How to punch a prince and be hailed as a hero.

by Light Heart101

Quite the Show.

Rarity was good on her word, but a lot of guards and castle staff really wanted to see this show. So, dozens of chairs were taken into Book’s room, leaving just enough space to walk through them. They all brought snacks and managed to fit into the room, using the space above the bed to display the movie, leaving the projector by the door.

So this was Book’s movie night in a sense. His room was full of ponies he didn’t know, and two elements of harmony were next to him as the show was happening. He was being treated like a king. However, something felt off to him. He had been groomed, fed, and pampered, but he did nothing productive.

Most of the time he’d be on patrol, training, or upgrading his equipment. His life was invested in his work, but now he wasn’t working, and he didn’t even get injured seriously to end up here. It felt like his skills were starting to go to waste as he was stuck in this room. He had the equivalent of a holiday, but he felt like he should be working.

Rarity and Dash started to realize that Book wasn’t enjoying himself as much anymore, so they tried to quietly talk to him about it. “Darling? Are you feeling okay?” Rarity asked quietly, trying not to disrupt the movie.

“Yeah. What’s going on?” Dash checked as well.

Book sighed as he leaned back in his seat. “I’m fine… and the movie is alright.”

“But?” Rarity asked, wanting to know how to help.

“I feel like I’m wasting my time. Ponyville isn’t protected, and I can’t do anything about it. It’s… frustrating.” Book explained as he crossed his hoofs.

“Hey, what happened to you having little to no vacations?” Dash asked, looking confused about it.

Book nodded. “Yeah, but I’m dedicated to my job of protecting Equestria. Now I’m stuck in a room wasting time on simple pleasures. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but my sense of duty says that I should be working, not relaxing.”

Rarity could tell by the look on his face that he was fully serious about being unable to work, so she tried to gently rub his back. “Darling, I can see that it’s rough for you, but you don’t have any other options right now. All you can do is just wait to see what happens.”

Book nodded, not looking comforted. “Yeah, but it’s going to bug me the entire time.”

Dash looked confused as she turned back to the screen. “You are now the only pony I know who sees a five-star vacation as a problem.”

As the film kept going, Book didn’t notice that the two princesses were sitting in the back of the theater, sitting quietly as they made it a point that ponies should not make a scene when a film was in progress. Luna seemed to be enjoying herself as she was snacking on some popcorn, but Celestia seemed to be deep in thought as she was distracted from enjoying the movie.

Luna looked curious as she whispered to her sister. “Sister? Is something bothering you?”

Celestia couldn’t face her sister, especially since she was thinking about Luna’s champion. “Who was in the wrong? Blueblood or Book?”

Luna looked confused by Celestia’s inquiry. “According to the truth we’ve heard, Blueblood insulted Book’s honor with a towel to the flank. In the old days that would be a challenge to combat.”

“But this isn’t the old days. I admit that Blueblood’s actions and pride have gotten out of hoof, but what about Book?” Celestia asked.

Luna’s eyes widened when she heard her say that. “What? Book has been handling our major crimes alone!” She whispered harshly.

“And how is that changing him? How distant has he become? How arrogant was he when he was talking to two members of royalty? How brash has he become in his actions?” Celestia questioned Luna sternly. "What happens if he starts thinking that rules don't apply to him, or if the only solution to his problems is violence?"

Luna looked hurt that her sister was now questioning her champion. “So… you think that Book should be locked away after all he's done?”

Celestia shook her head. “I… I don’t want to… Blueblood is no saint, but I just… I don’t want Book to become like…” Celestia started to tear up as she thought about when she was teaching Blueblood as a child. He was so young and innocent back then, but now it feels like he’s fallen from grace.

Luna lowered her head as she saw how emotional Celestia was getting. “I… I am sorry. Book has been the most dedicated officer I have ever worked with, but I guess it takes a toll on a pony. I… I’ll try to talk to him about his actions and attitude once I get a chance.”

Celestia nodded as she wiped her eyes. “Luna, may I ask for one more thing?”

“Anything,” Luna said eagerly, wanting to help comfort her sister.

“May I have some popcorn?”

---

Blueblood was feeling extremely irritable today. First, there was the fact that he had to use makeup to cover his bruise. Then there was his meeting with that lousy guard who wouldn’t follow his orders who still wouldn’t respect him. It felt like his pride was being tested by some lowly peasant.

