Amidst the roiling terrors of the night - one horror stands alone. The mind of a pony can scarcely fathom the true vengeance that the Princess of the Night could have visited upon the world as Nightmare Moon. Twilight will now endure that experience.
What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?
To be honest, it's not horrifying. I mean, technically it is but all I am feeling is absolute confusion and disappointment. Nightmare Moon has that kind of transformative rutuals. Permanent transformative spell that holds thaumic energies, as in, soul, and changes it into caster's wished mold while keeping biomass alive and working as newly added body part.
And she uses it for... some stupid fetish sex thing. It is so 'porn logic' it is disappointing. I'm probably going to lose 'points' on that but so far this is the most disappointing NMM act that really puts me off her as a character.
I've read some pretty sweet dark corruption stories. Interesting no-win situations where one family member was given choice to fuck their own parents and have them die quickly, or not, and have them be pulled apart and dying for days, being kept alive while s/he watches. Political and personal choices of going into voluntary slavery and trying to keep in favor of your owner to get some more scraps that you can sent to starving family, and dying inside knowing that you are choosing to degrade yourself entirely by your own choice, even if it is a choice between keeping dignity and having family die out or degrading and making up terrible things to entertain owner to live. That was some prime mental degradation on top of physical one.
At least love potions have immediate purpose, both sexual and practical as a means of having willing, low-maintenance slave from any rebellious or willful mare.
So far NMM amazing spells get used in most idiotic ways and that kind of 'torture' would make sadictic artists scoff of its banality. I mean, at least were family kept and moulded into mentally dominated slaves or broken and remade into regime servants that would've been impactful and rape at the hooves of her family would be an interesting way to torture Twilight.
"I used godlike level spell to give me dick out of your family biomass, infused your body with lust and will fuck you" doesn't give that kind of impact purely by removing the agenda and intent from family and from Twilight, who at this point can be replace by any other mind if her body acts on its own anyway.
What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?
As said before, it is some kind of NMM spell\influence. Doubtful that Twilight will have the means to keep it from affecting her, as she's young and inexperienced against the literal goddess. She would feel the shame, she will go through it, and be thoroughly used and degraded.
But, alas, because she's not having any agenda and her actions almost completely influenced by that body-controlling stuff going on, she's not 'really' doing it. Right now she's in the situation and doesn't understand, but the second she's in position to calm down and think, she can put all the blame onto NMM spells and absolve herself of wrongdoings by the virtue of not being in control of herself. So, yeah, decent short-term, but bad long-term planning, again, from Nightmare Moon.
Depending on what exactly happens in her mind, and what will NMM do, things can go some ways. Looks like next chapter would be just some more boring and uninspired 'torture' that NMM thinks is some kind of weird justice. Still hoping to see things going less porn-logic-y and more fun grim-dark-y way. From my previous predicament, I still like the 'NMM destroys Twilight and builds her up only to realize too late she built her own demise' path more than any others, if only for delicious irony.
10118913 Ah, sorry it missed the mark for you gaopot. Don't worry, you definitely don't lose points for being honest and earnest.
I fully admit this is at heart a clopfic, and that the underlying purpose was this scene. Though it's got a darker theme, at the end of the day this fic was always gonna get down to the sex-clop.
Hopefully that doesn't ruin the experience too much for you.
10118569 Considering your trying to make this fic as dark and twisted as you can without going just full snuff fest I figured she’d just be a cowards.
And what I was getting at was that Celestia used the last of her control to kill herself to stop the world from having to deal with both Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon. Sorry think I worded that bit poorly.
10118961 To be fair, I was hoping for less porn logic and more grimdark gritty realism logic. To me, realism and down-to-earth feeling that world is real and not operating on porn logic only adds to the sex scenes, making them feel like an actual thing that happens instead of cartooney made up porn flicks you close after you had your fap to it.
I love stories that can keep both actual plot in realistic world with consequences and real breathing living world, yet have raw and impactful sex scenes in tone of the story that are more than tied up collection of fetishes. This story may be lacking, or it may be still something more than it appears, because it's just a few chapters in and I can accept introductory sex-craze and weird decisions.
It does not ruin my experience, but it does disappoint to see things being less than they could've been. I would still read it, and I like that per-chapter QA commenting which is a novel experience for me. Glad that you don't mind me being honest when things are not to my liking. It's still pretty good fiction.
10119005 Same here; When you said you were experimenting with something dark I wasn't really expecting the usual clop stitched into the mix... That said, it's literally in your author name, so idk what I expected. This chapter is inspired by #2159500 on a certain booru, isn't it?
Also in agreement with gapaot: a no-win moral quandry is certainly dark and stressful territory... Though I find them to be tricky to pull off: there's usually a bunch of other stuff the characters could have done by thinking outside the box. If they're not quick on their feet or they don't have much time, then it's more realistic: a rush decision can also have further unintended consequences down the road. That's kind of the angle the Saw films take.
10118913 10118961 I feel like gapaot may have been looking for something more like Breaking Twilight? Given the author's history, I never really had any doubts that this would get cloppy. Par for the course in my opinion. At least it's not 120 Days of Blueblood...
In my opinion, this was hilariously inventive, depraved and precisely what I came for. Twilight will most likely put up a pretty good mental battle, but I doubt a happy ending is on the way.
>What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile? More like penile-timate amirite? I mean, there's still more in store for Twilight, but I gather from the story and our conversations that Nightmare Moon will end up taking her under her wing after karma has balanced out. You're not going for mindless brutality here.
As for something more vile... Serving on Trump's cabinet forever? ... OMG can that please be a joke ending? But seriously though bureaucracy is the worst; Check out Brazil - a very Kafkaesque and disturbing movie. And for that matter, read some Kafka.
Also turn to greek tragedies: in such stories the protagonist brings about their own fall by their own actions, and must either live or die with that. If you've seem Corruption of Ponyville on this sitee, they do a great job of this sort of thing: Twilight's own curiosity leads to her downfall, and while she puts up a good fight, it's too late. In this fic here though, stuff just sort of happens to Twilight and her family, robbing them of agency, which prevents dark scenarios in which the character is let down by their own agency, rather than just someone they idolized. Self-loathing can be a thousand times more acute than any external factors. That's why depression leads to suicide. Perhaps the darkest form of this is when a character wants desperately to do the right thing, but for psychological or sociological reasons they can't: like an addict or a banker or a politician. There's a likely scenario for how this ends for Twilight; knowing Nightmare Moon is evil but being utterly addicted to her.
>What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it? Not sure whether she will separate her mind from her lust... So good job! When pushed to extreme scenarios, outcomes ought to be uncertain. If you can keep your reader asking what will happen next, that's just more compelling storytelling. Going with dark and/or porn logic though, no. Perhaps Twilight will conclude it was a deep part of her subconscious her whole life, due to Nightmare Moon's gentle nudging in dreams. Perhaps Nightmare will claim it was already there, and that she just sculpted it.
As for shame/overcoming shame, I bet both will happen - after all, Nightmare Moon said she'd keep Twilight around forever, and time heals all wounds. At the very least the hurt will fade after a few hundred years and she'll grow to accept it.
