Chapter 1 : Many Moons Ago
"Twilight? Are you with us?"
Twilight's eyes cleared, sharpening her view of the battle map, its enchanted textile projecting shimmering miniature magic constructs of various earth ponies, unicorns and pegasi, armed to the teeth for what they would be facing. She felt her better instincts keeping her from taking just another discouraging look at the sheer number and size of the images depicting the enemy. They had already done enough of that.
"I'm fine. I think. No, I'm thinking we should look over formations again." Twilight's nervous wide grin contrasted sharply against the groans of discontent from around the table.
"Not again, Twilight. You said it yourself. We're ready as we'll ever be. All that's left is to hold the line when the time comes." The voice came from a stern-looking stallion of silver coat and and black mane. Damascus Steel, her field marshal. She both had never seen him before, yet had known him for years. "We'll ride into through the gates of the underworld. And either we put the enemy through there, or we'll take them with us, with pride."
Twilight's confusion belied the contented smile that graced her face. Around her were friends she never met before, yet knew as well as her own family "Tomorrow then."
KLANG! KLANG! The sentry bells called for alarm. "Manticores! Manticores advancing on the forward ramparts!" came a cry from outside.
"We ride, gentlecolts! We ride the edge of eternity, and sharpen our blades upon it!" Damascus Steel reached a hoof to his saddle, withdrawing a gleaming steel hoofsword from its sheath. He was joined by every other knight at the table, as they joined their weapons in a collective salute and charged out the tent. Whisked along without moving, Twilight thought she'd be caught up in their advance. But she in the next instant before she would have been blown out the tent flaps along with the charging warriors, she found herself face to face with a younger face remarkably like that of Damascus'.
"...Who are you? Please. Help us. Get us home! GET US HOME!"
Twilight sprang awake with such force she found herself in flight halfway to the ceiling, now in her own bedchamber at the castle.
~
(Later)
There was something new in the air. But to Spike the dragon, there was something familiar. Clear weather in the Ponyville area delivered softly warm sunlight through the stained glass windows and danced comfortable warmth across Spike's scales. No major disasters or monster attacks meant a nice quiet and even bird-song-y atmosphere to mingle with the friendly chatter of the daily goings-on. Heck, he was so ahead of his usual chores and duties that he was even able to make room for a quick comic break.
"Ahh, Excelsior..." he sighed contentedly as he closed the latest issue of Equestria's Greatest Heroes, #616. "Okay, hallways buffed, kitchen restocked, and incoming scrolls to look through." He looked to the basket of scrolls he gathered from the Castle of Friendship's message dropoff room. "Internal Revenue of Equestria. Pfft. That's gonna be a joy to sift through."
Messages like this had been part of the regular stream of messages ever since Twilight Sparkle had gone from student to magic master to defender of the realm and finally to Princess. Power, position, paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. As tedious as it could get, there was something comforting to know that he was the faithful assistant, the buffer between his adoptive sister and death by red tape.
Wait. Twilight. He hadn't spoken to her since the morning, and she was already deep in work when he woke up.
~
(Earlier that morning)
"Morning, Twilight," Spike yawned as he stretched and popped drowsy joints in his spiny back.
"Uh-hm, mernin'," she mumbled back.
He whipped up a quick breakfast of muffins quickly rewarmed with a quick puff of his fire breath and some of the extremely light caffeinated coffee Twilight had been forcing herself to drink these past few months.
"Gonna get a jump on work so I can make time for the new comics I bought today," he said.
"Yeah, thassagood-hmmm..." she said, continuing to pore over three books at once.
~
"Uh oh."
He should've KNOWN it was too quiet. The calm before the storm! Maybe things had been too good lately?
"All right, sidekick, move it!" He rushed halfway down the hall before he remembered the basket of scrolls. "C'mon, boring legal papers, we got a job to do!" Documents in tow, he rushed down the hall. Of course, he had to come to this realization a long way from the castle's library.
He had a situation to defuse. Tartarus or high water, he was NOT going to let it escalate into another thing on the level of Smarty-Pants riot.
~
The library was surprisingly in order. And Twilight didn't have the bug-eyed, hair-frayed, slasher-smile look he was fearing. No, in fact, she was leaning back on one of the couches. Her magic was humming away, levitating a book above her and rippling through the pages as her eyes did a slow back and forth. An empty, crumb-speckled plate and an empty cup resting on her worktable even said she had eaten the earlier breakfast.
"Oh hey, Spike. Don't worry, I got a full night's sleep." Her voice was perfectly even keeled too. Perfectly lucid, but it carried this edge of determination.
"So...no meltdown?" Spike started to hide the oversized butterfly net behind his back.
"No. No meltdown. Tell me, Spike. How many guys have you seen lately?"
