RariTwi: Love is War

by SigmasonicX

3. Rarity Needs Someone to Talk To

At Canterlot Royal Academy, people from all fields of study could be found early in the morning tending to their own personal gardens in rich farmland, cultivating their connections to the earth and providing fresh food for the school. Overseeing them all was the student council’s non-sports liaison, Applejack. On this particular day, the student council vice-president accompanied her on her morning rounds, unaware of the dangers awaiting them.

“Honestly Applejack, this isn’t worth debating,” Rarity said as Applejack examined some newly sprouted carrots. “The Apple family owns farms around the country and it provides acres of land for Canterlot Royal Academy to grow fresh food. Acres, plural! Thus, the Apples are a noble family in all but name.”

“It’s just three acres, Rarity,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes. “You can’t even run a half decent family farm with that much.”

“Listen to yourself! Do you know how much land you’re talking about? A house right where we’re standing would be worth a fortune!”

“Farmland pays for itself through its produce, so it ain’t like a house that just sits there.”

“Oh yes, and I suppose any random family could own hundreds of acres all throughout Equestria. Honestly, I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn about this, it isn’t even my main point!”

“Speaking of stubborn,” Applejack said as she glared at Rarity, who was sprawled out on an ornately decorated rug woven in a Saddle Arabian style. “I told you not to bring your drama couches here cuz they mess with the crops and you keep leaving them around.”

Rarity’s face was the picture of innocence. “But this isn’t a drama couch. This is a drama carpet.”

“And are you going to leave those around too?”

Rarity magnanimously declared, “Why, yes.” At Applejack’s groan, she continued, “It’s the least I could do to spruce this place up, darling. There’s just so much brown and dirt and uck.”

“It’s a farm, Rarity!”

Rarity hmphed. “Just the sort of excuse a noble would make.”

“That doesn’t even—anyway, we’re done over here, so are you coming with me to the next place or do I have to drag you on that carpet?”

Rarity was aghast. “You wouldn’t dare ruin this carpet! No, on second thought, you would.” She sighed and got up.

She enjoyed the back and forth their conversations took, but that was exactly the reason why Applejack was the wrong friend to talk to about… certain things of a princess nature. Most of her friends weren’t right for that, really. Lots of fashion friends meant lots of gossip friends. In the end, when Rarity was desperate to talk to someone about that one cute expression Twilight made when reading a book on the construction of aqueducts, her only options were her two non-fashion friends.

If she told Applejack, Rarity knew she’d say, “Tell her the truth!” and then she’d be stubborn and wouldn’t listen to why that was a terrible idea. More than that, she was the absolute worst at keeping secrets. Rainbow, on the other hand, simply didn’t care about her love life, which Rarity found absurd because her romantic escapades were captivating. Regardless, Rainbow Dash by default became her sole confidante regarding Twilight Sparkle.

This made it inconvenient when Rarity wanted to talk to Rainbow about her tennis match with Twilight the other day, and Rainbow insisted that they instead played tennis themselves so Rarity could show off her sick moves, as she put it. She desperately needed to talk to someone, anyone, about Twilight, but alas.

They walked to the next plot of crops as Rarity magically rolled up the carpet. “Anyway, my original point was, Apple Bloom desperately needs to get ballroom dance lessons.”

“And I still don’t think she’d be keen on—oh, hold on,” Applejack said as she pointed out someone ahead.

Pinkie Pie stood in front of a small patch of kumquat trees, wearing a deerstalker hat and puffing on a bubble pipe.

“Howdy, Pinkie Pie!” Applejack said, but surprisingly, she didn’t respond, instead staring intently at the tree’s leaves.

Rarity walked to her in concern and put a hand on her shoulder. “Dear, is there something wrong with your trees?”

Pinkie sighed, blowing a stream of bubbles from her pipe, then faster than Rarity could respond, placed a bowler cap on her head. “The game is afoot. Something’s messing with my kumquats! Look, the leaves are drooping and the kumquats are sad and squishy.”

Applejack took a look. “Root rot, maybe? I’ve been keeping an eye on soil moisture, though.”

Rarity took her cap off and fixed her hair. “Oh look, the trees over there are even worse off.”

Pinkie blinked then looked at the trees further along the path. “Ooo, nice job, assistant!” With gravitas, she skipped along the path with the others walking behind, following the trail of wilted plants.

Soon, Pinkie looked to her left, did a double take, pointed and screamed, then shouted, “Suspicious!”

Among the academics and princesses of Canterlot, it was easy to forget there was a wild and untamed world out there filled with weird and terrible creatures, ready to breach their veil of civilization with a moment’s notice. Rarity gasped when she saw the source of their crop problems.