Also if Nightmare Moon has been seeding concepts in Twilight's dreams, Twilight's earlier actions make much more sense now.
I wish I got this earlier, but you're looking for insights regarding the story specifically. Darn: I wasted my time on providing general insights about life. Well I hope you found them thought provoking at least. So much for quality over quantity. Anyways I'm on a tight schedule and I doubt I can keep up with the rest of the competitors for volume of words this week, so I figure I'll back out of this little competition. Good luck everyone!
@Clopficsinthecomments I'm working on something quite different, based on a true story of some of my more peculiar life experiences as a brony, with some of the more dangerous particulars obfuscated of course. I'd be honored if you'd check it out and give me your thoughts.
10118913 I would also really like an ending where NM is creating her own demise. I don't Twilight to be good at the end of this, but I do want her to "win". It'd be an interesting Avenue to explore.
10119085 Again, I don't mind cloppy. But I love that cloppy which also has plot and non-porn logic, where things don't happen only for sex reasons and ponies do have a life outside of them. Where fun with prisoners is something to have at the end of day spent to actually rule, and inventions are used on general population and multiple purposes. That does not mean I dislike clopfics, I just love stories that can be both solid piece of plot and still have deep and connected sexual parts a lot more.
10119108 Absolutely, if she does overcome her 'teacher' she will be even more dangerous, absolutely immoral and extremely powerful. And her country will probably be amoral, but absolutely efficient machine. Twilight is smart enough to make that work. On that thought, she probably will put some research time into hive-mind. Changelings will provide the needed information, and being able to contact any pony in any time, read thoughts, take mind control and other practical applications is extremely helpful to a ruler.
I can see why you did that too them. I imagine that this scene might have played out differently if this was anyone else besides NMM. it would be hard for the other villains to have their buttons pushed, but she is very easily upset by any comparison to her sister. I also think the transformations were way worse than being tortured. one day the torture or mind fuckery has to end, but this situation will haunt twilight everytime she sees it, even if she is crazed. The sparkles didn't even have a burial. There will be no grave because the bodies haven't been put to rest, and who the heck knows what their souls experienced. This would terrify me if it was possible.
She could feel the neurotoxic flood of pleasure endorphins melting her synapses, burning away her IQ as it overloaded her brain with chemical and magical energy.
This seems to imply that NM is making Twilight dumber. Maybe it was only temporary, but I always find a dumb Twilight to be a boring one. Her intelligence is what makes her interesting. It's what makes her dangerous
10119173 10119134 Yeah; removing all the personality traits Twilight might take pride in; that certainly qualifies as dark. Not that Nightmare Moon wouldn't be capable of restoring those at some later date for some reason. Certainly, to have Twilight become the villains she so hated and feared would make for a compelling ending if done right
obviasly she is going to fuck her own family into twilight, forcing her to give birth to not only nightmares children, but her own family once again. :P
10119134 I hear you. I usually try to aim for that balance... But some of my more obscene fantasies require things to take a cloppy turn.
I'm this case I thought I had set the table about as well as possible for a cock TF and futa rape. I invested thousands of words establishing the scenario. Again, sorry if it didn't hit three mark for you, I hope you'll enjoy the clop coming up, at the very least.
What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?
Well... it was unexpected. Yes it's more horrible than murder, because it's murder plus defiling a corpse!
Let's see, more vile... You can make anything more vile. There's a weird contradiction where as the vileness goes up, so does incredulity. There's a movie called "Society" where a different race of high society humans merge with others to eat them. They end up as a single horrible amoeba blob. You could have had the three be a blob first, I dunno. Additionally, having them still be conscious while attached to Nightmare moon would make it more vile. Just 3 organs constantly screaming in pain. The death scenes were horribly detailed and gut-wrenching, but relatively short. Maybe nightmare moon could have split them in half, turning their sexy lower halves into organs while their bloody upper torsos had to watch. The way they were described as merging into nightmare moon felt incomplete in a way. Like the way each organ is separate then added on; Nightmare moon is a perverted Ms Potato head. I feel like the pieces could have been integrated more thoroughly. The blood exiting the hard-on is a good example of this, but the testicles just plooped in there. The way the pieces were just a patchwork mushing together of colors and cutie marks makes me think of a play-dough cock with all the weird lumps of not being sculpted correctly. Finally, I could never imagine a scale of this thing. 20 inches means what in reference to a little pony? And the testicles- I was imagining like a sleeping bag sized thing, or at least pony sized. In the description of the pieces they seem to have shrunk dramatically during their transformation.
Also, I felt I should add this is absolutely not my fetish, so I'm reading it more from a technical point of view.
What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?
Well... it was expected. I figured there had to be some sort of sex corruption in store for Twilight. The poison piss was an interesting way to tie the mind control stuff together. Separating the physical reaction from the mental will be drawn out for tension. At the end she will succumb, to release that tension. Feeling shame about her masturbation felt odd, since Twilight seems to fully understand that Nightmare moon is capable of planting and reading memories. It would be like feeling shame if a hypnotist (a proper fantasy hypnotism, not 'real' hypnotism) was able to make you do something embarrassing. You wouldn't take ownership of that.
As for overcoming... no. She's not gonna overcome anything.
Completely forgot about the Cock TF tag. Still probably wouldn't have guessed that was going to happen even if I hadn't. Also, I'm glad my half-asleep rambling didn't come off as such.
What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something viler?
I definitely think it was a much worse punishment than simply killing them. Sure, Twilight's family is dead in both cases, but the sheer lunacy of what happened to them, and what their remains, for lack of a better word, are being used for turns Twilight's mind into bits and pieces. Nightmare Moon can do far worse things to Twilight using her family as a tool then she could've if she just killed 'em. It just makes Twilight fall to pieces even more as her family is used to make her succumb to base desires.
Now, I probably could come up with something worse given time, but that's true for everyone. I do think this particular torture allows for some delightful teasing, and I doubt I could think up something that allows for that as easy as this.
What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?
It was to be expected. We already saw mares being mind-controlled by the rest of Nightmare Moon's forces, so it makes sense that it would be happening to poor Twilight eventually. She's already managing to separate what she's feeling physically from what she's feeling emotionally pretty well, but she's slipping. There's no way she can last much longer. Her mind is already getting to be just as confused as the rest of her. I don't think she'll much have the capacity to feel shame by the end of this, let alone have a chance to overcome it. Maybe she'll manage to pull herself together later and realize what's happened. I'm sure she'd feel a number of emotions, shame not being the least of 'em then.
Twilight is about to be caught in a lust washing machine cycle, her mind will right against it, but it will be a losing battle.
Aww if it's just Twilight losing her thinking capacity it's a shame. Never liked bimbofications, for the same reason of removing agenda from the character and therefore not having that big of an impact - like, cool, person is mindbroken with spell\potion\other thing he has no hope to overcome. Now it's about as interesting as bug fighting a hydraulic press - kinda tragic but with fixed outcome so viewers will not going to be invested much.
I'm this case I thought I had set the table about as well as possible for a cock TF and futa rape. I invested thousands of words establishing the scenario. Again, sorry if it didn't hit three mark for you, I hope you'll enjoy the clop coming up, at the very least.
