Amidst the roiling terrors of the night - one horror stands alone. The mind of a pony can scarcely fathom the true vengeance that the Princess of the Night could have visited upon the world as Nightmare Moon. Twilight will now endure that experience.
Broooo shoulda used my idea from last chapter! But seriously I find myself liking this, was certainly different. I've had fucked up dreams before so I know it's normal to at least once in a while get that one really Bizzare dream like this. I'd say Twilight has some dark fantasies/kinks she'll want to play out someday. Ooooorrrrr maybe residue from Sombra when she interacted with his Mirror when she first went to the crystal empire could have affected her thus the dream! Yeah I like that idea better, both work tho lol. I think Luna's proposition was rather cute, after 1000 years I'd bet she's more than ready for some intimacy Wish I had more to say but eh that's all folks!
What do you think of Twilight's awakening to find this was all a strange, twisted fantasy?
I think that I explicitly called it, day one and you lied to everyone's face! I like to think I wrote a more dramatically satisfying and tied together ending there, too, but awkward conversations are certainly more fun, so I can only resent you a little. Also I guess I mostly feel really bad for Spike, if this this all from Twilight's subconscious. Everyone else gets so sexualized and her immediate family get to be the crux of this weird fuckery, but Spike doesn't even get an onscreen appearance! And this isn't little Twilight where her only preconception of him is sleeping all the time and being adorable, she has years of adult emotional bond to draw on.
Do you think that Luna planted some of this in Twilight's dreams, or was this depraved fantasy solely the product of her own subconscious?
While that would be hot, it would also be depraved and unethical and manipulative wait I'm just repeating 'hot', and the purpose of the dreams/reality line as a narrative device is to cordon that off. Given that all references to outside Equestria seem to present it as idyllic and as nice as the show, it would feel really out of place for Luna to psychologically torture her friend, then tease her about it in an attempt to get sex!
Though... the idea of Luna planting a dream in a pony she has a crush on, with just the theme of 'Luna is hot, you're going to sex her'. And then watching slowly in awe as it turns into something like this, thinking 'oh. maybe I have made a mistake'. That's an amusing mental image!
What do you think of Luna's potential proposition?
I think my leading interest would be in seeing all the princesses be really bad at roleplaying. Or maybe just one of of them! Absolutely stiff as a board, constantly trying to bring up irrelevant junk in awkward expository fashion, stopping the whole scene to point out a contradiction that happened and get them to reconcile everything from the top... Well, I'm sure someone's already written that and I haven't read it, though! I have read plenty of Futa Princesses Fuck Each Other, though, and while it's usually hot, not something super exciting and fresh.
BONUS point potential: If you won, what would your story be about?
Dusk Wing. Who I hope you remember by name, but in case you forgot, was your lovely asinine self-assured bratty bat from the gang of villains in Mission Failed?
I would just ask you to write more of that, finally, but with only a budget of 2.5k words, I don't think it would be especially meaningful! I'm sure you could get a fun scene squeezed out of some part of that piece of work's life, though!
There's a couple of other options, if you didn't have anything to do for that, but I think they're things you'd probably be less likely to do, anyway. I'm really curious how you'd handle a legitimate M/M scene. There is a criminally limited amount of brainfucking in the world. And I can never go wrong with a trashy 'human gets transformed into a pet pony' fic. I've always been curious what happened when that family from Abraca-dad-bra got back to their hotel room, too, and I know that's something you could do.
What do you think of Twilight's awakening to find this was all a strange, twisted fantasy?
Okay, first of all YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN
This completely resolves all my critique concerning inconsistencies and clopfic logic.
To answer your question though: I like it. Yes, it's a bit of a controversial trope to this was a dream all along! but you've managed to pull it off well. Her reaction is hillarious. Dialogue and teasing is phenomenal. And of course I can totally believe Twilight's biggest brain has the unconsious fantasies and brainpower to pull that off.
Do you think that Luna planted some of this in Twilight's dreams, or was this depraved fantasy solely the product of her own subconscious?
I think Luna maay have given it a tiny little nudge, as it just as easily would've been a dream about Daybreaker breaking Twilight to be perfectly obedient tool of her will and receptacle of her lusts. But, overall, this is completely on par with Twilight as we seen in a show: she is absolutely prone to Twilighting. Her fears get overblown out of proportions when she's wide awake, so why won't her wet dreams be absolutely massive piles of supressed urges and wanton debauchery sprinkled with horrors?
Then again, maybe she didn't even need a push, and Luna was simply watching, while her juices were slowly tickling her thights, and gathering a courage to offer her help (and taking furious notes on everything!).