“Lousy guard! I am a prince! My blood is purer than anybody in that wretched family of yours. Even that foolish alicorn who made fun of my suit!” Blueblood thought to himself as he gave a soft shudder at the memory of Book’s brother, Light, being brought in by Luna so he could assist Light in the ways of a prince.

Not five minutes in, and Light pointed out that he was wearing a suit that was designed for a MARE!!!

Apparently shoulder pads, buttons on the opposite side of the suit compared to normal stallion's suit, and the sewed inscription, Missterious, inside of the suit should be signs that it's a mare's suit.

“How was I supposed to know about what a female’s suit looks like? It serves him right that he gave up any thoughts about being a prince. That autistic fool wouldn’t last a day in my horseshoes.”

To put it lightly, he already had a problem with Book’s family, and now this disrespectful guard had insulted his honor. He could care less about Book’s record of constant watching over his town, or whatever happened on that train. Right now his only thought was making sure that this fighter was made into an example of what happens to ponies who stand up against him.

As he turned the corner, he saw two night guards relieving the two ponies who were watching the door. He was shocked as the guards went inside the room, earning some whispering from inside of the room. He got curious as he looked into the room, finding the majority of the castle staff watching a film.

ALONG WITH BOOK KNIGHT!!!

“What in Celestia’s name is going on here?!?” Blueblood asked the night guards sternly.

“Um, lieutenant Book isn’t allowed out of his room.” The guard said, trying to ignore the film behind him.

Blueblood looked furious as he scowled at the guard. “The entire staff is here with a prisoner? You all should be charged for this!”

“Sir! The prisoner is allowed to have visitors, and there is so specified room for the staff’s movie night.” The second guard tried to explain before Blueblood interrupted him.

“Then I demand you stop the film at once!” Blueblood shouted, earning a hush from the staff.

“Nephew, keep it down! Lady Mandarra is dancing with the count!” Luna whispered calmly to Blueblood, making him stare in shock at her.

“He strikes me and gets treated like a celebrity,” Blueblood muttered to himself as he started storming to his room.

This was the final straw for him. Everypony was mocking him right behind his back, and he wouldn’t stand for it. There was no way he’d allow this case to be settled until Book was behind bars for as long as possible. Nobody mocks a prince and gets away with it.

He stormed to his office, ready to file a plea to some judges he knew to get this case sped up. Taking the guards out of the question would give him the best advantage of winning the case by a landslide.

Unfortunately, he found two ponies that he didn’t want to see waiting right outside his office. Well, one more than the other. Light Heart and Fluttershy were right in front of the office, clearly waiting for him. He groaned softly to himself as he saw the mentally handicapped alicorn and the vet pony walking up to him.

Blueblood sighed as he tried to get past the two ponies. “Excuse me, but if you two want to talk to me, you need an appointment.”

Light grinned as he held up a paper. “Fluttershy got us an appointment.”

“Really?” Blueblood asked with an annoyed look.

Fluttershy nodded as she didn’t look as nervous and reserved as usual. “We just wanted to have a small talk with you about finding ways to settle this before it blows out of proportion.” She said, not sounding angry or demanding.

Blueblood sighed as he looked at the two ponies. “You two won’t leave until you talk to me, will you?”

“It’s that or we will tell your aunts that you refused to see us.” Light said bluntly before getting a glare from Fluttershy.

“Fine. Come in and be brief. I have more important things to do.” Blueblood grumbled as he led them into his room. “What do you commoners want?”

“Commoners?” Light asked, wanting to point out how uncommon they were. An element of harmony and an autistic teddy bear alicorn.

“Light, we want to talk him down. Just try not to make it look like you are on Book's side, and be realistic and logical about why this won’t be worth it.” Fluttershy whispered softly to Light. She admittedly didn’t like the fact that Book punched a pony over some petty teasing, but when Pinkie explained that Dash would possibly be facing consequences as well, she wanted to try and be a peacekeeper.

Light took a deep breath before nodding. “Fine. I’m just wanting to make sure my numbskulled brother comes home.” Light explained as he cleared his throat and addressed the prince. “We want to talk about Book’s case.”

Blueblood softly groaned as he grabbed some papers from his desk. “Of course you are. I assume you are going to appeal to my sense of humanity?” He asked sarcastically.

