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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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10890428
Nothing really. This is good, and it seems that this is over 150 years after the events of both the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings.
10890442
Yes, it is. This is only the beginning of the story, more is yet to come so don't be hasty with judging it before reading it. If anyone did the research, they would learn that dwarves in the Hobbit and LOTR age slower than humans do.
10890445
Makes sense, but the Elves have the bigger lifespans, and have eternal youth as a very good bonus.
I havent read this, yet! I AM excited. I just have a question before I start reading. How are you going to potray the ponies? My hope is equals or what have you?
Like I am hoping after story that is favorable to the dwarfs with out taking away from the story? If I am making sense?
I like this story it made it ware the pony’s do have the same language as the dwarf’s
I have read all of it. I AM still excited. A time before ponies? Before well anything? Im curious with the introducution of Dwarfs will we see massive change?
Or will their be a largely same same?
(I am hoping for later. Because this cool. It will be largely cooler if stuff is allowed to be different. But! I fairly certain this is your intention so...cool!)
Now onto your writing. I have it...well? It is oddly detracting from what is happening. After reading many passages, I have discovered it is due to a past tense voice and queer sense of telling?
There is also a odd sentence of time? Like I am not sure how long things happen? I want to know more but your not telling me....vibe.
I would say this a consistent and seens deliberate. I will still be reading because this cool! And I want to support a creative writer. Perhaps you were going for a folk tale vibe? Indictive of tolkien? Hmm?
Ps. Ultimately these are just observastions. Take my words with a grain of salt. Peace!
Ps. After reading some more. The problem is that instead characters being able to just do something. There is...instead Qualifiers. Like then or otherwise that take from the flow.
Like Joe jumped. Falling as wind blew tossing long hair behind in long streak of black. (Ok?)
The example (
(King Ornir looks behind him to see the mare staring over the edge and not moving, clapping his hands to get her attention saying, "Hey, just stay calm when you are in a high place, going into a panic will only cause you more problems. Focus on the goal, and be mindful where you step.")
Which could be
(King Ornir turned. The clatter of bones echoed in the tall cavern. His eyes sparked at the sight of a mare. Stiff. Legs weighted by fright and a sheen of sweat.
Knowing better. Doing better...well he was king, was he not?
He looked down.
His held the glaring mad dark. The bones that he had heard. Surely heard. Never clattered. He turned again. His long braided beard twisting in wind meant for darking things then them.
He took a breath then let it go.
Mare!
Mare!
Her head twisted on cut strings. Jerky and off. Green eyes that flared under fear took the creature.
"stay calm"
He shifted under the raw weight of his hammer
(Not sure about this sentence. )
when you are in a high place, going into a panic will only cause you more problems. Focus on the goal, and be mindful where you step.")
You brake the dialogue up a touch more and fill with...all kinds of spicy, fun details. Just imagine all the spicy things. One wants to write about.
10890860
I am trying for a present tense vibe here, but I like how descriptive you are. Message me with ideas, I wasn't intending for this to be like a story. I just couldn't think of a different way to start writing for it.
10891015
Truthfully I respect that you just wrote it. Sinply put the more you write the more you grow. And if you see on my stuff you have written more. Your early stuff is good.. Did you want me to write you ideas on? How to write? Help with your work?
Help by editing?
If so I would not mind. Your really creative and you seem to enjoy writing. So...sure.
Ls. My oldest work. Was really really really bad. In truth. I stuggle to read my older works becauee I really dislike. Except my applejack one or the shattering of belgrind. Those were good.
10891029
Oh definitely, I welcome any help I can get. My greatest issue is the fact that I abuse the hell out of AND THEN when I am struggling with coming up with what to write.
Sorry all, but I am going to make some edits with the ponies' way of thinking to show you where they are at in their current sapient evolution. Have to make it more wild-animal related, meaning that they have a basic understanding of the world around them. I'm going to try to help you all understand how they think, the key word: TRY.