You did set the table nicely, and I do like the clop. Don't take me wishing to see something more from the story as an slight against it - it is still great clopfic.
10119654 Indeed; as I mentioned before, good storytelling of this sort will push the characters to an extreme, but not make it obvious what the outcome will be
And yeah C, don't worry about missing the mark for some people; you can't please everyone. Especially when writing something like this
10119572 Yeah if we're going by the booru pic, I'm betting Twilight Velvet is still conscious through this whole process
Hmm so my guess was kinda right, her dad did 'die' first. This was interesting seeing Twilight struggle but ultimately her body has failed her, guess her body really likes Big Bat Cock or BBC if you will
What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?
The punishment is pretty damn horrifying, if I were in Twilight's position I'd probably be vomiting/dry heaving uncontrollable knowing that my family was a dick. Clearly worse than simply killing them, watching them shrink and deform into a cock and balls would be horrific for anyone to see happen to their family. I could possibly think of a few things worse, maybe force Shining or Night or fuck Twilight and right before they cum chop off the dick and decapitate them at the same time would be pretty fucked up to have happen. Maybe have NM be real sadistic and levitate the now decapitated heads in front of Twilight and mockingly say something like, "Oh Twilight your pussy is to Die for!" "You should have tried to save us instead of getting your rocks off, I thought I raised you better". Or pull a Ramsay like I mentioned before and just copy that one Episode of GoT where Reek/Theon is tricked into fucking those two girls only for Ramsay to come out of the shadows to hold him down and chop his dick off and then have it implied he was eating Reek's dick in front of him the next day (kinda gay but still fucked tbh). I'd imagine that would have made Twilight go insane but what happened in this chapter was a bit more creative though in my opinion (and better).
What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?
I feel bad like I mentioned it must be pretty fucked up that your body is getting turned on by your now dead/horrifically deformed family that is now a dick. It's great seeing her internal struggle and how she can't even escape NM in her own mind cause mind reading is a thing. I think she stands a good chance at keeping her bodily urges and thoughts separate so long as she remains defiant which I think she will. She will for sure feel the shame but I think that if she is to be fucked on the regular that the shame will die down after a while, become desensitized to it essentially. STILL wondering where Blueblood and Cadance are during all this, I know the crystal empire isnt a thing yet but maybe they fled to Manehatten or are dead/being raped? I mentioned it in my comment in the last chapter. I think if nothing else Cadance should get a mention since she was very close to Twilight and her family even before the marriage, she did baby sit Twilight afterall.
Yeah I know the imagine that your talking about, kinda interesting that you got a 25,000 out of a very obscure fetish. Though I’ve seen stranger bouts of inspiration.
When Nightmare first started to turn Nightlight, I was instantly like, okay we’re going in this direction. This fate can be taken many ways as the idea of transforming someone like this all depends on how the story tells it. I’ve seen fic where it’s none painful but still terrifying, and others were it’s just a poof. When it comes to making it body horror like in this, as well as whether it’s a worse fate then just having to die like your question says, all depends on whether how far it goes... and by god did u go all the way with it. The fact that they all feel and process what they are actually going through makes this all the more horrific. And being surround by those you love most to bard witness is probably the worst part. Some scenarios like this the victim is unaware of what is to be done with them afterward, however you can see the fear and desperation in nightlight as he tried to reassure Twilight that he’s sorry for what us about to come, trying to get what little chance he has to make a menace for what he is about to be a part of. After all that though, the thing that truly makes this worse then NNM just straight kill them off is the line saying his very soul is changed/destroyed. Even those of us who don’t believe is spiritual stuff like this, still get chills from the idea that your very being, the thing that transcends the moral plane, could be wipe from existence. If there is an afterlife, something beyond this hell they are placed in, there’s no way of reaching it, and they were so close too.
Now I said that transformation fetishes isn’t really my thing, mind control and mind manipulation I’m all about. The idea of truly taking over or breaking someone’s mind has always been so fascinating to me, and not just in porn. The way it’s handled in this is great too, before with the potions it just seemed harmless in the way it warped, but now knowing that all of those ponies were probably trying to desperately cling onto what little of the sense of self they had left makes looking back at those scene in hindsight all the more tragic. Seeing Twilight fight back as best she could makes it all the more tragic knowing that she’s coming to fall, knowing NNM won’t stop until she gets what she wants. It would be interesting to see Twilight managing to separate her state of minds from each other, but at this point why would you want to. At this point it would be like what a TV of something controlling and slowly ripping apart your life in-front of your eyes. Considering your trying to make this fic as dark as possible makes me wonder if that’s what your going for, though I’d say no since Twilight is already starting to fall at the last line there. If that is what happens to her, she would very much feel shame. Not being strong enough, to control her bodies desires in the same way she felt about her family. Twilight is always very harsh on herself, and believe that she should be able to fight this even when we know there’s no chance, would be right up her character. Whether she’d overcome it I wouldn’t say, maybe after a lifetime of this, where everything has gone num and the pain is no longer front and centre, maybe she’ll be able to, but at that point... why bother
Also is anyone expecting Luna to wake up from this dream, her bed wet from amazing wet dream at fulfilled all her darkest desired, only for her to get up and carry on with her day, giving her sister a big hug and sending Twilight a very pleasant dream. Kinda sending the message that while we may have these dark fantasies, as long as remember there just fantasies and make sure they don’t harm anyone else it’s all good. Echoing how clopficinthdcomments wanted a try at writing something darker but also have us discuss about it so we can better understand ourselves... or we’ve all just a bunch of fucked up weirdos lol
Can’t say I have EVER seen motherfucking ball TF before. That’s a new one but the shock of this is rather lost on me. I blame my friend, she draws TF for a living and has had done some pretty weird shit that I have seen. Along with the ‘contains’ remarking on it. But still! Was not the way I was thinking it was going to be done as this is some rather out there originality. But let's get with it too, the questions! Pretty happy to see I have three points.
1: “What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?”
Originality definitely is the word. Even if the ‘shock’ is wasted on me as explained before hoof. More just eyebrow raising as I went “Well, this is new.” with it. What is not a bad thing, rare to see something that does that honestly. Now was it more horrible than just murdering them? Yes, that is a rather horrific show to put on. I mean come on, she has a technicolor cock now! That’s just hideous! Three different colors holding up underneath her black fur? such an utter violation of the color palette I'd ask for death. Now could I think of something more vile? Yes. Well they were not murdered they are death for all the ways it matters. Keeping them alive and on the sides can allow much more to be done to them. Mass gangbangs? Torture? Humiliation? All can be done over and over to torment them and Twilight to help break her without the use of spells or magic. Make her do it on her own accord in the hope of helping her family. And it let's them all watch her fall and be broken. It makes a complete circle of misery.
2: “What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?”
Well given what we have seen of the magic they used on other mares… is it a shock her body is? More so if she is facing the very source of it? But we do get too see what I was wondering about. Where is one's mind related to it. It seems you do get sucked in the back seat, riding along well it tries to force you to join in. And I think the shame is part of it. You are powerless too stop what you do. So in time even the strongest will may give in. What can one do if they have no say in life? Trapped with no way out other than enjoying it. Stockholm syndrome to the extreme as you're trapped in your own mind.
