Chapter 1: A New Stallion in Town
"Ugh... Why did I have to drink so much last night?" mumbled a unicorn sprawled out on his bed, dealing with a nasty headache. He also felt a bizarre tingling sensation throughout his body, but he just assumed it was the alcohol. After all, the previous night he had his first beer. It was an hour after which he had his tenth, so needless to say, he wasn't feeling all that great.
He probably would've laid there all day if one thing hadn't made itself clear: his stomach needed food. As if the gods sensed his intense need for nourishment, he could very clearly smell freshly baked bread and some cookies. Although he was curious as to why those particular items were being made at the same time, his entire being was ready to uphold a very cherished tradition of his: "Eat first; ask questions later." He soon found himself standing up so he could get a relief from his obnoxiously loud stomach, until he fell flat onto the floor.
*CRASH!*
"Owwww..." he groaned, trying to push himself off of the hard-wood floor. After some intense struggling, he eventually gave up and laid on the ground. It was after this that something very strange stood out to him.
Hard-wood floor? I could have sworn that my room was carpeted, he thought to himself. And now that I think about it, why didn't I fall into my closet? Upon noticing these things, he took a better look around the room he found himself in, ignoring the increasing need to feed. He realized that he had no idea where he was. It was during this time that he noticed something about his hands: they weren't there anymore. He then dragged himself across the floor to look at himself in the mirror. Instead of looking at a human, he found himself staring at a tan unicorn with a reddish-orange mane (typically classified as ginger). His face shifted from a confused expression to that of terror as the mirror continued to mimic him. He then proceeded to flail his limbs rapidly, but given his current position, it looked more like he was trying to make a dust angel.
Why am I a UNICORN? Maybe this is just a dream. That must be it. To prove his point, he decided to do the classic thing and inflict pain to himself. He took his hoof and swung at his brand new horn. Not only did it hurt his horn to do that, it also worsened his headache.
OW!!!!! This is definitely NOT a dream. But how did this happen? Why did this happen? What is going on here? he racked his brain to find some answers. Eventually, he was completely stumped. "It's official: I'm clueless. I need to figure this out, but for now, I need to calm down, eat some food, and not look too suspicious," he mumbled to himself. He then looked over to the door to notice that it had been opened and a young mare was standing in the doorway. She was and orange earth pony with a blond main and...
Is that a tattoo of a tiger lily on her butt? Why would anyone do that? he thought.
The two simply stared at each other, waiting for the other to do something. After a brief moment, she fled out of the room, yelling, "Mom! Dad! The unicorn guy is awake! The unicorn guy is awake!"
Did that horse just talk? PLEASE tell me she didn't just talk. Then another realization occurred to him. Did she hear anything that I just said? If she did, this is not going to be fun.
The previously mentioned mare reentered the room followed by two older looking ponies, one a mare and the other a stallion. The older mare was a darker orange with a blond mane.
Did she really get a tattoo of a cookie on her butt? What is up with these people and their tattoos?
The older stallion was brown and had a shorter blond mane.
Bread? Really? It's official; these horses have no idea what makes a good tattoo.
"See?" said the mare to the older stallion. "I told you he was awake!" she motioned a hoof to the unicorn sprawled out on the floor.
"I can see that," he replied.
The mare then looked over to the unicorn. "My name's Tiger Lily," she introduced. "These two are my parents."
"You can just call us Mr. and Mrs. Dough," said Mr. Dough.
"We were really worried about you. We found you unconscious outside our shop. You've been asleep for three days." said Mrs. Dough.
"Three days?!" the unicorn yelled. At least I know why I'm so hungry.
"What happened to you anyways?" asked Mr. Dough.
To avoid suspicion, the unicorn acted like he was thinking. "I have no idea," he replied.
"If that's the case, then there may be a slight chance that you have a minor case of serious brain damage," responded Tiger Lily. "Don't be alarmed. But if you do feel alarmed, hold on to that feeling, because that is the proper response for being told that you have serious brain damage."
Although he was impressed with how well she managed to nearly quote Wheatley, he simply shook his head. "I don't have brain damage. I just can't remember anything is all."
"Then maybe you're dealing with amnesia?" suggested Mrs. Dough.
Tiger Lily's eyes widened at the mentioning of amnesia. "Amnesia? What's that? Is it tasty?" she asked, looking rather hungry.
"It means that he doesn't remember anything about his past," explained Mr. Dough.
Amnesia! This is perfect! This should make it substantially easier to not appear suspicious! he thought. "Yeah, that's probably right," he then said, looking a little depressed.
Tiger Lily seemed a bit disappointed that she wouldn't be able to experience the culinary delight that is "Amnesia."
"Do you even remember your name?" asked Mrs. Dough.
"I can't say that I do," he replied.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Dough looked expectantly at Tiger Lily for some reason. "How about we call you Gingersnap?" she offered.
"Why Gingersnap?" he asked.