"...Okay, I'm gonna give you about five seconds before you realize how that could sound--"
"YIPE!" the book flipped through the air before Twilight caught it in her hooves. "I-I-mean..." She sighed. "Sorry, Spike. I've been distracted for hours. It was something I noticed when going through that census report that arrived a few days ago."
"You mean the Ponyville role call?" Spike laughed. "That's basically the plain way of calling it."
"How many stallions and colts have you seen in Ponyville?"
"...I mean there's more than a few. I don't get what you're looking for me to say."
"But there's a LOT more mares and fillies, right? Like...a LOT more. And the bigger city populations get, the gap gets even wider." As Twilight spoke, reams of papers, statistic sheets filed by, levitated by Twilight's magic.
"...Uh...huh?"
"And I started to look back at earlier census reports. Years back. And you know something? I've studied genetic models and how populations get affected, disasters, birth rates, all that. The pattern only gets way more noticeable. It's like something happened to Equestria's stallions and colts a long time ago, and we're only now starting to recover from the LOSS of a lot of them."
"So you're saying...something happened to the guys in Equestria. How long ago?"
"...It would probably have been about a thousand years ago." Twilight turned from the spreadsheets and graphs to Spike with a worried glance.
"Wait, a thousand years ago as in when all that crazy magical doomsday stuff was going on when the Princesses were first ruling Equestria?"
"Exactly, Spike. And looking at what could've done this during that time..." Twilight's voice trailed off.
"Twilight, spit it out!"
"The missing generation of males in Equestria would've been anyone that qualified to serve if the Princesses called together an army."
"...Like, an entire army just gone all at once?" Spike started to feel a weight drop in his stomach.
"And not one Equestrian history book talks about it. Not one." Twilight gestured to the ENTIRE library spanning around them.
"What happened to them then?" Spike dreaded the answer as soon as the question was asked.
"I don't know. But I think I know two long-lived Alicorns who probably do know." Within seconds, her horn lit up and levitated her saddlebags and several choice books and documents into her pack. "Put a hold on everything else, Spike. We're headed to Canterlot."
"Why?" Spike's question made Twilight stop before the door. "I mean if we could help them, sure. But we learned time travel is a MESS. And besides, if they're gone, they're gone."
"Exactly. But I have a strange feeling. They're ALIVE, Spike. And I think the Princesses need to know it."
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An interesting premise, I mean sure I've seen plenty of stories about the very unbalanced population of Equestria, but it usually is written to be humor, romance, or the occasional thought piece. I don't recall reading one that delves into the idea through a historical lens before.
- Best wishes.
- Amusing flavor concerning Spike's reading materials.
- I read this chapter and added it to my "read it later" list to keep tracking!
I echo the comments made by:
10964974
Also, to answer your requested suggestions:
1. "Roll Call" not "Role Call"
2. Since you brought up the military concerns: RE: ""The missing generation of males in Equestria would've been anyone that qualified to serve if the Princesses called together an army."" (a question for consideration) Why would it would even matter if there are less stallions than mares for military purposes? Wouldn't everypony be drafted regardless of gender? (Maybe it was different 1000 years ago in Equestria, though? But if so, why?) (Since you indicated a desire for help to write close to pony-canon, the below points may be worth reviewing-->)
a. Royal Guards True, the Royal Guards apparently consist primarily of stallions but the show doesn't suggest that the mares can't make an equal showing in combat.
b. Earth Ponies Although certain stallions like Troubleshoes and Big Mac are larger than almost all mares (with the exception of the cake mare [Whoa Nelly?]), keep in mind that the strongest Earth Pony is probably a mare--Maud Pie. As far as I can recall, nothing demonstrates stallions as being better in battle than mares or My Little Pony mares as being inherently weaker in a general sense. Although certain mares like the fainting Flower Ponies are probably weaker than a generic stallion, those particular mares may just happen to be specific examples of below-average military material--the majority of mares likely are better than them.
b. Magic Size and/or gender doesn't matter with respect to unicorn and alicorn magic (although, I know of no stallion alicorns). (Note however: the unicorn-heavy Royal Guard seems to primarily consist of stallions, which is odd). And unicorn magic is pretty darn important.
c. Pegasi Pegasi military, as shown in the episode flashbacks with Flash Magnus, also seems to have no apparent difference, but someone else can probably elaborate on that better.
d. Maybe the point you were making was a focus on that the missing individuals were of 'military age', but then I wonder why only the stallions were targeted (maybe this will be revealed as a secret during the story)?
3. Also, horses and ponies are different, but I suspect you know that and are intentionally going to utilize the distinction.
Think you meant Flash Magnus, since Sentry was EQG was possible love interest for the princess ...
10965031
Correct! (Fixed).
Hum, not sure I get why the gender ratio even matter after a thousand years, the population would have already collapse and recovered long sense then.