What do you think of Luna's potential proposition?
They're not related so it's okay. And bonus points on that not being student-mentor thing! Just super kinky proposition between two consenting adults that will result in happier governing princesses and will be in best interests of Equestria.
Seriously. When you have dreams like these you need to get laid. Luna is thirsty after whole moon prison millenia, Twilight is repressed as fuck, and nervous wreck in her best days, and doing it like Equestria is dissolving under the thestral army is no less that they both have to do to satisfy their urges.
BONUS point potential: If you won, what would your story be about?
Oh boy.
Well, I've actually had a few thoughts. Not all of them clopfics even! In case I win, I'll spoiler mark some for readers that want to not know. 1. Scene with Starlight Glimmer having a talk with Cozy Glow like in a show, but asking her to come later to talk 'somewhere more quiet'. Turns out Starlight is a high-functioning psychopath that seen right through Cozy, but willing to help her incorporate into society because she knows what it's like. Story would be from the point of view and POV of any of them, as the most interesting thing I'd love to see here is thought process of psychopath: both that of former cult leader, brainwasher, that doomed Equestria multiple times if not for time travel, and young psychopath that learned to emulate those around her but is absolutely dumbfounded and anxious to find someone similar to her but with way more experience and mastery of pretending.
2. Clopfic about hulking zebra stud trying to pick stallions in a gay bar. He finally finds a twink, mare-ish, cute little unicorn and they go to his house for a night of fun. Twist is, zebra is submissive in bed, and wants gentle, but firm hoof of someone physically weaker to put him through sweet torture. Twink is the one who picked the clues when zebra flirted with bar patrons, dropped a hint that he can be that one, and now shows zebra a night of his life. I'd love to see something aside from usual non-con zebradom that populated clopfics about zeebs, because zeb-sub and gentle domination deserve a fic or two.
3. Chrysalis finds broken Starlight Glimmer. Details can be changed, but at the core Queen finds her rival, swoops to destroy her and find absolutely broken shell of a mare that is terrified of her. Instead of being happy, though, Chrysalis finds herself absolutely furious that her rival dared to break to someone other than her. Most of the fic would be around Chrysalis nursing Starlight back to her former self, in annoyed and angry fashion. She wants her rival, her strong and crafty, willful opponent that can give her actual fight and get crushed under her might as it is proper, and damn everything she will nurse her back to that condition herself!
4. Clopfic about pony with fetish for changeling holes and absolutely flabbergasted changeling that randomly (circumstances may vary) finds out pony that is not weirded out by their appearance. At the end of the story it is the changeling who is weirded out by pony's fetishes.Bit of a crack-y clopfic. Simple, yet I grin just imagining their dialogue.
And yes, sue me, those are not very dark, but they're in my mood to read after all that happened.
What do you think of Twilight's awakening to find this was all a strange, twisted fantasy?
Fuck. I'm not at all mad at the ending, I'm mad that I forgot the very beginning of the first chapter. I probably could've guessed this was going to be the outcome had I not completely forgotten. I like this ending. It cleans things up and gives an ending that ain't something like 'they fucked into eternity and had lots of kids'. I'm sure some people would've liked that, but I definitely prefer this. And the fact that the entire thing was actually caused by Twilight herself? (Well, her subconscious, but hush.) That just makes the rest of it better in a way.
Do you think that Luna planted some of this in Twilight's dreams, or was this depraved fantasy solely the product of her own subconscious?
Pretty sure this was all Twilight's doing. Well, as much of it being Twilight's subconscious as it can be when apparently the emotions of the nation she's ruling cause her to have vivid, debaucherous dreams in general. I think a better question is how much of it was Twilight, and how much of it was the supposed weight of rule on poor Twilight. Given that it can be staved off by indulging in the actions the nocturnal vision picture, I'd wager it's more to do with Twilight herself, but that's just speculation. I also just really like the idea of Twilight secretly being a massive degenerate. The idea that when immersed in a dreamscape with limitless possibilities, Twilight's mind drifts towards things such as her family and mind-altering magic is interesting.
What do you think of Luna's potential proposition?
Heh, well it's a hell of a proposition. The timely proposition is enough to make me contemplate whether or not Luna actually did plant certain parts of that dream. Maybe the entire thing was a setup to give Luna a chance to get with Twilight? Nah, seriously though. Sounds like a chance for far more wholesome interactions between a mare and another, well-endowed mare.
BONUS point potential: If you won, what would your story be about?