As much as he would have loved to threaten him, Fluttershy talked to Light about another plan. “Actually, I intend to appeal to your sense of logic.” The alicorn said as Fluttershy gave him a nod. Even though Light did have a slight stutter, she thought it would be easier if he did the talking, even though she told him what to say. “Let’s talk about this in a… political viewpoint.” Light offered as he was getting ready to have the most intelligent conversation he’s ever had,

With Blueblood…

Oh boy...

---

Twilight was in the Canterlot library, pacing around the room quietly as she was thinking about Dash’s words. After several hours of studying, she didn’t think that the biggest problem right now would be one of her best friends. Sure, Dash was brash and stubborn, but she was always loyal to the core.

So why would her loyalties change from her to Book? Book was hardly the social butterfly, and he had become quite a stick in the mud since he put on that blasted mask. There was Book’s fight on the train, but she had been in many more adventures with Dash than that… vigilante. Why would she give such mercy to the stallion who cast aside his friendship with a princess to become a dark hero?

“Twi, what’s making you better than him right now?”

Those words kept ringing through her ears as she thought about their argument in the locker room. Book became so brash and reckless… and he snapped when Blueblood insulted him back…

But Blueblood verbally insulted him several times, only to be brushed off so simply. Book’s eyes didn’t even start glowing until he was physically struck…

What if…

Twilight started looking through her books, looking for some psychological books describing the soldiers from past wars. A few stuck out due to the pure violence that had been described in those wars. As she looked through the books, she started reading about some of the front line survivors, the ones who dealt with the darkest sides of the wars and saw the most battle.

“Anger… emotional suppression… physically defensive…” Twilight gasped as she realized what some of these symptoms were leading to.

PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder.

What if Book’s acts of protecting his people from criminals with little to no rest are taking a toll on his mind? At first, Twilight was thinking that this would be a valid reason to see him have to give up the mask, but then she thought about Dash’s words.

“Twi, what’s making you better than him right now?”

Twilight knew that fully discharging him would most likely just make Book’s condition worse. Even though she would want to see the mask gone, she wanted to make sure that she didn’t break him on the way. She had to be the bigger pony.

She sighed as she started gathering some of her papers so she could negotiate with Blueblood. Maybe she could talk him down to just have Book face some disciplinary action. After that, she could talk to Celestia about having him mentally evaluated.

Right now, she had to keep her head. After all, she knew better than to use violence.

---

“...and not only will the fallout of the case tear apart the symbol of harmony, which will create political and national unrest, it will also cause a large gap in the already lacking legal system in Ponyville.” Light went on as he tried to keep Blueblood interested, even though he felt like he was failing. “So, dropping the charges, or making this a minor offense would have drastically fewer consequences then pressing this case. You’d lose no face whatsoever, and Luna can certainly find another way of meeting with Book that would allow you to avoid contact with him.”

Fluttershy smiled hopefully as she turned to Blueblood, hoping that Blueblood would be willing to listen to her logic.

However, the prince looked more annoyed than anything. “Well, clearly you learned nothing from my aunt about talking clearly, or about that accent of yours.”

Light’s and Fluttershy’s eyes widened when he said that. “Um… excuse me for speaking up, but I think you missed the point…”

“No, I think you two did,” Blueblood said as he picked up a decorative sword from the wall, clearly to flaunt his royal position. “Respect is a deeply rooted word to ponies of noble blood. In ancient times, the simple act of a sour word to one of the nobles could land a pony in stocks. Striking a prince back then would cost a life. Respect is more than a simple word to royalty.”

“Well, humility is a word Luna used. Forgiveness is one Celestia used when she came back. Fear and Respect are two different words, and I don’t know if you are using either one correctly.” Light said sternly as he glared at Blueblood. “We did the math for you. Pride isn’t going to get you anything but trouble.”

Blueblood sneered at Light as he neared the distance to the toymaker. “You need to know your place. Your family has been nothing but trouble for me, and now you try to defend the pony who dared to raise a hoof to me? You don’t make the rules you mentally handicapped fool! I decide what is important, and your arrogant brother is only a minor speck in the grand picture!”

Light gritted his teeth as Blueblood used his mental handicap as an insult, something that always bugged him.

