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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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TYFC!!!
sounds like there should be three 'players' of this game not two.
I like it when big brother did his duty.
Also, you should fix the space between paragraphs as soon as possible.
As always, the ammount of effort you put into your chaoters is on show here. This wonderful story is awesome. But do remember if you need or want a break take one. Every chapter is worth the wait.