"Because you smell like fresh gingersnaps!" she answered.
"I guess that's a fine name," he said. He was a little depressed about it though. Gingersnap was a nickname of his from school that he wasn't too fond of.
"It's official then!" yelled Tiger Lily. "Your name is now Gingersnap!"
"Well I'm sure you're hungry after sleeping for such a long time," said Mr. Dough, changing the subject. "Come on downstairs; I just finished baking some fresh apple pie."
"That sounds delicious!" responded Gingersnap. "You guys go on ahead. I'll be down in a minute."
They didn't seem to have any objections, so they left Gingersnap so they could put the finishing touches on the pie. Gingersnap realized the first thing he would need to do is stand up somehow. It took him awhile, but he managed to stand up by making use of a chair next to the bed. Step two: walking. He started by placing his front-right hoof forward. He then tried his front-left hoof, causing him to slide onto the ground, placing him back at square one. This time, he managed to stand up without the use of the chair.
Hurray! I'm making progress! he thought to himself.
Again, he started with his front-right hoof. This time around, he followed with his back-left hoof, and was excited that he didn't fall again. He then tried to step with his front-left followed by his back-right, and was proud of himself for walking forward without falling. To test his new knowledge, he tried walking over to the window on the other side of the room, which required that he turned a little. The turn was a bit rough, but he figured he would learn how to properly turn soon enough. Upon looking out the window, he saw a small town filled with ponies going about their business. Some were chatting with friends and others were stopping at a cafe across the street. He even saw a group of fillies with a wagon filled with wooden planks, tools, and other supplies that they probably got from the local hardware store. Aside from the three fillies, all of the ponies had a different "tattoo." A short distance away, he saw a billboard that read, "Welcome to Ponyville!"
Ponyville? That's a weird name for a town. Not very creative though. I guess I'll be stuck here for a while.
He couldn't think of anything else that he would need to practice so he wouldn't look suspicious, so he went downstairs to begin his first meal in Ponyville.
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Note from the author: Any comments, questions, critiques, etc. are greatly appreciated. It also wouldn't hurt to like or favorite.
Wow.
For having never heard of MLP before, he sure accepted the whole talking horse, I'm a unicorn thing quickly and with a remarkable lack of WTF-is-going-on.
But seriously, slow down.
cool intro chapter I like the idea at least and I'm defiantly keep-en an eye on this
but one thing other then GEAGLEWARRIOR42's point of him adapting crazy quick
wouldn't anybody/pony react with a little more: shock / confusion / panic / anger / fear / sorrow / grief / disbelieve? when finding out you or the person/pony sprawled in front of you has amnesia after being unconscious for 3 days the whole thing was kinda shrugged off as no big deal
to be blunt "HI how are you where are you from?"
"Oh I don't know I have amnesia by the way my name is so-and-so."
to which any decent follow up should be along the lines of "Really? Your lucky you at least remember your name but do you remember anything else?" get what I mean?
other then that I like it and hope you continue sorry if I'm coming across as an ass
1160210
Maybe his empty stomach didn't let him think about the WTF'ery of this situation
Not gonna lie... it's a very good concept you;ve got going here. But lets take it one step at a time... " I MUST CRITIQUE!"
1. The way the story is paced it seems as if the Indianapolis 500 races Stealth Fighters. IT progresses a bit too fast.
2. in the beginning... you coulda have him think to himself... instead of saying "Cutie Mark" say "She has some sort of... thing... looks like a tattoo... of a... Cookie? What the hell?" or something to that effect. Keep it as he doesn't know anything. Keep him going "WHAT THE F*CK?" the whole time, or it'll seem he has a pre-notion of what is going on. From here it just seems he HAS heard of MLP.
3. I'm not dissing, its a great concept. I like it. But just take it easy and look at it from his perspective... what would you do if you never heard of MLP and woke up in his situation?
Sorry if i seem rude just trying to help is all. ^^
I wish to apologize for the tone of my previous comment. It was 3 in the morning when I read this and my comment was meant to be funny and helpful, not rude. I hope I did not offend you.
Thank you for all of the critiques so far! I'm going to take some time over the next few days to fix it up a little, especially the issues with pacing and lack of "WTF is going on here."
Sorry if anypony wanted to read this during the past hour or two, but I wanted to edit it a bit. Most of the plot details remain the same, but Tiger Lily may or may not know what could be going on. Thanks again for the critiques!
REFERENCE SENSES TINGLING!
Excellent editing my friend! Now it seems a lot better! Keep it up, i really wanna see this come to pass now!
Wow, I'm glad I came back. This got better.
Like 20% Better!!!
I knew you had potential. A mustache for you!
Keep on writin'!
Portal 2 reference spotted
one problem that this story has is that there is a lack of description. There was no real description of what the room looked like or what kind of mirror he was looking at. other than that is seems to be a good story and it has captured my attention. keep up the good work!