That's a simple one. I saw the cover art for this fic before I saw the fic itself while looking for good pictures of Nightmare Moon on derpi, and when I first saw it, the only thoughts in my mind were soft, fluffy thoughts. Funny thing that, considerin' the contents of the fic that I found from it. Nightmare Moon and another, maybe Twilight, maybe Luna even, sharing a wholesome moment of quiet and cuddling. The antithesis of this story, then.
So, with all that aside, I enjoyed reading this story. It certainly ain't somethin' I can get off to - my interests lie elsewhere in that regard - but I've always enjoyed grimdark stories. Back in the day, around 2012 or so, grimdark fanfics and blogs were most of the fandom-based pony media I consumed, so I enjoyed this for a bit of nostalgia.
10125247 Despite the context of it all, Twilight shows up with a small box of dice at the mention of roleplay and is quite confused when she sees Celestia and Luna didn't bring their own.
Saw it coming from a mile away. Saw the damned train and almost got hit by it. As soon as you told me you didn't intend to go far with this story, I immediately knew the "just a dream" route was the one being taken.
You absolutely brilliant bastard.
Nevertheless, this was an absolutely wonderful read. I love your works and I am excited to see what else you have in store. Have a good one.
>What do you think of Twilight's awakening to find this was all a strange, twisted fantasy? Hah! I totally called that you'd flip the script! "Also you mention pitchforks... Are you about to flip the script and give this a happy - or at least neutral - ending? That'd be the thing to do if you're trying to keep things unpredictable. " In retrospect we all should have seen it: the title itself implies a dream, or rather a nightmare. Good work on keeping everyone's attention elsewhere until the last second. Also matches up well with Twilight as a character: I could totally see her ignoring things until it turns into a big session of messy nocturnal subconscious twilighting. But jeez, that ribbing by Celestia and Luna; now that's the darkest ending imaginable; what a twisted mind :P Overall I'm pleased with this ending, more so than I would have been if it had stayed dark.
>Do you think that Luna planted some of this in Twilight's dreams, or was this depraved fantasy solely the product of her own subconscious? Well if we're back to show canon, I'm not sure Luna has ever planted an idea before, so probably not. Also the text seems to suggest she wasn't there for the whole thing? But I doubt anything stops Luna from sneaking in without twilight knowing for some kinky shared dreaming roleplay.
>What do you think of Luna's potential proposition? Some opportunities here for adorkable shipping here methinks. Or if Luna and Celestia truly have experienced similar stuff, maybe they have a BDSM dungeon in the caves of canterlot or something. Or perhaps they're internally panicking but just trying to put Twilight at ease? The way it's done leaves things open-ended but it feels intentional. You're leaving room for the possibility of a sequel or meshing this with other story universes, aren't you?
> BONUS point potential: If you won, what would your story be about?
Well tbh I was going to ask if you'd be interested in proofreading that story I mentioned I was writing. It's not clop; it reads like a mix of Steins;Gate, One Punch Man, and Jojo's Bizzare adventure, but is based off a true story. With some obfuscation so the gov't doesn't come after me. I've just lived through some very peculiar events, and thought it could bring people some enjoyment if it was put down on paper. '100 bad days make 100 good stories', as the song goes.
But if you're dead-set on writing something cloppy, I was thinking a sequel to In-Flight Emergency where Jet hired those ponies and they're testing a rocket with a live astronaut or two, but then a bunch of systems fail, including the thrusters and the system that regulates that gas feed to prevent the adverse effects of the gas from the previous story. Long story short they find a way to fix both problems and replace the thruster fuel with something that ends up being more effective. Diamond Gavel gives many facehoofs and suggests they keep that substance as a trade secret instead of patenting. I'll bet your imagination can see where this is going.
gapaot's third option could be interesting. The description is a tad unclear, but there's definitely too many stories of breaking and not enough wholesome... or at least partially wholesome stories about picking up the pieces.
I know I continued participating, but I did say I'd step out of the competition, so even if I win feel free to give someone else the free story/pick whatever story you want to write. I'm certain other's suggestions will be great too.
Oh one last thing regarding feedback on my comment on the previous chapter: I gather cervical penetration is painful and usually a turn-off to women... Unless they like pain? But that's a subset. I guess you could just write a universe where magical elasticity, anatomical differences or whatever other hand-waving overcomes that as an issue, but idk if that works.
10125247 Yeah, I definitely had to try to distract everyone who keyed onto that initial paragraph. It definitely did start as a tantalizing tease that was meant to keep readers guessing, but obviously by the time I posted it was already written.
Glad I was able to poker-face enough to convince most people.
Bad roleplaying as a concept by the adorkables would be absolutely amazing!
Dusk Wing and the fate of Lyra and Bon Bon in 'Mission Failed' is absolutely still in the cards - I wouldn't make you burn a win on that.
