A stallion forced to fight for his life against terrifying creatures in the hostile future. A mare trying to save her dwindling present from certain destruction. A key from the past that may save the future.
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Interesting
Im already getting reminded of "Dead Space" and "Prey" when i read this story.
It took me a while, but I finally got around to reading this. I have to say, this is a very well done opening to a post-apocalyptic story. It provides an intriguing hook right off the bat and introduces the audience to your world, the main character (I presume?), and his gear through very effective showing. All of this also creates a rich atmosphere of anticipation and raises more questions about what’s going on, thus prompting the readers to proceed to the next chapter right away. I hope that you’ll make good use of the tension built up in this chapter—you cannot continue with this monologue-like introduction forever, no matter how interesting it is, after all. Furthermore, I know you asked for some feedback on your character, but so far I cannot say more than that he feels like a battle-hardened, yet somewhat good-natured stallion that’s very typical for this kind of stories.
Your grammar and spelling are mostly solid as well, though watch out for some mixed-up it’s and its, I noticed one such instance in this chapter. There were a few recurring issues regarding punctuation and word repetition in this chapter, but assuming that these are most likely going to carry over to the next chapter, I won’t address them in this comment.
I have to say, I do like your opening. You have given the story a good healthy start and I look forward to reading more of it.