Fluttershy could see the growing tension between the two boys, so she decided that now was the time to step in. “Blueblood, you have nothing to gain by pushing this issue, and nothing to lose by dropping it. Please…”

Fluttershy was cut off as the prince turned to her. “You don’t get to dictate what I do either! You are a mere acquaintance of the princess. My word stands. Book Knight and Rainbow Dash will be charged for their crimes, and I will not rest until they paid for their insult to me!”

Light was now steaming as he saw this stubborn prince throwing away all sense of logic to hold onto his proud image, let alone the fact that he was treating them like trash. Light had no desire to be like his brother, but it was tempting to punch the little brat.

As Light was trying to think of some snappy comeback line, he was shocked to hear the normally quiet and reserved pony scream at Blueblood. “HOW DARE YOU!!!” Fluttershy barked as she neared the prince, actually forcing him to step back. “You think that just because you’re some prince that you can just insult anypony you want?"

“But I…”

“I don’t see Celestia and Luna throwing insults to their guards, let alone her pupil’s friends and mentally handicapped ponies! How prideful do you have to be to toss aside all manners and fail to care about the ponies whose lives you are messing with?!?”

“Well, wait a minute…”

“NO! You listen to me! You may think that you are some big shot, but you are no prince! You are just a great... big… MEANIE!!!”

SLAP

Fluttershy fell back on the couch as her anger turned into shock and fear. She felt a sharp stinging on her cheek where she had been slapped by the young prince.

As she was trying to recover from being hit, Blueblood barked at the shy pegasus. “HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!! I AM A PRINCE!!!”

“BACK OFF!!!” Light barked as he charged at Blueblood. Prince or not, nopony punches a mare with no reason and simply gets away with it.

Blueblood was startled at the sight of an angry alicorn charging at him. He already felt what it was like for a guard to punch him, but an enraged alicorn's punch sounded like it would put Book's punch to shame. That was something that Blueblood was afraid to experience, and had no intention of doing so.

In fear, Blueblood drew out the sword from its sheath and slashed at the alicorn. Even though it was merely for decoration, it was sharpened as most of the decorative swords that weren’t in the halls of the castle were. Light’s only saving grace was the fact that Blueblood had a lousy aim, managing to only cut his chest. The blade didn’t cut deep, but it did draw blood and halt Light’s advance, causing him to recoil and look at where he was cut.

The entire room was frozen in place as Blueblood and Light were staring at each other in anger. As Fluttershy started to fear what those two would do, she heard the door starting to open.

“Blueblood, I have thought about the case, and I don’t think we should...” Twilight was walking into the room before she saw what was going on. Blueblood had a sword in his hoof, Fluttershy’s cheek was red from an apparent slap, and Light was starting to bleed a little from his chest.

Twilight’s eyes widened as she saw this horrifying sight. “WHAT IS GOING ON?!?”

Twilight’s scream snapped Fluttershy back to reality, causing the timid pony to scream out in fear.

“HEEEELP!!!”

---

Everypony in Book’s room instantly stood up when they heard the scream. “That’s Shy!!!” Dash yelled as everypony started running to the source of the noise.

“Nopony told me this film was a double feature!” Book said as he started walking to the door to join the others, only to be stopped by the two off duty guards.

“Wait! You’re under house arrest!” Steel tried to point out.

“My current guards went towards the action. I can’t be left here unguarded!” Book said, actually wanting to see what the threat was and possibly subdue it.

“Let him come! Just try not to jump into the fray right away, Book!” Luna ordered as she and Celestia were trying to make their way through the crowd of ponies.

As the crowd neared Blueblood’s room, Book was able to catch a glance of Twilight pulling Blueblood and Light out of his room. Book’s eyes widened as he saw that his little brother’s chest was bleeding. A part of him wanted to repeat what he did the other day, but Luna quickly pulled him back.

“Book, now is not the time for you to step in!” She whispered as one of the guards turned to Fluttershy, who was looking like she started crying.

“Ma’am, what happened to you?”

Fluttershy was breathing heavily as she was trying to keep her composure. “H… he… he hit me…” She barely managed to stutter.

“Who did?” Applejack asked as the prince and alicorn angrily pointed at each other.

“HE DID IT!!!”

The guards looked confused as they were trying to figure out what was going on.

