A crown-prince of a long forgotten race finds himself in the modern day Equestria where during his travels he discovers the whispering of the return of a great enemy that could threaten all life once again.
Wait?! So, HOW does pretending to be a Evil Villain Conqueror solves anything? You gonna save the world from the REAL Evil Threat, by forcing it to turn against you?! What kind of Edgy and Emo-Like is he thinking ( Tenebrae Moonfallen )??!! No Offense.
You have a strong idea, but you lack the fundamentals needed to bring it to fruition. Like sentence structure. I say this not to mock, but encourage. Refine your skills and understanding to where they match your vision and you'll be very good at this.
It's just rather silly and ridiculous to force the world to hate you. Despite, that your true intention is to SAVE it from the Real Threat!
Heck, maybe Twilight, her friends, and the Pony Princesses will be rather irritated at Bicorn for "pretending" to be a villain. Rather than give them more evidence of the real villain instead?!
“Thats very good news since there's no way we’re digging through.” I tossed the now blunted pickaxe to him where he caught it with his magic and inspected it. “Took a full swing at that blackstone tower and didn’t even leave a mark on it whatever creatures built this place were master architects. Honestly, I'm not confident dynamite will fare any better, but we may find an open entrance deeper in the ice that’s the hope anyways.” I gave him a brief report on our observations of the blackstone.
Minecraft bedrock confirmed XD.
“Oh, ho look at who's being all professional and stoic just because he got a blowjob from that slut of a nurse last night. Candy said as she gave a deep throating motion with her hoof.
(Faints)
I like the fact you have a guest character. Judging by her interactions, I say her personality is almost accurate as she's willing to help the wounded without any hesitation. I'm glad she got out of the chaos, I seriously doubt she would survive whatever killed Red Candy
Interactions are great, but there's a strange filling something is missing and I don't know why. I was about to point out you didn't use any literary devices until I saw a simile where Sandy Digs introduced herself to the expidition group.
I won't say more details about the chapters. For me, this is a great feesh start for your story.
Wait?! So, HOW does pretending to be a Evil Villain Conqueror solves anything? You gonna save the world from the REAL Evil Threat, by forcing it to turn against you?! What kind of Edgy and Emo-Like is he thinking ( Tenebrae Moonfallen )??!! No Offense.
You have a strong idea, but you lack the fundamentals needed to bring it to fruition. Like sentence structure. I say this not to mock, but encourage. Refine your skills and understanding to where they match your vision and you'll be very good at this.
Didn't this story used to have more chapters?
10703236
You should read the story. I think Tenebrae has a good reason why he must act like a villain.
10703400
It's just rather silly and ridiculous to force the world to hate you. Despite, that your true intention is to SAVE it from the Real Threat!
Heck, maybe Twilight, her friends, and the Pony Princesses will be rather irritated at Bicorn for "pretending" to be a villain. Rather than give them more evidence of the real villain instead?!
Minecraft bedrock confirmed XD.
(Faints)
I like the fact you have a guest character. Judging by her interactions, I say her personality is almost accurate as she's willing to help the wounded without any hesitation. I'm glad she got out of the chaos, I seriously doubt she would survive whatever killed Red Candy
Interactions are great, but there's a strange filling something is missing and I don't know why. I was about to point out you didn't use any literary devices until I saw a simile where Sandy Digs introduced herself to the expidition group.
I won't say more details about the chapters. For me, this is a great feesh start for your story.