Chapter 4
When morning arrived, Celestia had barely slept. She looked out of her window again, and much to her relief she saw no sign of Harmony.
She prepared herself for another day in the life of a princess, and then made for the balcony. Celestia’s nerves had calmed overnight, and she had convinced herself that Harmony was no more a threat than Luna was.
Luna's opinion, once again, appeared unchanged. “I still don’t trust her,” she simply stated, when Celestia shared her earlier thoughts about how they might have been too suspicious of their mother.
“I’m not asking you to, Luna. All I’m saying is that we have no real reason to suspect harm from her, either.”
“What of the records? If Harmony really didn’t have anything to hide, we would have found some record of her in the library by now, yet nothing has been found so far.”
Celestia frowned. Even though she was trying her best to find a reason to trust her mother, Luna had a point. “...Perhaps she simply didn’t have any records made? I doubt that her subjects would be very happy to know that their queen was leaving them in a moment of peril. She probably never announced her departure.”
“All the more reason for there to be some mention of it. The departure of a queen is a momentous occasion, I would think. And with Harmony not around to give orders to the contrary, her subjects would have made some record of the occasion, would they not?”
“Hmm," Celestia nodded in agreement. "We may be getting ahead of ourselves, though. The librarian could still have found something; we have yet to hear what became of the final few books,” Celestia said, turning to head for the library. "Perhaps, this is all just a simple misunderstanding, Luna?"
“Perhaps...” Luna mumbled to herself, following her sister.
They arrived at the library, and were immediately approached by a rather nervous head librarian. He still had to get used to both princesses being in his library at the same time.
“Good morning, librarian. Has your search yielded any result?”
“I’m afraid not, Princess. We haven’t been able to find any records of an alicorn that fit her description, of any time. Why, if I hadn’t heard you yourself mention her, I would have doubted she even exists.”
Celestia frowned. “I see. Thank you, librarian. You may call off the search.”
“Ah... I already had, I’m afraid. We... ran out of books.” The librarian tried to laugh off the matter, but Celestia simply raised an eyebrow at him, and he backed away with a final nervous giggle.
“It seems you were right, Luna,” Celestia said, turning to face her sister. “No records of Harmony were found. Perhaps she does have something to hide.”
“We had already established that, Celestia," Luna said, annoyed. "We’re simply trying to find out what it is she’s not telling us, and we seem to be failing. It seems that Harmony herself is the only source of information we have, and I doubt that she’ll be willing to part with the information.”
“Now, Luna, to be fair, we never asked for that information in particular. It could simply be that she’s avoiding the subject because of her own personal preferences.”
“Then it seems to me that our next step is a rather obvious one. Shall you do the honors, or is it my turn to talk to Harmony?”
“Whichever suits you, Luna.”
“Very well. It appears that you have some matters to discuss with Harmony, in that case.”
“Indeed.”
It wasn’t very hard for Celestia to find her mother. She went to ask a guard at the entrance to the library, but he hadn’t seen Harmony. Celestia’s suspicions were confirmed when she once again asked the guards at the entrance to the Canterlot gardens.
“Yep. Passed here and hasn’t returned.”
Celestia nodded, leaving the guard behind her and walking into the gardens. Sure enough, Harmony was sitting by Discord’s statue. Celestia kept her distance, and simply studied her mother for a few minutes. She sighed every so often, and never took her gaze from the statue. It was almost like she was admiring him.
“Good afternoon, Harmony. Still no complaints, I trust?” Celestia finally said, approaching her mother.
Harmony never looked away from the statue as she replied. “None that matter, no. We do wish that the two of you would drop the act, however.”
Celestia frowned, trying not to let her surprise show. “...The act, Harmony? I assure you that Luna and I aren’t acting any differently.”
“Ah. So you always have guards preventing others from leaving castle grounds? Hardly seems like a precaution you’d have in place at all times.”
The princess sighed, and did as had been requested of her, dropping her guard. “No, Harmony, it isn’t. We’ve been trying to find out more of your history, and it hasn’t yielded any results. What is it you’re trying to hide from us?”
