Cozy Zurg's Adventures!

by Ultimus Pendragon

Good And Bad

Author's Note:

Welcome back, guys. Let’s delve into the madness. And possible snuggles. Enjoy.

“Good planning without good working is nothing.”

-Dwight D. Eisenhower.

Emperor Zurg felt. . .confused.

This small, insignificant creature had the nerve to approach him without any inkling of who he was. He would fix that before long. It continued to ask such things about him as if they were of the same status. It never relented with its questions.

''How tall are you? Do you know how far is your home is from here? What kind of things do you eat? Do you-''

''-Shut up!'' Zurg shouted to the small pony, clutching his hands over his head as he stopped walking to try and talk some sense into this little pony who seemed very on getting any information out of him that she could think of. ''Why do you follow me, strange. . .thing?''

''My name's Cozy Glow, I already told you that for the 3rd time, but what's your name?'' Cozy asked, flying up to Zurg's head level as she looked very much interested, and a bit scared as well.

Zurg turned his head to Cozy Glow, frowning. He came awfully close to just punting her halfway across this planet if she didn't stop. But, another part just barely convinced him to let her continue talking; the chance for valuable information about the natives of this world could prove just the edge he would need to conquer it. A thought came to him. If he humored her for the moment, he would get a massive return on investment. ''I am known throughout the cosmos as Emperor Zurg, The Conquerer of Worlds, The Great Destroyer, and The King of Fear.''

Cozy quirked a brow and laughed a bit. ''That name sounds funny; but what are you supposed to be? You're no pony.''

''But, of course,'' Zurg replied snootily, shaking his head at her ignorance. Why be anything lesser than the pinnacle of all species in the known world? ''I do try my best to maintain my aura; it is key to being a warlord. Being a. . .'pony' is beneath me.''

''Well, why are you here? Making friends?'' Cozy observed alongside Zurg as he looked upon a small town a bit of a distance away based on the side of a mountain. Something about it made Zurg wonder and reach his hand out, nothing happening for the moment without nothing occurring. Cozy landed on her haunches and looked on for the moment as Zurg concentrated. ''What are you doing?''

''Gathering information. Tell me,'' Zurg folded his arms once again. ''That wouldn't happen to be the capital of this nation, would it?'' Zurg looked to see Cozy Glow nod.

''That's Canterlot, why?'' Cozy looked to see Zurg's eyes light up in glee, a low chuckle escaping his throat.

''So I know what buildings to blow up first, should it annoy me. My plan for this world will not take long if the rest of your species are anything like you.'' Zurg said, using his wrist communicator to try and locate his ship, or the lack thereof. ''And I can tell that you must be of a similar mind for you to tell me something so important right away,'' Zurg looked to see Cozy Glow blush a bit at the statement, only confirming what he knew to be true.

“Well, you seem nice, and my teacher said that one of the lessons I should try and learn is to understand others!''

''Your teacher?'' Zurg asked, frowning a bit at her bright and bubbly personality. It reminded him of Buzz Lightyear's vigilant attitude in saving the galaxy he attempted to take over numerous times; it irked him to no end. Why did everything she said sounded like physical rainbows?

''Twilight Sparkle, The Princess of Friendship,'' Cozy Glow said, smiling at Zurg who rapped his fingers against his forearm. ''I'm a student at her Friendship School,'' Zurg dried heaved as she spoke. ''Was it something I said?''

''Everything you just said would earn you the full extent of my wrath, keyword being would, if the circumstances were different. . .and you surely must be joking? School of Friendship?'' Zurg asked, the meaning of the word seeming as foreign to him as the idea of having a minion without a flamethrower attachment.

''It's all the rage in Ponyville,'' Cozy Glow pointed as she turned around, making Zurg look at the small town in the distance that seemed to be a small gem throughout the quiet clearing. Cozy then let her ears flop to her sides as she traced a hoof in the dirt. ''But, I'm not very good at being a friend or doing my homework.''