A hoofed beast stood with black bristling fur, the body of a cape buffalo, and a disproportionately large hog’s head that it seemed incapable of lifting from its downward facing position. It munched on bean plants that had blackened with decay, digging up the roots with its tusks. With every breath, noxious fumes spread from its mouth and overtook the other plants around it, causing them to sag and gray more and more.

“Woah nelly!” Applejack exclaimed, then started rolling up her sleeves. “Alright, you varmint, time to git!”

Rarity quickly grabbed her arm. “Applejack, wait! You aren’t really going to fight that thing, are you? It’s clearly some kind of magical creature.”

Pinkie pulled a book out of her hair and flipped through it. “Aha! Catoblepas, a species of magical creatures with poisonous breath.They’re herbivores and haven’t been known to attack unprovoked, but one glare can give you nightmares so bad you can die! Which makes it a good thing it can barely lift its head. Yeesh, who came up with that idea?”

“Oh my, that does sound dangerous. Applejack, we really must get out of here. We have protocols for this, you know.”

Applejack grumbled, but relented. “Alright, fine. Let’s get Fluttershy or Twilight to deal with it.”

Pinkie hummed and tilted her head side to side. “Fluttershy makes sense because it’s a creature, but Twilight makes sense because it’s magical. Fluttershy, Twilight, Fluttershy… Twilight! I’ll go get Twilight!”

Pinkie zoomed away with a cloud of dust. Rarity called out, “Call Twilight with a magic mirror, you don’t have to run straight to her!” She sighed. “Honestly, that girl makes Rainbow look patient.”

Applejack gave the catoblepas a grim look. It continued eating, uncaring of their presence. “Well, I should close off the farm until we fix this issue here. I know she said it won’t attack people, but I’d really prefer Twilight not have to rescue anyone from it.”

Twilight rescuing someone from the monster. Now there was a thought.

The dread catoblepas torments some poor student with its bulbous head, threatening to give them a nightmare glare at any moment. As it slowly lifts its head, who would show up but Princess Twilight Sparkle, majestically appearing from the sky on great purple wings. With but a wave of her hand, the catoblepas is blown away, and she swoops down to rescue the student, carrying them off in her arms. She looks in the student’s eyes and with a smile says, “I’m sorry I was so late. I didn’t realize how much I truly cared about you until I saw you in danger. You’re the most precious person in the world to me, and I can’t imagine losing you to that monster.”

Then the student touches the princess’s cheek and says, “I know, darling. But there’s nothing left to say, is there? All that’s left is…”

There, among the clouds, the princess and the student kiss.

What a thought indeed.

“Applejack, you go on ahead. I’ll look for the people still here and send them to safety,” Rarity said.

“Are you sure you want to do that, Rarity? It could be dangerous.”

Rarity made a dismissive noise and waved her hand. “I’m more than capable of handling myself. If the monster attacks me, I can just use magic”

Applejack thought for a bit. “Well, I suppose you’re right. Doesn’t look like it’ll be moving much anyway. You take care of yourself, and don’t do anything crazy.”

“Darling, who do you think I am?”

Rarity laid on her carpet with her blouse unbuttoned and her skirt hiked up, her chest heaving as she pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. She loudly moaned, and after the third moan, said, “Someone please save me!” making sure to choke up with the last words. The catoblepas took a few steps then resumed eating, impervious to her cries.

Yes, this was starting to come together, but it still needed some work. As dreadful as the idea was, she’d need to dirty herself to make it look like she was already attacked. She examined her outfit. Well, it’s not like I wear my best clothes to Applejack’s farm, she thought, then used her magic to take some soil and lightly splashed it on. Not enough. Using magic, she tore her blouse at the neckline, further exposing her cleavage. Was this trying too hard? No, it was the opposite. She winced, and tore her skirt.

She took a deep breath, then resumed her original pose and started moaning again.

Rarity had, of course, did as she said and looked for any stragglers in the farm, not wanting to risk some non-princess coming to save her, so there was little time before Twilight would arrive.

Any moment now.

Any moment.

Rarity stopped moaning and looked around.

What in the world was taking her so long?

She tapped her fingers on the carpet. Was this entire thing a bad idea?

No, she just needed to give it more time.

She could use this opportunity for a bit more authenticity. Ah, perhaps some catoblepas hoofprints on the carpet, she thought. Rarity got up and magically moved the carpet closer to the beast. When it started to take a step, Rarity placed the carpet under its hoof, but it groaned and backed away. Frustrated, Rarity moved the carpet to another hoof but it refused to step on it.

“Listen, you absolutely must step on that,” Rarity declared. “It’s vital that I make this look convincing so I’ll be rescued.”