As to M/M though.... sorry - that is off the table. As I mentioned, there are a few things I won't do - and M/M is one of them!
Some cool fic ideas! No worries at all that they aren't dark - honestly I think my bread and butter is actually the light-hearted clop stuff, so I'm open to that.
As I mentioned before, M/M is off the table - sorry. Would love to do a zebra stud picking up and wrecking a couple of cougars or coeds in the bar.
Before reading the last chapter, my thoughts: Oh boy, let's just finish this nightmare... (Pun is not intended, by the way)
After reading the chapter, my thoughts: Huh, that was anticlimactic. Oh well, since I've been kind of wishing that this was all a bad dream during the previous chapters, so... wish came true...?
On a more serious note, though; good job on capturing the grim mood of war. Time and again has history proved that war is glorious only in the eyes of those who didn't face it; for those who fought in battles, only the constant danger of death and destruction of what they loved exists... You might have gone a tad bit overboard though since I wanted to throw up throughout the journey.
10125988 Honestly, change the stallion to mare in this scenario, and core story still the same - after all it is more about zebsub and pony gentledom than particular gender. Glad you liked my comments, that per-chapter analysis was quite fun to play.
Out of curiosity, why not M/M? Preference? Religion? Not really understanding it well so you don't think you could write it? I don't mean to pry so no need to reply if it makes you uncomfortable. Oh congrats on 50 stories btw
10126093 I think the author captured war pretty well. IRL I'd say it's even a bit more traumatic though, due to all the brutally efficient hardware used, loud noises, bodyparts flying , the sad truth that we're just pawns to the corporate oiligarchy and don't fight for a worthy cause anymore so it's all pointless, etc. To be fair that's just part of the time. The rest of the time is either spent learning some high tech thing, loitering at a military base in some arbitrary country, or sleeping as a homeless, disturbed veteran on the streets once you get back. ... Sorry for being a downer.
10126238 Good luck dude! Your comments were great! And good luck to everyone else as well.
Normally, I'd be really mad at a story ending in the cliche "IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" cop-out, but oh thank god it was just a dream. That's probably the best way to give me some peace reading this
You are WAY too good at writing horrific things. Do you plan on writing anything else in this genre?
“Finally reads last two chapters” HA HA I was right, kinda, but I knew it. Victory is mine. Not really since I missed out on points for chapter 5 but I’m all good with that...COZI CALLED IT BITCH!!!
I don't find it distasteful, or even unappealing. There's some art out there I can even say would be erotic, from a neutral perspective. Especially from a fantasy sense.
Still, even in those pictures, something inside me just clicks over and says: wrong. Gross. Ugh. Just doesn't feel right.
And the more real it gets, the more it just turns me off entirely.
10128272 I'll agree with you on that perspective. Fantasy gives outlets to a bunch of different impossible situations, and this community as well as other "yiff" artists create some unique situations that can blur the gender lines rather creatively. That being said, if it's not your bag then it shouldn't be held against any artist for refusing to pander to every flavor.
What do you think of Twilight's awakening to find this was all a strange, twisted fantasy?
You said it wouldn't be a dream. I feel so violated now. I don't really blame you though, there's a reason why it's used. It wraps it up quickly with little mess. But this makes discussion of any story points meaningless. What did any of it matter?
Do you think that Luna planted some of this in Twilight's dreams, or was this depraved fantasy solely the product of her own subconscious?
Well considering this is canon Luna -- Is it? -- I'd say no because she doesn't seem evil enough to do such a thing. In canon she fights nightmares, not grants them. We're going to have to blame Twilight 100% for this one.
What do you think of Luna's potential proposition?
It's rather awkward considering Twilight is in a vulnerable situation. It's also very one sided and creepy. It's not like Twilight has a chance to see Luna's weird fetishes. Luna can pick and choose any citizen of Equestria for sex. It's basically blackmail.
BONUS point potential: If you won, what would your story be about?
Sequel to this based on a certain image (that involves eggs)
“Hmm… I think it’s something fanfic writers and erotic artists play around with sometimes. It is somewhat new.” Celestia grinned back at her younger sister. “I wonder if Twilight has read… or even written something about that subject…”
You absolute madman!
Nooo, I didn’t get a chance to read chapter 5 yet, my glorious points noooooooooooo
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Broooo shoulda used my idea from last chapter! But seriously I find myself liking this, was certainly different.