As for overcoming it? I don’t think so. From what we have seen this magic is very powerful. Most of all if she keeps being exposed to over and over. And come on… She is. The odds of her alone getting free is slim, not without help. Can she get help? It doesn't seem like it. What pony will risk their life too free this mare?
Also is anyone expecting Luna to wake up from this dream, her bed wet from amazing wet dream at fulfilled all her darkest desired, only for her to get up and carry on with her day, giving her sister a big hug and sending Twilight a very pleasant dream. Kinda sending the message that while we may have these dark fantasies, as long as remember there just fantasies and make sure they don’t harm anyone else it’s all good. Echoing how clopficinthdcomments wanted a try at writing something darker but also have us discuss about it so we can better understand ourselves... or we’ve all just a bunch of fucked up weirdos lol
What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?
It's pretty hot, and I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing it coming! CTF was tagged so clearly, but I underestimated what kind of a perv you were, and thought you just meant NMM growing a cock normally. Oh well.
It's definitely more horrible than just executing the Sparkles, but it does strike a little weirdness that -- well, I guess Luna wasn't Nightmare Moon for very long, and wasn't quite depraved while she was Luna, so I guess this being her first cock can be understandable. Still, immortalizing the family as part of her body almost seems like something she'd consider a reward, rather than torture, heh.
Coming up with something more vile on the spot is hard! I mean, there's plenty of simple constant physical torture, keeping them in constant nerve pain, shambling around partially paralyzed as they're constantly confronted with how horrible Nightmare's reign is. But that's not particularly sexy, and I do think this is clopfiction first and foremost.
What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?
Hot as hell. Internal conflict, rape where the victim really really enjoys even though they shouldn't and they don't want to, that's tops of what I'm into. I don't think she'll be able to separate out her burning instincts from her 'real' thoughts, no. The brain is a plaything of the body, in the end.
I don't think it's a very good torture, as Nightmare was raving about, since Twilight's going to enjoy it too much, but that's fiiiine. I don't think she's cut out for long-term torment, she's too much of a hedonistic lust-driven mess.
I'm really excited about what you're promising is in store today, though! Seeing more detailed progress of little Twilight having her mind and thoughts torn away from her, obsessed only with her mistress' cock, forgetting that it was ever her family, that she ever even had a family... That's really really nice stuff.
10120321 Uhhh... That's a dangerous train of thought. Emotional and logical belief are not the same, and ignoring that fact enables all kinds of extremism.
As long as it's just in your imagination. Just wanted to qualify that statement.
10120076 You're going to like the next chapter quite a bit in that case, things are going to be very much about Twilight's internal struggle.
I like your idea that I'm encouraging people to explore their darker fantasies, but want to make it clear that the ultimate goal is to master these those fantasies. Acknowledge and rise above them, as opposed to letting them fester or overcome you.
As much as you don't want to debt these things existing, you don't want to give yourself in to them either. Explore, but be wary and noble.
That's the purpose of Jungian 'Shadow'... The way to be a more complete 'better' person.
10120204 Hahaha, I actually worried about that color palette a bit too, and considered having NMM use her magic to change the whole thing to an appropriate ebony coloration.
But I figured she'd want to remind Twilight of what those genitals were, and would have then as is. Perhaps in a few months the colors would fade, but the cutie marks would always remain.
10120279 You, also, should enjoy the next chapter coming up.
I'm glad I'm not the only person that find the CTF scene to be kind of hot, mostly for the fact that Twilight couldn't help but feel her body turned on by The organ, despite knowing that warped flesh was once that of her family.
Out of curiosity are you a female? You don't have to share if you don't want to, but I'm always proud of my 'male centred clop fantasies' manage to tickle the fancy of the opposite sex... Makes me feel better as a writer.
Personally, I believe there was a moment through the transformation that the pony 'ceased to be'... And physically died.
Now the really interesting question is: where/what has happens to their souls? Have they been freed to the afterlife? Are they trapped within their horrifying flesh prison? Are they watching what the cells that were once their body are about to do to Twilight?
10120418 Oh man, Jungian archetypes... we would have great fun discussing philosophy and psychology some time. Truly wishing I had more time for that this weekend If you're one of those types that listens to too much Jordan Peterson, go ahead, but proceed with healthy skepticism.
10120428 but porn logic kinda negates this? I mean Twilight Sparkle not having plot armor at this point would kind of kill the mood and waste a bunch of the buildup, so there must be some other end.
10120431 ... I feel like I'm back on 4chan, reading this... This comment requires a special amount of indiscretion. If it makes you feel better though, I know someone who would be turned on by this. But I wouldn't feel too good about it though; it's probably because she was abused as a kid.
10120432 I'd bet money they meant that too, but boy have I seen some awful things in my time. Better safe than sorry. Y'all seem like lovely people, considering the subject matter being discussed. And whenever I come back to interact with the brony community I find myself shifting towards being more considerate and INFJ instead of hardboiled and INTJ, so that's probably a good thing. Anyways I don't mean to offend in any way, I just have a bad habit of putting bluntly those truths people might not want to hear.
I saw the warnings in the description but honestly given your back catalogue and normal style I wasn't expecting anything too extreme. The first chapter being a further warning was a good idea, it certainly made me re-think things. I really wasn't ready though. This really is going straight to the deepest, darkest and most depraved levels of sexuality there are. I'll admit by the second half of this chapter I was completely detached from everything and just skim read to get an idea of the plot.
The way the thestrals and Nightmare Moon are behaving it does seem like it's leading up to total self destruction. Nightmare is incapable of anything but hate and since the object of that hatred is gone she's lashing out at everything and she's bred the thestrals to be a living extension of her rage. It won't take much (probably just ransacking the rest of Equestria) before all of that hate becomes directed inwards and everyone dies, Nightmare included. Which honestly would be a relief. There aren't many situations where a large nuclear weapon detonating next door would improve things, but here we are.
10120428 I was mainly kidding with that last paragraph. I’m open to enjoying a dark hopeless story every now and again, I’m usually one for having some form of hope but like you’ve said before, this is a clopfic first and I always take those with a pinch of salt
To be honest, it's not horrifying. I mean, technically it is but all I am feeling is absolute confusion and disappointment. Nightmare Moon has that kind of transformative rutuals. Permanent transformative spell that holds thaumic energies, as in, soul, and changes it into caster's wished mold while keeping biomass alive and working as newly added body part.
And she uses it for... some stupid fetish sex thing. It is so 'porn logic' it is disappointing. I'm probably going to lose 'points' on that but so far this is the most disappointing NMM act that really puts me off her as a character.
I've read some pretty sweet dark corruption stories. Interesting no-win situations where one family member was given choice to fuck their own parents and have them die quickly, or not, and have them be pulled apart and dying for days, being kept alive while s/he watches. Political and personal choices of going into voluntary slavery and trying to keep in favor of your owner to get some more scraps that you can sent to starving family, and dying inside knowing that you are choosing to degrade yourself entirely by your own choice, even if it is a choice between keeping dignity and having family die out or degrading and making up terrible things to entertain owner to live. That was some prime mental degradation on top of physical one.