The catoblepas made what Rarity interpreted as a confused grunt.

“You want me to explain? Well…” Rarity looked around, making absolutely sure there was no one around. “The thing is… I have a crush on Twilight Sparkle.”

She could feel a weight lifting from her chest. “I have a crush on Twilight Sparkle!” she exclaimed. It was remarkable how good it felt to talk to someone about it, even if it was a non-sapient poisonous monster.

With new confidence, Rarity put a hand to her hip and continued, “So, the other day, Twilight and I were just casually playing tennis when for no apparent reason she got really into it. She hit the ball so hard that it ruined part of a forest! Terribly sorry if you were caught in that. When that happened, she used her wings for the first time in front of me, and she was beautiful. I call her princess often enough, but it’s like I didn’t truly realize how regal she was until that moment. Still, well, it’s not like I don’t want to be dominated, but there’s a time and place for it.”

The catoblepas’s eyes widened at the sudden escalation.

“People have this strange expectation that they can get me to act submissive in public and I’m sorry that just isn’t how it works. Take Suri Polomare, lovely woman, good with a riding crop, but she’s a hack and a fraud! No, you don’t get to just steal my designs and expect me not to speak out! I recently saw her with another girl, Coco Pommel, and I told poor Coco that it wasn’t worth it just for the sex. It was rather awkward when she said they didn’t have that kind of relationship. Suri was really stealing her designs, though, so that got sorted out at least. Anyway, even before the design stealing, being with Suri didn’t feel right. I think it’s a matter of personality, she’s already quite assertive in public so there wasn’t really a secret intimate side to her I was being shown.

“Wait, I realize now! I like the idea of Twilight as a domme precisely because she isn’t normally like that! The ingredients are all there, with her title and her power, but she isn’t the type to use them, which makes it exciting if she does! So anyway, her trying to overwhelm me in tennis in front of everyone felt like a betrayal, but I don’t think she meant anything by it. As for how we found ourselves in this situation…”

She thought for a bit and looked around. “I’m starting to realize I’ve found myself in a Trenderhoof situation again.” She crossed her arms. “The appeal of being rescued is that it’s a fantasy, and I’ll play it out with Twilight when and only when we’re together. In real life, Rarity isn’t one to need others to rescue her. I let my, well, excitement get the better of me and almost put myself in a risky position with Twilight.”

Rarity levitated her carpet away from the catoblepas. “Thank you very much for listening. I’ll take my leave now. I hope Twilight treats you well.”

She walked away from the beast, then saw in the distance a winged figure in flight. She paused mid-stride.

Rarity sprinted right back to the beast, set her carpet several feet away from it, and ignoring the smell, laid down with her eyes closed and the back of her hand to her forehead. “Ohhh! Please save me!”

The winged figure touched down close by.

“Ohhh!” Rarity peeked open an eye. “Oh, it’s you.”

Fluttershy stood there with a confused frown. Her yellow wings dispersed into magic light. “Sorry, Pinkie told me there was an animal problem?”

Rarity shot to her feet and buttoned up her blouse, then stood aside and motioned to the catoblepas. “Yes, yes, here you go.”

Fluttershy shuffled past Rarity, then stopped and turned to her. “Uh, excuse me, if you don’t mind me asking… why…?”

As Fluttershy paused to determine the best way to word her question, Rarity answered a bit more forcefully than intended, “I was committing to an aesthetic!”

“Oh, OK.” She decided that would suffice as an answer. Fluttershy walked to the catoblepas and pet its head. “Why hello there, sir. What are you doing all by yourself?”

Fluttershy had an uncanny ability to speak in a way animals understood. The catoblepas made several grunts and Fluttershy nodded in response. Then she gasped. “How terrible, Rarity. Toby was separated from his herd and he was starving, so he made his way over here.”

Rarity put her hand to her mouth in concern. “Oh that poor dear. Can you help him?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I can keep him in a special stable until we find his herd.” Toby nudged her. “Oh yes, what is it?”

The catoblepas made noises that Rarity could only describe as a whisper. She raised an eyebrow as he continued. What could he possibly be telling her?

Fluttershy gasped.

He wouldn’t.

Fluttershy’s eyes sparkled and she gained a bright smile.

He did!

Fluttershy put her hands together. “Rarity! You have a crush on Twilight?”

Rarity screeched and pointed accusingly at the beast. “You fiend! You cur! You dastard! I told you that in confidence!” She stomped toward Toby, who backed away. “I bet you weren’t separated from your herd! No, you were kicked out! For being a shameless gossipmonger!”