I've had fucked up dreams before so I know it's normal to at least once in a while get that one really Bizzare dream like this. I'd say Twilight has some dark fantasies/kinks she'll want to play out someday. Ooooorrrrr maybe residue from Sombra when she interacted with his Mirror when she first went to the crystal empire could have affected her thus the dream! Yeah I like that idea better, both work tho lol. I think Luna's proposition was rather cute, after 1000 years I'd bet she's more than ready for some intimacy
Wish I had more to say but eh that's all folks!
I think that I explicitly called it, day one and you lied to everyone's face! I like to think I wrote a more dramatically satisfying and tied together ending there, too, but awkward conversations are certainly more fun, so I can only resent you a little. Also I guess I mostly feel really bad for Spike, if this this all from Twilight's subconscious. Everyone else gets so sexualized and her immediate family get to be the crux of this weird fuckery, but Spike doesn't even get an onscreen appearance! And this isn't little Twilight where her only preconception of him is sleeping all the time and being adorable, she has years of adult emotional bond to draw on.
While that would be hot, it would also be depraved and unethical and manipulative
wait I'm just repeating 'hot', and the purpose of the dreams/reality line as a narrative device is to cordon that off. Given that all references to outside Equestria seem to present it as idyllic and as nice as the show, it would feel really out of place for Luna to psychologically torture her friend, then tease her about it in an attempt to get sex!Though... the idea of Luna planting a dream in a pony she has a crush on, with just the theme of 'Luna is hot, you're going to sex her'. And then watching slowly in awe as it turns into something like this, thinking 'oh. maybe I have made a mistake'. That's an amusing mental image!
I think my leading interest would be in seeing all the princesses be really bad at roleplaying. Or maybe just one of of them! Absolutely stiff as a board, constantly trying to bring up irrelevant junk in awkward expository fashion, stopping the whole scene to point out a contradiction that happened and get them to reconcile everything from the top... Well, I'm sure someone's already written that and I haven't read it, though! I have read plenty of Futa Princesses Fuck Each Other, though, and while it's usually hot, not something super exciting and fresh.
Dusk Wing. Who I hope you remember by name, but in case you forgot, was your lovely asinine self-assured bratty bat from the gang of villains in Mission Failed?
I would just ask you to write more of that, finally, but with only a budget of 2.5k words, I don't think it would be especially meaningful! I'm sure you could get a fun scene squeezed out of some part of that piece of work's life, though!
There's a couple of other options, if you didn't have anything to do for that, but I think they're things you'd probably be less likely to do, anyway. I'm really curious how you'd handle a legitimate M/M scene. There is a criminally limited amount of brainfucking in the world. And I can never go wrong with a trashy 'human gets transformed into a pet pony' fic. I've always been curious what happened when that family from Abraca-dad-bra got back to their hotel room, too, and I know that's something you could do.
It's a 'waking nightmare', or rather, this is the dream, all the stuff with nightmare was real.
Okay, first of all
YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN
This completely resolves all my critique concerning inconsistencies and clopfic logic.
To answer your question though: I like it. Yes, it's a bit of a controversial trope to this was a dream all along! but you've managed to pull it off well. Her reaction is hillarious. Dialogue and teasing is phenomenal. And of course I can totally believe Twilight's biggest brain has the unconsious fantasies and brainpower to pull that off.
I think Luna maay have given it a tiny little nudge, as it just as easily would've been a dream about Daybreaker breaking Twilight to be perfectly obedient tool of her will and receptacle of her lusts. But, overall, this is completely on par with Twilight as we seen in a show: she is absolutely prone to Twilighting. Her fears get overblown out of proportions when she's wide awake, so why won't her wet dreams be absolutely massive piles of supressed urges and wanton debauchery sprinkled with horrors?
Then again, maybe she didn't even need a push, and Luna was simply watching, while her juices were slowly tickling her thights, and gathering a courage to offer her help (and taking furious notes on everything!).
They're not related so it's okay. And bonus points on that not being student-mentor thing! Just super kinky proposition between two consenting adults that will result in happier governing princesses and will be in best interests of Equestria.
Seriously. When you have dreams like these you need to get laid. Luna is thirsty after whole moon prison millenia, Twilight is repressed as fuck, and nervous wreck in her best days, and doing it like Equestria is dissolving under the thestral army is no less that they both have to do to satisfy their urges.
Oh boy.
Well, I've actually had a few thoughts. Not all of them clopfics even! In case I win, I'll spoiler mark some for readers that want to not know.
1. Scene with Starlight Glimmer having a talk with Cozy Glow like in a show, but asking her to come later to talk 'somewhere more quiet'. Turns out Starlight is a high-functioning psychopath that seen right through Cozy, but willing to help her incorporate into society because she knows what it's like. Story would be from the point of view and POV of any of them, as the most interesting thing I'd love to see here is thought process of psychopath: both that of former cult leader, brainwasher, that doomed Equestria multiple times if not for time travel, and young psychopath that learned to emulate those around her but is absolutely dumbfounded and anxious to find someone similar to her but with way more experience and mastery of pretending.
