. “Why are you doing this?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Chrysalis mused. She stroked under Applejack’s chin, smiling as the mare failed to react.
Autumn’s puff shrunk a little. “Well… yes, now that I think about it. She’s the most perfect mare who ever was. Kind, friendly, funny, strong…”
Chrysalis interrupted with a loud, evil laugh. “You little fool! I suppose there’s a reason I’m queen and you aren’t.”
She grinned evilly down towards Autumn. “I don’t care about how great she is, it’s about what I can get. I control Applejack, I control the apples. I control the apples, and Equestria is mine!”
“You’ll never get away with this!” Autumn yelled. “You’re just a gold-digging old mare. She deserves someone who loves her!”
“Oh, what are you talking about?” Chrysalis sneered. “She’ll be perfectly happy with her new life as my apple-harvesting slave. But enough talk.”
She gestured. Bright blue eyes winked open in the darkened barn. Changelings emerged, dozens of them. Crouched and snarling.
No way for her to take them all. Autumn turned, tearing her gaze from the terrible sight. She sprinted, though nothing pursued save Chrysalis’ mocking laugh.
Still, she kept running. Too many for her to fight alone. Not much time, but a little time.
She needed help.
Autumn never stopped running til the familiar Boutique came to sight. Panting, she forced her exhausted legs to bound inside and up to the bathroom. Rarity sat there dejectedly, following her usual Saturday night routine of making Sweetie Belle wash tree sap from her mane.
“Rarity!” Autumn gasped. She collapsed in the doorway. Rarity hustled over, dripping suds from her mane. She held up Autumn’s head, and the exhausted kirin’s yellow eyes blinked, then narrowed with grim determination.
Autumn gripped Rarity’s hoof with her own.
“Rarity,” she said again, this time at a tired whisper. But her eyes held the unicorn’s, and with iron will she delivered her message.
“I need you to call… a soiree.”
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wow! ive haven't seen any chrysalis x AJ yet, I have to say I ship it! keep up the great work! This is truely amazing!
She who controls the apples controls Equestria.
Peak Rarity, honestly.
An entire changling hive verses AJ's
evil exessuitors. I feel bad for the changlings.That's not how adoption works, Lyra. (Unless you're Woody Allen).
Suggested: Zephyr Breeze starts helping out Rainbow Dash, since he imagines that way he'll end up with two mares.
PFFFFFFFF!
It's funny, because it's true.
11031600
The (spiced) apples must flow!
I’m beginning to suspect that Applejack is fully aware of the love warfare going on in her orchard, but allows it to happen because it amuses her.
As for Chrysalis, she’ll have to do something about Apple Bloom, Big Mac, and Granny Smith, too.
Plot twist: the girls succeed in freeing Applejack but Chrysalis realizes Applejack is awesome and wants her for real.
Ha! Strawberry as a tsundere is hilarious.