This time, Harmony looked away from the statue, staring Celestia in the eye with something eerily close to anger. “What we are hiding, Celetia, is meant to be hidden. We would appreciate it if you ceased to pursue the matter.”
Celestia couldn’t think of a reply. She hadn’t expected Harmony to be so blunt with her.
“Honestly, Celestia, we have to wonder how you're not tired of this yet. You've found no information on us, correct?”
Celestia nodded, wondering what her mother was getting at.
"Well, perhaps you'll realize when you run out of books to read, if you haven't already," Harmony said rather harshly as she passed Celestia without so much as a glance, making her way to the castle.
Once again, Celestia had been left alone in the gardens, with nothing but Discord’s statue to keep her company.
Once again, Harmony had avoided the conversation.
Once again, Celestia had no explanation for her mother’s behavior.
The princess sighed, looking up to the statue. Harmony had actually been direct with her this time, but hadn’t quite said what the princess had wanted to hear. Quite the opposite, in fact.
After a few more moments of pondering, Celestia decided that she wasn’t getting anywhere, and turned away from the statue. Making her way to the castle, Celestia allowed her mind to wander aimlessly.
Celestia paused in front of the library, thinking back to her first conversation with Harmony.
“We were simply thinking back to the cause of our problems. Discord has brought us a lot of pain, even when petrified,” Harmony’s voice echoed through her mind.
That's it! Celestia thought. The cause of Harmony’s problems. We've been researching Harmony, but we never paid any attention to her problems! Celestia turned and almost galloped into the library, causing a scholar to stumble and drop a book he was balancing on his head as she dashed past him.
“Librarian, where are you?!” she called.
“Over here! What do you need?!”
Celestia followed the librarian’s voice, and found him studying at a table. It seemed odd to have the head librarian studying, but Celestia didn’t bother to ask him what he was reading. There were more pressing matters at hoof.
“P-Princess! My apologies for my rudeness, I didn’t realize it was you!”
“That is fine, librarian. Now, tell me, do we have any books on the history of Discord?”
“Discord, you say? I... think we still have a book somewhere, yes. Might I ask... why the sudden interest for history, Princess?”
“Family issues,” Celestia grunted. “Now, please, retrieve this book for me. It seems I have some reading to do.”
"Even more reading?" the librarian mumbled to himself, as he scurried off to find the book Celestia had requested. Not too long thereafter, he returned with a massive, dusty tome, carrying it on his back. Celestia wasted no time in getting the book opened, causing the librarian to cringe as she so carelessly handled the ancient book.
The princess scanned the pages, frantically searching for any mention of her mother, but found nothing. She sighed, picking up the book with her magic, and turned to leave for her study.
The very second Celestia had some privacy in her study, she opened the book once more, this time starting at page one. Hours upon hours went by, and it wasn’t until late in the evening that the princess finally found something that resembled a lead. She closed the book, remembering the number of the page she had been studying, and went to find her sister.
Luna was waiting on the balcony they used for their daily rituals. “You’re late,” she snapped at her sister, as she made her way onto the balcony.
“I know, I know. I apologize, but you have to look at this!”
“What is this? Another old book? I thought we couldn't find anything on Harmony?”
“Not on Harmony, no. But she did tell us one other thing."
"Oh, so she did give you a lead? Do explain."
"It's quite simple, actually. We were far too busy researching Harmony, while we should have been studying her problems instead."
“You studied... her problems?”
“Exactly! Look here,” Celestia said, opening the book to the page she had remembered, and pointing to a specific paragraph. Luna started reading immediately.
Discord, the book read, is a creature of pure chaos. Some might say he is the very embodiment of it. Others claim that he was once a normal creature, but his obsession with chaos consumed him and he became what he is to this day. Little is known of him, for he rarely speaks to ponies, but scholars have worked to decipher the few riddles the creature has provided them with, and some of them have been successful.
Luna looked up from the book. “This doesn’t teach us anything about Harmony. It only teaches us about Discord, and he’s been defeated, last we checked.”