2. Clopfic about hulking zebra stud trying to pick stallions in a gay bar. He finally finds a twink, mare-ish, cute little unicorn and they go to his house for a night of fun. Twist is, zebra is submissive in bed, and wants gentle, but firm hoof of someone physically weaker to put him through sweet torture. Twink is the one who picked the clues when zebra flirted with bar patrons, dropped a hint that he can be that one, and now shows zebra a night of his life. I'd love to see something aside from usual non-con zebradom that populated clopfics about zeebs, because zeb-sub and gentle domination deserve a fic or two.
3. Chrysalis finds broken Starlight Glimmer. Details can be changed, but at the core Queen finds her rival, swoops to destroy her and find absolutely broken shell of a mare that is terrified of her. Instead of being happy, though, Chrysalis finds herself absolutely furious that her rival dared to break to someone other than her. Most of the fic would be around Chrysalis nursing Starlight back to her former self, in annoyed and angry fashion. She wants her rival, her strong and crafty, willful opponent that can give her actual fight and get crushed under her might as it is proper, and damn everything she will nurse her back to that condition herself!
4. Clopfic about pony with fetish for changeling holes and absolutely flabbergasted changeling that randomly (circumstances may vary) finds out pony that is not weirded out by their appearance. At the end of the story it is the changeling who is weirded out by pony's fetishes.Bit of a crack-y clopfic. Simple, yet I grin just imagining their dialogue.
And yes, sue me, those are not very dark, but they're in my mood to read after all that happened.
Fuck. I'm not at all mad at the ending, I'm mad that I forgot the very beginning of the first chapter. I probably could've guessed this was going to be the outcome had I not completely forgotten. I like this ending. It cleans things up and gives an ending that ain't something like 'they fucked into eternity and had lots of kids'. I'm sure some people would've liked that, but I definitely prefer this. And the fact that the entire thing was actually caused by Twilight herself? (Well, her subconscious, but hush.) That just makes the rest of it better in a way.
Pretty sure this was all Twilight's doing. Well, as much of it being Twilight's subconscious as it can be when apparently the emotions of the nation she's ruling cause her to have vivid, debaucherous dreams in general. I think a better question is how much of it was Twilight, and how much of it was the supposed weight of rule on poor Twilight. Given that it can be staved off by indulging in the actions the nocturnal vision picture, I'd wager it's more to do with Twilight herself, but that's just speculation. I also just really like the idea of Twilight secretly being a massive degenerate. The idea that when immersed in a dreamscape with limitless possibilities, Twilight's mind drifts towards things such as her family and mind-altering magic is interesting.
Heh, well it's a hell of a proposition. The timely proposition is enough to make me contemplate whether or not Luna actually did plant certain parts of that dream. Maybe the entire thing was a setup to give Luna a chance to get with Twilight? Nah, seriously though. Sounds like a chance for far more wholesome interactions between a mare and another, well-endowed mare.
That's a simple one. I saw the cover art for this fic before I saw the fic itself while looking for good pictures of Nightmare Moon on derpi, and when I first saw it, the only thoughts in my mind were soft, fluffy thoughts. Funny thing that, considerin' the contents of the fic that I found from it. Nightmare Moon and another, maybe Twilight, maybe Luna even, sharing a wholesome moment of quiet and cuddling. The antithesis of this story, then.
So, with all that aside, I enjoyed reading this story. It certainly ain't somethin' I can get off to - my interests lie elsewhere in that regard - but I've always enjoyed grimdark stories. Back in the day, around 2012 or so, grimdark fanfics and blogs were most of the fandom-based pony media I consumed, so I enjoyed this for a bit of nostalgia.
10125247
Despite the context of it all, Twilight shows up with a small box of dice at the mention of roleplay and is quite confused when she sees Celestia and Luna didn't bring their own.
With great power comes an f*ed up subconscious.
Saw it coming from a mile away. Saw the damned train and almost got hit by it. As soon as you told me you didn't intend to go far with this story, I immediately knew the "just a dream" route was the one being taken.
You absolutely brilliant bastard.
Nevertheless, this was an absolutely wonderful read. I love your works and I am excited to see what else you have in store. Have a good one.
-NH
10125292
I second the gentle gay zebra sub So Hard.
As for the story itself, all I can think is "oh my god" in roughly five different flavors. I respect that.
