A New...Something?

by Leondude

Part 3 - Beloved Sheriff, Beloved Something

Hitch stood outside of Sunny's lighthouse with his deputy in tow. He had a megaphone in one hoof and a Splat-a-pult right next to him that he was not afraid to use. They were also wearing prototypes of the anti-mind-reading helmets that Sprout's mother was supposed to release tomorrow before the sudden supply and demand meant they had to be released early lest any more unfortunate catwalk models get whaled on by a stampede of panicking ponies.

"Sunny Starscout!" Hitch shouted into the megaphone before it gave out a loud feedback, "Ow, that hurt. Sunny Starscout! I know you're in there with that unicorn! Come out with your hooves up and surrender!"

"Yeah!" Sprout exclaimed enthusiastically, "You are completely surrounded!"

Hitch put down his megaphone, "Would you let me do my job?"

"Would you let me do my job?" Sprout mockingly repeated.

"I heard that!" Hitch exclaimed before picking his megaphone back up, "You are under arrest! And so is your unicorn friend!"

The door of the lighthouse slowly creaked open as a pony trotted out. Judging by the horn on top of her head, Hitch and Sprout knew immediately this was the unicorn that invaded the town.

"Hi, guys," the unicorn said jovially, "Now, I know what you're thinking."

Sprout screamed as he threw his anti-mind-reading hat onto the ground, "The hats don't work! She's already reading our minds!"

Before anypony could blink, Sprout had turned around and immediately scarpered away from the lighthouse.

"Where are you going?!" Hitch yelled.

"To get reinforcements!" Sprout replied.

"We have reinforcements?" Hitch said to himself.

Distracted by his companion's cowardice, Hitch failed to notice that the unicorn had disappeared as well. But, luckily for Hitch, she left the door to the lighthouse open. Worried that the unicorn might sneak up on him and stab him with her horn like in The Creature From Bridlewood, Hitch carefully made his way into the lighthouse.

"Just so you know, Sunny," Hitch warned his friend under the belief she was still in the house, "I have a warrant that allows me to search your house. There better not be any more unicorns around here."

As Hitch looked around, he saw the ridiculous amount of Guardians of Harmony paraphernalia. He knew Sunny liked to read up on the legends and was obsessed with the cartoons loosely based on their adventures, he never imagined she was that obsessed with it. It was almost creepy to look at and it made him wonder how did Sunny manage to afford it all on a smoothie maker's wage. As he was about to leave, he caught a glimpse of the one thing that wasn't related to the Guardians of Harmony. It was a photo of Sunny with her dad, who apparently disappeared after helping out a unicorn. Or at that's what Sunny told him. For all Hitch knew, Sunny's dad might have been kidnapped by a unicorn and had his brain fried and served on a silver platter. Since Sunny was a filly at the time, how she didn't get thrown into an orphanage after that incident remained a mystery.

"Hitch!" Sprout shouted, "I brought reinforcements!"

Hitch ran out of the lighthouse and saw Sprout was accompanied by an angry mob.

"Those are the reinforcements?" Hitch asked in an annoyed tone.

"What?" Sprout said defensively, "They were enthusiastic. And there was a sale on pitchforks and torches."

Hitch put a hoof to his face, "We're supposed to be keeping the peace here, not start another race war."

"But the unicorns started it first!" Sprout exclaimed, "We should bring the fight to them!"

"Sprout, you can't even fight a common cold," Hitch deadpanned.

"I know. That's why we have an angry mob," Sprout said confidently before turning to face his army, "Who are we?"

"We're an angry mob!" the angry mob replied in unison.

Hitch sighed, "If anypony needs me, I'll be out of my jurisdiction to arrest Sunny and her unicorn friend. Just don't start any wars while I'm gone, okay?"

"We promise," Sprout and the angry mob said in unison with each of them holding a hoof behind their backs to indicate they were lying, not that Hitch noticed.

---

Meanwhile, outside the town limits of Maretime Bay, Sunny and Izzy were busy catching their breaths.

"Do you..." Izzy panted, "Have any...idea...of where we're going."

"Yes," Sunny replied as she haphazardly pulled a map from her saddlebag, "We're going...to Zephyr Heights."

"The pegasus city?" Izzy asked.

"Yes," Sunny replied.

"But the pegasi are bad news," Izzy pointed out, "They're too woke for their own good."

Sunny gave Izzy an odd look, "And?"

Izzy looked both ways before ducking down to whisper in Sunny's ear, "And I think the royal family is in league with the evil pegasus dwarf."

Sunny mirthlessly laughed at Izzy's little conspiracy theory, "You really believe that Cozy Glow managed to live hundreds of years after her imprisonment?"

"Think about it," Izzy said to her Earth pony companion, "After she was freed , she rallied up her fellow pegasi to upload her brain to the Internet so she could influence the media and decide who gets to rule Equestria and who doesn't. Who gets to be a celebrity and who doesn't. Where is Zephyr Heights located?"

"Uh...where Canterlot used to be?" Sunny sheepishly replied.

"And where were the bad guys imprisoned?" Izzy continued to inquire.

"In the Canterlot Royal Gardens," Sunny replied.

"Exactly!" Izzy exclaimed, "Then the pegasi start living the high-life that my ancestors once did. Coincidence, I think NOT!"

Sunny chuckled, "Are you telling me that, before your magic disappeared, the pegasi gathered an army and overthrew Princess Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Canterlot elite? Even though there were many times where Twilight managed to put an end to any military coups thrown against her?"

"Yes!" Izzy replied, "It said so on Twilipedia!"

"You do know Twilipedia articles can be edited, right?" Sunny sardonically asked, "Anypony can just click the edit button on an article and say Earth ponies smell like rotten sardines or something equally ridiculous involving mayonnaise."

Izzy gasped, "You said the forbidden word!"

Izzy immediately jumped up and chanted "bing bong" as if there were creepy-crawlies crawling along her back. Sunny just put her head in her hoof.

"We're doomed," Sunny muttered to herself.

Author's Note:

What do you know? Izzy has a real reason to not like the pegasi.

BTW, the bit where Sunny mentioned Twilight putting an end to a military coup is a reference to this story I wrote:

TTwilight Is Fed Up Of The Vocal Minority's $#!%

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Random
• Slice of Life

So she just tells them to eat it. Especially since it turns out ponies would stage coups against her regardless of her tax policy.

• Profanity
• Twilight
• Prince Blueblood
• OC
• Other

Leondude · 1.8k words  ·  97  13 · 2.2k views

It's ironic, really. I wrote a story about Twilight telling the small number of people who hated how the show ended to "eat shit" and yet here I am, being one of the few people who actually disliked My Little Pony: A New Generation. Sure, it has its positive (Hitch is a good character, 'Danger, Danger' and 'Fit Right In' are catchy tunes, and there is no shortage of hilarious moments) but the negatives outweigh the positives for me. And I actually liked how the show ended despite its own flaws.

Oh, well. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.