“Just keep reading!” Celestia urged her sister, receiving a frown as a reward for her efforts. Eventually, however, Luna did as she was asked.
A weapon with which we can fight the creature has yet to be found, although he himself has made mention of some sort of natural opposite. The nature of this opposite is unknown, but we think it safe to assume that Discord fears it, and with good reason. The creature he speaks of, for we assume it must be one, would have to be the very embodiment of peace. As Discord is the essence of chaos, this creature would be the essence of harmony.
Luna looked up from the book, wide-eyed. “Harmony...” she said, still baffled by what she had just read.
“Yes!” Celestia yelled, getting enthusiastic. “She’s not just our mother, she’s Discord’s opposite! That’s why she spends so much time with his statue! That’s why she looked so remorseful when near the statue!”
“So... if Harmony really were this... embodiment of peace, as the book says, then why wasn’t she able to fend off Discord? What stopped her?”
“I’m... not sure, Luna. But with this, we might be able to get Harmony to talk.”
"Are you sure it's a good idea to bother her again? We might just upset her more," Luna said.
“Yes,” Celestia replied adamantly. “I’d rather try this than spend even more hours buried beneath the dusty books of the library. Harmony has already made clear that she’s aware of our suspicions in our previous conversation, so I see no reason not to ask again.
“If you say so, sister. You’ve done all the talking so far, so I really can't judge, I think.”
With that, Celestia turned to leave, excited to finally have some information on her mother.
"Celestia!" Luna called after her sister.
Turning again, Celestia instantly realized what her sister had called her for. She hadn't lowered the sun yet. Setting the book down on a nearby table, Celestia made for the balcony again. Readying the spell, she braced herself, and it wasn't long before the sun started to move, as though on its own. Luna stood by, patiently waiting for her sister to finish, so she could raise the moon.
Having taken care of her final task of the day, Celestia wasted no time in grabbing the book and heading off to find her mother.
Having just raised the moon, Luna walked slowly through the castle's halls, only one more task to Thankfully, Harmony seemed to keep to her room at night, making her remarkably easy to find.
"Harmony?" she called out softly, as she entered the room.
"What is it?" came the reply.
"I want to talk to you. About what you... what the both of us have been doing in your absence."
"The both of us?" Harmony replied. "You wish to discuss the happenings here?"
Luna nodded. "I've talked with Celestia, and she seems to think we should give you the benefit of the doubt. So, I'd like to tell you what happened here, so long as you explain your part as well."
Harmony paused. "How would you like to go outside tonight?" she smiled.
"Outside? As in, the castle gardens?"
"Actually, we meant outside the castle grounds. It's been a long time since we last saw our kingdom, and in our haste to return, we neglected to visit it. We know you've ordered to keep us confined to castle grounds, but we figure a simple flight over Canterlot and surrounding regions would be relatively harmless. It would also provide us with time to talk."
"I..." Luna stuttered.
"If you'd rather we stay here, that would be fine."
"No," Luna interrupted. "Flying sounds like a good plan. Besides," she smiled, "maybe the guards were a little unnecessary."
"I'm glad you realize," Harmony laughed. "So, shall we?" she said, as she walked to the door.
The two alicorns glided gracefully through the skies above Canterlot, simply circling, waiting for the other to speak. Luna occasionally glanced at the moon in admiration whilst Harmony simply studied the kingdom below.
"The kingdom has grown," Harmony finally said, breaking the silence.
Luna nodded. "Thing have gone well in your absence. With the kingdom, at least."
"And with you?"
"I... am doing well," Luna answered bluntly.
"But we gather you haven't always. What happened, Luna?"
"Celestia and I... had a difference in opinion. Like she said, I ended up leaving."
"Yes, she mentioned something along those lines. Where did you go?"
"...Away. I'd really rather not discuss any further."
Harmony sighed, smiling at her daughter. "Luna, we know this might be difficult, but please, indulge us. We were forced to leave as well, remember?"