Hoo boy, some people are going to be annoyed. However, I am not one of those people. Fantastic job, yet again
>What do you think of Twilight's awakening to find this was all a strange, twisted fantasy?
Hah! I totally called that you'd flip the script!
"Also you mention pitchforks... Are you about to flip the script and give this a happy - or at least neutral - ending? That'd be the thing to do if you're trying to keep things unpredictable. "
In retrospect we all should have seen it: the title itself implies a dream, or rather a nightmare. Good work on keeping everyone's attention elsewhere until the last second.
Also matches up well with Twilight as a character: I could totally see her ignoring things until it turns into a big session of messy nocturnal subconscious twilighting. But jeez, that ribbing by Celestia and Luna; now that's the darkest ending imaginable; what a twisted mind :P
Overall I'm pleased with this ending, more so than I would have been if it had stayed dark.
>Do you think that Luna planted some of this in Twilight's dreams, or was this depraved fantasy solely the product of her own subconscious?
Well if we're back to show canon, I'm not sure Luna has ever planted an idea before, so probably not. Also the text seems to suggest she wasn't there for the whole thing? But I doubt anything stops Luna from sneaking in without twilight knowing for some kinky shared dreaming roleplay.
>What do you think of Luna's potential proposition?
Some opportunities here for adorkable shipping here methinks. Or if Luna and Celestia truly have experienced similar stuff, maybe they have a BDSM dungeon in the caves of canterlot or something.
Or perhaps they're internally panicking but just trying to put Twilight at ease? The way it's done leaves things open-ended but it feels intentional. You're leaving room for the possibility of a sequel or meshing this with other story universes, aren't you?
> BONUS point potential: If you won, what would your story be about?
Well tbh I was going to ask if you'd be interested in proofreading that story I mentioned I was writing. It's not clop; it reads like a mix of Steins;Gate, One Punch Man, and Jojo's Bizzare adventure, but is based off a true story. With some obfuscation so the gov't doesn't come after me. I've just lived through some very peculiar events, and thought it could bring people some enjoyment if it was put down on paper. '100 bad days make 100 good stories', as the song goes.
But if you're dead-set on writing something cloppy, I was thinking a sequel to In-Flight Emergency where Jet hired those ponies and they're testing a rocket with a live astronaut or two, but then a bunch of systems fail, including the thrusters and the system that regulates that gas feed to prevent the adverse effects of the gas from the previous story. Long story short they find a way to fix both problems and replace the thruster fuel with something that ends up being more effective. Diamond Gavel gives many facehoofs and suggests they keep that substance as a trade secret instead of patenting. I'll bet your imagination can see where this is going.
gapaot's third option could be interesting. The description is a tad unclear, but there's definitely too many stories of breaking and not enough wholesome... or at least partially wholesome stories about picking up the pieces.
I know I continued participating, but I did say I'd step out of the competition, so even if I win feel free to give someone else the free story/pick whatever story you want to write. I'm certain other's suggestions will be great too.
Oh one last thing regarding feedback on my comment on the previous chapter: I gather cervical penetration is painful and usually a turn-off to women... Unless they like pain? But that's a subset. I guess you could just write a universe where magical elasticity, anatomical differences or whatever other hand-waving overcomes that as an issue, but idk if that works.
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2. and 3. sound awesome.
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Thanks guys!
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Yeah, I definitely had to try to distract everyone who keyed onto that initial paragraph. It definitely did start as a tantalizing tease that was meant to keep readers guessing, but obviously by the time I posted it was already written.
Glad I was able to poker-face enough to convince most people.
Bad roleplaying as a concept by the adorkables would be absolutely amazing!
Dusk Wing and the fate of Lyra and Bon Bon in 'Mission Failed' is absolutely still in the cards - I wouldn't make you burn a win on that.
As to M/M though.... sorry - that is off the table. As I mentioned, there are a few things I won't do - and M/M is one of them!
Sorry!
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Loved the commentary as always!
Some cool fic ideas! No worries at all that they aren't dark - honestly I think my bread and butter is actually the light-hearted clop stuff, so I'm open to that.
As I mentioned before, M/M is off the table - sorry. Would love to do a zebra stud picking up and wrecking a couple of cougars or coeds in the bar.
Before reading the last chapter, my thoughts: Oh boy, let's just finish this nightmare... (Pun is not intended, by the way)
After reading the chapter, my thoughts: Huh, that was anticlimactic. Oh well, since I've been kind of wishing that this was all a bad dream during the previous chapters, so... wish came true...?
On a more serious note, though; good job on capturing the grim mood of war. Time and again has history proved that war is glorious only in the eyes of those who didn't face it; for those who fought in battles, only the constant danger of death and destruction of what they loved exists... You might have gone a tad bit overboard though since I wanted to throw up throughout the journey.