At least love potions have immediate purpose, both sexual and practical as a means of having willing, low-maintenance slave from any rebellious or willful mare.
So far NMM amazing spells get used in most idiotic ways and that kind of 'torture' would make sadictic artists scoff of its banality. I mean, at least were family kept and moulded into mentally dominated slaves or broken and remade into regime servants that would've been impactful and rape at the hooves of her family would be an interesting way to torture Twilight.
"I used godlike level spell to give me dick out of your family biomass, infused your body with lust and will fuck you" doesn't give that kind of impact purely by removing the agenda and intent from family and from Twilight, who at this point can be replace by any other mind if her body acts on its own anyway.
As said before, it is some kind of NMM spell\influence. Doubtful that Twilight will have the means to keep it from affecting her, as she's young and inexperienced against the literal goddess. She would feel the shame, she will go through it, and be thoroughly used and degraded.
But, alas, because she's not having any agenda and her actions almost completely influenced by that body-controlling stuff going on, she's not 'really' doing it. Right now she's in the situation and doesn't understand, but the second she's in position to calm down and think, she can put all the blame onto NMM spells and absolve herself of wrongdoings by the virtue of not being in control of herself. So, yeah, decent short-term, but bad long-term planning, again, from Nightmare Moon.
Depending on what exactly happens in her mind, and what will NMM do, things can go some ways. Looks like next chapter would be just some more boring and uninspired 'torture' that NMM thinks is some kind of weird justice. Still hoping to see things going less porn-logic-y and more fun grim-dark-y way. From my previous predicament, I still like the 'NMM destroys Twilight and builds her up only to realize too late she built her own demise' path more than any others, if only for delicious irony.
10118913
Ah, sorry it missed the mark for you gaopot. Don't worry, you definitely don't lose points for being honest and earnest.
I fully admit this is at heart a clopfic, and that the underlying purpose was this scene. Though it's got a darker theme, at the end of the day this fic was always gonna get down to the sex-clop.
Hopefully that doesn't ruin the experience too much for you.
10118569
Considering your trying to make this fic as dark and twisted as you can without going just full snuff fest I figured she’d just be a cowards.
And what I was getting at was that Celestia used the last of her control to kill herself to stop the world from having to deal with both Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon. Sorry think I worded that bit poorly.
10118961
To be fair, I was hoping for less porn logic and more grimdark gritty realism logic. To me, realism and down-to-earth feeling that world is real and not operating on porn logic only adds to the sex scenes, making them feel like an actual thing that happens instead of cartooney made up porn flicks you close after you had your fap to it.
I love stories that can keep both actual plot in realistic world with consequences and real breathing living world, yet have raw and impactful sex scenes in tone of the story that are more than tied up collection of fetishes. This story may be lacking, or it may be still something more than it appears, because it's just a few chapters in and I can accept introductory sex-craze and weird decisions.
It does not ruin my experience, but it does disappoint to see things being less than they could've been. I would still read it, and I like that per-chapter QA commenting which is a novel experience for me. Glad that you don't mind me being honest when things are not to my liking. It's still pretty good fiction.
10119002
It would be pretty interesting to see full-on NMM barbarian states of wanton cruelty against Daybreaker's empire of absolute obedience.
10119005
Same here; When you said you were experimenting with something dark I wasn't really expecting the usual clop stitched into the mix...
That said, it's literally in your author name, so idk what I expected. This chapter is inspired by #2159500 on a certain booru, isn't it?
Also in agreement with gapaot: a no-win moral quandry is certainly dark and stressful territory... Though I find them to be tricky to pull off: there's usually a bunch of other stuff the characters could have done by thinking outside the box. If they're not quick on their feet or they don't have much time, then it's more realistic: a rush decision can also have further unintended consequences down the road. That's kind of the angle the Saw films take.
10119032
Yes! You nailed it.
That was the inspirational pic.
10118913
10118961
I feel like gapaot may have been looking for something more like Breaking Twilight? Given the author's history, I never really had any doubts that this would get cloppy. Par for the course in my opinion. At least it's not 120 Days of Blueblood...
In my opinion, this was hilariously inventive, depraved and precisely what I came for. Twilight will most likely put up a pretty good mental battle, but I doubt a happy ending is on the way.
10119085
Awww, thanks!
Happy endings of another type might be in order though.
>What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?
More like penile-timate amirite? I mean, there's still more in store for Twilight, but I gather from the story and our conversations that Nightmare Moon will end up taking her under her wing after karma has balanced out. You're not going for mindless brutality here.
As for something more vile... Serving on Trump's cabinet forever? ... OMG can that please be a joke ending?
But seriously though bureaucracy is the worst; Check out Brazil - a very Kafkaesque and disturbing movie. And for that matter, read some Kafka.
Also turn to greek tragedies: in such stories the protagonist brings about their own fall by their own actions, and must either live or die with that. If you've seem Corruption of Ponyville on this sitee, they do a great job of this sort of thing: Twilight's own curiosity leads to her downfall, and while she puts up a good fight, it's too late.
In this fic here though, stuff just sort of happens to Twilight and her family, robbing them of agency, which prevents dark scenarios in which the character is let down by their own agency, rather than just someone they idolized. Self-loathing can be a thousand times more acute than any external factors. That's why depression leads to suicide.
Perhaps the darkest form of this is when a character wants desperately to do the right thing, but for psychological or sociological reasons they can't: like an addict or a banker or a politician. There's a likely scenario for how this ends for Twilight; knowing Nightmare Moon is evil but being utterly addicted to her.
>What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?
Not sure whether she will separate her mind from her lust... So good job! When pushed to extreme scenarios, outcomes ought to be uncertain. If you can keep your reader asking what will happen next, that's just more compelling storytelling. Going with dark and/or porn logic though, no. Perhaps Twilight will conclude it was a deep part of her subconscious her whole life, due to Nightmare Moon's gentle nudging in dreams. Perhaps Nightmare will claim it was already there, and that she just sculpted it.
As for shame/overcoming shame, I bet both will happen - after all, Nightmare Moon said she'd keep Twilight around forever, and time heals all wounds. At the very least the hurt will fade after a few hundred years and she'll grow to accept it.
Also if Nightmare Moon has been seeding concepts in Twilight's dreams, Twilight's earlier actions make much more sense now.
I wish I got this earlier, but you're looking for insights regarding the story specifically. Darn: I wasted my time on providing general insights about life. Well I hope you found them thought provoking at least. So much for quality over quantity. Anyways I'm on a tight schedule and I doubt I can keep up with the rest of the competitors for volume of words this week, so I figure I'll back out of this little competition. Good luck everyone!
@Clopficsinthecomments I'm working on something quite different, based on a true story of some of my more peculiar life experiences as a brony, with some of the more dangerous particulars obfuscated of course. I'd be honored if you'd check it out and give me your thoughts.