Luna nodded silently. "I... lost sight of peace. It seemed like ponies simply didn't appreciate my nights the way they did Celestia's days. My jealousy got the better of me, and I tried to bring about eternal night. I tried to make them appreciate me."
Harmony remained silent.
"Of course, Celestia tried to stop me," Luna continued, "but I wouldn't listen. She had no choice but to banish me. I had a thousand years trapped in the moon to think about it, and if I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for Tia, having to do everything on her own."
"We understand," Harmony finally spoke up. "We've explained to you that Discord's conflict is largely why we had to leave, correct?"
Luna nodded.
"Well... we weren't completely forthright. Discord played a part in our absence, but not directly. Ultimately, it was our student who caused us to abandon our place."
"You had a student?" Luna asked, wide-eyed.
Harmony nodded. "Symphony, was his name. He was centuries ahead of his time in his understanding of magic. Had he not strayed from our path, we have no doubt he would have been famous today."
"He... strayed? How?"
"Symphony... had his faith tested, and it is with great pain that we admit that his faith broke. He... converted," she sighed, "to Discord's teachings. He came to believe that, rather than to enforce absolute balance, a measure of chaos was needed to sustain life. We tried to reason with him, but he would have none of it."
"So... what did you do?"
"Eventually, Symphony left the kingdom. We made some minor preparations, and went after him. Included in our preparations was the erasure of any and all memory or record of us. We wanted to ensure that morale would not be lost if we were to remain lost."
"So that's why we couldn't remember you?" Luna asked.
Harmony nodded. "It was not an easy decision to make. But we were confident that we could resume our position upon our return, only..."
"You were delayed."
"Yes. When we finally tracked Symphony down, he had become even more hostile than before. We once again tried to reason with him, but it didn't take us long to realize that it simply wouldn't work."
"So... what did you do?"
"The only other thing we could think to do. We tried to purge the chaos from his mind, by force. We tried to use our own magic to fend off Discord's influence, as we had done many times before. Things... did not go as planned."
Luna remained silent.
"As to what happened since then, we can only guess. Quite probably, whatever happened took a great toll on us, and the years that passed were spent recovering. What happened is regrettable, and much like you we wish we could change our actions. Since we can't, our hope is now only to be able to return to how things used to be."
"I see," Luna nodded.
"I'm glad we had this talk, Luna. For better or for worse, it seems we have more in common than we thought."
"Yes," Luna smiled. "It seems we do."
Harmony, as it turned out, wasn’t easy to find. She wasn’t in the garden, much to Celestia's surprise, nor was she in the library. An hour passed, and Celestia's search had yet to turn up any results. Eventually, she found her aimlessly wandering the castle's halls.
“Harmony, there you are. I’ve been looking for you,” Celestia said upon noticing her mother.
“Is that so? We've been occupied, actually."
“We know of your history with Discord. We found a book in the library explaining everything.”
A glimpse of surprise shot through Harmony’s eyes. She quickly recovered, but Celestia knew what she had seen.
“Do you, now? Well, then it would seem that your questions are answered. Should you, despite this book of yours, still have need of our... service, you shall simply have to wait. We are not in the mood for idle conversation at the moment.”
Celestia frowned, blatantly ignoring her mother’s previous sentences. “Why is it that you’re so ashamed of admitting your mistakes?”
“Mistakes, Celestia? Do explain.”
“Your inability to find the Elements to fight Discord. I already told you, we know of your history with him, so please, stop avoiding my questions.”
A smile spread on Harmony’s face. Celestia wasn’t completely sure if she liked the look of it, but didn’t mention the thought.
“It’s hardly fitting for a queen to admit her shortcomings, is it?” Harmony mused.
“Harmony, I’m not going to ask you again. Please, tell me what happened. Why did you try to hide this from us, and why did you avoid my questions when I asked them?”
Harmony sighed, but didn’t make any more excuses. She looked Celestia in the eye, and at least a minute passed before she finally spoke.