You might also look into actual horse barding armor parts names such as Peytrall, Shaffron, Crimet, Crupper. For strategy keep in mind that all ponies would count as cavalry(if that is not obvious enough) and that speed is always their strength. I wouldn't be surprised that ponies be able to modernize their military very quickly if need much, their equipment and battle doctrines. The pegasus are probably the most dangerous of all the three major tribes, especially the weather ponies. While Ponies like Starswirl and Twilight are very powerful they are still exceptionally rare and can't do large scale damage. That makes Weather ponies so dangerous, is that every pegasus can work together in large teams be in multiple places at once (no matter the flight skill level) to landbound adversaries is that they can turn the weather against the enemy both directly(tornado, hurricanes, thunder strikes ), but also indirectly(floods, droughts) where they can hit the enemy nations infrastructure food production and infrastructure and can easily leverage other nations in offering both aid and pain with their own food production so they would have incentive to help the ponies. if anything Equestria has probably maintained deals for centuries to foster good relations with the other nations to get them to trust and grow dependent on pony aid in their crops.
Earth pony strength is their industrious nature, they work hard and are extremely resilient (that is truth in reality, they can work all day and outlast the ridder where they would normally need several horses to get the same work done).
For what he have scene and read the Everyfree Forest(right in the hearth land of Equestria) is where most of the wild magic dangers can be found and was until season 4(thanks Discord) extremely dangerous to travel through and was still constantly growing. I would bet that most guard did their tours of services patrolling around it, and trying to limit it's spreading.
Hope this helps a little and if you are looking to commission a cover art send me a PM my way, here is a demonstration of a speedpainting video of my work.
10965015
I agree here.
The following are some thought's as I read the description and that you want advice and how to make your story great. The short answer is consistence and having the character's action's stick in my opinion. Though every rule can be broken.
Further, you can still have the story about the clash of cultures and method's but, it read's weird with what is almost certainly a symbol for everyone
Princess Celestia is mare?
Equallly so is Luna...
They have both been portrayed as large and stout so...and if your aiming for hero male type culture thing. There is simple solution to writing female or anything you don't understand. Listen to people and how they act and talk? Hopes and dreams? Then lastly under this assumpation the easiest answer is just write any character as a well written character.
I.e hopes, dream's, aim's to reach. Maybe say Bitter Brindle likes pies and crushing skull's over enemy's?
Or, (because that is a little cliche)
Maybe they all have interpersonal problem's that may or may manifest in battle?
Also...and this is actually kind of a deal, this not about Twilight or even the mane six. What I am about to say is that Celestia and...Luna should have more then just two word's to say about these ponies. And actual feeling's that actually linger in the story...Because let's be real here...their was draft? Yes?
Consider that contray to popular belief every decision that Celestia and Luna makes (if this is even on them...regardless...) does not lead to happy happy ponyland? So, you could and in my opinion should add in a heavy influence of Celestia and Luna because it makes sense. After all who wouldnt feel disquit after having long dead choices stay with you?
Finally, I wonder what it would feel like if these same war horses still stayed 'true' to Celestia and Luna all these year's and...I wonder what rejection would bring?
A final word for the author for extra drama. Imagine a story if you will that play's with ramification's of nightmare moon that is not just to be sweeped aside (forgiven cough element's cough has power but, should she? Cough)
Now, think about that Luna want's to be forgiven. Loved even but, think of what happen's when she sees ponies like her, lost and out of time, imagine when she has what she alway's wanted. A tribe who love her? But, is it enough? What is more valuble the cultural more and norm's of the now equastria or old equastria...and this is for Luna...
Because imagine the conflict of having to dissapoint your sister after she forgave you but, for something you actually want and do not have to fight for...connection and understanding.
Then, imagine the cruel thing's a sister loving her sister would say to her younger and so easily swayed sister wanted....to...take away all her hard work. Perhap's even the hint of such a thing would be cause for anger...hmm.
10965015
While I cannot speak for the author, I have a couple of ideas in regards to your listed points.
1) I've read numerous stories that suggest that the Royal Guard is either under a uniformity enchantment, or there's several different divisions based on tribe, gender, or other factors.
2) I was talking to an artist I follow a week or so ago and she was saying in her mind that AJ for all that she's stronger than your average gal is still going to be inherently weaker than Big Macintosh due to gender. and that ponies are as a whole stronger than your average human. Even the baby cake twins could leave a really nasty bruise if they decided to kick out at you or I.
3) In some of the more romantically inclined stories I've read due to the imbalanced population there's certain mindsets that have developed in Equestria about relationships. A mare can be interested in another mare, a stallion can have multiple mare-friends, poly- relationships in general are not as frowned upon as in our society. But strict monogamy or stallion to stallion relationships are at best curiosities to be tolerated/humored. At worst, if you're accused of being a colt-cuddler or other such terms, you either change your deviant ways or you leave town.