Zurg shuffled forward, instinctively reaching a hand towards the pony on the ground as a part of his mind wanted to throttle her for even assuming she could be within 500 feet of him without his permission. He resisted, but only just. ''I don't care for your Friendship School or this accursed homework of which you speak. What I do care about is making this world and everything in it mine!'' Zurg's red eyes glowed a brighter shade of red than normal as Cozy looked at him chuckling manically for a second before composing himself. ''But first, I need to find my ship and turn that telemetry bot into a nuclear toaster; good riddance.'' Zurg activated his rockets and hovered away.

Cozy Glow looked to the skies, seeing the caped being take off before shaking off her wonder of how quickly he was able to take off before following after him. ''Wait for me, Mr. Zurg!''

---

Zurg flew the skies, paying little attention to the greenery of the planet and paying more attention to his wrist communicator which barely managed to alert of him of the location of his ship. A more pressing question that seated itself in Zurg's mind was how was he so far from his own vessel? And why did that. . .thing sound familiar to him?

''Hmmph. I have never witnessed a creature of that make before, especially one so primitive.'' Zurg said to himself. It did, however, remind him of The Rhizomians that he controlled with The Uni-Mind that one time. ''Ahhh, good times; good times. But back to the present moment. That creature was the worst. Friendship; bah! Oh, the non-existent thought of it. Why have friends when you can have brainless and or mindless followers to do your bidding without having to lift a finger? That's where the real money is.''

Zurg flew for a bit longer, passing over some partially thicker vegetation and trees than the majority, his sensors picking up a structure as he passed over it. Huh, a castle. Shame, it looked to be made of a rather decent design, only to be destroyed. ''The life on this planet is certainly too bright for my taste; definitely need more dark and dismal colors to bring the true beauty out; perhaps a lava pool here or there, a giant monster to defend my new base when it's constructed, and with flamethrowers, can't forget the-''

''-Hey, Mr. Zurg!' Cozy Glow exclaimed, appearing right in front of the warlord as she flew backward in front of him.

''AAAH!'' Zurg screamed as his rocket's boosters activating out for a second caught him off guard. ''Get off, you infernal creature!'' Zurg couldn't see as the Cozy latched onto his head at the last second, her own wings locking up from the sudden change in speed.

''I-I can't! I'm too scared!'' Cozy clutched her eyes shut and gripped tighter, almost squishing Zurg's head with her body.

''Rah!' Zurg used his laser eyes to blast her off of him, the bright flash of light blinding her as she screamed and plummeted down to the ground. ''Ah, much better. Now I can continue-''

''-Mr. Zurg, heeeelp!'' Cozy pleaded, hoping her shouts did not go unnoticed by Zurg, who continued to fly the further he got, but slowly. . .something happened. Something unexpected. It was delayed at first as he stopped for the moment to look upon the filly, but he flew after her, though with a less than steller expression on his face the entire time. The ground came closer and closer with every second, her wings locked up and refused to come back out, and the rush of air against her face made her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to see her untimely demise.

But that day was not today.

''Heeeeel-Ooof!'' Cozy was grabbed her rear leg, the force jerking down hard before she stopped. Her leg began to ache, and the cold grip that Zurg held on her was slowly released as she saw him looking at her expectantly to lower herself down at the height of a few inches of the ground. ''Hehe. Sorry. But. . .why did you save me?'' Zurg slowly hovered down to the ground, the pair landing on a raised slab of stone that flanked the back of the old castle surrounded by thick vines and trees with thick foliage. The air went quiet as Zurg looked at her, watching, observing.

''. . .I'm sorry?'' Cozy nervously said, Zurg folding his arms again as he bent down to her level, watching her more intently. ''M-Mr. Zurg?''

Zurg huffed, shaking his head and flicking her forehead with a finger, eliciting a yelp of pain from her. ''It is Emperor, and the only reason I saved you, small pony, was to further my own needs.''

''What do you mean?''

''What I am telling you is that you claim to require assistance with this 'homework' of yours,'' Zurg said as Cozy looked more and more confused as the talk went on.

''Yea, and?''