“If you must know, Celestia, we were not unable to find the Elements of Harmony. We simply didn’t know how to use them. The Elements... had only just been discovered, and we weren’t entirely sure of what we had in our possession, at first. Understanding came eventually, but we still had no clue of their use. All we knew was that they were, and we assume still are, immensely powerful artifacts.”
“I... see,” Celestia said. Harmony seemed to be telling the truth, judging by her downcast eyes. She seemed genuinely ashamed of her own shortcomings, and her story certainly did explain her remorseful feelings towards Discord. She had left the kingdom in search of a weapon to fight Discord, while that very weapon had been in their possession the whole time.
“So... why did you avoid my questions?”
“Because sometimes, history is better forgotten than remembered, Celestia. It is the reason for the absence of any records of that time. We would rather forget it ever happened. We made sure no records would be made, and that all existing records be removed. Our plan worked, we thought, but apparently we were mistaken.”
A silence followed. Celestia couldn’t help but feel sorry for her mother. She had been struggling with a sense of guilt and remorse this whole time, and all they had seen was yet another threat to the kingdom.
“Are you finally done interrogating us?” Harmony asked, breaking the silence. “Although we do not have much else to do, we’d rather not spend the rest of our evening being questioned.”
“I... apologize, Harmony. It seems that Luna and I... were a little quick to judge.”
Harmony nodded, and turned to leave, walking in the direction she had come from. Celestia was surprised to notice that her mother was heading in the direct opposite direction of the castle's gardens, but decided to let her go.
Celestia wasted no time, heading straight back to the balcony on which she had last spoken to Luna. Her sister was still there, thankfully, admiring her moon as usual.
“We were wrong, Luna," Celestia began. "It pains me to admit it, but Harmony’s motives for her secrecy were far from what we thought they were. She’s ashamed, Luna. Ashamed of her actions. She didn’t leave the kingdom for her own desires at all, she left... because she had to. The book I found… it didn’t go into very much detail, but Harmony did as we hoped. She filled in the blanks.”
Luna simply nodded. "Yes, she told me."
"She told you?! When?!"
"Calm down. She only told me just now. She and I went out for a flight over the kingdom, and we explained to each other what happened in the time since she left."
“So... why did she stay away for so long? She could have returned centuries ago."
“I... I’m not sure, she didn't say. But her story seemed heartfelt to me, and it explained why we couldn't find any information on her.”
"So... we trust her?" Celestia asked.
Luna paused.
"Yes, I think we do," she said.
Celestia smiled, wider than she had in months before. "So we have a mother again?"
“A mother...” Luna mumbled, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards slightly.
"We have to find her, Luna, and apologize. In light of these discoveries, our behavior has been most inappropriate."
Reluctantly, Luna nodded. She refrained from commenting, instead opting to lead the way out of the room. "Where did you find her?" she asked.
"Wandering the halls aimlessly. She could be anywhere, I'm afraid."
"We had best start looking, then," Luna said, though not very enthusiastically.
Their conversation over, the two sisters set out to find their mother, who had apparently finished wandering the castle halls. Guards posted at several entrances confirmed that they hadn't seen her pass, the past few hours. She had stopped, somewhere.
With the guard's confirmation in mind, it didn’t take them very long to find Harmony. She was in her chambers, researching the book Celestia had mentioned in their last conversation.
Luna frowned upon noticing the book, mumbling to herself, "How did she...?"
Celestia, however, was far too eager to make amends with Harmony to notice.
Harmony looked up in surprise when her two daughters entered, and quickly closed the book. “What, pray tell, are you two doing here?” she snapped. “Haven’t you bothered us enough?”
“We have, Harmony, and we are sorry,” Celestia said. “We’ve come here to make one final apology, and to make amends. We have come here, to offer you your rightful place on the throne of Canterlot.”
"You can't be serious!" Luna exclaimed.
“Will you accept our offer... Mother?”
Harmony smiled. “Yes, Celestia. We will.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.019 seconds
Total duration
1,013 users online
250,933 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hi there, I've just started reading your fic. I really like this idea and think this fic, from its premise alone, has a lot of potential. That said, your writing seems a little stilted. Let's look at your first paragraph.