4) And finally, in a couple of stories, the gender divide is flipped. So Mares are the business owners, the leaders, the athletes, etc. Stallions are, at best, aides, teachers, librarians, nurses. At the worst, their very existence is to be sperm banks and nothing more, slaves to the capricious whims of their female overlords.
I'm writing a story similar to this where during the early part of Equestria history 3 tribes of earth ponies unicorns and Pegasus's united together and abandoned the three tribes to freeze to death to the windgos. And became a medieval like kingdoms on another landmass.
10965467
- I agree; so have I. I didn't want to write an overlong response to the author (and it's not canon), so I left it out, but I agree that your mentioning it here may be useful for the author!
1. This may be true, and based on the mechanics of size it seems likely, but:
2. I'm not sure it has been demonstrated on the show that Big Mac necessarily can do more than Applejack. (Someone who is really into the show lore may be able to cite a quotation or scene in proof of or disproving).
2a. I would not be surprised, though, if Big Mac can do more than non-heroic farming mares who are the size of Applejack.
3. How many stallions have we seen that are as big as Big Mac? It seems like he may be a bit above-average and maybe even an anomaly. (For the author, maybe the lost legion were all as large as Big Mac or Troubleshoes?)
4. Once again, though, unicorn magic probably moreso decides battles than earth pony strength. That said, maybe the author could demonstrate some vital importance of earth pony strength to battle--maybe as another poster (Mix-up) suggests, play up how the unicorns have very limited magical reserves--that would be an interesting development!
10965350
Good point about the pegasi!
10965360
Thank you!
10965775
I would say the Earth pony, with their industrious nature, aside from their attunement to nature and the earth are not to be be stuffed at either and could probably easily match unicorns in terms of power in very large numbers, especially in coordinating logistics, siege works, combat engineering, they can probably build static defenses fortification in record time, working non-stop for days on end if necessary; if they have time to prepare they can get a good siege work ready, the major factor is probably time and intelligence for them. Also, with their phenomenal stamina they can actually do respectable gorilla warfare in forests or very hazardous easy to hide environment and managed to wear down unicorn pure unicorn troops through attrition.
The major flaw with unicorns or combat mages is that they they need to be trained a lot in magic to become proficient warmages, which takes years to train properly with a lot of mental discipline to wheel it, and most of them probably can't hope to match the Sparkle's like Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor and most of them are probably recruited directly from CSfGU, with Starlight being a rare exception to the rule sense. Most Battle mages are probably elite troops that can use their magic effectively in teams and individually, as mavericks, and are a very rare breed of elite troops that could probably bash any Pegasus or Earth Pony individually or in small groups. For other unicorn guards I would say they wouldn't very impressive on their own and all the armies have tricks to distract their magic focus. I could get that they can be used at sort of batteries for elite battle mages to draw magic for very large spells like illusions, magic shields and blasts, but you would just need to hit the Battle mage to make them a lot less effective. Unicorn could be useful for infiltration behind enemy lines or spying or magical traps depending on their training.
And for all of this we haven't even covered all the dirty tricks they could use
10965775
If my memory serves me...The artist and I were having a friendly debate along the lines regarding how Twilight Sparkle was in one or two episodes shown to be OP to the point where she was able to do an entire task force's worth of hard day's farmwork in a few minutes. I vaguely recall saying something about how Twilight and AJ are both something of outliers in terms of their abilities where your average unicorns and earth ponies are concerned. She counterpointed by bringing up the thing about how in recent years there's been some argument about where trans athletes are supposed to go. In her argument, AJ might not be a fainting daisy, but she'd still be somewhat weaker than Big Mac on account of simple biology.
10966143
10965015
10965350
10965375
Thank you all for your consideration for this virtual pilgrim in a strange new land. I didn't expect a welcome anywhere near this warm or helpful. In fact, I've been spending free time over the last few days taking into consideration all that you've suggested and pointed out, and I believe I have a much stronger idea of where this is going. Whether you continue to give canon guidance or not, know that I really appreciate this and welcome more constructive critique for the later chapters.
10969582
You are welcome. I am interested to see what you come up with!
At the risk of too much complexity, one more thought just occurred. You may want to look into the episode that introduced Rockhoof and his membership in the Mighty Helm. He's one of the Pillars of Equestria from 1000 years ago and at the end of Season 7, he and the other Pillars arrive in modern-day Equestria.
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Rockhoof
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Campfire_Tales (His introduction)
Flash Magnus, who we mentioned earlier, is a stallion pegasus member of the Royal Legion of Cloudsdale from about one thousand years ago:
https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Flash_Magnus