''I seem to recall a few of my subordinates that may be. . .versed in the activity, you claim to need help in.''

''They know about friendship?!'' Cozy asked, her interest peaking a bit suddenly. Zurg cracked a very small smile at that comment.

''Something along those lines, yes. But, in exchange, you will be my ambassador of this world and its secrets as payment.''

Cozy tilted her head as she thought a bit about what he said prior about 'ruling the world.' Would this make her a bad pony? ''Didn't you say you wanted to take over the world?'' Zurg tensed a bit at what she said. Drat, she was catching on, he would have to play the situation off by ear if he wanted to succeed in taking over this world with the least amount of effort put in.

''No, no. You see; where I come from, we say 'take over the world' as a saying. It's used when there are those who care so much about the world that we want to do all we can in our power to make it. . .better,'' Zurg fought to make the statement make the most sense.

''Oh, well that makes sense, I guess. But are you sure you should be doing that right away when you just got here?''

''And this coming from the little, pink pony who told a random stranger their nation's capital as common knowledge?'' Zurg asked, watching her movements as she sat down and tapped a hoof against her chin in contemplation.

''That doesn't sound like a compelling question for this argument.''

Zurg facepalmed. ''Did you understand even half of what you just said?'' Cozy Glow blushed again as she looked away. Clapping his hands together and standing up, Zurg paid a watchful eye to the castle in his view, a voice of some manner calling out to him, but also not calling out. It was more of a feeling. He nodded to himself after a moment more. ''That settles it; you are hereby inducted into the Evil Zurg Empire; the pay is competitive, holidays off, and paid time off after 1 year, and you even get assigned your free uniform. Any questions? It seems you have one.'' Cozy looked to ask something but refrained from doing so until he brought it up.

''D-Do this make us friends?''

Zurg hummed to himself; a friend? An evil warlord, the like this world had yet to witness; having a friend? It seemed so. . .strange to him. ''Pending, but. . .we shall give it a test try,” Zurg said as Cozy hopped up, her wings unfurling and zooming to latch back onto his head, though not as tight as before. ''Unhand me!''

''Thank you, thank you, thank you! I won't let you down!''

---

Comments

[ponybird21]

What Zurg must be feeling on the inside:
i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/020/983/Cb2OXNBUcAAHakf.jpg

Also, why TF is an evil warlord a way better employer than most of America? I don't get paid time off, even after a year, not do I get holidays off. O.o AND a free uniform???

[Hotel_Chicken]

10688293
Don't forget the free dental that was mentioned in the last chapter. This can only mean one thing! Zurg is one of the most vile creatures in all of existence. A rouge cyborg Canadian.

[ponybird21]

10688359
*Gasp* he's corporate's number one enemy!!! Quick, hide, and I will too! We know the truth now, they'll never take us alive!!

[Ultimus Pendragon]

10688293
Contrary to what we may all think, I believe he does care about his workers, but only so much. Being a boss that checks off all the boxes are a rarity, but it sometimes comes with the end result of having work that's equivalent to the benefits.

Zurg did go to college, after all. How do you think he got to be this evil? Just Nana Zurg beating the evilness into him?

[Ultimus Pendragon]

10688359
You weren't supposed to know that! That's a secret only Nana Zurg knows!

[ponybird21]

10688379
Dunno man, my parents beat the work ethic into me. I wasn't doing chores, out came the belt. Zurg wasn't being evil enough, out came the slipper?

[Ultimus Pendragon]

10688403
In a manner of speaking, and I can already imagine a scenario I want to do involving something along those lines.

[ponybird21]

10688420
That would be fricken amazing. XD

[Venerable Ro]

Zurg's going to be thrilled when he realizes how much potential his new minion has.

[nightmaster0]

I am so pumped for this and loving how the interaction between Cozy and Zurg. Hmm from the looks of it unless Cozy pulling the wool over both Zurg and the readers eyes this is before she goes full evil, so it might be Zurg's influence that corrupts her to evil.

However things out it's sure to be quite entertaining.

[Buck Swisher]

hehe

nice chapter