Undeterred, Fluttershy clasped Rarity’s hand and her eyes shined. Her voice carried more excitement than she ever heard from her. “I understand now! Pinkie mentioned she thought about getting Twilight to help with Toby but changed her mind and got me instead, but you must have thought Twilight was coming here and staged a daring rescue so she could be your prince charming!”

Rarity had to hand it to her, she wrapped her head around all this surprisingly easily.

Fluttershy continued. “Don’t you see, Rarity? This is wonderful, because Twilight—” Fluttershy paused and then spoke carefully, slightly scrunching her face. “I haven’t talked to Twilight about this, but I believe you and Twilight would be a good couple.”

Rarity couldn’t stay angry looking at that face. She sighed. After her outburst, she certainly couldn’t claim ignorance. “I suppose I should tell you plainly. Yes, I am indeed in love with our dear princess.”

“We need to tell Twilight right a—”

“Oh no we won’t!” Rarity declared.

Fluttershy’s face scrunched. “Uh, I think it would be a really good idea for you to tell Twilight.”

“Fluttershy, there are dynamics at play that you can’t even begin to understand. No offense to you dear, but you simply don’t have the dating experience. Entertaining yourself with romance from a distance is one thing, but it’s different here on the battlefield. I need you to promise me that you won’t even hint to Twilight about what you just learned.”

“But Rarity—”

“Pinkie Promise! Actually, on second thought, let’s not get Pinkie involved. A regular promise will do.”

Fluttershy paused then sighed. “Alright. I promise I won’t tell Twilight about your crush, or anything else about what happened here. I want to support you the best I can.”

Rarity smiled. “Thank you, Fluttershy.” As horrible as this seemed at first, she came out of this at a net positive. Having one of Twilight’s close friends on her side would be a huge help, and Fluttershy’s sweet smile washed away the bile she felt from the catoblepas. Rarity walked back onto the path, leaving behind her carpet to liven up the desolated bean plot. “Dear, after you finish managing Toby and I freshen up, let’s meet in Sewing Room C for tea. I have so much I want to talk to you about.

Fluttershy nodded. “Of course. I’d love that.”

Seeming to sense Rarity’s changing mood, Toby took this opportunity to go up to Fluttershy and whisper some more information. Her face turned beet red. “Oh, uh, thank you Toby, but I didn’t need to know that.”

Rarity grumbled.

Per the standards of Canterlot Royal Academy’s dressmakers, there were several rooms set aside for private gossip. In one such room, Fluttershy placed freshly brewed tea in front of Rarity.

Rarity leaned forward onto the table excitedly, almost knocking her teacup over. “So then Twilight kept searching for something to shoo away the ladybug, but all she had were books, and she didn’t want to ruin those, so she instead used magic to move the entire table with the ladybug out the window. And she actually tried to be discreet about it!”

Fluttershy giggled as she sipped her tea.

“When the table was halfway through, the ladybug started walking toward Twilight and I could hear her saying, ‘Nonono,’ so at that point I gallantly came to the rescue. I walked to the desk, cupped the ladybug in my hands, and released it out the window, whereupon it flew away. Twilight looked at me like I was the bravest person in the world, and it was so adorable. I feel giddy just talking about it. Of course, I made sure to wash my hands right after, because who knows where that insect’s been.”

Fluttershy nodded.

Rarity sighed contently. Yes, this was exactly what she needed. Someone who would just listen to her talk about Twilight, and wouldn’t blab about it to the next person who came along. Fluttershy truly was the best confidante a woman could ask for.

Fluttershy gave a kind smile. “Any other stories you want to share?”

Rarity thought. “Well, there is one thing. I talked about this with the catoblepas, but I’d like to do so with you. So you recall that tennis match the other day? The way Twilight played against me made me feel… certain things. You see, it’s not like I don’t want to be dominated, but there’s a time and place for it…”

Fluttershy sat there and listened patiently, hiding her growing regret.

Author's Note:

Chapter preread by Nonchalant.

Comments

[JMP]

Yet another chapter of wonderful nonsense. Rarity and Twilight truly are absolute morons. I do wonder how Twilight would have reacted to seeing Rarity's....aesthetic.

Fluttershy sat there and listened patiently, hiding her growing regret.

I actually missed this line at first. Poor Fluttershy XD.

[Starlight Nova]

What's Kaguya-sama: Love is War about?

[SigmasonicX]

9966462
So much could have gone differently if only both Twilight and Rarity didn't tell Fluttershy not to tell the other. And if Fluttershy wasn't nice.

9966516
Two high school student council members are in love but are determined to get the other to confess first. They play various mind games to trick the other into revealing their love, with their pink-haired student council secretary often messing up their plans... when they don't mess them up themselves.