Imagine what would happen if you had never heard of MLP (no matter how hard it may be for you to do that). Then imagine what would happen if you were suddenly turned into a unicorn with no idea how it happened or how you would go about changing yourself back. Introducing Gingersnap, the result of this concept, who tries to figure out why he somehow wound up in Ponyville.
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Wow.
For having never heard of MLP before, he sure accepted the whole talking horse, I'm a unicorn thing quickly and with a remarkable lack of WTF-is-going-on.
But seriously, slow down.
cool intro chapter I like the idea at least and I'm defiantly keep-en an eye on this
but one thing other then GEAGLEWARRIOR42's point of him adapting crazy quick
wouldn't anybody/pony react with a little more: shock / confusion / panic / anger / fear / sorrow / grief / disbelieve? when finding out you or the person/pony sprawled in front of you has amnesia after being unconscious for 3 days the whole thing was kinda shrugged off as no big deal
to be blunt "HI how are you where are you from?"
"Oh I don't know I have amnesia by the way my name is so-and-so."
to which any decent follow up should be along the lines of "Really? Your lucky you at least remember your name but do you remember anything else?" get what I mean?
other then that I like it and hope you continue sorry if I'm coming across as an ass
1160210
Maybe his empty stomach didn't let him think about the WTF'ery of this situation
Not gonna lie... it's a very good concept you;ve got going here. But lets take it one step at a time... " I MUST CRITIQUE!"
1. The way the story is paced it seems as if the Indianapolis 500 races Stealth Fighters. IT progresses a bit too fast.
2. in the beginning... you coulda have him think to himself... instead of saying "Cutie Mark" say "She has some sort of... thing... looks like a tattoo... of a... Cookie? What the hell?" or something to that effect. Keep it as he doesn't know anything. Keep him going "WHAT THE F*CK?" the whole time, or it'll seem he has a pre-notion of what is going on. From here it just seems he HAS heard of MLP.
3. I'm not dissing, its a great concept. I like it. But just take it easy and look at it from his perspective... what would you do if you never heard of MLP and woke up in his situation?
Sorry if i seem rude just trying to help is all. ^^
I wish to apologize for the tone of my previous comment. It was 3 in the morning when I read this and my comment was meant to be funny and helpful, not rude. I hope I did not offend you.
Thank you for all of the critiques so far! I'm going to take some time over the next few days to fix it up a little, especially the issues with pacing and lack of "WTF is going on here."
Sorry if anypony wanted to read this during the past hour or two, but I wanted to edit it a bit. Most of the plot details remain the same, but Tiger Lily may or may not know what could be going on. Thanks again for the critiques!
REFERENCE SENSES TINGLING!
Excellent editing my friend! Now it seems a lot better! Keep it up, i really wanna see this come to pass now!
Wow, I'm glad I came back. This got better.
Like 20% Better!!!
I knew you had potential. A mustache for you!
Keep on writin'!
Ahh, for the doctor... I think it would be...
I don't know
Doctor... uh... (lame mode activated) Whitecoat? Although that'd be more of a psychiatric ward doctor
Quick Fix? I dunno, not very good at names myself, sorry.
However I do wonder where will this evolve - you did catch my attention, can't wait to see how will all of this play out
*comment for the sake of it* (couldn't think of anything else
)
Seems interesting, can't wait to read more of this!
Day of judgement, ey? Judgement day... As long as Terminator won't appear there and suddenly cause the end of the world, it (hopefully) won't be so bad
Judgement Day.
Where the dead rise from their graves and the Ghostbusters kill the Staypuft Marshmallow Man. Good times.
I agree with their choice to study
Well, he should be glad that she actually agreed to help him instead of freaking out or anything
This oughtta be good, a few minor grammar mistakes here or there, but apart from that, good job
That is one smart filly.
Holymotherbuckingshit, WHAT???!
Portal 2 reference spotted
Portal and asdf movie references
1531360
...took the words right out of my mouth.
It's evil speech of evil time!
Dark forces are pulling the strings! Call the... uh... whoever can fix this!
Good chapter, if Nightshade survived then he will probably be pretty badly beaten if anyone finds him.
When reading "God's" lines i read then in the voice of Morgan Freeman...
When I read his lines he sounds like Mr. Mackey from South Park.
Mr. Mackey indeed, m'kay?
However, quite an interesting revelation there. Let's see what happens now.. well, once the new chapter is uploaded that is
Kung Fu Panda 2 reference.
one problem that this story has is that there is a lack of description. There was no real description of what the room looked like or what kind of mirror he was looking at
. other than that is seems to be a good story and it has captured my attention. keep up the good work!