“B… Blueblood struck me, and when Light ran to stop him, Blueblood attacked him…” Fluttershy said as she was still crying. Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack ran over to hug her.

Meanwhile, Light was angrily trying to escape Twilight’s grasp. “Called me a… a mentally… handicapped… a fool… and… called… no… treated her like some…” Light was struggling to form sentences as he was too stressed out by what Blueblood did, still trying to reach the prince to punch him a few dozen times.

“Blueblood?!? How in Celestia’s name could you do this?” Twilight asked angrily as she was still restraining the two ponies.

“Don’t judge me! Those two were trying to defend that arrogant excuse for a guard! They had no right to try to make such requests to me! I am a prince! They are mere...”

“ENOUGH!!!”

The whole hallway silenced as they heard Celestia using her royal canterlot voice. They were shocked to see that Celestia was genuinely angry as she made her way to Blueblood, earning scared looks from the other ponies. Even Book was shocked at Celestia’s outburst.

Blueblood’s anger quickly switched to fear as his aunt neared him, getting a couple of inches away from his face as she spoke in the sternest voice he ever heard him use. “You never treat any pony like that! I don’t care how they disagree with you. Your position doesn’t give you the right to trod on them like dirt. We are their servants. They are not yours.” She scolded him as nopony dared to speak up.

Blueblood could only give a soft whimper, feeling unprotected as he was looking at the pony who drastically outranked him in every way berate him.

Celestia took a deep breath as she regained her composure, remembering that she was being watched. She then turned to Fluttershy and Light and bowed to them, looking rather upset that she allowed this to happen to them. “I am so sorry. I strive to protect all of my ponies and give them the respect they deserve. I failed you both. I failed to teach that humility and care to this prince, and I failed to make sure that royal ponies don't abuse their powers like that. I take the entire responsibility for not having precautions put in place for something like this. For the words, and the blows.” Celestia said humbly as everybody was staring in shock, even Light and Book.

“I… um… it’s okay… you did your best and helped up many times.” Fluttershy tried to comfort her to no avail.

“But I didn’t do enough. I swear that I will install a new code of ethics that will force guards to be present in such meetings to protect both parties, make rules about addressing citizens with respect…” Celestia glanced at Book and Dash before adding the last part. “And adding restrictions to keep nobility from abusing their power.”

Book was rather shocked by this reaction, seeing her taking this matter much more seriously, and clearly ready to overrule any nobles who would try to stop her.

It was about time.

Celestia then turned to Blueblood and gave him another stern glare. “As for you. Their medical bills will be paid by you, along with extra for damages for emotional distress. You will be put under house arrest for three weeks and will be on parole for six months. Your duties will be reduced, and you will be forced to take a program that I will design for you to learn for some humility and understanding about the staff and guards that you will take for granted. I hope you are ready to learn how to serve others. Only when you learn that sense of humility and servitude will I consider you a prince again.” She said coldly before turning away to hide her shame and frustration.

Blueblood looked defeated as his aunt, who had always been kind and understanding now turned against him. As he tried to think of a way to soothe her over and try to reduce his sentence, but then he started to see a few drops dripping onto the floor. She was crying, and he didn’t know if it was out of shame, anger, or regret. He slowly realized that she wasn’t going to back off on her word. His protection was now gone.

Book however had an entirely different concern. Blueblood had his room that had plenty of windows, and since he was still a prince, that meant that his room would be the most likely place that the prince would be staying in.

Noooooooo thank you!!!

“Hey! No offense, but he has a case against me! I don’t want to share my house arrest with him!” Book hollered from the back of the group.

Twilight was still angry from seeing a pony she was willing to work with attacking Light and Fluttershy, but this triggered her. A bit of steam came off oh her head as she stormed up to Book, who was still not too fazed by her wrath. “Book… you… are innocent!!!” She said angrily before turning to Blueblood, the one pony that now replaced Book as the pony she hated the most. “HE SLIPPED ON SOME SOAP!!!” She screamed as she stormed past Celestia to head to her room.

“Twilight…” Celestia was about to try to console her, but Twilight raised her hoof.

“Princess… I’m sorry, but I need some time alone to cool my head. I’ll talk to you in the morning. Just… don’t let Book leave until after I talk to you.” Twilight said as she was breathing heavily, clearly not looking to talk to anypony at the moment.