Celestia walked into her study, levitating a scroll behind her. It was the latest friendship report from her student, Twilight Sparkle. The letter had arrived earlier that day, but the princess hadn’t had the time to read it just yet. It had already turned evening, and Celestia had finally gotten around to retreating to her study to take a proper look at her student’s letter. She sat down at her desk, a single lit candle on it providing just enough light to read by.
Nothing majorly wrong there, except for one thing, it's very stop - start, if that makes sense. I appreciate wanting punchy, short writing, but you create no flow for my eyes or imagination to follow. Also, it's very clinical, almost robotic.
Now let's take a crack at this and see if Nurse Twilight can help!
"Celestia walked into her study with the latest friendship report, from her student Twilight Sparkle, levitating behind her. The letter had arrived earlier that day, but the princess hadn’t had the time to read it as she had been attending to royal duties. Setting the letter down onto her desk, a single lit candle on it providing just enough light to read by, she sat down and began to read."
So that was just a quick re-write, but can you see what I've done? I've merged some of your sentences, and cut out the repetition. Let's look at another example.
Celestia looked up from the letter, rolling the scroll up and setting it aside. It seemed Twilight had learned a particularly valuable lesson this time. Celestia couldn’t help but think back to the weeks following Luna’s banishment to the moon. It hadn’t been easy for Celestia to do, banishing her own sister, and she’d had trouble dealing with the loneliness.
This is much tighter, but there are a few problems. For one, repetition. You've already told me Luna was banished, you don't need to tell me again
For two, don't over use names. We know this is Celestia, you don't need her name in each sentence. For three, and this is more of a suggestion, show us some emotion her, this is lingering memory and probably a source of regret.
Nurse Twilight could you help us again?
The princess looked up from the letter, rolling the scroll up and setting it aside. It seemed Twilight had learned a particularly valuable lesson this time. Celestia couldn’t help but think back to the weeks following Luna’s banishment to the moon. Her eyes closed as shade of her old guilt returned. It hadn’t been easy for her to do and she’d had trouble dealing with the loneliness.
See that, little tweaks, but helps see the character and imagine them.
Righto, hoped that helped.
Good luck, I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this
Night Thinker
1290455
The advice has been given to me before, although never with an example. It's nice to see exactly what you mean by this. I like to think that the later chapters look better (I spent months on this. Assuming that development has taken place is only logical), but you're the one to judge, not me.
Barring grammatical errors in your 'fixes,' (extra comma before "from her student Twilight Sparkle" isn't necessary, in the first example.) I think that they're quite suitable as an example. Maybe, once I've finished the story, I'll go back and rewrite the thing.
On to write chapter 6, I guess.
1291278
Grammar is a major weakness of mine. Anyway, glad my examples were useful
1291387
Mine too, in a way. I'm so obsessed with it that... well, this happens.
Right, that should fix the italics in chapter 3.
It looks like it's about time for Celestia and Luna to uncoronate their mother. It should be easy enough rally the ponies to their side seeing how they've spent generations under Celestia and none of them had even heard of Harmony until a few days ago.
1297427
That would be rather... boring. I have something much bigger in mind.
Yay!
1290455
Right. So I'm a sucker for negative commentary.
Tried something new, and I'd like your opinion on the matter, seeing as you commented on my flow and narration in this thing.
This is what I'd like your thoughts on.
1375676
Surprised you didn't PM me, though I'm actually faltered that you wanted my opinion. I think it is overall better, but there some segments that could be tighter. If you'd like to PM it I can go through it with you, just add me to Skype, I'd be more than happy to help you out or just discuss it with you
1376200
Eh. I've already fixed most of the sentence fragments. Case of trying-too-hard, I think. I'll take that Skype name, though. The only other person I know whose main focus is flow can never list examples. He just goes "It's broken," which isn't very helpful at all.
1413556
Well... I'd explain, but spoilers :3