10118913
I would also really like an ending where NM is creating her own demise. I don't Twilight to be good at the end of this, but I do want her to "win". It'd be an interesting Avenue to explore.
10119085
Again, I don't mind cloppy. But I love that cloppy which also has plot and non-porn logic, where things don't happen only for sex reasons and ponies do have a life outside of them. Where fun with prisoners is something to have at the end of day spent to actually rule, and inventions are used on general population and multiple purposes. That does not mean I dislike clopfics, I just love stories that can be both solid piece of plot and still have deep and connected sexual parts a lot more.
10119108
Absolutely, if she does overcome her 'teacher' she will be even more dangerous, absolutely immoral and extremely powerful. And her country will probably be amoral, but absolutely efficient machine. Twilight is smart enough to make that work. On that thought, she probably will put some research time into hive-mind. Changelings will provide the needed information, and being able to contact any pony in any time, read thoughts, take mind control and other practical applications is extremely helpful to a ruler.
I can see why you did that too them. I imagine that this scene might have played out differently if this was anyone else besides NMM. it would be hard for the other villains to have their buttons pushed, but she is very easily upset by any comparison to her sister. I also think the transformations were way worse than being tortured. one day the torture or mind fuckery has to end, but this situation will haunt twilight everytime she sees it, even if she is crazed. The sparkles didn't even have a burial. There will be no grave because the bodies haven't been put to rest, and who the heck knows what their souls experienced. This would terrify me if it was possible.
10119134
This line is concerning though.
This seems to imply that NM is making Twilight dumber. Maybe it was only temporary, but I always find a dumb Twilight to be a boring one. Her intelligence is what makes her interesting. It's what makes her dangerous
10119173
10119134
Yeah; removing all the personality traits Twilight might take pride in; that certainly qualifies as dark. Not that Nightmare Moon wouldn't be capable of restoring those at some later date for some reason. Certainly, to have Twilight become the villains she so hated and feared would make for a compelling ending if done right
@Clopficsinthecomments
A great and underrated example of creating false hope, only to tear it away
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/361579/vinyls-condition
Like the end of Cowboy bebop: make the reader carry some weight.
obviasly she is going to fuck her own family into twilight, forcing her to give birth to not only nightmares children, but her own family once again. :P
10119102
I've enjoyed your comments quite a bit! No need to apologize.
I may not be able to get to reading your piece any time soon, I unfortunately don't get a lot of time to read fimfic these days.
That said I will add to my list.
10119108
An interesting concept, but not sure I could see a path to that success.
Maybe twilight's great great grand foals could rise up against NMM?
10119134
I hear you. I usually try to aim for that balance... But some of my more obscene fantasies require things to take a cloppy turn.
I'm this case I thought I had set the table about as well as possible for a cock TF and futa rape. I invested thousands of words establishing the scenario. Again, sorry if it didn't hit three mark for you, I hope you'll enjoy the clop coming up, at the very least.
10119173
Twilight is about to be caught in a lust washing machine cycle, her mind will right against it, but it will be a losing battle.
That will be upcoming, and u invested a good chunk of time and writing in that concept.
I like the idea of someone's defining feature being corrupted horribly.
10119198
Yep, that's the plan! I'll check that link out later.
10119313
I didn't consider the latter, interesting idea.
Well... it was unexpected. Yes it's more horrible than murder, because it's murder plus defiling a corpse!
Let's see, more vile... You can make anything more vile. There's a weird contradiction where as the vileness goes up, so does incredulity. There's a movie called "Society" where a different race of high society humans merge with others to eat them. They end up as a single horrible amoeba blob. You could have had the three be a blob first, I dunno. Additionally, having them still be conscious while attached to Nightmare moon would make it more vile. Just 3 organs constantly screaming in pain. The death scenes were horribly detailed and gut-wrenching, but relatively short. Maybe nightmare moon could have split them in half, turning their sexy lower halves into organs while their bloody upper torsos had to watch. The way they were described as merging into nightmare moon felt incomplete in a way. Like the way each organ is separate then added on; Nightmare moon is a perverted Ms Potato head. I feel like the pieces could have been integrated more thoroughly. The blood exiting the hard-on is a good example of this, but the testicles just plooped in there. The way the pieces were just a patchwork mushing together of colors and cutie marks makes me think of a play-dough cock with all the weird lumps of not being sculpted correctly. Finally, I could never imagine a scale of this thing. 20 inches means what in reference to a little pony? And the testicles- I was imagining like a sleeping bag sized thing, or at least pony sized. In the description of the pieces they seem to have shrunk dramatically during their transformation.
Also, I felt I should add this is absolutely not my fetish, so I'm reading it more from a technical point of view.
Well... it was expected. I figured there had to be some sort of sex corruption in store for Twilight. The poison piss was an interesting way to tie the mind control stuff together. Separating the physical reaction from the mental will be drawn out for tension. At the end she will succumb, to release that tension. Feeling shame about her masturbation felt odd, since Twilight seems to fully understand that Nightmare moon is capable of planting and reading memories. It would be like feeling shame if a hypnotist (a proper fantasy hypnotism, not 'real' hypnotism) was able to make you do something embarrassing. You wouldn't take ownership of that.
As for overcoming... no. She's not gonna overcome anything.
Completely forgot about the Cock TF tag. Still probably wouldn't have guessed that was going to happen even if I hadn't. Also, I'm glad my half-asleep rambling didn't come off as such.
I definitely think it was a much worse punishment than simply killing them. Sure, Twilight's family is dead in both cases, but the sheer lunacy of what happened to them, and what their remains, for lack of a better word, are being used for turns Twilight's mind into bits and pieces. Nightmare Moon can do far worse things to Twilight using her family as a tool then she could've if she just killed 'em. It just makes Twilight fall to pieces even more as her family is used to make her succumb to base desires.
Now, I probably could come up with something worse given time, but that's true for everyone. I do think this particular torture allows for some delightful teasing, and I doubt I could think up something that allows for that as easy as this.
It was to be expected. We already saw mares being mind-controlled by the rest of Nightmare Moon's forces, so it makes sense that it would be happening to poor Twilight eventually. She's already managing to separate what she's feeling physically from what she's feeling emotionally pretty well, but she's slipping. There's no way she can last much longer. Her mind is already getting to be just as confused as the rest of her. I don't think she'll much have the capacity to feel shame by the end of this, let alone have a chance to overcome it. Maybe she'll manage to pull herself together later and realize what's happened. I'm sure she'd feel a number of emotions, shame not being the least of 'em then.
10119451
Aww if it's just Twilight losing her thinking capacity it's a shame. Never liked bimbofications, for the same reason of removing agenda from the character and therefore not having that big of an impact - like, cool, person is mindbroken with spell\potion\other thing he has no hope to overcome. Now it's about as interesting as bug fighting a hydraulic press - kinda tragic but with fixed outcome so viewers will not going to be invested much.
You did set the table nicely, and I do like the clop. Don't take me wishing to see something more from the story as an slight against it - it is still great clopfic.
10119443
ah no worries; just a matter of practicality, since I've got a very busy weekend ahead of me
The story isn't out yet; I'll message you when it is.