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Aw, thanks guys!
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Honestly, change the stallion to mare in this scenario, and core story still the same - after all it is more about zebsub and pony gentledom than particular gender. Glad you liked my comments, that per-chapter analysis was quite fun to play.
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Out of curiosity, why not M/M? Preference? Religion? Not really understanding it well so you don't think you could write it? I don't mean to pry so no need to reply if it makes you uncomfortable.
Oh congrats on 50 stories btw
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I think the author captured war pretty well. IRL I'd say it's even a bit more traumatic though, due to all the brutally efficient hardware used, loud noises, bodyparts flying , the sad truth that we're just pawns to the corporate oiligarchy and don't fight for a worthy cause anymore so it's all pointless, etc.
To be fair that's just part of the time. The rest of the time is either spent learning some high tech thing, loitering at a military base in some arbitrary country, or sleeping as a homeless, disturbed veteran on the streets once you get back.
...
Sorry for being a downer.
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Good luck dude! Your comments were great!
And good luck to everyone else as well.
Normally, I'd be really mad at a story ending in the cliche "IT WAS ALL A DREAM!" cop-out, but oh thank god it was just a dream. That's probably the best way to give me some peace reading this
You are WAY too good at writing horrific things. Do you plan on writing anything else in this genre?
Oh you son of a bitch, I feel like I should be mad but I can't stop laughing. Great job, Clops, that was fun ride.
“Finally reads last two chapters”
HA HA I was right, kinda, but I knew it. Victory is mine.
Not really since I missed out on points for chapter 5 but I’m all good with that...COZI CALLED IT BITCH!!!
Wow, you really fooled us. I wasn't expecting this as all!
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I love the idea of the roleplaying being misunderstood. So cute.
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Thank you, thank you!
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Thanks!
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You're correct about cervical penetration.... For human women... In fact it's impossible, the angles aren't right.
Houses are built a bit differently, and cervical penetration apparently is not unusual. I like to imagine it is just a different set of circumstances.
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Sounds like I hit the target I was assuming for, thanks for taking the journey!
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Anything with a zebra smashing some ponies would be fun... Even if irl zebras are smaller than horses down south
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Preference I suppose.
I don't find it distasteful, or even unappealing. There's some art out there I can even say would be erotic, from a neutral perspective. Especially from a fantasy sense.
Still, even in those pictures, something inside me just clicks over and says: wrong. Gross. Ugh. Just doesn't feel right.
And the more real it gets, the more it just turns me off entirely.
Again, not judging... It's just not for me.
I wouldn't write m/m because of that.
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Might very well do so! Not sure when though.
Thanks for the support!
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I'll agree with you on that perspective. Fantasy gives outlets to a bunch of different impossible situations, and this community as well as other "yiff" artists create some unique situations that can blur the gender lines rather creatively.
That being said, if it's not your bag then it shouldn't be held against any artist for refusing to pander to every flavor.
You said it wouldn't be a dream. I feel so violated now. I don't really blame you though, there's a reason why it's used. It wraps it up quickly with little mess. But this makes discussion of any story points meaningless. What did any of it matter?
Well considering this is canon Luna -- Is it? -- I'd say no because she doesn't seem evil enough to do such a thing. In canon she fights nightmares, not grants them. We're going to have to blame Twilight 100% for this one.
It's rather awkward considering Twilight is in a vulnerable situation. It's also very one sided and creepy. It's not like Twilight has a chance to see Luna's weird fetishes. Luna can pick and choose any citizen of Equestria for sex. It's basically blackmail.
Sequel to this based on a certain image (that involves eggs)
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Dreams can be incredibly powerful! Don't look at it that way!
The idea of a Chrysalis egg injection on Cozy almost made the final cut of that story, actually.
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Quite nice ending.
I definitely like it.
It is exceptionally cathartic to have it ending positively.
So, what are the final numbers in that contest? I believe you've planned to wrap it up in three days after posting the final chapter?
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Yep, was just posting it now actually.
There's only one thing i can say to this story,
Horror story , but a good story telling.
Yay it all turned out okay! But now I wish it was one chapter longer so we see how the royal sister's help Twilight
I was expecting “plot twist, *this* is the dream and Nightmare Moon is just teasing her”
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Lol, inception vibes.
Dammit, boys!
Aw fuck it. I'll just go watch Yankee wit no brim for 10 hours now. Weird, but somehow this story put that back in my head.
I wonder what Rarity and Rainbow Dash would have to say about Twilight's...interests.
10/10
Okay this was a good third wall break