Celestia nodded as she took a deep breath as well. “I understand. Rest well, my faithful student. I’ll make sure this is handled.” She said as she watched Twilight walk off. Her focus then turned to Book. “Book Knight, I will ask you to wait here until I can talk to you tomorrow.” She ordered sternly as she turned to the guards. “Take Fluttershy and Light to the medical ward, and lock Blueblood up in the briefing room until Luna can finish her investigation.”

Luna’s eyes widened when her name was called out. “But… I’ll miss the rest of the movie!” She whined, earning an unimpressed glance from Celestia.

“It’s your shift,” Celestia said bluntly. “And we can watch it later. I shall be turning in for the night.” Celestia explained with a sigh as she walked off.

Luna groaned before turning to Blueblood. “Fine. Guards! Take him away till I have a chance to talk to the others. I'll see to it that you'll be able to see the rest of the film once Celestia and I have the chance. As for the rest of you, go back to the movie and finish it without us. Dismissed!” Luna said as she motioned for the others to leave the scene.

Nopony dared to defy her as the castle staff made their way back to the VIP room. Dash grumbled a bit, feeling rather frustrated about what happened to her friend. “I wish I could have taken a turn at punching Blueblood.”

Book sighed as he started to relax a little more. “Maybe for your birthday. At least now I can get back to work. Although I am sorry if I wasted your efforts on protecting me and pampering me.”

“Oh, you’re still getting the suit.” Rarity insisted. “I spent hours working on the design of that masterpiece, and I rarely design for stallions. I refuse to let my inspiration go to waste.”

“Well, as soon as Shy is out of the medic ward, I’m going to go talk to the poor mare. That little filly is probably shaken to her core after that stubborn prince thought it was funny to play with knives.” Applejack said somberly.

“Indeed. And then there was that nasty cut on Light.” Rarity added. "I hope he'll be okay."

“Awe, he’ll be fine! The author won’t even write in a scar.” Pinkie reassured the group before turning to the rest of the group. “Now come on! Let’s get back to watching that film before the author jumps to the last chapter!” She said as she skipped off into the VIP room.

Book stared at the bubbly mare in disbelief as he started to mutter to himself. “Batman wouldn’t even be able to understand that mare that mare.”

Comments

[BrakePads]

Finally! Justice is being served to Bluebitch!

[NicLove]

Is Blue going to.. for attempted murder of an Alicorn ?

[Light Heart101]

10299311
Nope. He's just going to get a lot of heat from Celestia for a long time.

[NicLove]

10299327
Does Light have any.. Alicorn advantage ?

[Light Heart101]

10299332
Um, he's a toymaker. I made it clear that he wasn't instantly promoted. Light does get a lot of sympathy due to him also being autistic, but I don't know what else you mean.

[NicLove]

10299362
gets Heal faster...

[Light Heart101]

10299382
They are cartoon characters. They heal quickly unless the plot requires otherwise.

[The Great Derpsby]

Remember when I asked whether the story would just put Book on a pedestal?

It seems like that's precisely what's going to happen.

I mean, so far, anyone not in Book's camp turned into a violent, backstabbing jerkass. Book's one great flaw is just caring too much about protecting others to be comfortable with some free time. Heaven's sake, you made Prince "I just had myself groomed!" punch Fluttershy and then swing a sword at the other pony in the room, and after what went down with Twilight Sparkle in the prequel, I can't shake the feeling all this is happening more to make Book look cool and great and wonderful rather than because it's a natural outgrowth of the characters involved.

If it was less one-sided, I could maybe get into it more, but this feels so on-the-nose, I just can't. I don't really like it when Blueblood, who is not a saint yes, is turned into the worst possible scum so the OCs can look good. That you did similar with Twilight makes it a lot worse.

Sorry for the rant. I'll probably read the next few chapter too, since I already started, but I don't know if there'll be anything for me there considering what happened so far.

[Light Heart101]

10311816
Please hold some faith in me. I'm working on the character. If you don't end up liking the conclusion, then I guess I have more work on improving on the next story, which I am taking your criticism on and elaborating on the backstory and flaws more. Again, I understand my flaws, and I hope to improve.

[Shaun c Ford]

.................THIS JUST A EPISODE OF M.A.S.H BUT WITH PONYS