10119654
Indeed; as I mentioned before, good storytelling of this sort will push the characters to an extreme, but not make it obvious what the outcome will be
And yeah C, don't worry about missing the mark for some people; you can't please everyone. Especially when writing something like this
10119572
Yeah if we're going by the booru pic, I'm betting Twilight Velvet is still conscious through this whole process
10119654
Thanks dude, appreciate that!
On the bimbo bit, don't worry too much. Or rather, I guess I should say I hope you won't need to worry.
The next chapter focuses intensely on Twilight's mind and the stages of resistance and the degradation of her internal existence.
NMM wants to fully own Twilight, soul and all.
Hmm so my guess was kinda right, her dad did 'die' first.
This was interesting seeing Twilight struggle but ultimately her body has failed her, guess her body really likes Big Bat Cock or BBC if you will
The punishment is pretty damn horrifying, if I were in Twilight's position I'd probably be vomiting/dry heaving uncontrollable knowing that my family was a dick. Clearly worse than simply killing them, watching them shrink and deform into a cock and balls would be horrific for anyone to see happen to their family. I could possibly think of a few things worse, maybe force Shining or Night or fuck Twilight and right before they cum chop off the dick and decapitate them at the same time would be pretty fucked up to have happen. Maybe have NM be real sadistic and levitate the now decapitated heads in front of Twilight and mockingly say something like, "Oh Twilight your pussy is to Die for!" "You should have tried to save us instead of getting your rocks off, I thought I raised you better". Or pull a Ramsay like I mentioned before and just copy that one Episode of GoT where Reek/Theon is tricked into fucking those two girls only for Ramsay to come out of the shadows to hold him down and chop his dick off and then have it implied he was eating Reek's dick in front of him the next day (kinda gay but still fucked tbh). I'd imagine that would have made Twilight go insane but what happened in this chapter was a bit more creative though in my opinion (and better).
I feel bad like I mentioned it must be pretty fucked up that your body is getting turned on by your now dead/horrifically deformed family that is now a dick. It's great seeing her internal struggle and how she can't even escape NM in her own mind cause mind reading is a thing. I think she stands a good chance at keeping her bodily urges and thoughts separate so long as she remains defiant which I think she will. She will for sure feel the shame but I think that if she is to be fucked on the regular that the shame will die down after a while, become desensitized to it essentially.
STILL wondering where Blueblood and Cadance are during all this, I know the crystal empire isnt a thing yet but maybe they fled to Manehatten or are dead/being raped? I mentioned it in my comment in the last chapter. I think if nothing else Cadance should get a mention since she was very close to Twilight and her family even before the marriage, she did baby sit Twilight afterall.
Yeah I know the imagine that your talking about, kinda interesting that you got a 25,000 out of a very obscure fetish. Though I’ve seen stranger bouts of inspiration.
When Nightmare first started to turn Nightlight, I was instantly like, okay we’re going in this direction. This fate can be taken many ways as the idea of transforming someone like this all depends on how the story tells it. I’ve seen fic where it’s none painful but still terrifying, and others were it’s just a poof. When it comes to making it body horror like in this, as well as whether it’s a worse fate then just having to die like your question says, all depends on whether how far it goes... and by god did u go all the way with it. The fact that they all feel and process what they are actually going through makes this all the more horrific. And being surround by those you love most to bard witness is probably the worst part. Some scenarios like this the victim is unaware of what is to be done with them afterward, however you can see the fear and desperation in nightlight as he tried to reassure Twilight that he’s sorry for what us about to come, trying to get what little chance he has to make a menace for what he is about to be a part of.
After all that though, the thing that truly makes this worse then NNM just straight kill them off is the line saying his very soul is changed/destroyed. Even those of us who don’t believe is spiritual stuff like this, still get chills from the idea that your very being, the thing that transcends the moral plane, could be wipe from existence. If there is an afterlife, something beyond this hell they are placed in, there’s no way of reaching it, and they were so close too.
Now I said that transformation fetishes isn’t really my thing, mind control and mind manipulation I’m all about. The idea of truly taking over or breaking someone’s mind has always been so fascinating to me, and not just in porn. The way it’s handled in this is great too, before with the potions it just seemed harmless in the way it warped, but now knowing that all of those ponies were probably trying to desperately cling onto what little of the sense of self they had left makes looking back at those scene in hindsight all the more tragic. Seeing Twilight fight back as best she could makes it all the more tragic knowing that she’s coming to fall, knowing NNM won’t stop until she gets what she wants.
It would be interesting to see Twilight managing to separate her state of minds from each other, but at this point why would you want to. At this point it would be like what a TV of something controlling and slowly ripping apart your life in-front of your eyes. Considering your trying to make this fic as dark as possible makes me wonder if that’s what your going for, though I’d say no since Twilight is already starting to fall at the last line there.
If that is what happens to her, she would very much feel shame. Not being strong enough, to control her bodies desires in the same way she felt about her family. Twilight is always very harsh on herself, and believe that she should be able to fight this even when we know there’s no chance, would be right up her character. Whether she’d overcome it I wouldn’t say, maybe after a lifetime of this, where everything has gone num and the pain is no longer front and centre, maybe she’ll be able to, but at that point... why bother
Also is anyone expecting Luna to wake up from this dream, her bed wet from amazing wet dream at fulfilled all her darkest desired, only for her to get up and carry on with her day, giving her sister a big hug and sending Twilight a very pleasant dream. Kinda sending the message that while we may have these dark fantasies, as long as remember there just fantasies and make sure they don’t harm anyone else it’s all good. Echoing how clopficinthdcomments wanted a try at writing something darker but also have us discuss about it so we can better understand ourselves... or we’ve all just a bunch of fucked up weirdos lol
Can’t say I have EVER seen motherfucking ball TF before. That’s a new one but the shock of this is rather lost on me. I blame my friend, she draws TF for a living and has had done some pretty weird shit that I have seen. Along with the ‘contains’ remarking on it. But still! Was not the way I was thinking it was going to be done as this is some rather out there originality. But let's get with it too, the questions! Pretty happy to see I have three points.
1: “What do you think of Nightmare Moon's ultimate punishment? Was it more horrible than just murdering the Sparkles? Could you have thought of something more vile?”
Originality definitely is the word. Even if the ‘shock’ is wasted on me as explained before hoof. More just eyebrow raising as I went “Well, this is new.” with it. What is not a bad thing, rare to see something that does that honestly. Now was it more horrible than just murdering them? Yes, that is a rather horrific show to put on. I mean come on, she has a technicolor cock now! That’s just hideous! Three different colors holding up underneath her black fur? such an utter violation of the color palette I'd ask for death. Now could I think of something more vile? Yes. Well they were not murdered they are death for all the ways it matters. Keeping them alive and on the sides can allow much more to be done to them. Mass gangbangs? Torture? Humiliation? All can be done over and over to torment them and Twilight to help break her without the use of spells or magic. Make her do it on her own accord in the hope of helping her family. And it let's them all watch her fall and be broken. It makes a complete circle of misery.
2: “What do you think of Twilight's body betraying her? Will she be able to separate the feeling of her body from her conscious mind? Will she feel the shame? Or overcome it?”
Well given what we have seen of the magic they used on other mares… is it a shock her body is? More so if she is facing the very source of it? But we do get too see what I was wondering about. Where is one's mind related to it. It seems you do get sucked in the back seat, riding along well it tries to force you to join in. And I think the shame is part of it. You are powerless too stop what you do. So in time even the strongest will may give in. What can one do if they have no say in life? Trapped with no way out other than enjoying it. Stockholm syndrome to the extreme as you're trapped in your own mind.
As for overcoming it? I don’t think so. From what we have seen this magic is very powerful. Most of all if she keeps being exposed to over and over. And come on… She is. The odds of her alone getting free is slim, not without help. Can she get help? It doesn't seem like it. What pony will risk their life too free this mare?
10120076
Oh my sweet summer child.
10120209
Don’t take this away from me
It's pretty hot, and I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing it coming! CTF was tagged so clearly, but I underestimated what kind of a perv you were, and thought you just meant NMM growing a cock normally. Oh well.
It's definitely more horrible than just executing the Sparkles, but it does strike a little weirdness that -- well, I guess Luna wasn't Nightmare Moon for very long, and wasn't quite depraved while she was Luna, so I guess this being her first cock can be understandable. Still, immortalizing the family as part of her body almost seems like something she'd consider a reward, rather than torture, heh.
Coming up with something more vile on the spot is hard! I mean, there's plenty of simple constant physical torture, keeping them in constant nerve pain, shambling around partially paralyzed as they're constantly confronted with how horrible Nightmare's reign is. But that's not particularly sexy, and I do think this is clopfiction first and foremost.
Hot as hell. Internal conflict, rape where the victim really really enjoys even though they shouldn't and they don't want to, that's tops of what I'm into. I don't think she'll be able to separate out her burning instincts from her 'real' thoughts, no. The brain is a plaything of the body, in the end.
I don't think it's a very good torture, as Nightmare was raving about, since Twilight's going to enjoy it too much, but that's fiiiine. I don't think she's cut out for long-term torment, she's too much of a hedonistic lust-driven mess.
I'm really excited about what you're promising is in store today, though! Seeing more detailed progress of little Twilight having her mind and thoughts torn away from her, obsessed only with her mistress' cock, forgetting that it was ever her family, that she ever even had a family... That's really really nice stuff.
10120257
Reality can be whatever you want
10120321
Uhhh... That's a dangerous train of thought. Emotional and logical belief are not the same, and ignoring that fact enables all kinds of extremism.
As long as it's just in your imagination.
Just wanted to qualify that statement.
10119782
I think the derpibooru pic was just an inspiration. The description of the transformation to me indicates that the ponies die.
10120389
Ah but it does say that it was unclear when exactly Twilight velvet passed; perhaps she didn't. And I did say if.
10120076
You're going to like the next chapter quite a bit in that case, things are going to be very much about Twilight's internal struggle.
I like your idea that I'm encouraging people to explore their darker fantasies, but want to make it clear that the ultimate goal is to master these those fantasies. Acknowledge and rise above them, as opposed to letting them fester or overcome you.
As much as you don't want to debt these things existing, you don't want to give yourself in to them either. Explore, but be wary and noble.
That's the purpose of Jungian 'Shadow'... The way to be a more complete 'better' person.
10120204
Hahaha, I actually worried about that color palette a bit too, and considered having NMM use her magic to change the whole thing to an appropriate ebony coloration.
But I figured she'd want to remind Twilight of what those genitals were, and would have then as is. Perhaps in a few months the colors would fade, but the cutie marks would always remain.
10120257
10120209
This is why I included the opening paragraph, I wanted to leave my readers with that sense of unsure hope.
In my opinion it's the best way to make tragedies land even harder.
But who knows, maybe. Maybe... Could it ask just work out?
(Deliberately trying to keep things open, lol)
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You, also, should enjoy the next chapter coming up.
I'm glad I'm not the only person that find the CTF scene to be kind of hot, mostly for the fact that Twilight couldn't help but feel her body turned on by The organ, despite knowing that warped flesh was once that of her family.
Out of curiosity are you a female? You don't have to share if you don't want to, but I'm always proud of my 'male centred clop fantasies' manage to tickle the fancy of the opposite sex... Makes me feel better as a writer.
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I think he meant that your imagination of what the outcome would be can be whatever you want it to be in your own mind... For now.
I don't think he meant that you should make your fantasy reality... Which is absolutely something I don't agree with as a general sentiment.
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Personally, I believe there was a moment through the transformation that the pony 'ceased to be'... And physically died.
Now the really interesting question is: where/what has happens to their souls? Have they been freed to the afterlife? Are they trapped within their horrifying flesh prison? Are they watching what the cells that were once their body are about to do to Twilight?
Will this story eventually involve foal pregnancy?
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Oh man, Jungian archetypes... we would have great fun discussing philosophy and psychology some time. Truly wishing I had more time for that this weekend
If you're one of those types that listens to too much Jordan Peterson, go ahead, but proceed with healthy skepticism.
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but porn logic kinda negates this? I mean Twilight Sparkle not having plot armor at this point would kind of kill the mood and waste a bunch of the buildup, so there must be some other end.
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... I feel like I'm back on 4chan, reading this... This comment requires a special amount of indiscretion. If it makes you feel better though, I know someone who would be turned on by this. But I wouldn't feel too good about it though; it's probably because she was abused as a kid.
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I'd bet money they meant that too, but boy have I seen some awful things in my time. Better safe than sorry. Y'all seem like lovely people, considering the subject matter being discussed. And whenever I come back to interact with the brony community I find myself shifting towards being more considerate and INFJ instead of hardboiled and INTJ, so that's probably a good thing. Anyways I don't mean to offend in any way, I just have a bad habit of putting bluntly those truths people might not want to hear.
I saw the warnings in the description but honestly given your back catalogue and normal style I wasn't expecting anything too extreme. The first chapter being a further warning was a good idea, it certainly made me re-think things. I really wasn't ready though. This really is going straight to the deepest, darkest and most depraved levels of sexuality there are. I'll admit by the second half of this chapter I was completely detached from everything and just skim read to get an idea of the plot.
The way the thestrals and Nightmare Moon are behaving it does seem like it's leading up to total self destruction. Nightmare is incapable of anything but hate and since the object of that hatred is gone she's lashing out at everything and she's bred the thestrals to be a living extension of her rage. It won't take much (probably just ransacking the rest of Equestria) before all of that hate becomes directed inwards and everyone dies, Nightmare included. Which honestly would be a relief. There aren't many situations where a large nuclear weapon detonating next door would improve things, but here we are.
This sums up the ride pretty nicely
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Lemme tell you about Henrietta Lacks, the first functionally immortal human...
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I was mainly kidding with that last paragraph. I’m open to enjoying a dark hopeless story every now and again, I’m usually one for having some form of hope but like you’ve said before, this is a clopfic first and I always take those with a pinch of salt
internally
Hm this doesn't make sense here.
coalesce
uh I really don't understand this ^^;;;
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